homewrecker Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I've been with my girlfriend (ex-girlfriend) for the past 8 years. I recently turned 27 and she is 24. She is the love of my life, and the best thing that has ever happened to me, we have spent almost everday with one another and experienced so many major life experiences with one another. 4 years ago we broke up for 3 months due to me neglecting her due my own personal issues at the time. After the 3 months we had both made major improvements in ourself and our relationship was stronger than ever. Our relationship has since been (and even before) was what most people aspire to have, it was perfect. I should also mention that she is bipolar (the milder of the two types), and she has endured many emotional traumas in her life and it has hindered her progress in being a self-sufficient person. I've nursed her through the worst of it over the years and have been her greatest support (in addition to friends, family, and therapy of course). About 6 months ago a horrible event happened to her when she was hanging out with a male friend. I helped comfort her and support for the weeks afterwords as she coped with what happened. She quickly "forgot" about it and for the most part was the same, with the exception of sexual interest being completely absent (understandably). In November she decided we needed to go on a break, citing her needing to get on her own feet and grow as a person, which she felt she could not do while still together with me since when she was with me she felt too comfortable. I supported her decision although I was heart broken. Around christmas she contacted me and we started hanging out again in a relationship type fashion but with the understanding that she still need time to work on things. However our interaction together was perfect and made both her and I very happy once again. After not speaking for a few days of due her needing some time to herself, I called her to give her some good new I received regarding my job. she called me back a few hours later and told me that we need to end the relationship, not go on a break, not rekindle in the future, but completely end the relationship. She told me that she still loved me but that she no longer felt the spark we once had, and that she did not think that it was something that could/would be rekindled in the future. She said she didn't love me in the same way anymore, but that she still did love me and was devastated herself. I told her I understood and that I will always love her and wish her the best, and hipe she can contact me in the future for at minimum a possible friendship. I love her with all my heart and would sacrifice everything for her happiness. The past 8 years of my life, the greatest 8 years, have been intertwined with her life. She is my best friend, she is the one and only love of my life, her family are the closest people to me in my life. Am i supposed to just abandon 8 years with her like that? Give up hope that we can get back together? What am I supposed to think and how am I supposed to cope!? Please give me any advice you have. I have no support system, my heart hurts so much, i don't feel like I can continue on with life like this without some more information. :'(
CptSaveAho Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Dating someone that's bipolar for 8 years... Definitely going to need some therapy on this one... I strongly suggest you look into it There is nothing healthy with dating a young bi polar girl for 8 years... we can give you all the good advice in the world #1 No Contact... #2 get Therapy... join a gym... get male friends... You have to make the conscious effort to actually do these things... especially #1 and #2 2
Stoic44 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Sorry to hear about it. Sounds like there are a lot of issues here which have rendered her somewhat fragile. It sounds like you've been an excellent boyfriend in all respects, helping her through her issues. You've been the epitome of a great guy, and now she is no longer attracted because you've been there for her. Maybe she is not attracted to a nice guy. Her loss. Go no contact. If she loves you, she will be back. Second thing is, yes you've invested 8 years, but at the age of 28, there are plenty of women out there for you if she doesn't return. Good luck.
blotter Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 C'mon bro, you started dating her when she was 16. Did you think she was only going to experience you and not want to check out some strange penis before she gets married? First loves VERY RARELY last because people like to explore different relationships before they settle down.
Sari Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Hmm, I think these replies are a bit 'cruel to be kind'. No need to talk about strange penises and things like that - the man's just had his heart broken! I'm so sorry to hear of your break-up homewrecker. I know it's awful, I've recently broken up with someone after 6 months (was fairly intense), but also before that I was with someone for 6.5 years, and we lived together for a lot of that, so I do understand what you’re going through. I had to change my whole life, move house, completely change my routine, we were supposed to be getting married too and I’d spent all the last half of my 20s with him, so to be left at 30 was pretty terrifying! Nothing I say is going to bring you much comfort perhaps, but I never thought I’d get over my ex, I was absolutely distraught and suffering panic attacks, no appetite, sleepless nights peppered with horrible dreams about him… I had to have therapy and time off work. However, I did get over him eventually, and met someone else (who then dumped me, but that’s beside the point!). Anyway, what I’m trying to say is – don’t think of your life as over because of this. It will feel this way for a while, and it’s going to hurt A LOT, but eventually you will feel better. I would say look after yourself as best you can, when going through a break-up I treat myself like I’m getting over a bad illness – early nights, healthy food when I can force it down, take vitamins, do yoga, no drink, no drugs!! Also throwing yourself in to the gym or a different aerobic exercise will help your mood, raise those serotonin levels (I suffer from depression and anxiety anyway so I know that this is a proven remedy for feeling low). Maybe get some therapy if you need to talk, or just come and vent on here. You sound like a lovely man. If she threw you away, she doesn’t deserve you, but someone out there does, so in the meantime work on being the best you that you can be. Also – stay No Contact (NC) – seriously, you can’t handle what she has to say to you. Don’t put yourself through the torture of hearing it all over again. If she realises her mistake and comes crawling back, all well and good, but she knows where to find you. Keep your dignity and start the healing process NOW. Big big hugs x
crashvector Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Dating someone that's bipolar for 8 years... Definitely going to need some therapy on this one... I strongly suggest you look into it There is nothing healthy with dating a young bi polar girl for 8 years... we can give you all the good advice in the world #1 No Contact... #2 get Therapy... join a gym... get male friends... You have to make the conscious effort to actually do these things... especially #1 and #2 WTF?!?! I'll have you know sir that *I* have bipolar disorder. You reply is COMPLETELY ignorant and uncalled for.
Author homewrecker Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Thank you Stoic44 and Sari. What you've said does help. I've lived with her for the past 4 years and everything in my life reminds me of her. Even though we have been together for 8 years, in our past 2 month break she was briefly seeing someone who emotionally f***ed her over. And on our break 4 years ago she had a relationship with someone else that obviously went nowhere and meant nothing, so It's not like she hasn't explored the possibility of other guys. Should I give up all hope on her though? From what I've been reading it sounds like she is going through "grass is greener on the other side" syndrom. Even though she said that the relationship is over forever, I feel like thats not true (espicially knowing how she has been treated in the past by others). Having recieved little information from her as to why this is happening, I'm left being very confused and distraught. Also as juvenile as it may sound, what do I do about being friends with her on facebook? when we broke up a few months ago she defriended me, but I remainded friends with her family and was in touch with her family. After we started hanging out again she friended me again but now that things are potentially over for good, am I supposed to completely eliminate every trace of her from my life? She hasn't defriended me yet. And what do I do about her family? Her younger brother is someone I consider one of my closest friends, and her mother and father are almost like adopted parents of mine. I will most likely get therapy as my support system is almost non-existent aside from her family, and I seriously feel so lost and empty. thanks for your support again, any insight is appreciated.
CptSaveAho Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 WTF?!?! I'll have you know sir that *I* have bipolar disorder. You reply is COMPLETELY ignorant and uncalled for. Your posts and your story reflects it... doesn't surprise me one bit My post is on the money... Dating someone that's bi polar is a soul sucking experience. The extreme push/pull dynamic of that relationship... very low self esteem of both the person that is bi polar and the one that is dating them... Usually it is this circumstance... the person that's bipolar comes from a supportive family but tracks in a "stray" that doesnt have a strong support system. I'm sure the relationship was great and fun and had great high moments but there are some low moments as well that keeps a person entangled emotionally. When they leave, you have "nothing" left My suggestion would to cut all ties... facebook... family everything but being this is your first real big loss, its going to be tough... the end goal is to be able to support yourself without that person in your life and to move forward from this... NC helps tremendously in moving forward
Author homewrecker Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 well its been 4 months.. I have sort of managed to get on with my life. I tried dating but it's pretty much been a failure and has makes me feel hopeless about ever finding someone to love again. I know everybody says that I'm young and I have plenty of time ahead of me, but I really feel like I'm going to be one of those few who lost the love of their life and never found anyone else. Anyways, I somewhat maintained no contact except I texted her happy birthday which she responded to and was grateful for. She messaged me one other time and we had a catch up chat online. Today she updated her status to in a relationship to a guy that looks surprisingly like me.. maybe a but more defined jaw line haha. I have to say it felt like a punch in the gut, I had this terrible feeling jolt through my body. I ended up going on a long ride on my motorcycle to clear my thoughts. It helped alot, I came back saw some new pictures of her and her new boyfriend hugging and ****, and I didn't feel nearly as bad. I'm glad she seems happy, and my heart doesn't ache anymore. I have noticed that over the past few months the pain of the breakup has gradually resided more and more. I still think about her everyday (I just can't help it) but I don't feel horrible anymore, and I feel like as time goes on I am VERY SLOWLY thinking about her less. Anyways I though I would update my post because I thought someone might be able to relate to it in the future. The pain of even an 8 year loving relationship does go away, and can be recovered from with time. I can't speak as to the future of my love life but I really hope all the things everybody says is correct. 2
FailedFirstLove Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) I'm sorry for your loss. It's devastating to lose someone you love and always thought would be by your side. Maybe she's just young and wants to experience life more. She's only ever been with you and some people just get curious. I don't get why people feel that way but it may just be a period that she's going through. Where she wants freedom. Let her go for now and if she returns then she's yours. But I commend you on how well you handled te breakup. I would have cried and begged. Not a good move Lols. If you have been that perfect boyfriend, she will realize and come back. I hope you find someone you will love again. Doesn't have to be her. Doesn't have to be now. When your ready Edited May 17, 2013 by FailedFirstLove
Chief Wiggum Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 From the sound of things -- her seeing other people during breaks and finding a new BF so soon after splitting up -- she was never gonna' fit the potential of being able to stay with you for good. Sounds like, during most of her time with you, she was wondering what it would be like with someone else. And I know this may sound cruel, but, you need to taking the same attitude as her (if you haven't done so already). The moment you start feeling what it's like to date a girl that isn't bipolar, you'll probably realise that not being with her any more is a massive burden lifted off your shoulders. You'll finally be able to enjoy a normal relationship where you won't have to constantly babysit and reassure the other person. Good times ahead, my man. Enjoy it!
Sunshine87 Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) I suspect she broke up with you for this dude. They were probably talking. Not necessarily in a physical relationship. But she must have been attracted to someone else.....this guy. I'm sorry for your pain. You've done very well for four months. Give yourself some more time. Don't force yourself to "fall in like" with another girl but continue meeting women because one day, you will find someone who you click with. That is inevitable. Don't hole yourself in. It takes some time to find someone special. Heartbreak sucks and it's even more daunting when you've spent a lot of time building what you thought would be your future, only to find out that one day, all those dreams and hopes and plans are all gone. The thought of starting over again is often so terrifying. But the beauty of the heart is that it can love again....over and over. You will heal too and one day you will have peace and joy. Until then, occupy yourself, better yourself, hang out with friends and family, engage in activities tha you enjoy and STAY AWAY FROM HER FACEBOOK, HER FRIENDS, INFORMATION ABOUT HER LIFE etc. You really don't want or need to be updated about her life. Avoid this like a plague. Hugs xx Edited May 17, 2013 by Sunshine87
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