JuneJulySeptember Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Ok. We all know life is unfair. Now that that's out of the way, I have a question for you guys who struggle with women here. Would you be OK with a woman who wasn't initially attracted to you? In other words, say she's great and cute, but that you charmed her with your smarts and personality. You find out that initially she thought were about as sexually attractive as a platypus. Say that this will be the case for every woman you will ever date. Would you be OK with this? Because I can tell you, it is a very real scenario.
Lani Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I'm not a man. Or a platypus. But, what I can tell you is that I didn't think my ex was attractive at all when I met him, I may have even said he looked like Beetlejuice.. But once I got to know him, and we ended up together, he was the sexiest man in the world to me. So from a woman's perspective, this is a real scenario and I think it's ok. I'm sure the same thing happens the other way around too. I don't think it's anything you should be worried about. 2
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 I'm not a man. Or a platypus. But, what I can tell you is that I didn't think my ex was attractive at all when I met him, I may have even said he looked like Beetlejuice.. But once I got to know him, and we ended up together, he was the sexiest man in the world to me. So from a woman's perspective, this is a real scenario and I think it's ok. I'm sure the same thing happens the other way around too. I don't think it's anything you should be worried about. Lol. Of course you think it's OK if you're the one doing it! People are so funny. But would you be Ok with it being done to you throughout your whole life? In other words, nobody is ever really physically attracted to you. In your lifetime. You win them over with your other qualities.
TheZebra Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Not sure why that's so terrible. All I care about is whether the guy likes or loves me at the end of the day; doesn't matter how he got there. The only way I see it as potentially being a problem is if he doesn't find me physically attractive enough to get it up during sex. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 In other words, nobody is ever really physically attracted to you. In your lifetime. You win them over with your other qualities. If you are doing the winning over, the upside is that you will always feel sufficient attraction to stay interested in the relationship. The downside is having to worry about your partner maintaining their level of interest.
ThaWholigan Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 If you are doing the winning over, the upside is that you will always feel sufficient attraction to stay interested in the relationship. The downside is having to worry about your partner maintaining their level of interest. The more you worry about it, the harder it will be to maintain that interest .
somedude81 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Of course I would. I know I'm barely a blip on the hotness scale so I doubt any woman alive would ever be initially attracted to me. As long as she still wants to have sex with me, often, I wouldn't give a damn if she didn't think I was a beefcake when we first met. 3
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 I'm bumping this thread. The Manti Teo thread reminded me of it. So, I kind of think of it like this. If you're a slightly below average guy to below, the chances that no woman will find you physically attractive ever are decent. The chances that no attractive woman will find you physically attractive are actually kinda high. What do you think SDs? Are you OK with it?
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Am I ok with attractive women (whatever that means, I guess women I'm attracted to?) never ever finding me attractive? Yeah, I mean what choice is there? I figure whatever girl I end up dating won't be attracted to me anyway so it's no big deal.
SJC2008 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I wouldn't like it. I'd want her to at leas be somewhat attracted to me. When someone is "giving you a chance" you're already at a disadvantage IMO.
mesmerized Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I'm bumping this thread. The Manti Teo thread reminded me of it. So, I kind of think of it like this. If you're a slightly below average guy to below, the chances that no woman will find you physically attractive ever are decent. The chances that no attractive woman will find you physically attractive are actually kinda high. What do you think SDs? Are you OK with it? lol, I love how you say no "attractive woman" ever finds you attractive. I'd be OK if I was with a guy who wasn't initially attracted to me but ended up finding me very sexy after a while. Doesn't happen with women though. Whoever I dated thought I was attractive or his type right off the bat.
Lani Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Lol. Of course you think it's OK if you're the one doing it! People are so funny. But would you be Ok with it being done to you throughout your whole life? In other words, nobody is ever really physically attracted to you. In your lifetime. You win them over with your other qualities. Sorry, I only just saw this response (thanks for the bump!) If you're not physically attractive, then you have to be ok with this scenario. You have no other choice. I know everyone has their own tastes, and that most people are attractive to someone. But we have to face the reality that there are probably people who are not attractive to anyone straight up, and they have to rely on their personality to get them anywhere. What is the other option here? Not be ok with it and go all Mr T on any woman who doesn't think you're that attractive initially? 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 If she wants to have sex with you, she finds you sexually attractive, even if it took some time to grow, in the great majority of cases. Otherwise, you can be entrapped in the most Hellish location in the Universe (cue spooky ominous music) - THE FRIENDZONE. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 How does one know if they're physically attractive anyway? Is there like a ratings agency sort of like Moody's or S&P like can give me a rating? I figure there's a difference between the stereotypical "Brad Pitt" look and the Elephant Man. But there's a huge gulf in between... 1
Keenly Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I'm going to say no, there has to be at least a LITTLE attraction for me. Even if its just a little. I am not a bad looking guy, and I feel like my ideal mate would not be either. I'm not trying to be shallow, I'm just saying the feeling of happiness I will get after that first kiss is going to increase greatly with her level of attractiveness.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Sorry, I only just saw this response (thanks for the bump!) If you're not physically attractive, then you have to be ok with this scenario. You have no other choice. I know everyone has their own tastes, and that most people are attractive to someone. But we have to face the reality that there are probably people who are not attractive to anyone straight up, and they have to rely on their personality to get them anywhere. What is the other option here? Not be ok with it and go all Mr T on any woman who doesn't think you're that attractive initially? That's what I'm saying. And people try and feed all of this 'looks is subjective' crap down our throats. Honestly, I guess you're right. I probably will never be TRULY physically attractive to a woman. Best learn to deal with it.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 How does one know if they're physically attractive anyway? Is there like a ratings agency sort of like Moody's or S&P like can give me a rating? I figure there's a difference between the stereotypical "Brad Pitt" look and the Elephant Man. But there's a huge gulf in between... I think for most women it's a hard cutoff at around the Shia LeBeouf level. After that, they see you as a shapeless piece of meat at best and a Ewok at worst and you have to use your personality to brainwash them into thinking you look like Brad Pitt. Kind of depressing. There are many below average women I have found quite physically attractive off the bat. Just one physical trait can make me think they're hot.
KungFuJoe Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I think for most women it's a hard cutoff at around the Shia LeBeouf level. After that, they see you as a shapeless piece of meat at best and a Ewok at worst and you have to use your personality to brainwash them into thinking you look like Brad Pitt. Kind of depressing. There are many below average women I have found quite physically attractive off the bat. Just one physical trait can make me think they're hot. Are you trolling? Your posts have severely started to degrade recently (or my memory is just bad). Or is everything you've been saying the past few days just hyperbole? 1
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 lol, I love how you say no "attractive woman" ever finds you attractive. I'd be OK if I was with a guy who wasn't initially attracted to me but ended up finding me very sexy after a while. Doesn't happen with women though. Whoever I dated thought I was attractive or his type right off the bat. Actually, in my case no unattractive women have found me attractive either. But I know that's extremely rare, even among struggling men, so I had to throw that in there to get some responses. Woof! Woof! Throw a dog collar on him!
pbjbear Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Geez this thread is depressing Im sure you will all find women someday I have had feelings grown for a guy over time that I initially didnt find to be attractive but it doesnt happen all that often I guess With men I find few grow feelings as well...there are either there from the beginning or they are not At least you can use your personality to influence whether we like you or not...not that easy with men
D-Lish Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 My best friends brother is about a 6, that is attracted to 10's, but dates 5 to 6's and complains about the girls not being attractive enough behind their backs. It always makes me sick to hear- because he's a little chubby, although incredibly smart. He will rave that he has met someone that is really smart- but complain that the girl is chubby. For a smart guy, he's never gotten the irony. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 My best friends brother is about a 6, that is attracted to 10's, but dates 5 to 6's and complains about the girls not being attractive enough behind their backs. It always makes me sick to hear- because he's a little chubby, although incredibly smart. He will rave that he has met someone that is really smart- but complain that the girl is chubby. For a smart guy, he's never gotten the irony. One of my biggest fears in life is being that kind of guy. I don't think I'm a 6 who's attracted to 10's, but maybe I'm wrong. And it scares me...
xxoo Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) Kind of depressing. There are many below average women I have found quite physically attractive off the bat. Just one physical trait can make me think they're hot. It can work that way with women, too. In general, we are attracted to individuals, not groups. Not all "hot" guys, not all "average" guys, etc. Just a few out of each group, and often that attraction develops after we get to know them a bit. That doesn't make the attraction any less real or intense. Don't get stuck expecting women should be just like men, and thinking our attraction is less intense simply because it develops a little differently. Appreciate how our attraction works, because it's not changing! And again, from a woman's pov, it can be really disappointing that you guys are attracted to SO many women. Sometimes, we'd like you to be more like us, too, and be attracted to us because we were special in some way other than having this or that physical qualities. But we need to love and accept you guys as you are, or else we'd just be miserable--cause it's not changing! Take home message: No initial attraction does not mean no physical attraction. Once she's attracted, she's attracted! Edited January 29, 2013 by xxoo 3
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I believe when women say they can grow in to finding someone sexually attractive. Most men are not that differently, yeah their are some really hot guys. But 99/100 have also allot of other traits that make them attractive then just having a nice face with a six pack. Yet: No guy want's to be the guy she is with because all the guys she is attracted to are ending up being a jerk. (or the guy must be some kind of new-age savior and thinks: ah poor girl, let me show you that men can be different). I think it's the same as a girl doesn't want to be the girl he is just ****ing while he is looking for his dream girl.
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