Bipolar Husband

[Mountainmom]

I have been married 13 years but my husband and his family didn't tell me he was bipolar. I was told he had a nervous break down after an ugly divorce and was put on meds by his parents and he also told me he used to drink heavy and stopped cold turkey and due to this, he had a chemical inbalance. I fell in love with him right away, he is a very kind person. Four years ago he had to be hospitalized because he was hearing voices, became some bibical character, and several other scary things. I had never been around someone like this, didn't know what to do, scared to fall asleep at night not knowing what these voices were going to tell him to do. A couple of months went by and he was back to the man I married. Last year, we went thru it again, only not as bad. Our sex life ended two years after we married. Okay, now to get today. He is having problems again, hearing voices, and he told me he was his daddy. He would get deep into staring at the wall or other object and I ask him what he was thinking. He said he wanted to have sex with my sister and that is all he can think about. he wanted me to call her to come to our home, not only that but for her to bring her boyfriend too. I told him no, but he keeps asking me if she's coming up to our house tonight. This is hurting me so bad. What should I do? before he got sick this time, he was in church everytime the door was open and even taught the men's Sunday school class.

[carhill]

That sounds more like psychosis than BP1or 2. Unknown if it's a degenerative brain issue or organic. Hallucinations and delusions don't match up with my experiences with bi-polar people but I cared for a paraphrenic for 8 years and a lot of what you're posting sounds familiar.

 

IMO, the kind of help you need is far beyond the scope of a peer support forum. I used a team of professionals to diagnose and treat/stabilize the psychosis. Is your H regularly assessed by professionals and under consistent treatment?

 

Welcome to LS and my sympathies.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes, Carhill's right:

 

In plain, blunt terms, you need to see your doctor and tell him of your concerns.

you are not professionally equipped to deal with this, and to be honest, there is absolutely no reason why you should, especially on your own.

you're his wife, not his carer.

 

You have to refer him to someone, and i hate to say it, it may even come to sectioning him.

 

This is a mental disorder, and needs qualified medical diagnosis, treatment and supervision.

 

Fast.

[Mountainmom]

he has been under treatment, he takes his meds right. See's his doctor every two months. Now we are going weekly because he is in a manic state. He is being cared for. My problems is how do I deal with this...knowing he wants my sister and not me. I have always put him first and me last. But now, knowing this kills me.

[TaraMaiden]

You too need support and counselling. You shouldn't be sidelined simply because you're not the one under care.

you need to talk to someone about this.

 

And to be honest with you, this is his mental illness talking - not the 'real him'. He really isn't in his right mind, and probably wouldn't even be thinking like this if he was.

 

Please discuss support for yourself, with the doctor. Tell someone what is going on, and seek some professional input.

 

you too, need and deserve to be heard.....

[carhill]

I would suggest that you interview a psychologist who specializes in coping strategies for those who care for the mentally ill.

 

The first thing you'll learn is how to disassociate the words from the person, like those statements about wanting your sister. I could tell you stories but I don't wish to disrespect my mother's memory. Trust me, therapy helps....you.

 

As psychotic symptoms in BP are relatively rare, I hope he's being treated with an anti-psychotic, as this form of mania can induce such grandiose thoughts and emotions which could render the person a danger to self or others. We used a cocktail developed by the team and carefully monitored to quell the worst of the psychosis.

 

I hate to say this but, at some point, you're going to want to divorce him. You might not do it, but you're going to want to. My only advice is....life is short.

 

The therapy should/will help you ward off the feelings that you're going crazy and will IME provide a healthier basis for making future decisions. You may not currently feel you're 'going crazy' but it's an incremental process that one doesn't always perceive until reflecting upon it.

 

Good luck.