startinganew777 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I posted in here earlier about how my ex left me to try and get counseling to see if rebuilding his family was possible. We dated for 3 months but things were perfect. I have never got along with someone that well before and all we did was laugh and have a good time. It was the first relationship in a long time where I felt I could trust him, that I knew exactly where we stood and I had no doubts. His ex wife or was soon to be ex wife told him she was finally willing to try counseling so they could be a family again, they have a 5 year old son, and just like that I was out of the picture. I have no doubts that he was really happy with me. I could just tell and his whole family told me numerous times how happy he was with me. Anyways, things were perfect, we never argued and it was the best and most loving, caring and functional relationship I have ever been in. He told me the same. So what bothers me is even though things were perfect, the relationship never got a chance. He had to leave because he thought it was best for his son. His son was having a really rough time and I think the ex used the kid as a tool to get him back even though she is the one that filed for divorce. From what the family told me, she was crazy and cheated on him multiple times and even wanted an open marriage. So he went back and left what could of been an incrediable future for us. He wanted to be friends but I told him no so I could move on and he could focus 100% on rebuilding his family and we haven't spoken since. I am not going to contact him so if we do ever talk, it will be because he initiated. I am moving on and going to just let fate take over. But what bugs me the most is that things were perfect. We had no problems in our relationship and it wasn't even given a chance. Anyone else ever had to deal with this? It just really hurts!
mammasita Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Rule #1 - Don't get involved with a man who is not legally divorced. Back in the day, I did see a married man. He left her for a couple months and then ended up "dumping" me to move back home. It's a typical story, which is why I say this: I'm sorry this happened to you, but you were playing with fire getting involved with a man who was just "separated".
Author startinganew777 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 I know. And it was against my rule also of not dating someone with kids but it just seemed like a sure thing. Especially when his family, not only him, but his family told me everything that they did. They even had a trial date set. The divorce was in the process. I know I am a fool for getting so involved but it just felt right. Just sucks I wasn't given a chance.
jlindemann Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 You would have had to see the signs that he really was moving on. I'm still legally married, only because I don't have the money for an attorney right now. I've moved out with my kids, into a place all my own. My ex doesn't even come in my house when picking up/dropping off the kids. We do not talk or text unless it's something to do wtih the kids. For us, there is NO hope of a reconciliation. My current boyfriend knows this. He was concerned at first, because he figured since I was "married" that I would go back to my ex. I explained all of the reasons for me leaving, and why we will never get back together. This eased his mind. If she was always "in the picture", you should have kept your guard up until you were sure he was done with her. Openness and honesty is why it works with my boyfriend and I. He's never concerned about me going back to my ex.
Stoic44 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Same thing happened to me. No matter how awesome things were, I never had a chance.
Author startinganew777 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 That is the thing, she wasn't in the picture. The only time he said they spoke was about the son, picking him up and from where. There were many times he dropped off his son when it was her time with him and met me right after. It is like they didn't even speak to each other. I am divorced and he told me he was scared of being hurt by ME! That I would go back to my ex. I haven't spoken to my ex since August and the divorce is final. Then he promised me I was what he wanted and that he didn't even miss her and told her more than once they would never be together again. I saw NO signs of reconciliation with them at all. This was all a huge shock to me. When his son was with her, I was with him or him and his family the majority of the time. He told me their whole schedule. 5 days with him, 5 days with her. They picked up/dropped off at 6. There were no instances of him being with her the whole 3 months. He didn't cheat on me, I know that for a fact but obviously there were still some feelings there for her he wasn't honest with me or himself about because I was gone after she said she wanted counseling and it is like those 3 months didn't even exist and he is back to his old life.
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