djkeebz Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I'm about to get married to a girl who I love very much. She's 12 years older than me but it doesn't bother me at all she's wonderful. We've been dating over a year and are getting married in a couple days. As we come closer to the date I'm realizing that this really is huge and I guess I need a little reassurance, advice..or just *something*. I don't know what exactly. We have differences. We argue. At first I was worried by that, but at the same time we love each other so much and I once heard that sometimes people that argue can have a totally healthy relationship. Don't know if that's true or not? That is something I'm curious about but isn't really my main question. I don't know how to adjust my habits for living with someone else and it's driving me nuts! I'm introverted in a sense that I work and relax 100 times better on my own. My soon-to-be wife is opposite: she's a huge people-person and loves attention from me. I love giving her that attention but sometimes I really NEED to be off on my own working or playing without having a nagging feeling inside that I'm ignoring her, or that she's upset by me doing my own thing. Sometimes she is perfectly okay with me reading on my iPad or doing my own thing BUT I STILL CAN'T RELAX!! I keep feeling bad, like I'm ignoring her. I hear her doing dishes or something and no matter how much work I have or haven't done that day, or even if she has told me "it's okay, go relax" I feel BAD that she is in there working while I'm not and I can't unwind, I actually become more tense. This leaves me unsatisfied, my needs to relax on my own are left unfulfilled, and I become grumpy. Then I don't have desire to spend time with anyone else because my need feels unfulfilled, she sees me grumpy and she becomes confused because she has given me plenty time to be on my own as she knows I need, but for some reason I have not been able to relax myself, so she feels at blame for me not feeling super happy. What on earth is wrong with me? How can I fix this and once and for all get whatever it is I'm searching for?
Mr. Lucky Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Probably not what you want to hear, but I'd consider postponing the wedding. The human mind is complex and mysterious. My take is that your subconscious is clearly working through an issue and sending you a message. Marrying a person who's lifestyle and personality is a good match for yours simply feels right - and part of you obviously feels doesn't feel that comfort level. I'd want to understand that conflict. Or you could be one of those guys that ignores the warning signs and plunges ahead because "the arrangements have been made". Do you want to be back here in 6 months posting about your marital unhappiness? Mr. Lucky
sLiPpeTh Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Sounds like you're condeming yourself to a life of quiet desparation. Why not remain single and thrive?
Guytalk Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I think the two of you should post-pone the wedding for now. Immediately go and get some counseling. Talk to your fiance and reassure her that you love her and you want to marry her, however, you want to deal with this issue you have before the two of you get married. Let her know you want this marriage to last a lifetime. Communicate with her honestly and tell her how you feel and see if the two of you can create a happy medium where you both can get your needs met. If she love you. She should understand. Good luck.
Recommended Posts