Annod Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I know this isn't your thread, Shame, but I simply had to respond. I agree 100% with what Spark wrote. I am so sorry about your family losses, I assume you were young when this happened? But Shame, your ARE a classic KISA. Your issues are all about abandonment - your father abandoned you, though absolutely no fault of His own, same with your sister. These are hugely traumatic events in your life. It is no surprise that you are still afraid for your wife getting into her car. Both my WH and I get that totally having lived through the troubles. BUT, you must get help!!! This is all about being afraid of abandoning your wife, or of her finding out and abandoning you. That's why you feel so guilty about leaving the ow. It's all wrapped up together and none of it will ever get better unless you take steps to professionally get help. My WH is getting that help now, like you, a lifetime of issues buried and not dealt with. Shame, get the help you need. It will free you and change your life.
Spark1111 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I've seen it over and over again, until that person goes through the exact same thing that you have been in, they probably will not truly understand. They can show empathy and support though. My thoughts on the OW that says it's no big deal, wait until it happens to them. My son-in-law's OW went bat sh** crazy on his whole family when she found out he had an OOW!!(4 yr affair) They finally had to take out a restraining order on her. She thought that cheating was o.k. as long as it wasn't done to her!! That's another thread I started. Why is their no empathy for the spouse. it would be no different if that MM who is whispering sweetly in your ear is discovered to be doing the same with another OW. How would you feel? And they, the majority stated they would be outraged, devastated and kick him to the curb. Go figure.
road Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 That's another thread I started. Why is their no empathy for the spouse. it would be no different if that MM who is whispering sweetly in your ear is discovered to be doing the same with another OW. How would you feel? And they, the majority stated they would be outraged, devastated and kick him to the curb. Go figure. I have heard the OW lament too often. OW1: how could he cheat on me with OW2 when I treaed OM so special by cheating with him.
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