Crushing on someone I'm casually seeing. Experienced daters check my situation.

[HitMeNow]

Feel free to skip to MY PROBLEM part if you don't wanna read the long version

 

Firstly I'll describe myself shortly. I am a pretty masculine guy. I don't like texting (text once a week to hang out) or being all lovie dovie on the phone. I have an emotionless look on my face and it seems to attract quite a bit. I can build comfort really easily. Most girls think I am a player because of the big social circle I have and parties I go to (which Im not) What I am mostly failing on is communication (I have a hard time getting girls out sometimes) and I've been told quite a lot that I seem a bit cocky and suck at texting.

 

Next, long story short. FWB just like any FWB of mine. We were both seeing other people. Half way through she was mentioning how I tend to push people away and create barriers when I get too close to someone, which is probably true and that is to avoid Crushing on people. So like an idiot, I lowered my barriers. I let her in and I started getting strong feelings for her. We got really really close. She was my date to my university ball, she would cuddle me in the mornings before I woke up, make me food, etc.

 

Then she left for winter break. She initiated a few messages over facebook, stating how she cant wait to be back and we should make plans for a vacation blablabla to which I just replied normally ("We'll see. You better have some crazy adventures to share when you get back")

 

When she came she didn't text me right away. I called her up one or 2 days later, asking her if she wanted to pack up everything and go backpacking around Florida with me and some other friends of mine that same night. She declined saying it was too last minute and if I had told her earlier she could have made it. Also, one of the other guys she was casually seeing a bit before me came and visited her during that weekend.

 

I come back from backpacking and eager to see her, I give her a call, we chit chat. I tell her she should come hang out, she suggests the day after. I was taken a bit by surprise by this eagerness to see me (we're usually both really composed), but at the end I said OK. She said she'll call after work.

 

Day comes and I just get a message.

"Sorry for today, I had to stay to long at work bla bla bla. Are you free tuesday?"

I don't text her for a good 8 hrs, just hating her guts and then I reply

"Phone was dead. I m pretty busy but I ll probably make a bit of time".

She doesnt answer. Tuesday comes she texts me:

My shift got changed and it ends at 9 :S.

I respond immediately, saying today wouldnt work for me either and tell her Im going with friends to X place on sat. she should come.

No answer for a day.

Am I being clingy?

 

I dont understand. I missed her and I know she missed me at some level.

 

 

MY PROBLEM

I feel like I have lost confidence and Im an emotional mess. I used to be the guy who would think that any girl, including this, could sleep with anyone she wanted, because at the end of the day I wanted them to be happy and I didn't fear the competition. Now I am the guy who looks at his phone every time he comes home. Part of the problem might be that I have a lot of free time in my hands. I am trying to fill it up, but very few things even entertain me anymore.

 

I am really conflicted between wanting to be with her (meaning just let her come to me) and wanting to stop being an emotional mess (meaning I have to end it in an abrupt way).

And I don't understand... LIKE WTF. 4 months ago I would have been like... a relationship? Maybe when I'm 40. FUUUCK

 

What do I do?

 

THANKS FOR READING.

[TheZebra]

So I guess now you know how a girl feels when you don't text her for a week?

[TaraMaiden]

Stop playing phukking mind games.

you're an adult, not a hapless teenager.

 

I think from what I can tell, you have deeper feelings than you'd like to admit, and you're hoping she would feel the same about you, and her casual attitude is unsettling you.

 

 

Just ask her to lay her cards on the table, and you will too.

 

See what happens.

[Emilia]

Am I being clingy?

I dont understand. I missed her and I know she missed me at some level.

 

No, you are not clingy. You are expecting to be responded to and treated with respect like a human being.

 

MY PROBLEM

I feel like I have lost confidence and Im an emotional mess. I used to be the guy who would think that any girl, including this, could sleep with anyone she wanted, because at the end of the day I wanted them to be happy and I didn't fear the competition. Now I am the guy who looks at his phone every time he comes home. Part of the problem might be that I have a lot of free time in my hands. I am trying to fill it up, but very few things even entertain me anymore.

 

I am really conflicted between wanting to be with her (meaning just let her come to me) and wanting to stop being an emotional mess (meaning I have to end it in an abrupt way).

And I don't understand... LIKE WTF. 4 months ago I would have been like... a relationship? Maybe when I'm 40. FUUUCK

 

What do I do?

 

THANKS FOR READING.

 

The problem is that you opened up to the wrong girl. Being in a relationship is very rewarding, loving someone and being loved by someone is the best thing in the world. However, you have to let the right person in. Just because she said 'open up to me' it doesn't mean she deserved your trust!

 

You have to keep your eyes open to find the right woman for a relationship, it's not the same as finding the right woman for an FWB - in fact the two usually differ!

[HitMeNow]

No, you are not clingy. You are expecting to be responded to and treated with respect like a human being.

 

The problem is that you opened up to the wrong girl. Being in a relationship is very rewarding, loving someone and being loved by someone is the best thing in the world. However, you have to let the right person in. Just because she said 'open up to me' it doesn't mean she deserved your trust!

 

You have to keep your eyes open to find the right woman for a relationship, it's not the same as finding the right woman for an FWB - in fact the two usually differ!

 

Thanks! I have read some of your posts on this forum and we seem in the same wavelength.

 

All I fear is that somehow she's just trying to protect herself from being hurt, since she invested in me and is not sure if I'm a good investment (Let's say I am not the typical nice guy) I guess...Time Is Money and Time Will Tell.

 

Lastly, I have never been in a relationship. Never been in love. A few "bad" crushes, so I made up my own theory that "love" isn't real, because at any point there is someone who is needing the other person a bit more and

 

What Im thinking is "even if" I get in a relationship with this girl. How will anything differ? I will still be the emotional mess that I am now, no?

I used to be this guy who was happy and confident all the time. And now it's the complete opposite.