ddlovexx Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 (edited) Hey there, This is a bit of a long story, so bear with me... We've been together 6 months, and we really have a wonderful, loving relationship for the most part. We have our quarrels like any couple, but he's sweet and loving and pretty much my Prince Charming, as cliche as that sounds. Recently, on top of the stress from work, something really terrible is going on within the family. They won't share details, and I know it's none of my business if they don't want to disclose, but it's taking a heavy toll on my boyfriend. Before I realized how serious these issues were, I kind of had a talk with him just saying that he's being really distant and hurtful and whatnot. He hasn't been spending time with me, he'll go 2-3 days without seeing me and talks to me less during the day. He would get home from work and just go to sleep everyday which is unusual because he would usually come over or we'd make plans. Though I try to just keep my cool, it's a change and it hurts... I feel like he doesn't care as much. The thing is, like most guys, when he's stressed out he completely distances himself and wants to handle things on his own... I was trying to be there for him but he wouldn't tell me and I wasn't going to force him. But it's so frustrating and hurtful watching someone you love sit and suffer and then push you away when you just want to make them feel better. He was being pretty mean because of what was going on but when things are ****ty in my life, I never took it out on him. So, within this talk (which turned into an argument) I told him that if he didn't care enough that maybe we should separate for a bit so he can get it together. At first that pissed him off because he said I was "running away" which I can understand, but I was also hurt. By the end of the convo he had put "single" on fb (yes I know it's fb, but still) and said "hurts doesn't it?" which wasn't very nice... and then he said "I love you a lot but think I just need some time to clear my head, sorry." At this point I replied something along the lines of "That sucks but if that's what you need then okay. I hope things chill out with your family and I hope you feel better. I love you." He didn't answer after that and I deleted his number from my phone for self-restraint. I love him and want to be with him and if space was going to let things settle, then so be it. Turns out he didn't talk to me at all that night or morning or the entire next day. There was no usual "good morning babe, goodnight babe," etc. I sent him a message apologizing for not being as understand and sensitive as I should have been regarding the family situation. I told him I loved him and that I'd be here when he was ready to talk. He replied saying he's sorry for being distant but that this is how he handles things and things are really terrible right now and he doesn't know what to do, and that he loves me and wants to be with me but when things cool down we can work on it because he can't give me the time right now (ouch). So here's the tough, confusing part... I went about my way and went out with my girls for two nights to keep my mind clear. I was absolutely dying inside but I wasn't going to let it show, especially if he was the one not wanting to be with me. So last night when we went out, he went to the same bar (knowing I would be there) and didn't even say hi to me. I literally was sick to my stomach all night but I was out with my friends who knew what was going on and they made me laugh all night and I pretended like everything was fine. I caved towards the end of the night and walked up to him and said "I can't believe you didn't say hi... after everything we've been through? You're an adult." and he said "Well you're having a grand ol ****ing time without me so what's the difference." I couldn't believe it really and I just walked away. I cried all the way home. I couldn't believe he just ignored me all night... how could you act that way towards the person you love? He wound up calling me and I again asked him the same question, and he was basically mad that I was "okay" and could go out and have fun and move on with my life while he was upset. I argued that I was upset ...but was I supposed to ****ing sit home and cry all night? How is that fair at all? I don't understand how he could be mad over this. He was the one who ignored me like I was a ghost, I feel like he's being immature. Aren't you supposed to go out and act like you don't care when someone leaves you? I also argued that he asked me for space and I was giving it to him... I'm so confused about him attacking me over this when I was trying to give him what he wants so he comes back to me. He said it's dumb to think that he doesn't love me, that he's really hurt...whereas to me he seemed fine if he found it so easy to not talk to me and act that way. At the end of the convo he said that we were still together but things were just rough right now and he needs his space. Again, fine... he can have his space. He's talking to me now and he's really distant... but he's coming over in a little bit. I am trying to be sensitive to everything he's going through- I obviously want to be there for him more than anything, I want him to know I'm supportive and if he wants space I will gladly give it to him. I love him and just want things back to the way they were. My friends keep saying to act like I don't care and he'll come around. "Playing games" really isn't my style and I don't know if that will be effective with him, because of how upset he was over last night. I just don't get it because he's the most loving, caring boyfriend ever and he's just done a 180. All I can think of is to keep my distance and when he comes around, he comes around. What the heck do I do? I just want my baby back. Sincerely, hurt, upset, and confused. </3 Edited January 18, 2013 by ddlovexx
TaraMaiden Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 here's what I would say: "Either you let me in, and phukking tell me what the bloody hell is going on - or we quit this and you let me live my life in peace, without you acting like some petulant, spoiled little brat. I'm not psychic. I don't have a clue what's on your mind, and you won't tell me. You've told me that 'this is the way you are' like I'm supposed to just accept the fact you act like a hermit crab, close yourself off, and like, I'm supposed to accept that and just wait and hang around until you've processed your problem, and it's ok to talk to me again? Like hell. Either we're in a relationship together, and we help, sustain, support and love one another, and stick together through thick and thin to share the load - or you decide you want to play the strong silent type. Well if that's what you want, go ahead. but don't expect me to don widow's tweeds and sit there all sad and mournful for you, until you're done, or give me a hard time that I'm not more sympathetic, caring and sombre over something I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!!! You expect me to put my life on hold for you, while you distance yourself, state you're single, push me out and deny me some information - and then you get upset that I do what you suggested? Get a grip!" He's being really immature about this. i realise he may well have a plateful, but dealing with it in entirely the wrong way (which he is) isn't helping any. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 He has clearly pushed you away intentionally. Best thing for you is to go NC and move on. People don't push away people they want in their lives. If something was bothering me that was private I would simply state that fact but not turn into a jerk.
Author ddlovexx Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 egh, That's so hard to hear. He's never done anything like this before, I'd like to think he's just going through a tough time and obviously handling it the wrong way. This is a guy I really want to be with so I'm not going to give up so easy, though I realize if things don't change and soon, that I will have to walk away.
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