Above average women

January 17, 2013

totally agree edgygirl. attention means nothing at the end of the day. just because you're considered "hot" or "pretty" doesn't make things easier. you have alot of male attention, sure, doesn't mean every man is at your doorstep wanting to marry you and treat you like a princess. i used to date guys in my "league" and i stopped doing that after my last relationship thinking i would get treated better. no, i still get treated like **** by men much less attractive then me. i realized it's something i'm projecting, probably the value i put on looks and what they should mean in a relationship. just because you're pretty and have alot of male attention, doesn't mean you get the pickings. there has to be so much more then that to actually build something. looks mean NOTHING, so does being pretty, so does attention. i would rather no male attention and someone who actually wants me for me and i'm attracted to, then having all this attention that leads to nothing.

Looks mean nothing yet you say you want someone who wants you for you who you're ATTRACTED to!

Men, notice how a lot of the women are turning this in to a dating problem thread when it's an options thread? The better looking you are the easier it is to find someone! Why? Because you have more mudda fuggin options.

January 17, 2013

looks mean NOTHING, so does being pretty, so does attention. i would rather no male attention and someone who actually wants me for me and i'm attracted to, then having all this attention that leads to nothing.

Same here. The world could take back all the stupid "you're hot" "you're pretty" attention I got over the years (honestly worth nothing in my book beside a little ego stroke in my 20s), and give me in return the attention of ONE loving guy who I love back and we mean everything to each other. Being hot only matters when one is insecure and needs external validation.

Might get you dates more easier, but besides that point, relationships continue to be hard after you meet someone. No real advantage. The dates where the guys were fixated on my looks where the least interesting men I've met. So, no thanks. Guys here should stop complain it about their looks so much. The day they realize that a frog can become a prince by being fun, having a good personality, being a compassionate caring guy... They will start to get girls. Yes ideally they shouldn't be losers either as girls want someone who has a life together.

January 17, 2013

the better looking you are the easier it is to find someone! Why? Because you have more mudda fuggin options.

Many options doesn't mean you'll find someone. It just doesn't. Here, I am proof of that.

January 17, 2013

It's often not all sunshine and roses. Above average to beautiful women have alot of crap to deal with, namely sifting through alot of douchey, shallow, desperate dudes who just want to get into their pants, intense pressure to maintain their looks, since less attractive girls tend to project their insecurities onto them if they look less then their usual perfect selves, and even men being far too intimidated to approach them.

January 17, 2013

I'm fairly attractive. I have men hitting on me all of the time and whenever I do OLD, I have a lot of men messaging me. However, my last boyfriend dumped me and my bf before that is dating a girl several notches below me who binge drinks, steals and isn't attractive at all (unless you count the fact that her boobs are always out for show). So....long story short, no it's not easier to be attractive.

January 17, 2013

Yeah how many times I've seen men end up going to less attractive girls after breakups and make it long term with them? Having dozens of half ass relationships that lead nowhere only because guys think you're pretty is worth nothing in life. I prefer the ones who search beyond looks.

January 17, 2013

Yeah how many times I've seen men end up going to less attractive girls after breakups and make it long term with them? Having dozens of half ass relationships that lead nowhere only because guys think you're pretty is worth nothing in life. I prefer the ones who search beyond looks.

Agreed, although this girl is the least attractive girl he's dated by far. But I digress.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to be less attractive because then you get guys that are in it for your sense of humor, your personality, your mind, etc. and it weeds out the ones who aren't pretty damn quickly.

January 17, 2013

You still have all the relationship issues that everyone else does. It's still hard to find someone who is truly worth it and you match with. And being hit by hundreds of people doesn't make one happy either.

Well, why would it take you several hundred men to find the "right one" and someone like <insert LS struggling male poster> can't get dates for **** but could find "THE one" within the first dozen or so women to show interest.

What makes the two of you so different, other than the fact that you have a much much larger pool of potentials to choose from?

January 17, 2013

I think perhaps living in a small town is what is giving me no prospects. Most guys my age are already married or taken.

I'm not difficult to date at all! I've had 2 boyfriends (the last of which was 6 years ago) and went on two dates since, both of which just didn't work out and we parted ways amicably. If a guy asks me on a date, I will go! The only time I ever rejected a date offer was because I already had a boyfriend. Otherwise literally all a guy has to do is show interest and I'll give him a chance. I'm not picky at all!

I just don't have guys showing interest. They're all married!! haha

Small towns are tough. It's what I blame for being chronically single.

But seriously, if you're a woman who is a 7.5 and NO guys are showing interest, I have to wonder if you've put yourself in situations where they see you as approachable. e.g. How often do you dress up a bit cute, then go down to the bar and play a game of pool, karaoke, or whatever.

January 17, 2013

Well, why would it take you several hundred men to find the "right one" and someone like <insert LS struggling male poster> can't get dates for **** but could find "THE one" within the first dozen or so women to show interest.

What makes the two of you so different, other than the fact that you have a much much larger pool of potentials to choose from?

I can get tons of guys to show interest, but not any to stick around past the year mark. I know a lot of very pretty women who still haven't found The One, especially women who are successful.

January 17, 2013

The OP said it's an advantage not EASIER! Yes pretty women have to weed out the bedders etc but my point is OPTIONS! More options means more of a chance at success!

Here's an example:

Let's say as an average man I have 5 women interested in me right now and I'm only attracted to 3. Out of those 3 one is cool, one is a stage 5 clinger and the others a controlling b. Ok I got lucky can happily date 1 of them!!!

Let's say an above average woman has 25 men interested in her (we know it's more but keeping it low for arguments sake). Well if she finds 3 out of 5 attractive like I did she'd be attracted to 15 of these men. If one third of them are stage 5 clingers, one third are jerks/deuches and the last 3rd are normal she has FIVE men to choose from!

Theres no other way you ladies can spin this but I know you'll try!!!

January 17, 2013

Well, why would it take you several hundred men to find the "right one" and someone like <insert LS struggling male poster> can't get dates for **** but could find "THE one" within the first dozen or so women to show interest.

What makes the two of you so different, other than the fact that you have a much much larger pool of potentials to choose from?

well, in my case, i'm still pretty young (23). most of the guys i date are in my age range and aren't looking for anything serious. my last relationship was 3 years, thought he was "THE one" but he was young too and extremely controlling. so now i'm just trying to find my way and i have alot of male attention, but i have alot of baggage. so alot of men, once they know that, run for the hills. that's my problem anyways. i need to unload my baggage then i'm pretty sure i'll be ready, open, and willing to meet "the one". and i'll be smarter for it. just right now i'm projecting alot of my last relationship onto the guys i meet. which i have to stop.

January 17, 2013

well, in my case, i'm still pretty young (23). most of the guys i date are in my age range and aren't looking for anything serious. my last relationship was 3 years, thought he was "THE one" but he was young too and extremely controlling. so now i'm just trying to find my way and i have alot of male attention, but i have alot of baggage. so alot of men, once they know that, run for the hills. that's my problem anyways. i need to unload my baggage then i'm pretty sure i'll be ready, open, and willing to meet "the one". and i'll be smarter for it. just right now i'm projecting alot of my last relationship onto the guys i meet. which i have to stop.

Yes, you likely have to change that. Personally, I'm younger than you and even if I had a string of girls seeking casual encounters from me, I'd still be more interested in a long-term relationship with someone else looking for the same type of connection. That's just naturally how I tick. I'm sure there are others out there, I've run into plenty of them both online and offline.

January 17, 2013

A lot of it is luck, too.

I have always had options, but I have my own issues and can be moody and overly emotional. I've fought horribly with every LTR I've had and even some casual ones (which are supposed to be stress free). Sometimes I think if I didn't end up with my wife I'd still be single and looking because not one woman I've met since have I thought would be suitable for me...or vice versa.

January 17, 2013

Well, why would it take you several hundred men to find the "right one" and someone like <insert LS struggling male poster> can't get dates for **** but could find "THE one" within the first dozen or so women to show interest.

What makes the two of you so different, other than the fact that you have a much much larger pool of potentials to choose from?

The women have a larger pool of "potentials", but if a man doesn't ring her bell at all, there is not actually any potential.

The men, too, have "potentials" which are useless to them: women they aren't attracted to at all. They could have companionship and sex today if they just gave one of those women an opportunity. Why don't they?

January 17, 2013

Seriously, the girls who say they can count the number of guys on one hand. Either they are grossly overestimating their looks, or they're a nun.

It's basically impossible to be a normal looking woman, be around men and not get interest from them.

Unless of course, the interest doesn't count for whatever reason you can think of.

This is just your world view, which is biased by the girls that have turned you down. You don't genuinely know how many men have expressed interest in those girls (and no, catcalling is not 'interest', neither is smiling at them. 'Interest' means clearly stating it or asking someone out, obviously). You're just extrapolating based on your mindset that, "If she turns me down it's because she's sick of guys being interested in her".

My closest friends throughout high school and college were introverted, quiet, geeky, 'normal looking' girls. None of them were overweight or ugly. Out of the 6 of us, all but me can count the number of men interested in them on one hand. And I barely exceed the hand by a couple of digits. AND I probably owe that to the fact that my field of geek interest was a heavily male-dominated and fairly social one (ie I was able to stand out), whereas they were more interested in books, anime, or music.

It's extremely easy for a girl like that to 'disappear' in most guys' eyes unless they're exceptionally good-looking. The sad part of the odds of attraction is that you have to stand out in at least one positive way. If you don't, male or female, attracting interest is going to be hard. Most of the guys around you are going to be looking at girls - other than yourself, that is.

Edit: I'm not saying this to play the victim, or whatever. Just pointing out that it's normal for exceptionally good looks to provide more options, and that it isn't a male vs female thing. Trust me, the good-looking men have PLENTY of options. Personally, I think I did just fine with fewer options because those who were interested in me were automatically weeded out to be those with the highest chance of compatibility and whom I was also interested in.

Edited January 17, 2013 by Elswyth

January 17, 2013

The men, too, have "potentials" which are useless to them: women they aren't attracted to at all. They could have companionship and sex today if they just gave one of those women an opportunity. Why don't they?

I really don't believe this theory. As a guy who really struggled to get dates, my radar was hypersensitive to any glimpse of any minute possibility of attraction from ANYONE. When these rare opportunities arose, I explored them -- there weren't any of these unseen or ignored "potentials".

I feel the OP's pain -- whenever I saw a woman attractive enough to get my adrenaline going, I was plagued by the immediate afterthought that if I was attracted that much, so are a million other guys. That would dampen my enthusiasm.

January 17, 2013

I guess I am above average. I don't buy into the scale number thing though. And every guy I have asked won't tell me what I am for some reason. But I still have trouble dating and finding men who are relationship compatible.

Here are my problems.

1) being intimidating because of my personality and outward appearance

2) being thought of as a sex object and being TREATED as a potential gf

3) being treated like a whore (though I didn't sleep with them)

4) men who think that date 2 somehow signifies a relationship and turn clinger on me

5) men who are ONLY interested in my looks/style

And this is just in the beginning stages of dating.

January 17, 2013

Anyway, there were two women in the restaurant. One was the maitre'd and the other was a server (not mine, who was some dude)

Eh...I think you're making easy assumptions. I speak from my own observations of women I've known. These are 8s, 9s, and 10s who also work as servers and bartenders...and believe me, them finding Mr Right is hard for them.

They work odd hours. So perhaps the hot looking stock broker who finds them attractive will grow tired of her being busy every time he would normally want to take her out on a date.
They're working in very social jobs...so they have to be chatty, personable, and sociable. Many times we see guys come on this forum talking of the waitress or bartender who flirted, but upon examination we found these women were not into them, but only being friendly and flirty for a better tip.
Guys get jealous. Just like many fall for these women because they're pretty and sociable, when they do find a boyfriend that boyfriend many times becomes jealous seeing guys flirt with her and such. Seen instances where a jealous boyfriend showed up to the work, made a scene, and cost the woman her job.
Many guys see the bartenders/servers as sex toys, nothng more. This is a usual one I've seen. The female friends meet some guy who came by every night, chatted, charmed, flirted, etc. They go out on a few dates, end up in bed a few times, and then suddenly he goes silent. That or he turns on the "jerk mode" to push her away. After fighting, it comes clean he only saw her as a piece of arse and thus she's angry and untrusting of men.
SOME also hold impossible standards. So just because Mr Alpha wined, dined, and banged her (but proclaimed she's only good for sex), she believes she can snag another Alpha as a boyfriend...even if the next 10 guys all do the same thing to her.

Now rolling this back to just looks, I'll tell you that the hottest women out there get loads of men coming on to them...but most of them only want her as a trophy or sex object.

Maybe these girls find steady boyfriends easily, or they're chronically single and seemingly only meet playas and "nice guys" who end up becoming jealous jerks. We don't know.

If you think looks are the big key, then do it for yourself. Work out, dress better, work harder to make more money...attain all the "shallow things" you believe make men into girl-magnets.

What's stopping you?

January 17, 2013

I know you're just ranting...but c'mon...I think everyone already knows...

LOOKS MATTER

They do.

And YES...being better looking makes things a LOT easier. In dating AND in life.

I mean...I could sit here and tell you to be thankful that you weren't born mentally handicapped, or with leukemia, or in Somalia or war torn Africa where you'd have much bigger things to worry about than whether or not you are good looking.

But none of it matters. You don't want to compare yourself to people WORSE off than yourself...you just want to compare yourself to people you think are BETTER off than you.

I don't know what to say to some of the people on this site anymore. I tried the "make yourself more attractive" route, but that doesn't work. I tried the "feel more confident about who you are" deal...but that doesn't work either.

I dunno...I think all you can really hope for is to somehow be at peace with who you are. Maybe just learn to live with the fact that you aren't naturally attractive to the opposite sex. So you have to work harder than others. Maybe a LOT harder.

And that's life.

I wish I had a better answer...I really do.

True. But like 500 for a woman who is a 6.5 versus zero for a man who is a 4 is a little extreme. Yea, but I'm ranting.

You're the man KFJ.

That's only because men (that includes YOU too) are shallow and go for looks first.

Hahahaha!

If only you knew what types of women I find attractive. The other week I told my friend an overweight woman in her 60s was kind of attractive because she was nice, and he told me I was insane.

Edited January 17, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember

January 17, 2013

So, I'm on vacation and I had dinner at a restaurant. When you're on vacation, your mind tends to go to places it normally doesn't.

Anyway, there were two women in the restaurant. One was the maitre'd and the other was a server (not mine, who was some dude). The maitre'd was cute, dirty blonde and about 5'5", average body. I'd say consensus about a 6.5. The server was about 5'7", average face, brunette with big boobs and cleavage. About a 7.

The server was friendly and I was chatting to her a bit, but she was way out of my league. I typically go for women a few notches lower at best. I was just thinking how easy it was for these two women in the dating game. They were both in their 20s and they must have both had 100s upon 100s of guys attracted to them in their lives . Nothing could be further from my life.

Kind of amazing how pure looks puts you at such an advantage in such an important thing in life such as love. Rant.

It's been said about a bazillion times already in this thread, but I want to echo the sentiment... looks, or whatever it is that makes a person attract persons of the opposite sex, do not make love or dating easier. It just creates a whole different set of problems. People want the person they think you are, not the person you are.

January 17, 2013

People who are saying "it doesn't make it easier" are missing op's point.

The point is feeling like no one wants you...not so much actually finding a suitable partner.

Have crappy options is better than no options at all.

But MY point is that it doesn't matter. You gotta live your life the best that you can, with what you're given. There are people with far less living much happier lives.

January 17, 2013

People who are saying "it doesn't make it easier" are missing op's point.

The point is feeling like no one wants you...not so much actually finding a suitable partner.

Have crappy options is better than no options at all.

But MY point is that it doesn't matter. You gotta live your life the best that you can, with what you're given. There are people with far less living much happier lives.

I completely understand that people with very little to no dating experience having this view, but the grass is always greener. It is actually pretty awesome being single. All you have to do is take care of you and do the things that you want. Don't need to worry about having to leave your favorite band's show because your girlfriend isn't feeling good. Or having to go to their parents house when there is something else you would rather be doing. I could go on and on.

I'm sure there is someone reading this that says, "You only feel this way because you've had dating success." Maybe. But it doesn't make more perspective any less valid.

Just being with someone...anyone might seems attractive, but that will fade very fast.

I always pass along this advice. Concentrate on yourself. Be healthy both mentally and physically. Do the things you enjoy and love. Be social and show your face in public whenever possible. I guarantee if you concentrate on this you will eventually find someone that is worth your while. Whether it is tomorrow, next year or five years down the road. And when you finally find that person, that relationship will be worth while.

January 17, 2013

Whole new set of problems is right.

I would consider myself an attractive woman and I have no problem getting dates.

But one of two things happens:

1) We go out a few times and I'm not feeling it/he's not feeling it.

2) We have sex after a few dates and they bounce or he says "I'm not looking for a relationship" and wants to keep banging on a casual basis.

I haven't been able to find a serious relationship since my engagement ended a year and a half ago. I have never been single this long.

Let me toot my own horn here a bit. I'm a total package. I have an education from a top school. I work out. I have a big awesome dog. I have a huge circle of awesome friends who are always planning fun things to do. I drive a luxury vehicle that I bought myself. I have incredible taste in music and going to live shows is one of my favorite activities. I'm funny as hell (just ask my friends LOL). I'm involved in the community (Young Democrats, volunteer work, etc). I take total advantage of living in one of the world's greatest cities and my life is full and fun and honestly, I love it.

But love eludes me. I'm not dramatic. I don't overtext. I'm not pushy or needy, and I'm a lot of fun to be around.

I give off, what I think, is a very sexual vibe. I have no shortage of men wanting to do the nasty with me. And for a while, esp after my engagement, I was cool with just that. Yeah I'll say it - I was a slut. Now, it leaves me feeling empty inside. So I stopped messing around. I'm a reformed skank.

I'm over the past and I want something substantial again. That soul-shaking experience. Someone who makes me laugh til I bust. Hell he doesn't even have to be gorgeous - just cute and fun and responsible.

So - where the F*CK IS HE???

January 17, 2013

Have crappy options is better than no options at all.

And every woman on this board will disagree with you.

But they're wrong.

Even then, I highly doubt all the options the average woman has, are crappy.

The simple truth is, with a higher number of options, there is a larger chance that one of them will be right.

Another thing I want to point out. Lets say that a both men and women need to go on 25 first dates to find somebody they are compatible with. The woman will get to number 25 much quicker than the man will.

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Above average women

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