screwedovertwenty Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Since the night that I packed the box for him (that was the day that he went to her house), things have been okay. He says that he went there to tell her that he didn't want her bothering us anymore. I don't know if that is true. The MC counselor believes him. I hope that is the reason, but I don't know. He told me that he wouldn't try to contact her again because now he see's that it is just going to screw things up. I told him that if he has anything that he would like to say to her, then I don't have a problem with that, as long as I am part of it and it's not done behind my back. I ended up going out to eat with that ex last friday night. He drove two hours to come take me out to eat and listen to my problems. It was nice to talk to someone in person about all of this, but I wish it wasn't him. I called him when I was desperate to get out and knew he would help me. I told him that I only had until 9:15, as I had to pick my daughter up from a school dance. I planned on going out with a girlfriend afterword and husband was going to be my designated driver home. I couldn't get ahold of my friend, so I just went to the bar at my husbands job and waited for him to get off and drive me home. Kindof a pathetic night out actually! LOL! I told husband right before I went out that I was going to eat with the ex. I explained that he wanted to take me out to eat after he found out what I was going through. I told him that the ex knows that I love my husband and he doesn't have anything to worry about. I just needed a friend, and he was there. He wasn't happy about it but he accepted it. The ex texted me and called me for the next three days, checking on me. Then got needy if I didn't respond right away. I knew this would happen, so I became shorter with my replies until he got the hint, I think. Hopefully he did. I went back to work on Sunday, and the xanax proved to be a job saver! I was scared to take it, because I really didn't know how it would affect me. There is a new manager at work who really irritates the crap out of me and happens to be the one that I quit on. He was scheduled Sunday. Both of the managers who were there when I quit were the managers working on Sunday. As soon as I saw him, I popped a xanax. I let a few trusted coworkers know and asked them to let me know if I started acting weird. About a half hour later, the coworker who has a way of ruining my day started getting an attitude. I just laughed her off. Normally, my mood would go right along with hers, but the xanax seemed to do it's job. I think husband is working pretty hard now to try to do the right thing. Since the very beginning, he agreed to MC and has answered my questions to the best of his abilities. He is being very open in MC. He went back to the counselor yesterday who told him that he didn't need counseling. I am thinking about finding someone else for him if I don't think he is getting anywhere. I kindof want him to go to my counselor but I don't know if she could do that. Husband has issues that need to be resolved beyond the cheating. He is a recovering alcoholic who did not really finish the recovery. He just stopped drinking. He has childhood issues. He is not from the US. He is from El Salvador and had to escape from his country when he was fourteen. He has seen more in his lifetime than I can even imagine. His life was hard when he got here. His mom was still back in El Salvador and his dad was living with another woman in the US. His mom did not know about this. I know that affected my husband and that was one of the reasons that I believed he would never do this to me. Okay, so there we have it. Husband has issues and he needs counseling. Yesterday he sold his car! Yay! We have a van that we never drive and I couldn't stand to look at the thing, knowing what it had been used for. We needed the money bad. I think husband finally figured it out when I explained to the MC that for an entire month, I only paid what got cut off. I wasn't working. We had Christmas and my kids got what they asked for. Now I was in cleanup mode as far as the bills go. The car needed to go to pay the mortgage, So the mortgage is paid and the car is gone! Unfortunately the van needed an alternator, and husband isn't handy. He did the alternator fine, but the serpentine belt had to be replaced too and it got dark and it was raining and he couldn't figure it out last night. So we looked it up online and watched a couple videos and agreed to get up and I would try to help him in the morning. He got frustrated. Still raining. I was cold. He ended up taking my car. So, now we are going to have one car until Tuesday unless he takes off for a shift to try to fix it. Hopefully he can find someone to help. I go back to work Sunday and that's when it's going to get complicated. Anyhow, I know my husband tried to contact the OW twice, but I am leaning toward believing him that he just wanted to make sure that she didn't bother us. I believe the affair was just about sex. We have talked about it. He felt rejected and essentially gave up on me around the same time that I really started to try to fix things with us. We both knew it was ****ed up. I considered cheating but didn't because I thought I should just try harder to make my marriage work. He considered cheating and did it. He was the weakest link! Now, we have been talking and he has been telling me that he loves me. He kisses me when he leaves for work and kisses me when he comes home. I go to sleep in his arms every night and he makes sure of it. He knows when I am upset or sad about something and he talks to me about it now instead of shutting me down. I really really think things are going in the right direction. I know there are some of you who probably think I am the biggest idiot in the world for believing him. I feel like that idiot too. But I love my stupid husband and I think he loves me. I know he is sorry for what he has done. He knows that if there are anymore secrets from here forward, he is out. I know that too. If that happens, I hope I am strong. Thanks for listening!
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