Above average women

January 17, 2013

I really don't believe this theory. As a guy who really struggled to get dates, my radar was hypersensitive to any glimpse of any minute possibility of attraction from ANYONE. When these rare opportunities arose, I explored them -- there weren't any of these unseen or ignored "potentials".

I feel the OP's pain -- whenever I saw a woman attractive enough to get my adrenaline going, I was plagued by the immediate afterthought that if I was attracted that much, so are a million other guys. That would dampen my enthusiasm.

This is all so passive. In dating, as in many areas of life, passiveness is a disadvantage. Who gets the better job--the person who waits for opportunity to come to him, or the one who works at it, steps out of his comfort zone, and creates his own opportunities?

January 17, 2013

I have a friend like you. She pretty much lives her life in a way that seems she won't be happy until a man shows up. She's constantly comparing my dating life to hers. "Well at least you HAVE someone texting you!" WTF. Um, sorry? She's bitter, she's constantly complaining and whining, and frankly she gets left out of a lot because she's such a negative energy and drain to be around and it gets depressing. I got two texts from her last night as I'm on my way out the door to a meeting. "WTF! This is the second guy who's canceled on me this week! F*ck this, I don't deserve this!" I literally can't take it anymore. I get that dating is tough and hell I want a boyfriend too, but it doesn't consume my life and I'm pretty happy as a single gal. She doesn't get that.

This is the vibe that men ultimately pick up on as well, and it works against her EVERY SINGLE TIME. Needy. Desperate. Unhappy. I am willing to bet the farm that women are picking up the same vibe from you. It doesn't have to be anything you say. It's there and it comes across in your posts.

Heh, I wonder how she comes across on dates.

She probably talks about how men have wronged her, or she talks about marriage and kids, things that tells guy that she's going to be a clinger.

Yeah I can easily see why men cancel on her and why she doesn't have a boyfriend.

As for myself, I don't complain or whine to girls. I also don't come across as needy at all.

I'm super casual in my approach with girls.

It doesn't even register to me how I can appear needy to a girl that I have yet to even go on a date with.

January 17, 2013

True happiness can come only from within.

Once you get to know models, celebrities, etc, you see that their lives are just the same as everyone elses.

January 17, 2013

OP, since the server was chatting with you and had no tip to gain since the dude was your server, why not analyze less and simply ask her out, presuming she wasn't wearing a wedding ring?

I recall a similar circumstance with a seatmate on a little regional jet traveling home right before New Years. Woman my age, maybe a bit younger, real similar in appearance and we got along great, talking for nearly two hours straight, to the extent her daughter, age 12, was glaring at us from across the aisle. Why didn't I ask her out? *Boyfriend*. Otherwise, I'd have had no issue asking her to dinner. I thought she and her daughter were pretty cool.

Less analysis, more action. Accept that any woman, above-average included, may feel their options/potentials/love life/romance is limited or disadvantaged, even if you disagree. You're not going to change their feelings by beating them to death with logic. Give it up. Go with and for the positive. Enjoy your life. It's short. Good luck.

January 17, 2013

There are people who have been single for decades( and genuinely single too. No casual sex or 'slutting' around in this time ) of their lives. Your 18 months is a piece of p*ss, seriously.

'I have an education from a top school.'

Most guys won't care about this.

'I drive a luxury vehicle that I bought myself.'

Most guys won't care about this either. Makes you sound quite superficial to be honest.

'I have incredible taste in music and going to live shows is one of my favorite activities.'

Most people like to do this, you aren't unique here.

The rest of your points which I didn't single out are genuine positive attributes but I get the impression you're quite materialistic due to the fact you mentioned the luxury car.

If I met someone who bragged about their luxury (read: overpriced regular car)
I'd be instantly turned off getting to know this person. Whether it was a girl or a guy.

This will hold you back from quality men.

A quality man doesn't want to be 'Mr safety net' for a woman who invited an army of men between her legs just because things didn't work out with her ex fiancé.

Any guy with pride and self respect will not get serious with someone exhibiting an attitude of this sort.

All of your points were already made before you by another poster. But thanks.

For the record, I don't think I'm "better" than anyone else for driving a nice car. But yeah, after driving pieces of sh*t my entire life (I have literally driven cars that didn't have a gas gauge or fenders), it felt great to actually buy one on my own with money that I earned myself. Really great, actually. The same feeling I had when I graduated after putting myself through college, with no help from my parents. I'm not superficial - it's more of an accomplishment to me, as stupid as it might seem to you.

The word "slut" is relative. I've been with 6 men in the past year and a half. That's less than .33 men per month. I'd hardly count that as an "army" of men in my bed. But, I use the word slut because I had no formal commitment from any of them. It was just fun for the most part. Plus - I don't dig on discussing numbers, anyway.

The point I'm making here is, we all have our own story and while mine might seem dumb and trivial to you, and you might think I'm a superficial whore, I still struggle too. I still feel lonely too. I've had my heart smashed into a million pieces. I doubt myself all the time.

I want to be loved for who I am and where I'm at - just like you.

January 17, 2013

That's not how I would work.

I dislike myself because I cannot get a woman. Once I'm in a relationship, the reason for disliking myself would no longer exist.

There was a girl in your class who liked you. Her friend told you so.

But you didn't like her.

But the point stands. You could be in a relationship, if you were willing to date a woman you aren't attracted to.

Not much help, is it? Not much help to women, either.

You, like that woman, need to work harder at being attractive. Her issue may be physical, and yours is likely social.

It seems like you're trying to make a couple of points here.

Yes, you are right, I wouldn't start liking myself more if I was in a relationship with a woman that I wasn't attracted to. Or maybe I would? I don't know. But lets just say that I wouldn't.

I'm sure the same would apply to a woman. If she didn't like herself, then dating a man she wasn't attracted to wouldn't help. Though I don't know why you brought it up because I haven't spoken about self-esteem for women.

January 17, 2013

somedude,

So what's the problem? It's simple deduction by process of elimination.

Your looks? No. I know plenty of very unattractive people who have found partners and even love. Too many to count.

Location? Hell no. We live in the same area.

Personality? I don't think this is it...you seem like a very cool guy. Bitter at times but not overly so like a lot of the guys on here. Your personality is not abrasive and I think others would agree.

I think it's your attitude about yourself. I think your negative attitude towards yourself puts off such a negative vibe that it overshadows all the positives you have.

It all boils down to not knowing how to be attractive to women.

School starts next week, and I bet I'll meet 5 or so girls that I'd like to date.

But because I don't know how to get them interested in me, they will all turn me down.

It has nothing to do with me having a negative attitude. I don't give off bad vibes when I'm around girls. I'm too busy having fun. But it's safe, innocent, friendly, goofy. That's not what turns girls on.

You say your attitude is the way it is because no one likes you. That if someone liked you, then you'd like yourself. I understand why you'd feel that way. But I think it's a very very harmful attitude to have. I think I'm right. You think you're right.

No. I know I'm right

But tell me...how well is your "way" working for you so far?

You can't just sit around hoping and expecting that Ms. Right is going to come and sweep you off your feet and make everything perfect. That only happens in movies and sorry, pal, you're the wrong sex for that anyways.

There is no other "way."

All I can do is keep trying, and change up my approach. Be bolder, try to flirt more obviously. Push myself even more.

January 17, 2013

I still struggle too. I still feel lonely too. I've had my heart smashed into a million pieces. I doubt myself all the time.

I want to be loved for who I am and where I'm at - just like you.

Someone should make a quote out of this. So that people understand... We are all the ****ing same.

But if you want so badly to be loved then why not spread the love around . I don't mean spreading your legs around, but simply spread love. The comment you made about your debbie-downer friend was very self-centered. (Reads like: "I am better than her"). Stuff like this will subconsciously eat your positivity.

Somewhere along my short life I read:

The girl who looks at the mirror and says "I am beautiful" has the same problem as the girl who looks at the mirror and says "I am ugly". They are both deciding their happiness level from external stimuli.

January 17, 2013

It seems like you're trying to make a couple of points here.

Yes, you are right, I wouldn't start liking myself more if I was in a relationship with a woman that I wasn't attracted to. Or maybe I would? I don't know. But lets just say that I wouldn't.

I'm sure the same would apply to a woman. If she didn't like herself, then dating a man she wasn't attracted to wouldn't help. Though I don't know why you brought it up because I haven't spoken about self-esteem for women.

The point is that having "options" that are unattractive to you isn't helpful, for men or for women.

Being single is an option, too. You've chosen it, when the other option was less attractive. So being single is more attractive than some other options.

January 17, 2013

Someone should make a quote out of this. So that people understand... We are all the ****ing same.

But if you want so badly to be loved then why not spread the love around . I don't mean spreading your legs around, but simply spread love. The comment you made about your debbie-downer friend was very self-centered. (Reads like: "I am better than her"). Stuff like this will subconsciously eat your positivity.

Somewhere along my short life I read:

The girl who looks at the mirror and says "I am beautiful" has the same problem as the girl who looks at the mirror and says "I am ugly". They are both deciding their happiness level from external stimuli.

The only way that I am better than her is that I choose to remain happy and positive about my life, regardless of who decides to show up.

January 17, 2013

I will agree that attractive women probably have more unattractive options.

But is that an advantage?

(disclaimer: "unattractive" does not necessarily equal "physically unattractive")

January 17, 2013

The point is that having "options" that are unattractive to you isn't helpful, for men or for women.

Being single is an option, too. You've chosen it, when the other option was less attractive. So being single is more attractive than some other options.

As I have said countless times, with more options, there is a higher chance that one or more of those would be good.

It's very unlikely that all options would be lemons.

January 17, 2013

The women have a larger pool of "potentials", but if a man doesn't ring her bell at all, there is not actually any potential.

The men, too, have "potentials" which are useless to them: women they aren't attracted to at all. They could have companionship and sex today if they just gave one of those women an opportunity. Why don't they?

Nope, highly doubt that. I don't have any women interested in me that I know of, and when I say women, I am counting the unattractive ones as well. Plus its been my experience unattractive women (yes, I do approach girls I don't find all that attractive) are just as likely to turn you down as the attractive girls as well.

January 17, 2013

I can't be the only one who sees an intrinsic catch 22 here.

nobody will like you if you initially don't like yourself.

by self-hating, you put women off.

Because women are psycho and can read my mind or they all read my posts here?

January 17, 2013

It's very unlikely that all options would be lemons.

You might be surprised

More seriously.....just because she isn't attracted, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the guy.

In fact, if the same guy just interacted with her a bit differently, she might be attracted!

January 17, 2013

Because women are psycho and can read my mind or they all read my posts here?

No, because given half a brain and some time, anyone can figure out that another person isn't very happy.....

January 17, 2013

No, because given half a brain and some time, anyone can figure out that another person isn't very happy.....

I disagree with this premise. Happiness is complex and can very between different parts of our lives.

If a girl told me she feels less happy being single than being in a relationship that would not affect my interest in her negatively.

January 17, 2013

I love how so many of these threads seem to end up back in the exact same place as all the other threads on here.

This conversation is going around in circles anyway. I'm not sure what point you are making somedude, and TBH, I'm really not sure what others are telling you to do either.

Edited January 17, 2013 by Imajerk17

January 17, 2013

If a girl told me she feels less happy being single than being in a relationship that would not affect my interest in her negatively.

not being happy single, is completely different that not being happy with who you are as a person. I think a lot of people are less happy single, but overall they are still happy.

January 17, 2013

You might be surprised

More seriously.....just because she isn't attracted, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the guy.

In fact, if the same guy just interacted with her a bit differently, she might be attracted!

Arg! Women!

So confusing make brain hurt.

I love how so many of these threads seem to end up back in the exact same place as all the other threads on here.

This conversation is going around in circles anyway. I'm not sure what point you are making somedude, and TBH, I'm really not sure what others are telling you to do either.

LOL!

I think they are telling me to love myself.

Which I do everyday, sometimes twice or more.

January 17, 2013

As far as people I like go, there's kind of an attractiveness threshold .. it's like, some people are more or less attractive, but there's a point where they're attractive ENOUGH and I dont care beyond that point. To be fair people are scared to talk to attractive gals, so there's that too.

January 17, 2013

I will agree that attractive women probably have more unattractive options.

But is that an advantage?

(disclaimer: "unattractive" does not necessarily equal "physically unattractive")

You don't think an above average attractive woman also has more attractive options?

Again, taking "attractive" to mean more than just physical appearance.

January 17, 2013

You don't think an above average attractive woman also has more attractive options?

Again, taking "attractive" to mean more than just physical appearance.

veggirl shoo!

No women on this forum are allowed to think logically.

January 17, 2013

You don't think an above average attractive woman also has more attractive options?

Again, taking "attractive" to mean more than just physical appearance.

If she is more than just physically attractive, sure.

If she is just physically attractive, maybe not.

I got the impression that the OP was defining "above average women" in purely physical terms.

January 17, 2013

If she is more than just physically attractive, sure.

If she is just physically attractive, maybe not.

I got the impression that the OP was defining "above average women" in purely physical terms.

Their is also that point where once a woman reaches a certain level of attractiveness, that men won't approach her because they here that little "no way she is single voice".

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