I think women are to hard on themselves

[Bristolius]

My theory on this topic is that women, generally,have a desire to be seen as good-looking. Not by men. They want to be seen as good-looking full stop. Notice I'm not speculating about why.

 

Of course this is more or less true individually, and many women have accepted themselves and moved on to other concerns.

 

But given my assertion, of course many women are hard on themselves.

 

If all women were magically and suddenly made intensely beautiful, ten seconds later they'd get out the micrometers and calculators to determine who was the most beautiful.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

My theory on this topic is that women, generally,have a desire to be seen as good-looking. Not by men. They want to be seen as good-looking full stop. Notice I'm not speculating about why.

 

Of course this is more or less true individually, and many women have accepted themselves and moved on to other concerns.

 

But given my assertion, of course many women are hard on themselves.

 

If all women were magically and suddenly made intensely beautiful, ten seconds later they'd get out the micrometers and calculators to determine who was the most beautiful.

 

Yes, but the world in general creates dissatisfaction in all of us. It does the same thing with men. Usually it's toward a man's work accomplishment or money. Some men chase these things like women chase beauty. It is because the world determines are secular worths based on these external factors.

 

It's not just because women are "silly", "insane", "vapid"..or whatever adjective you want to impart, creatures. There are real reasons why we all do certain behaviors. And there are things we probably all do that contribute to those shallow ideals.

[Revolver]

I don't see how they're more hard on themselves then guys tbh

[Bristolius]

Yes, but the world in general creates dissatisfaction in all of us. It does the same thing with men. Usually it's toward a man's work accomplishment or money. Some men chase these things like women chase beauty. It is because the world determines are secular worths based on these external factors.

 

It's not just because women are "silly", "insane", "vapid"..or whatever adjective you want to impart, creatures. There are real reasons why we all do certain behaviors. And there are things we probably all do that contribute to those shallow ideals.

 

I can see that the last paragraph of my post seems to imply that women are silly. However I meant for the paragraph itself to be silly. Sorry. I agree completely with your quote above.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I know stereotypically men are suppose to be obsessed with their career trajectory and wealth but they usually aren't unless they earn so little they can't or can barely get by or they are workaholics. Most women worry about their looks.

 

That hasn't been my experience. I have been around a lot of men that thought their worth was tied to their jobs. They don't have to be CEOs for that to be true.

 

Also, you kind of make it sound like men are perfectly well rounded individuals while women aren't.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I can see that the last paragraph of my post seems to imply that women are silly. However I meant for the paragraph itself to be silly. Sorry. I agree completely with your quote above.

 

Not you specifically Bristolius, but there does seem to be this underlining mentality that women are "silly" either way. We are silly to worry about our looks yet no one wants to be honest about how women are treated for their looks. Even in what we do in our own personal lives. Such as the OP, that certainly has a good message, but was pretty clear that his post was really only for already "beautiful" women.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I honestly think a lot of men that do this are secretly insecure, they've got to bring you down to make you feel worse and them better, because these guys bask in the treatment that they get and the way they can abuse women verbally or even insult them without an inch, why because the girl will just sit there when she should be telling him off. Trust me, I've met a lot of douchebags in my day, since the beginning, especially playing sports and being around these types of guys who had a lot of female attention even though they were total @ssholes...at least a lot of them.

 

Many of these women tolerate that ***** because they have low self-esteem/worth or just really like the idiot, because trust me If you're another man, they may try to talk you down too but that gets checked real quick or they don't even try it because they know you're not one of these women.

 

Competitive men hate men who they feel are better looking or have a better physique, they hate to feel bested or intimidated and they can be resentful...but many of these guys are really really cowards, they just get away with it because basically they can, and from a woman's point of view they look hot or are desirable and maybe they're even right they might think, but I've dealt with these guys a lot and their confidence is really just a facade...most aren't very witty, and I'm a sarcastic and a very witty guy, you pick one flaw out of me I'll throw back at least three...IMO you can't let someone talk down to you, man or woman...I think some men and women are completely too passive in that regard, and once a guy especially like that knows he can say that, neg you, or bring down your confidence because he knows he can exploit your insecurities, the more he knows he has you under his thumb...and the really weak men insult women because they're chickens when it comes to standing up to other men, they vent out at someone they know can't fight back.

 

You ever see another guy talk smack to other men? no, half of them just run their mouths and tuck tail behind peoples backs...tell me I'm fat, I dare ya!

 

Any decent guy (morally) is going to back off from a woman he isn't interested in, just like a decent woman will back off from a guy she's not interested in...he's not going to go around insulting your body and critiquing you, women should never stand for that...it irks me because I know these guys are cowards or turds, I've met so many of them. They think the sun rises just for them and they call it "confidence" when without the external validation themselves, they'd feel like nothing and nobody.

 

To be honest, I'm an @sshole myself and am very confident, it shows my body language and demeanor at times and I some pretty f@cked up things come out of my mouth but I'm not going to insult a woman's body and critique her unless she tried it with me and any guy who runs his mouth with me is going to get bested by wit and clever sarcasm or If not I'm not a small guy, they're usually not going to try or say anything in the first place, plus I speak straight up, I'm not a shy guy or afraid to speak my mind or say something blunt. The majority of people back down from others who are confident with themselves and fight back, or at least have the maturity to walk away from someone childish.

 

Whatever you look like...whatever you have or don't have, you don't allow others to talk crap about you and bring down your confidence, you only get to criticize yourself. You are allowed to be hard on you because you may want to improve yourself and be a better you, but don't let some j@ck@ss or beatch who thinks they're some special prize come out of an online dating site who'd tuck their tail and run if anyone was remotely confident enough to to challenge them and be the reason you feel bad or horrible about yourself.

 

It shouldn't matter what some magazine, television show, or some celebrity or person you try to emulate doesn't look just like you....once you start letting all that information get into your head it has a snowball effect then you start looking into the mirror feeling all hurt and worried, critiquing every inch of your body and then before you know it....when you used to think you were "good looking" or decent, now you feel like horse @ss.

 

Society really needs to stand up to this, and stand up for yourself for bob sakes. Why would you let anyone talk smack about you? Why would you care? f@ck them, you throw it right back, even if it ain't true, because I guarantee you they're going to go home, look in the mirror and think about it...that's the deal with external validation and low confidence, you're going to dismiss all the positives but that one douche/beatch who says something negative, that's the thing you're going to remember and worry about...it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or how they feel, tell them go f@ck themselves because you've got to defend yourself, have some pride and integrity to stand up for the most important in your life...you.

 

Women are too hard on themselves...wah;

 

- I'm not skinny enough...I don't look like a swimsuit model or fashion model, I wish I had the perfect body type that every guy was crazy about so I can stuff my face with whatever I want and not gain weight

- My butts too small...my butts too big...it's not perfect

- My boobs are too small, my boobs are too big...it's not perfect

- My thighs are fat, they have stretch marks or cottage cheese

- My stomach isn't flat...even though it hasn't been since I was 15 and played volleyball

- My hair isn't straight, too curly, too wavy, too thin, dark/light, too frizzy, hard to manage/comb...wah, boys have it easy

- I'm too tall....I'm too short...I want to be ::insert height::

- I can't find anything that fits my body type

- I'm too hairy, my skins too rough

- My eyelashes aren't long enough wah, I'm getting wrinkly/crows feet, cheeks are sagging too much, forehead too big, eyebrows jacked, teeth aren't straight, ugly feet wah

 

Men are too hard on themselves...wah;

 

- I'm too short

- Women are too demanding and picky, I'm just a regular guy...why don't women like nice guys?

- I'm not a hot super model guy who has no personality, why do I need personality when they don't?...why can't I just have every babe swooning over me? wah

- I'm too small, I'm too fat, not enough muscles, too skinny...but I don't want to work out or go to the gym because I'm lazy

- I'm too poor to afford the best clothes, I need more money, status and a better job, my car isn't expensive enough, I don't have three houses and a personal jet...nobody will ever love me, all women are gold diggers

- I'm destined to be single forever, so instead of figure it out I'm just going to cry about it until some super hot babe knocks on my door and is super interested in me and is also low maintenance..and likes a guy like me instead of all those @ssholes out there even though I'm one too I just never had the chance to prove it

- I can't get laid, and women just have to open their legs...that sucks

- Did I mention I'm too short and not good-looking? wah

- I hope my penis isn't too small...I hope I'm the best sex she's ever had

 

You know what? Get over it!

 

It's not going to change, sorry you're not a super model and if everyone was one they wouldn't be anything special, you've got what got and if someone doesn't like it then too bad! Learn do the best with what you have, work on all the other factors that come into play in the dating world...and most importantly believe in and have confidence in yourself or you're always going to feel worthless! nobody can change that for you, that's inside you....people care about different crap and what one person cares about the other may not care at all!

 

Do people realize they drive themselves absolutely insane trying to live up to unrealistic expectations?

 

It's unfortunate that people don't have the confidence and wisdom to derail this kind of marketing manipulation to get you to buy ***** that's going to make you look just that much better or like that person on TV...because if you don't have it, maybe you can buy it! Instead they perpetuate the cycle and feed the monster and chase the carrot on a stick even when nobody ever feels they reach the bar, the highest of highest expectations....and unrealistic perfection...you get old people, you'll never have it all in time.

[Bristolius]

...Many of these women tolerate that ***** because they have low self-esteem...

 

It's unfortunate that people don't have the confidence and wisdom to derail this kind of marketing manipulation to get you to buy ***** that's going to make you look just that much better...

 

I can imagine a four letter word to replace the asterisks, but I can't imagine a five letter word that makes sense. What the ****** did you type?

[Drseussgrrl]

I tend to agree that women obsess too much about their looks and I'd by lying if I said I wasn't high maintenance as well. I do my best to leave the house every day looking my best.

 

However, it also doesn't help coming to LS and feeling like a washed up old bag any time I see a thread about women being over 30 and declining exponentially every year since we have no, and I quote, "biological worth." No wonder we feel the need to work out like crazy, get boob jobs, botox, expensive clothes, etc. to feel like we're still in the game.

 

Women's worth has almost always been tied to our looks and that's not a new concept.

[jlindemann]

Often times i hear about women that are beautiful

talk down or feel down about their looks.

 

Just have some information to share with women.

Men dont care if you have acne or acne scars

We dont care about a crooked tooth or a little saggy

Skin on your belly , we dont mind a lil muffin top.

Nor do we discriminant against any thing you

Consider flaws.

 

Your all beautiful looking just the way you are.

men are not as picky as most women think.

 

 

That's really nice! I do think women are harder on themselves than men are on them.

 

I've had two kids and my body doesn't look like it did pre-babies. I'm not disgusting or anything, but I have stretch marks and a small belly.

 

I was extremely self conscious about it, because this was the first relationship I had been in since I "lost my body". He was more turned off that I was insecure and constantly covered myself up .

 

So I do believe you're right. If a guy loves you, it's because he loves YOU....flaws and all.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Society does identify people chiefly by employment over other aspects and people do the same in return as a reaction to it, but considering the norm to be determining worth by employment is going too far. I find only in extremes of no wealth/status or top 1% do you see people make that connection. Though you will see a questioning of worth or loss of a sense of worth if job loss is a real danger or has already occurred.

 

I don't only see that in extreme cases of wealth and status. I grew up in a farming community. I grew up around farmers but when I was older, I dated some men that had jobs in the fiance sector. I often saw men evaluate their worth through their jobs weather he was running a farm or running his own stock trading company.

 

We have very different experiences. I think a lot of men do attach their worth to their money and jobs. Which is why a lot of men will want to wait to settle down until they accumulate some amount of wealth and are stabilitized in their careers.

[CptObvious]

Women will always be harder on themselves, than a man will ever be...that is the way it is....deb

 

NOT TRUE. I care more about my bicep peaks than u can imagine. Yall can go get a pair of fake tits and everything will be okay. I can't throw down $10,000 and rewrite genetics.

[BetheButterfly]

Often times i hear about women that are beautiful

talk down or feel down about their looks.

 

Just have some information to share with women.

Men dont care if you have acne or acne scars

We dont care about a crooked tooth or a little saggy

Skin on your belly , we dont mind a lil muffin top.

Nor do we discriminant against any thing you

Consider flaws.

 

Your all beautiful looking just the way you are.

men are not as picky as most women think.

 

Thanks for that Charlie

 

Sometimes your posts are not "nice" but I really appreciate you being a man who thinks women are beautiful even when they are not "perfect."

 

My husband is like that with me. I have many physical flaws, in my opinion. For example, I was complaining the other day to my husband about how my eyes are so small and I really wish they were big and beautiful. He told me not to be crazy, that my eyes are beautiful just the way they are.

 

That really helps me, since "Society" tells me that beauty = having big eyes, whereas my husband tells me I am beautiful and I don't have big eyes.

 

I really appreciate his lack of judging me based on what "Society" says, and his appreciating me for how I look in spite of what other people think!

 

Thanks for this thread. I'm thankful there are men like you and my husband in the world, who appreciate women's beauty regardless of what "Society" and popular beauty standards say!

[xxoo]

I didn't know the solution to vanity was being gorgeous.

 

No need to be gorgeous. Pretty is enough.

 

No need to compare and strive to be the prettiest. There are SO many pretty girls out there, esp in a woman's 20s! Once "pretty" is established (whatever that takes), I believe that efforts are better focused on developing other aspects of our personality and lives. All that focus and attention on looks isn't really helpful, if the goal is to make a connection.

 

Also, gaining self esteem through looks is a losing game. Another reason that major efforts are better placed elsewhere, man or no man.

[TouchedByViolet]

Also, gaining self esteem through looks is a losing game. Another reason that major efforts are better placed elsewhere, man or no man.

 

No. I know women who have lost extra weight to only look better and feel better about themselves. Image IS an important part of attraction. It most certainly is only a single component but a very important one.

[jlindemann]

Anyone who says "looks don't matter" is LYING! They aren't the only factor in a relationship...

 

But the initial physical attraction is what draws you to someone. I don't sit with my friends at a bar and tell them that the guy across the bar looks like he has a great personality. No, I say to them how hot he is.

 

That being said, beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. Who I think is hot, others might think not so much. And looks ARE only skin deep. I could strike up a conversation with the hot guy at the bar, only to realize he's dumber than a box of rocks.

[xxoo]

No. I know women who have lost extra weight to only look better and feel better about themselves. Image IS an important part of attraction. It most certainly is only a single component but a very important one.

 

Of course I'm not saying to put no effort into appearance! And putting a lot of effort into health is extremely important.

 

I just see a lot of attractive women here struggling, and many seem to be very focused on attractiveness (their own, and their partner's). I don't think that is the wisest course. The people I personally know who chased shallow things like looks, money, and status did not end up with great partners, imo--even when the woman was quite beautiful herself.

[xxoo]

Anyone who says "looks don't matter" is LYING! They aren't the only factor in a relationship...

 

But the initial physical attraction is what draws you to someone. I don't sit with my friends at a bar and tell them that the guy across the bar looks like he has a great personality. No, I say to them how hot he is.

 

Sure, looks matter in a bar, but how many couples really meet that way? (ironically, my parents did, way back in the 60s )

 

Most people still meet their partners through real social connections. It usually doesn't come down to wowing someone with looks immediately. Usually there is a chance to interact and develop some interest through personality, too.

[jlindemann]

I didn't meet my guy in a bar, and I know not many real relationships start out that way.

 

I met mine on an online dating site. What attracted him to me first? His looks....then his profile and our common interests...then his personality after meeting him in person.

[xxoo]

I didn't meet my guy in a bar, and I know not many real relationships start out that way.

 

I met mine on an online dating site. What attracted him to me first? His looks....then his profile and our common interests...then his personality after meeting him in person.

 

Looks are definitely more emphasize in OLD. Too much, imho.

 

But the old-fashioned way still works, too

[Clockwork]

I'll tell you ladies one thing, you are more beautiful than us men. You look sexy in a bikini, in jean shorts and of course, naked. I've been married to my wife for 5 years and any chance I can get a glimpse of her changing clothes, I watch and leer. Why? Because to this day I still find her attractive and wonder what the heck she saw in me.

 

After our son was born my wife like most women had a few extra pounds on her although she held it well. She started to lose the weight gradually and didn't like her "mommy tummy" as she called it. I told her she looked great and encouraged her to wear bikinis this past summer. She did and she looked wonderful even though she felt insecure about it because she's now a "mom". As time has gone on, she now weighs less than before she got pregnant. Her tummy is as flat as a 14 year old girl's (she's 28) and she looks sexier in my eyes than even the first time I met her.

 

My wife has an hour glass body. In my eyes it is perfect and in her eyes there are flaws. So believe me girls, whenever you think your body is less than perfect, I can assure you that you are your own worst critic and others don't see you that way

[runningfar]

LOL charlie is far from "average" looking and I believe he is 35. Nice try though.

 

Yeah, if his pics are legit, Charlie is one of the best looking guys on here.

 

Women are harder on our own looks than guys are... Thankfully. It's nice for someone to think I am beautiful because I can't see it!

[mesmerized]

I honestly think a lot of men that do this are secretly insecure, they've got to bring you down to make you feel worse and them better, because these guys bask in the treatment that they get and the way they can abuse women verbally or even insult them without an inch, why because the girl will just sit there when she should be telling him off. Trust me, I've met a lot of douchebags in my day, since the beginning, especially playing sports and being around these types of guys who had a lot of female attention even though they were total @ssholes...at least a lot of them.

 

Many of these women tolerate that ***** because they have low self-esteem/worth or just really like the idiot, because trust me If you're another man, they may try to talk you down too but that gets checked real quick or they don't even try it because they know you're not one of these women.

 

Competitive men hate men who they feel are better looking or have a better physique, they hate to feel bested or intimidated and they can be resentful...but many of these guys are really really cowards, they just get away with it because basically they can, and from a woman's point of view they look hot or are desirable and maybe they're even right they might think, but I've dealt with these guys a lot and their confidence is really just a facade...most aren't very witty, and I'm a sarcastic and a very witty guy, you pick one flaw out of me I'll throw back at least three...IMO you can't let someone talk down to you, man or woman...I think some men and women are completely too passive in that regard, and once a guy especially like that knows he can say that, neg you, or bring down your confidence because he knows he can exploit your insecurities, the more he knows he has you under his thumb...and the really weak men insult women because they're chickens when it comes to standing up to other men, they vent out at someone they know can't fight back.

 

You ever see another guy talk smack to other men? no, half of them just run their mouths and tuck tail behind peoples backs...tell me I'm fat, I dare ya!

 

Any decent guy (morally) is going to back off from a woman he isn't interested in, just like a decent woman will back off from a guy she's not interested in...he's not going to go around insulting your body and critiquing you, women should never stand for that...it irks me because I know these guys are cowards or turds, I've met so many of them. They think the sun rises just for them and they call it "confidence" when without the external validation themselves, they'd feel like nothing and nobody.

 

To be honest, I'm an @sshole myself and am very confident, it shows my body language and demeanor at times and I some pretty f@cked up things come out of my mouth but I'm not going to insult a woman's body and critique her unless she tried it with me and any guy who runs his mouth with me is going to get bested by wit and clever sarcasm or If not I'm not a small guy, they're usually not going to try or say anything in the first place, plus I speak straight up, I'm not a shy guy or afraid to speak my mind or say something blunt. The majority of people back down from others who are confident with themselves and fight back, or at least have the maturity to walk away from someone childish.

 

Whatever you look like...whatever you have or don't have, you don't allow others to talk crap about you and bring down your confidence, you only get to criticize yourself. You are allowed to be hard on you because you may want to improve yourself and be a better you, but don't let some j@ck@ss or beatch who thinks they're some special prize come out of an online dating site who'd tuck their tail and run if anyone was remotely confident enough to to challenge them and be the reason you feel bad or horrible about yourself.

 

It shouldn't matter what some magazine, television show, or some celebrity or person you try to emulate doesn't look just like you....once you start letting all that information get into your head it has a snowball effect then you start looking into the mirror feeling all hurt and worried, critiquing every inch of your body and then before you know it....when you used to think you were "good looking" or decent, now you feel like horse @ss.

 

Society really needs to stand up to this, and stand up for yourself for bob sakes. Why would you let anyone talk smack about you? Why would you care? f@ck them, you throw it right back, even if it ain't true, because I guarantee you they're going to go home, look in the mirror and think about it...that's the deal with external validation and low confidence, you're going to dismiss all the positives but that one douche/beatch who says something negative, that's the thing you're going to remember and worry about...it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or how they feel, tell them go f@ck themselves because you've got to defend yourself, have some pride and integrity to stand up for the most important in your life...you.

 

Women are too hard on themselves...wah;

 

- I'm not skinny enough...I don't look like a swimsuit model or fashion model, I wish I had the perfect body type that every guy was crazy about so I can stuff my face with whatever I want and not gain weight

- My butts too small...my butts too big...it's not perfect

- My boobs are too small, my boobs are too big...it's not perfect

- My thighs are fat, they have stretch marks or cottage cheese

- My stomach isn't flat...even though it hasn't been since I was 15 and played volleyball

- My hair isn't straight, too curly, too wavy, too thin, dark/light, too frizzy, hard to manage/comb...wah, boys have it easy

- I'm too tall....I'm too short...I want to be ::insert height::

- I can't find anything that fits my body type

- I'm too hairy, my skins too rough

- My eyelashes aren't long enough wah, I'm getting wrinkly/crows feet, cheeks are sagging too much, forehead too big, eyebrows jacked, teeth aren't straight, ugly feet wah

 

Men are too hard on themselves...wah;

 

- I'm too short

- Women are too demanding and picky, I'm just a regular guy...why don't women like nice guys?

- I'm not a hot super model guy who has no personality, why do I need personality when they don't?...why can't I just have every babe swooning over me? wah

- I'm too small, I'm too fat, not enough muscles, too skinny...but I don't want to work out or go to the gym because I'm lazy

- I'm too poor to afford the best clothes, I need more money, status and a better job, my car isn't expensive enough, I don't have three houses and a personal jet...nobody will ever love me, all women are gold diggers

- I'm destined to be single forever, so instead of figure it out I'm just going to cry about it until some super hot babe knocks on my door and is super interested in me and is also low maintenance..and likes a guy like me instead of all those @ssholes out there even though I'm one too I just never had the chance to prove it

- I can't get laid, and women just have to open their legs...that sucks

- Did I mention I'm too short and not good-looking? wah

- I hope my penis isn't too small...I hope I'm the best sex she's ever had

 

You know what? Get over it!

 

It's not going to change, sorry you're not a super model and if everyone was one they wouldn't be anything special, you've got what got and if someone doesn't like it then too bad! Learn do the best with what you have, work on all the other factors that come into play in the dating world...and most importantly believe in and have confidence in yourself or you're always going to feel worthless! nobody can change that for you, that's inside you....people care about different crap and what one person cares about the other may not care at all!

 

Do people realize they drive themselves absolutely insane trying to live up to unrealistic expectations?

 

It's unfortunate that people don't have the confidence and wisdom to derail this kind of marketing manipulation to get you to buy ***** that's going to make you look just that much better or like that person on TV...because if you don't have it, maybe you can buy it! Instead they perpetuate the cycle and feed the monster and chase the carrot on a stick even when nobody ever feels they reach the bar, the highest of highest expectations....and unrealistic perfection...you get old people, you'll never have it all in time.

 

 

ok enough is enough. I'm coming to Los Angeles to kidnap you.

[Esoteric Elf]

You're making a lot of assumptions here based on what seems like an extremely limited life experience. Lots of guys get complimented ALL the time.

Now that you mention so, you're right. My life, the lives of my three brothers versus my one (so far) sister (the other two are too young to decide upon this intelligently) and the lives of about twenty male acquaintances of mine that came to mind when I quoted this is an extremely limited life experience that I should probably think twice upon referencing as life experiences

 

It is painfully clear from your reactive post (noninclusive grammar included) that you are female...painfully clear. How would you know what you claim? Just because one instance is not true, does not mean that the true consequent is the opposite instance.

[charlietheginger]

Ok ok ok.

People are saying this does not mean much

from a 35 yr old below average guy.

 

Im not below average or above average.

Simply a average guy.

 

For what its worth some people tell me

I look like "that guy from the vampire tv show"

Not sure who cant figure it out. But that was

In a dim lit coffee shop and restaurant i was

Also dressed in black.

 

 

All i know is i see women getting all wacked outta

Shape about a zit , lil flab , bad hair day or a crooked

Tooth. What most women dont realize is guys

Find these things unique and attractive.

 

Any woman that is with a man that tells her she

Needs to change this or fix that. Does not

Need to be with a guy like that.

Edited January 19, 2013 by charlietheginger