Emb123 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Ok, my boyfriend and I have oficially been together for 8 months. We hung out for a couple of months before we decided to make it official. He's 28 and I'm almost 25. Everything is really great for the most part, but there this one issue that we have been having. I think my boyfriend has some kind of mood disorder. Some days when I am with him he will be very affectionate, loving and sensitive toward me and then other days out of nowhere for no reason he'll seem depressed and unhappy. He'll be very quiet, won't really touch me and seem bothered. Sometimes he'll say things like for instance the other night he said "Some girls at work were asking about you tonight and asked me if you were the one and I said yes." I then asked him if he really thought I was "the one" and he said yes, I really do think you are (we were not drinking or on drugs when he said this, before you jump to any conclusions.) This made me very happy because I was starting to feel the same way about him. Then a couple of days later i kind of brought it up again and it seemed like he didn't want to talk about it and kind of brushed it off....which to me seems strange. I've brought up to him that I think he gets in strange mood out of nowhere sometimes and seems to get depressed for no reason and he just said I was over thinking things and being paranoid. I swear that there is really something happening though. My friends have said that sometimes he seems mad when we are all hanging out. He's also had a few outbursts of anger and freaked out over small things before, even in front of some of his friends and they told him he was being out of line. So I am wondering if maybe he does have some kind of mood problem or depression. Finally in conclusion, the last month seemed to go really well for us and he didn't seem to be having any of his mood spells at all, so I just thought maybe it was a phase he went through. Then this last week he seems worse than ever! One day he's super affectionate, he took me on an amazing date the other day and treated me like a queen and the next day (last night for instance) it's like he's a robot and has no emotion and is not affectionate at all. It makes me wonder if something is going on. Is he unhappy? Is he interested in someone else? I just don't know what to do. If I bring it up he chops it up to nothing. It makes me so sad because I really have the best connection with him and he does make me very happy and is a very good guy. But this mood thing is killing me. What could it be?
Quiet Storm Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 It could be some kind of disorder, but it could also just mean he needs space. Most men don't really like talking about feelings and emotions. They may love you with all their heart, but feel uncomfortable expressing it verbally 24/7. He said you were "the one", but it seems like he was annoyed when you keep bringing it up. When men act like this, it means to stop bringing it up. He will see it as badgering and feel pressured. It doesn't mean that he didn't mean what he said before, it just means that your need to discuss feelings are overwhelming him at that moment. There is nothing wrong with your desire to talk about it, but there is also nothing wrong with his desire not to. So you have find a balance. If my husband seems annoyed I just leave him alone, and before you know it he is following me around the house giving me hugs and kisses. If I sat there saying "what's wrong?" "are you mad at me?" he would think I was making a big deal out of nothing and get even more annoyed. So I suggest just giving him space. Don't guage the health of your relationship on words alone. Men often express their love with actions, such as warming up your car on a cold morning, aiming to please in the bedroom, etc. There is a saying that men are like rubber bands, they'll pull away and stretch for bit, but then come springing back. 1
Author Emb123 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 I feel like you've made a good point. I often wonder if I should give him space, but when I try to he always contacts me. I feel like you are right though, I just need to ignore when he is acting strange. I feel like when I question him acting this way it makes it even worse and he becomes even more grumpy. Thanks for the advice! 2
todreaminblue Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I will always ask what is wrong, but i ask once if they dont want to talk I let them be,If you pester a guy he gets grumpier, but if a partner pesters me I eventually give in...I dont or cant stay angry.....would rather just tell....the difference between men and women...I think unconsciously when we say nothing dont worry we want to be pestered....i do know however when a guy says nothing is wrong grumpily....he doesnt want to be pestered, so I agree witht he other poster in every respect, on the whole post, let him be he will come to you when he is ready....deb 2
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