Above average women

January 17, 2013

I've had so many disappointing first dates that honestly it just feels like a huge waste of time and I feel worse than if I had just stayed home and done something I liked.

Sorry - I guess it's true. Grass is always greener.

January 17, 2013

And every woman on this board will disagree with you.

But they're wrong.

Even then, I highly doubt all the options the average woman has, are crappy.

The simple truth is, with a higher number of options, there is a larger chance that one of them will be right.

Another thing I want to point out. Lets say that a both men and women need to go on 25 first dates to find somebody they are compatible with. The woman will get to number 25 much quicker than the man will.

Your problem (and a LOT of people on here) is you don't like yourself.

If you don't like yourself, don't expect someone to do it for you.

That's the problem. What's the solution? Soul searching? Therapy? Weed?

I dunno...but you gotta find a way to like yourself...you're all you got!

January 17, 2013

I'd like to see a "ladies dating troubles" thread just to first see if there actually are women who are having trouble, and then to see if the forum can help them.

Trust me, no you don't. All you would read would be, "Men are morons. The dating pool sucks! Where are all the good men?" There's already a forum for that. It's called Facebook.

January 17, 2013

Let me toot my own horn here a bit. I'm a total package. I have an education from a top school. I work out. I have a big awesome dog. I have a huge circle of awesome friends who are always planning fun things to do. I drive a luxury vehicle that I bought myself. I have incredible taste in music and going to live shows is one of my favorite activities. I'm funny as hell (just ask my friends LOL). I'm involved in the community (Young Democrats, volunteer work, etc). I take total advantage of living in one of the world's greatest cities and my life is full and fun and honestly, I love it.

But love eludes me. I'm not dramatic. I don't overtext. I'm not pushy or needy, and I'm a lot of fun to be around.

I give off, what I think, is a very sexual vibe. I have no shortage of men wanting to do the nasty with me. And for a while, esp after my engagement, I was cool with just that. Yeah I'll say it - I was a slut. Now, it leaves me feeling empty inside. So I stopped messing around. I'm a reformed skank.

I'm over the past and I want something substantial again. That soul-shaking experience. Someone who makes me laugh til I bust. Hell he doesn't even have to be gorgeous - just cute and fun and responsible.

So - where the F*CK IS HE???

You're in DC, so if you don't live in the 'hood there, chances are everyone else you come into contact with has an education, and past a certain point, where you got from doesn't matter much from a dating perspective. A dog might be a turn-off. Plenty of people have decent social circles. Again, you're in DC, so I fail to see how driving a luxury vehicle makes you stand out from anyone. Taste in art and music is highly individualized so I don't see how that's a factor either (although anyone saying they enjoyed Dave Matthews or Nickelback would get the boot from me early on ), as is humor. Community work should be a plus since it makes you get out and meet more people. However, I wouldn't characterize DC as even being in the top 20 coolest cities in the US, much less the world.

The point I'm trying to make is that you're emphasizing qualities you have that are either (1) largely irrelevant to dating, or (2) qualities that virtually everyone else in your peer group probably already possesses. Now, I'm sure you don't reveal this on first dates, but you have to understand that not every guy will want to get involved with a "reformed skank."

January 17, 2013

I disagree. looks matter and it's a no brainer to say that the good looking possess an advantage.

That said, looks are not everything in dating, and a man/woman who is below 5 in the scale can still date effectively, even 9/10s if they choose.

the less attractive have a handicap, granted, but it's not an insurmountable or impossible one. Impossibility is subjective anyhow.

With all due respect, you're just wrong. This was the OP's original post...

Kind of amazing how pure looks puts you at such an advantage in such an important thing in life such as love. Rant.

Looks do not give you an advantage in love, nor does anything else that makes you "attractive" to the opposite sex in the short run. Having lots of options, when it comes to sex or dating, doesn't make a person lovable. Ask any prostitute and she'll tell you the same.

January 17, 2013

IME the op is correct. Again, in *my* experience. I am attractive and I have never had a problem getting dates or relationships. The only time I had trouble was in high school when I was ugly. If a very attractive woman can't get a relationship I would wonder about who she is choosing to attempt relationships with and if her personality sucks tbh. I would wonder the same thing for a very attractive guy.

January 17, 2013

Hell yes looks matter. Maximize them as much as possible to increase your options in the dating world. Anyone saying otherwise is giving you bad advice. Looks are only a part of attraction but it plays a significant role.

January 17, 2013

Whole new set of problems is right.

I would consider myself an attractive woman and I have no problem getting dates.

But one of two things happens:

1) We go out a few times and I'm not feeling it/he's not feeling it.

2) We have sex after a few dates and they bounce or he says "I'm not looking for a relationship" and wants to keep banging on a casual basis.

I haven't been able to find a serious relationship since my engagement ended a year and a half ago. I have never been single this long.

Let me toot my own horn here a bit. I'm a total package. I have an education from a top school. I work out. I have a big awesome dog. I have a huge circle of awesome friends who are always planning fun things to do. I drive a luxury vehicle that I bought myself. I have incredible taste in music and going to live shows is one of my favorite activities. I'm funny as hell (just ask my friends LOL). I'm involved in the community (Young Democrats, volunteer work, etc). I take total advantage of living in one of the world's greatest cities and my life is full and fun and honestly, I love it.

But love eludes me. I'm not dramatic. I don't overtext. I'm not pushy or needy, and I'm a lot of fun to be around.

I give off, what I think, is a very sexual vibe. I have no shortage of men wanting to do the nasty with me. And for a while, esp after my engagement, I was cool with just that. Yeah I'll say it - I was a slut. Now, it leaves me feeling empty inside. So I stopped messing around. I'm a reformed skank.

I'm over the past and I want something substantial again. That soul-shaking experience. Someone who makes me laugh til I bust. Hell he doesn't even have to be gorgeous - just cute and fun and responsible.

So - where the F*CK IS HE???

You had me up until Young Democrats. Seriously, you sound like a good time, a good person, intelligent, sexy and I enjoy reading your posts. Plus, I love when women use the word "skank" and refer to sex as "the nasty" because if it ain't nasty, you're doing it wrong. What exactly do you consider incredible taste in music?

January 17, 2013

I've had so many disappointing first dates that honestly it just feels like a huge waste of time and I feel worse than if I had just stayed home and done something I liked.

Sorry - I guess it's true. Grass is always greener.

And you think men love every first date they go on?

You should just be happy that you get to go on lots of crappy first dates.

Your problem (and a LOT of people on here) is you don't like yourself.

If you don't like yourself, don't expect someone to do it for you.

I just have to disagree.

Just because I don't like myself doesn't mean that no girl ever will.

And once somebody starts liking me. Guess what I'll start doing.

That's the problem. What's the solution? Soul searching? Therapy? Weed?

Sex.

You barely managed to go a week.

I'm on three years.

Do you think that if I was in a happy relationship, getting laid at least once a week that I'd be anywhere close to as negative as I am now?

January 17, 2013

I will say for women in situations such as these, one can't simply approach every single man out there. For a woman, society assigned her the role of waiting for a man to show interest in her.

That's because traditionally the only women who approached men were hookers.

January 17, 2013

You're in DC, so if you don't live in the 'hood there, chances are everyone else you come into contact with has an education, and past a certain point, where you got from doesn't matter much from a dating perspective. A dog might be a turn-off. Plenty of people have decent social circles. Again, you're in DC, so I fail to see how driving a luxury vehicle makes you stand out from anyone. Taste in art and music is highly individualized so I don't see how that's a factor either (although anyone saying they enjoyed Dave Matthews or Nickelback would get the boot from me early on ), as is humor. Community work should be a plus since it makes you get out and meet more people. However, I wouldn't characterize DC as even being in the top 20 coolest cities in the US, much less the world.

The point I'm trying to make is that you're emphasizing qualities you have that are either (1) largely irrelevant to dating, or (2) qualities that virtually everyone else in your peer group probably already possesses. Now, I'm sure you don't reveal this on first dates, but you have to understand that not every guy will want to get involved with a "reformed skank."

My point was I'm not a loser with debt, illegitimate kids, and nothing interesting going on in my life and, for the record, I don't really care what YOU might think about the above-said- I know I'm pretty awesome. I come from a small po-dunk town in the midwest where everyone is now married and strapped with a bunch of kids they can't afford, have a meth addiction, divorced, or have dead-end jobs so yeah, I'm proud of how far I've come. And, DC IS a great city. If a dude doesn't like dogs then, well, I probably wouldn't like him either anyway.

Most of my friends and people I encounter have pretty casual attitudes about sex. I just know, for me, I'm not doing it again unless it's with someone invested. Personal decision.

So - you would agree, then, that looks really have nothing to do with it, correct?

January 17, 2013

Just because I don't like myself doesn't mean that no girl ever will. And once somebody starts liking me. Guess what I'll start doing.

People who dislike themselves believe there is something wrong with them. If someone else likes them, they will sabotage the relationship because "I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member."

You're allowing women to determine your self worth. You've given your power away. Women like powerful men, even if it's them only being in control of themselves.

January 17, 2013

People who dislike themselves believe there is something wrong with them. If someone else likes them, they will sabotage the relationship because "I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member."

That's not how I would work.

I dislike myself because I cannot get a woman. Once I'm in a relationship, the reason for disliking myself would no longer exist.

People can try to keep telling me otherwise, but I'll never be convince with words alone. It is something I need to experience. I'll gladly admit I'm wrong if I ever manage to get in a relationship and still feel crappy.

You're allowing women to determine your self worth. You've given your power away. Women like powerful men, even if it's them only being in control of themselves.

How would this translate to the real world?

How does one maintain or give away power to a woman?

January 17, 2013

That's not how I would work.

I dislike myself because I cannot get a woman. Once I'm in a relationship, the reason for disliking myself would no longer exist.

People can try to keep telling me otherwise, but I'll never be convince with words alone. It is something I need to experience. I'll gladly admit I'm wrong if I ever manage to get in a relationship and still feel crappy.

How would this translate to the real world?

How does one maintain or give away power to a woman?

Pretty much by dictating that you can't be happy without one.

January 17, 2013

My point was I'm not a loser with debt, illegitimate kids, and nothing interesting going on in my life and, for the record, I don't really care what YOU might think about the above-said- I know I'm pretty awesome. I come from a small po-dunk town in the midwest where everyone is now married and strapped with a bunch of kids they can't afford, have a meth addiction, divorced, or have dead-end jobs so yeah, I'm proud of how far I've come. And, DC IS a great city. If a dude doesn't like dogs then, well, I probably wouldn't like him either anyway.

Most of my friends and people I encounter have pretty casual attitudes about sex. I just know, for me, I'm not doing it again unless it's with someone invested. Personal decision.

So - you would agree, then, that looks really have nothing to do with it, correct?

It's impressive that you were able to emerge to your present state from humble beginnings. However, that doesn't invalidate what I said. The qualities you are talking about that you say should make you an automatically great catch are either things that most people in your peer group and geographic area already have and/or don't have much relevance when it comes to dating in the first place. You're talking largely about superficial qualities and worldly possessions, and things like being easy to get along with and having a good sense of humor are largely in the eye of the beholder.

I think looks will always have SOMETHING to do with it, but I can't really estimate just how much.

Edited January 17, 2013 by TheBigQuestion

January 17, 2013

It's impressive that you were able to emerge to your present state from humble beginnings. However, that doesn't invalidate what I said. The qualities you are talking about that you say should make you an automatically great catch are either things that most people in your peer group and geographic area already have and/or don't have much relevance when it comes to dating in the first place. You're talking largely about superficial qualities and worldly possessions, and things like being easy to get along with and having a good sense of humor are largely in the eye of the beholder.

Be that as it may, my point still stands. Pretty girls, even those who have crafted a good individual life, don't have it automatically easier in love.

January 17, 2013

That's only because men (that includes YOU too) are shallow and go for looks first.

I know! I'm so stupid and behind times I thought this thread was going to be about "Above Average Women" meaning above average in intelligence!

January 17, 2013

I've had so many disappointing first dates that honestly it just feels like a huge waste of time and I feel worse than if I had just stayed home and done something I liked.

I only started dating again last year, and I haven't dated that many people. But what has really helped make it much better for me is to just have fun on any date I go on. My attitude going into a first date is that if we don't click or feel any spark, at least we can have a fun evening together. Probably in part because of this attitude, most guys tell me they had a really fun time with me and haven't clicked with anyone like that in a long time

January 17, 2013

People who dislike themselves believe there is something wrong with them. If someone else likes them, they will sabotage the relationship because "I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member."

You're allowing women to determine your self worth. You've given your power away. Women like powerful men, even if it's them only being in control of themselves.

This makes zero sense, and says more about you than about anyone else. Way to be a jerk and say people who dislike themselves will sabotage themselves to remain there. Maybe all they need to experience is some compassion and a chance.

January 17, 2013

Pretty much by dictating that you can't be happy without one.

And that means I give my power away?

How would somebody I'm dating know that unless I tell her?

That is why I asked for a real world example. Something tangible.

January 17, 2013

And that means I give my power away?

How would somebody I'm dating know that unless I tell her?

That is why I asked for a real world example. Something tangible.

I have a friend like you. She pretty much lives her life in a way that seems she won't be happy until a man shows up. She's constantly comparing my dating life to hers. "Well at least you HAVE someone texting you!" WTF. Um, sorry? She's bitter, she's constantly complaining and whining, and frankly she gets left out of a lot because she's such a negative energy and drain to be around and it gets depressing. I got two texts from her last night as I'm on my way out the door to a meeting. "WTF! This is the second guy who's canceled on me this week! F*ck this, I don't deserve this!" I literally can't take it anymore. I get that dating is tough and hell I want a boyfriend too, but it doesn't consume my life and I'm pretty happy as a single gal. She doesn't get that.

This is the vibe that men ultimately pick up on as well, and it works against her EVERY SINGLE TIME. Needy. Desperate. Unhappy. I am willing to bet the farm that women are picking up the same vibe from you. It doesn't have to be anything you say. It's there and it comes across in your posts.

January 17, 2013

That's not how I would work.

I dislike myself because I cannot get a woman. Once I'm in a relationship, the reason for disliking myself would no longer exist.

There was a girl in your class who liked you. Her friend told you so.

But you didn't like her.

But the point stands. You could be in a relationship, if you were willing to date a woman you aren't attracted to.

Not much help, is it? Not much help to women, either.

You, like that woman, need to work harder at being attractive. Her issue may be physical, and yours is likely social.

January 17, 2013

I haven't been able to find a serious relationship since my engagement ended a year and a half ago. I have never been single this long.

There are people who have been single for decades( and genuinely single too. No casual sex or 'slutting' around in this time ) of their lives. Your 18 months is a piece of p*ss, seriously.

'I have an education from a top school.'

Most guys won't care about this.

'I drive a luxury vehicle that I bought myself.'

Most guys won't care about this either. Makes you sound quite superficial to be honest.

'I have incredible taste in music and going to live shows is one of my favorite activities.'

Most people like to do this, you aren't unique here.

The rest of your points which I didn't single out are genuine positive attributes but I get the impression you're quite materialistic due to the fact you mentioned the luxury car.

If I met someone who bragged about their luxury (read: overpriced regular car)

I'd be instantly turned off getting to know this person. Whether it was a girl or a guy.

Yeah I'll say it - I was a slut. Now, it leaves me feeling empty inside. So I stopped messing around. I'm a reformed skank.

This will hold you back from quality men.

A quality man doesn't want to be 'Mr safety net' for a woman who invited an army of men between her legs just because things didn't work out with her ex fiancé.

Any guy with pride and self respect will not get serious with someone exhibiting an attitude of this sort.

January 17, 2013

So, I'm on vacation and I had dinner at a restaurant. When you're on vacation, your mind tends to go to places it normally doesn't.

Anyway, there were two women in the restaurant. One was the maitre'd and the other was a server (not mine, who was some dude). The maitre'd was cute, dirty blonde and about 5'5", average body. I'd say consensus about a 6.5. The server was about 5'7", average face, brunette with big boobs and cleavage. About a 7.

The server was friendly and I was chatting to her a bit, but she was way out of my league. I typically go for women a few notches lower at best. I was just thinking how easy it was for these two women in the dating game. They were both in their 20s and they must have both had 100s upon 100s of guys attracted to them in their lives . Nothing could be further from my life.

Kind of amazing how pure looks puts you at such an advantage in such an important thing in life such as love. Rant.

There is a lot wrong with this very post.

1. YOU decided they were out of your league. Not they, but you. So you didn't ask them out. For all you know they might have been disappointed that you didn't try.

2. You're making up stories in your head about how they are being asked out constantly. How do you even know this?

This is like a fairy tail you made up on the spot. One that isn't close to being true...

January 17, 2013

somedude,

So what's the problem? It's simple deduction by process of elimination.

Your looks? No. I know plenty of very unattractive people who have found partners and even love. Too many to count.

Location? Hell no. We live in the same area.

Personality? I don't think this is it...you seem like a very cool guy. Bitter at times but not overly so like a lot of the guys on here. Your personality is not abrasive and I think others would agree.

I think it's your attitude about yourself. I think your negative attitude towards yourself puts off such a negative vibe that it overshadows all the positives you have.

You say your attitude is the way it is because no one likes you. That if someone liked you, then you'd like yourself. I understand why you'd feel that way. But I think it's a very very harmful attitude to have. I think I'm right. You think you're right.

But tell me...how well is your "way" working for you so far?

You can't just sit around hoping and expecting that Ms. Right is going to come and sweep you off your feet and make everything perfect. That only happens in movies and sorry, pal, you're the wrong sex for that anyways.

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Above average women

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