FailedFirstLove Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 it's been so difficult accepting that they have left for good. Even when I try there are still times I hope he would come back.... The question is... Is it wrong to still hope that in the future we will be back together? that maybe one day he will regret his decision an try his hardest to get back. Maybe he will mature more and turn himself around. Realize life isn't fun and games. Or is that just false hope I'm giving myself again.
jovan Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Am sry to say, but in your case, its prob a false hope. Just move on, trust me you will meet some1 who really deserves you
ActionJ623 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Hey love, I asked almost the same question as you to a friend of mine. I asked "Man I know i still love her how do I let go and give up hope?" He responded "You will always love her but this is reality and she is gone...there is nothing you can do. BUT giving up hope...thats dangerous." I could follow him up until the hope thing. I still kinda dont understand but I think the key to NC is being honest with yourself. I almost felt dirty and ashamed when i thought of us under the same roof in love while she HAS moved on. Hope during the early stages of NC is what i think keeps the dumpee clinging on. My ex gave me months of breadcrumbs...MONTHS. Hope is what kept me from moving on. Thats why when he text or calls you once you have been going NC you will drop everything and be his play thing for that day unyil he's tired and knows your still there whenever he needs you. For right now he left you in one of the crappiest ways, hes a jerk, and karate chopped (with a extra roundhouse kick) your heart! Thats reality so accept it and let go. Maybe say in a couple months when you are re -reading this wondering why you loved the almighty douche you can have hope. But for right now you have done everything and i mean everything you can sweetheart. let that give you peace and trust me if you want to get this in the past let go of all images of you and the ex. Im here with ya and just hang in there and everything will be coolio julio. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 False hope. Do you want to wait around for years ? is this person really worth wasting your years away for??? with no gurantees that they will even come back to you??? they made their decision , just accept it and move on. there is no use in waiting around and filling your head with false hopes.
Harradin Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I wish my ex would come back and want to give things another try. But its been 3 months NC, I'm not banking on it.
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Hey love, I asked almost the same question as you to a friend of mine. I asked "Man I know i still love her how do I let go and give up hope?" He responded "You will always love her but this is reality and she is gone...there is nothing you can do. BUT giving up hope...thats dangerous." I could follow him up until the hope thing. I still kinda dont understand but I think the key to NC is being honest with yourself. I almost felt dirty and ashamed when i thought of us under the same roof in love while she HAS moved on. Hope during the early stages of NC is what i think keeps the dumpee clinging on. My ex gave me months of breadcrumbs...MONTHS. Hope is what kept me from moving on. Thats why when he text or calls you once you have been going NC you will drop everything and be his play thing for that day unyil he's tired and knows your still there whenever he needs you. For right now he left you in one of the crappiest ways, hes a jerk, and karate chopped (with a extra roundhouse kick) your heart! Thats reality so accept it and let go. Maybe say in a couple months when you are re -reading this wondering why you loved the almighty douche you can have hope. But for right now you have done everything and i mean everything you can sweetheart. let that give you peace and trust me if you want to get this in the past let go of all images of you and the ex. Im here with ya and just hang in there and everything will be coolio julio. Aww thanks. I'm hoping that the hope inside will slowly fade away. I'm quite frustrated at myself cause I'm not able to face reality that his gone. Done. I think oneday in the future he will contact. But it won't be what I want. It's just to see how in going and probably talk as friends. By that time I hope to be free from This!
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 False hope. Do you want to wait around for years ? is this person really worth wasting your years away for??? with no gurantees that they will even come back to you??? they made their decision , just accept it and move on. there is no use in waiting around and filling your head with false hopes. I guess that is the harsh reality and no I wouldn't want to wait around years for. Sometimes I think I waited for a long time already why give up now. But that's just it. I waited long already it's time to give up
na49 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 The false hopes are definitely frustrating as hell. You know that they are just that, but it doesn't stop you from having them. I still have them from time to time. When you come to terms with the fact that they are gone, and never coming back is when you get rid of those false hopes. Until then, we keep hanging on. Don't wait for him though, you should be living your life for you. Not him.
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 The false hopes are definitely frustrating as hell. You know that they are just that, but it doesn't stop you from having them. I still have them from time to time. When you come to terms with the fact that they are gone, and never coming back is when you get rid of those false hopes. Until then, we keep hanging on. Don't wait for him though, you should be living your life for you. Not him. My life's so boring right now. it's the holidays for another month till uni starts. It's hell. Just feels empty and lonely. So that doesn't help one bit. I may feel better once Everything picks up and gets busy
ScienceGal Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I am the false hope queen! IMO, early on we all maintain hope because it can make coping just a little easier to tell ourselves that it's only temporary and that they will come back. We cannot make our brain process that someone who loves us now only "loved" us and they are moving on. Where it becomes a problem is if you don't take the small opportunities to move forward. By all means, give yourself time to grieve, but you cannot allow false hope to hold you back long term. Right now I am "I don't want to meet anyone else. I love him and I really want him to come back. Maybe he will" In a few months I will think "I really miss him, but I need to move on. Maybe our paths will cross again, but I'm not wasting my time and happiness on a maybe". And if the relationship was toxic/abusive, you shouldn't want them back. Push yourself harder to cut contact and maintain NC. You will still grieve, but don't hope too much.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 What really helped me lose the false hope, was the fact that I had saved all the text he sent me when he broke up with me... it really helped reading thos texts over and over again, and realizing that it was really over, because, well, he didn't reciprocate my feelings, didn't want the relationship, etc. Sometimes they tell you to delete everything that reminds you of your ex, but I found that keeping all the stuff, really helps. Sometimes I looked at the pictures (the first few days especially), because I missed him. Then, I looked at the break-up texts, and it helped me feel better and to start moving on. It helped that he didn't message me for 23 days (and I was NC).. but then he texted me and it set me back quite a bit..
na49 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 My life's so boring right now. it's the holidays for another month till uni starts. It's hell. Just feels empty and lonely. So that doesn't help one bit. I may feel better once Everything picks up and gets busy I'm right there with you. I start next week. I've been bored and lonely. Not a good combination.
thefooloftheyear Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 (edited) I am the false hope queen! IMO, early on we all maintain hope because it can make coping just a little easier to tell ourselves that it's only temporary and that they will come back. We cannot make our brain process that someone who loves us now only "loved" us and they are moving on. Where it becomes a problem is if you don't take the small opportunities to move forward. By all means, give yourself time to grieve, but you cannot allow false hope to hold you back long term. Right now I am "I don't want to meet anyone else. I love him and I really want him to come back. Maybe he will" In a few months I will think "I really miss him, but I need to move on. Maybe our paths will cross again, but I'm not wasting my time and happiness on a maybe". And if the relationship was toxic/abusive, you shouldn't want them back. Push yourself harder to cut contact and maintain NC. You will still grieve, but don't hope too much. I like your signature line..! The one thing I dont get is how do you "read the tea leaves" when someone reaches out to you? Seems like everyone believes that breadcrumbs are only so the dumper can feel better and less guilty of their decision. Could it be that they are having "dumpers remorse"? I just dont think that all reconciliations happen because the dumper comes crawling back and begging you to come back. Seems like that is the only way its possible, if you believe most of what is said here.There has to be cases where there are small signals that tell the dumpee that the door is opening a crack. Maybe you just have to kick it down?? Is there a difference in this behavior depending on age? I bet everyone in this situation would do ANYTHING for the power of reading someones mind... Thoughts appreciated... TFOY Edited January 17, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 1
Harradin Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 it's the holidays for another month till uni starts. I'm right there with you. I start next week. I've been bored and lonely. Not a good combination. How come you guys start so late?! I went back to uni 2 weeks ago!
Author FailedFirstLove Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 How come you guys start so late?! I went back to uni 2 weeks ago! Australia. Don't start till march! Ill be insane by then
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