johnson123 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 A long distance relationship. She broke up with me never really giving me a reason, it always changed whenever I tried to talk to her about it. But she didn´t stop communicating with me until I became desperate and send her a lot of text asking her to block me on FB and IG. That´s when she turned cold. So this is a letter that I wrote to her to get closure for myself. I kept it for 2 weeks so I would be sure that I wouldn´t regret sending it. "Dear xxxx, This started with kind words and I am gonna end it with kind words, I know you broke up with me, not in denial about that. You just never said goodbye and you didn´t give me closure. For what it is worth, I was always honest and truthful. I took us very seriously. Our connection came naturally, we didn´t force anything. My happiness is not about finding someone, for me it is being happy with myself. And I am. But I have never let myself be vulnerable before. I always thought that was a sign of weakness. What I learned from it, that it is a sign of strength to truly open up to someone and share the feelings I had for you. My happiness grew because I put myself in the position to love and trust another person. Despite this didn´t work out, it was worth it for me. I am very confident in my character and abilities. But I admit when I am wrong. I am proud but being proud at the wrong moments makes you arrogant and I am not arrogant. I stand up for myself and the people I care about. Maturity is not about how old we are, it is about what we learn from our mistakes and what we take from our experiences. I realize I am not emotionally immature, I did not run from our problems. I tried to resolve them. And I am glad I had the chance to look into your eyes and say "I love you". It took courage and confidence because I was not expecting anything in return. I made you my priority, knowing you couldn´t do the same and I never took you for granted. My love for you was unconditional. This was not about different lifestyles or personalities. We had so much compatibility and attraction. And for me it was not about distance as I thought because I was fully committed to you. I appreciated you and I fell for your personality. I did not know how you really looked like until after we started talking in private talk. And it did not matter how you looked like. When I saw you standing outside the hotel with your "little" suitcase and you turned and smiled at me, that was the moment I knew I loved you. And all the little things about you, your little dimple on your chin when you smiled, how you pronounced some letters, how you cut up your food. I can point out many more but you already know how I noticed those things. I guess that what being in love is. When we were laying in bed, holding each other. No words were needed, the silence and the closeness said all that needed to be said. When we were driving home after our roadtrip and you curled up against me. I wished the drive would never end. With the sun coming down and you up against me. That was moment felt like eternity. I´ve come to terms with our past. I have only good memories of us. I never wanted you to change and I never judged you. I took you as you are. One of the reasons we grew so close in such a short time is because we did not have to pretend, we were true to ourselves and we were honest. I know how strong feelings you had for me but I understand that words spoken in the past mean nothing now. If you want to think of me as a liar and a dishonest person. If you want to think of our time together as a bad memory. That is okay. If it helps you get over this. You told me you did not like who you are with me after the break up. All I want for you is to be happy. That is why I am not gonna fight for you. Don´t feel guilty about what happened. Because I truly love and respect you. I know who I am and I know I am an honest person. You have a beautiful personality and you made a difference in my life. I am so grateful that you let me be a part of your life for a short while. You will always hold a special place in my heart. You do not owe me anything, you gave me so good memories and you shared your love and your trust. I do not regret meeting you and I hold no resentment towards you I know you will meet someone who will appreciate you and love you as much as I did. Take care, respect and love yourself. Don´t regret anything you did in the past. I will always remember you. P.S. Don´t respond to this letter. If you wanna talk someday I will welcome it but not now because I am moving on and this letter will help me let go of you. But if I will never from you again, that is okay. Because I have gotten my closure knowing you have read this." So I handwrote it and sent it the old fashioned way. And I honestly am not looking for a response from her. But if you want more details about us feel free to ask.
TaraMaiden Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 You're not 'looking for a response from her' but sure as eggs is unfertilised, you're going to be wondering every day if she's had it, read it, what she's thinking, whether she might reply.... and then you'll begin to watch your post box.... Bad idea sending letters. they invariably do more damage than they should, indirectly.... Closure is never from them, and actually, bizarrely, doesn't include them. Closure is for you, by YOU.
TopCat22 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 It's a nice letter, but I guarantee she will not see it in the same light as you. You've done this for you and she will see it as a selfish act. You've done what YOU needed to move on, not thinking about what SHE needs. I'd wager that she will read this letter and be really annoyed and angry with you. You are not respecting the space she needs to heal. Tara is right when she says that closure needs to come from within. Any contact you have with her, there will be a small piece of you hoping for a reply, regardless of whether you think you need to hear back or not. Complete NC is the only way you will really move on.
Author johnson123 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Thanks for your answers. We are both in our 30´s and I know it is a selfish act. But I always took her needs before mine and she knows it. She started to behave like the women she dislikes after our break up. She told me it took her a long time to get comfortable with men again and that she has never felt as comfortable as with me. She didn´t like to post pictures of herself. But after the break up she started posted pics of herself and flirting with every guy that complimented her. And she gave her facebook address to every one that asked for it. She was trying so hard to get back at me. And she still is blocking and unblocking me on FB constantly. I don´t know why she was trying so hard to make me jealous after our break up even though she broke up with me. I never called her names and I was accepting the break up. And she found a new boyfriend right away and she is moving in with him. She is still stalling to send me back my things but I handmade her a gift and I found out she is holding on to that, using it everyday. So I wanted to take the high road and send this letter to her, because I know she will feel guilty someday and I hope this letter will relieve her of her guilt. I really am moving on. And I hope she doesn´t reply. Because I deserve better than to be treated this way.
TaraMaiden Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 You should be the one permanently blocking HER on FB. Why haven't you done so? I take it you have deleted her phone number, and blocked any possible calls, also? If the answer to any of these, is 'no', then don't try to justify not having done so. The bottom line would be that no matter what you say, you are still holding lines of communication open, and as such, NC is flawed.
Author johnson123 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Yes I blocked her number right away. And I have blocked her on FB. But I have not blocked her on IG, which doesn´t really matter since I pressured her into blocking me there. We have been NC for 19 days. So if she tries to contact me I should throw it away? I know the answer to that. First I was going NC to try to get her back but after a few days I realized NC is for healing yourself and I am not gonna contact her anymore. But how come is it so much harder recovering from a short term long distance relationship? It only lasted 3 months. I have been in a 6 year relationship and I recovered quickly. But it has been almost 2 months and I still am hurting now.
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