Above average women

[JuneJulySeptember]

So, I'm on vacation and I had dinner at a restaurant. When you're on vacation, your mind tends to go to places it normally doesn't.

 

Anyway, there were two women in the restaurant. One was the maitre'd and the other was a server (not mine, who was some dude). The maitre'd was cute, dirty blonde and about 5'5", average body. I'd say consensus about a 6.5. The server was about 5'7", average face, brunette with big boobs and cleavage. About a 7.

 

The server was friendly and I was chatting to her a bit, but she was way out of my league. I typically go for women a few notches lower at best. I was just thinking how easy it was for these two women in the dating game. They were both in their 20s and they must have both had 100s upon 100s of guys attracted to them in their lives . Nothing could be further from my life.

 

Kind of amazing how pure looks puts you at such an advantage in such an important thing in life such as love. Rant.

[mesmerized]

There are quite a few "above average" women on this very forum that struggle with dating and don't feel privileged for "love" at all. You know nothing about the lives of those two women you saw really.

[somedude81]

Yeah I understand.

 

Just don't let the jealousy consume you.

[SJC2008]

There are quite a few "above average" women on this very forum that struggle with dating and don't feel privileged for "love" at all. You know nothing about the lives of those two women you saw really.

 

There's a difference between problems and options. One of the women you speak of admits to having intimac/confidence issues that hurt her in dating. Don't confuse that with options! She's attractive, has plenty of options, and even had TWO fwb's!

[Phoe]

The server was friendly and I was chatting to her a bit, but she was way out of my league. I typically go for women a few notches lower at best.

 

THIS is exactly why it's NOT always easy...

 

I consider myself a 7.5 and can count on one hand the amount of guys who have ever pursued me or showed interest in me.

 

And before anyone says it.. YES I do pursue guys myself from time to time. Always rejected.

 

I've wondered if perhaps guys looks at me and think "oh she's probably got a bunch of guys after her, I won't even bother" and then all I get is a bunch of guys who won't even bother. Either that or I'm MASSIVELY wrong about my own looks and I'm really just unattractive. That possibility has crossed my mind plenty.

[somedude81]

THIS is exactly why it's NOT always easy...

 

I consider myself a 7.5 and can count on one hand the amount of guys who have ever pursued me or showed interest in me.

 

And before anyone says it.. YES I do pursue guys myself from time to time. Always rejected.

 

I've wondered if perhaps guys looks at me and think "oh she's probably got a bunch of guys after her, I won't even bother" and then all I get is a bunch of guys who won't even bother. Either that or I'm MASSIVELY wrong about my own looks and I'm really just unattractive. That possibility has crossed my mind plenty.

On one hand? Is that because you are calculating with exponents?

 

Or you're an amazonian.

[KungFuJoe]

I know you're just ranting...but c'mon...I think everyone already knows...

 

LOOKS MATTER

 

They do.

 

And YES...being better looking makes things a LOT easier. In dating AND in life.

 

I mean...I could sit here and tell you to be thankful that you weren't born mentally handicapped, or with leukemia, or in Somalia or war torn Africa where you'd have much bigger things to worry about than whether or not you are good looking.

 

But none of it matters. You don't want to compare yourself to people WORSE off than yourself...you just want to compare yourself to people you think are BETTER off than you.

 

I don't know what to say to some of the people on this site anymore. I tried the "make yourself more attractive" route, but that doesn't work. I tried the "feel more confident about who you are" deal...but that doesn't work either.

 

I dunno...I think all you can really hope for is to somehow be at peace with who you are. Maybe just learn to live with the fact that you aren't naturally attractive to the opposite sex. So you have to work harder than others. Maybe a LOT harder.

 

And that's life.

 

I wish I had a better answer...I really do.

[Phoe]

On one hand? Is that because you are calculating with exponents?

 

haha oh if only

[somedude81]

I'd like to see a "ladies dating troubles" thread just to first see if there actually are women who are having trouble, and then to see if the forum can help them.

 

For all I can guess, the only dating advice the average woman needs is,

 

Don't have sex on the first date.

Show some cleavage.

[Phoe]

I'd like to see a "ladies dating troubles" thread just to first see if there actually are women who are having trouble, and then to see if the forum can help them.

 

For all I can guess, the only dating advice the average woman needs is,

 

Don't have sex on the first date.

Show some cleavage.

 

Advice on how to GET a date!!

[somedude81]

Advice on how to GET a date!!

Do you want advice on how to get a date, or are you saying my advice was just about how to get a date?

[Phoe]

Do you want advice on how to get a date, or are you saying my advice was just about how to get a date?

 

I WANT advice on how to get a date lol.

[CptObvious]

I know you're just ranting...but c'mon...I think everyone already knows...

 

LOOKS MATTER

 

They do.

 

And YES...being better looking makes things a LOT easier. In dating AND in life.

 

I mean...I could sit here and tell you to be thankful that you weren't born mentally handicapped, or with leukemia, or in Somalia or war torn Africa where you'd have much bigger things to worry about than whether or not you are good looking.

 

But none of it matters. You don't want to compare yourself to people WORSE off than yourself...you just want to compare yourself to people you think are BETTER off than you.

 

I don't know what to say to some of the people on this site anymore. I tried the "make yourself more attractive" route, but that doesn't work. I tried the "feel more confident about who you are" deal...but that doesn't work either.

 

I dunno...I think all you can really hope for is to somehow be at peace with who you are. Maybe just learn to live with the fact that you aren't naturally attractive to the opposite sex. So you have to work harder than others. Maybe a LOT harder.

 

And that's life.

 

I wish I had a better answer...I really do.

 

Get rich. Medschool or meth. Choose wisely.

[somedude81]

I WANT advice on how to get a date lol.

Oh! Sorry, sorry!

 

Cleavage.

 

Step one: Unbutton the top button on your shirt. Repeat until desired results are achieved.

 

If your shirt does not have buttons, cut out a semi-circle shape on the top of your shirt. Viola, insta sexy!

 

Sources also state the men like women who smile. So spend 5 minutes a day smiling into the mirror.

 

When you feel ready, put on your new shirt, stand on a corner outside and smile. Watch as men walk up to you. Some may want to give you money, don't worry, I'll handle that part.

[Negative Nancy]

Kind of amazing how pure looks puts you at such an advantage in such an important thing in life such as love.

 

 

That's only because men (that includes YOU too) are shallow and go for looks first.

[ScreamingTrees]

THIS is exactly why it's NOT always easy...

 

I consider myself a 7.5 and can count on one hand the amount of guys who have ever pursued me or showed interest in me.

 

And before anyone says it.. YES I do pursue guys myself from time to time. Always rejected.

 

I've wondered if perhaps guys looks at me and think "oh she's probably got a bunch of guys after her, I won't even bother" and then all I get is a bunch of guys who won't even bother. Either that or I'm MASSIVELY wrong about my own looks and I'm really just unattractive. That possibility has crossed my mind plenty.

 

Anything's possible. You must either be attractive enough to intimidate, or ugly enough to repel. And in the end, it doesn't matter which belief you run with, be it the optimistic and positive or pessimistic and negative, because you'll still be none the wiser as to why you're failing.

[Phoe]

Well, I'll keep trying at least. And any help I get along the way is always welcomed.

[ScreamingTrees]

Well, I'll keep trying at least. And any help I get along the way is always welcomed.

 

Well, good for you. Wish I had that sort of attitude.

[DollWelch]

THIS is exactly why it's NOT always easy...

 

I consider myself a 7.5 and can count on one hand the amount of guys who have ever pursued me or showed interest in me.

 

And before anyone says it.. YES I do pursue guys myself from time to time. Always rejected.

 

I've wondered if perhaps guys looks at me and think "oh she's probably got a bunch of guys after her, I won't even bother" and then all I get is a bunch of guys who won't even bother. Either that or I'm MASSIVELY wrong about my own looks and I'm really just unattractive. That possibility has crossed my mind plenty.

Well said. This is me, except I am somewhere between a 7 to 9. I can never pinpoint though where I stand on the 7 to 9 scale. And yes, I too can literally count on one hand the number of men who have been interested in me.

 

It is what it is. Though, I will say for women in situations such as these, one can't simply approach every single man out there. For a woman, society assigned her the role of waiting for a man to show interest in her. If this doesn't happen, then where does she go from there? It's never a win-win situation.

[NoClue2]

LOL, it has so much to do with confidence. As a pretty woman, I get alot of male attention (I'm not beautiful by any means). I can pretty much "get" any guy I want (within reason, of course), but they don't stick around. At first they're extremely interested, but because of my last relationship and the baggage I carry, they get what they want and they're out. That's my experience. Just because someone is above average (and yes, it does make it easier to attract a man), it doesn't make it easier to keep them.

 

I've made the mistake of thinking many, many, many times that because I am more phyiscally attractive then a man who is interested in me, that will guarentee me that they will stick around. I'm learning that the hard way. I thought I was confident, and my looks do allow me to be confident in myself appearance-wise, but that means nothing if you are insecure in yourself emotionally. You need to be emotionally confident much more then you do physically because the physical only lasts as long as you keep their attention for what they want. It makes it easier to have prospects, but in the long term, it means **** all. That's been a hard lesson to learn and you need to think about that before you have a pity party about being unattractive.

 

I have had many less attractive men then me reject me because I am not emotionally stable, same with my friends. We're all goodlooking girls, but that doesn't mean we don't get rejected left and right just like everybody else. Like I said, you have alot of prospects, but most of those prospects dissolve rapidly when you get down to the real stuff. And funny, the men I still have around who are good guys and I am myself with and want me, I'm not interested in! It is an age old tale lol

[somedude81]

Seriously, the girls who say they can count the number of guys on one hand. Either they are grossly overestimating their looks, or they're a nun.

 

It's basically impossible to be a normal looking woman, be around men and not get interest from them.

 

Unless of course, the interest doesn't count for whatever reason you can think of.

[Phoe]

I think perhaps living in a small town is what is giving me no prospects. Most guys my age are already married or taken.

 

I'm not difficult to date at all! I've had 2 boyfriends (the last of which was 6 years ago) and went on two dates since, both of which just didn't work out and we parted ways amicably. If a guy asks me on a date, I will go! The only time I ever rejected a date offer was because I already had a boyfriend. Otherwise literally all a guy has to do is show interest and I'll give him a chance. I'm not picky at all!

 

I just don't have guys showing interest. They're all married!! haha

[Phoe]

Seriously, the girls who say they can count the number of guys on one hand. Either they are grossly overestimating their looks, or they're a nun.

 

It's basically impossible to be a normal looking woman, be around men and not get interest from them.

 

Unless of course, the interest doesn't count for whatever reason you can think of.

 

I could be overestimating my looks, I have definitely considered it. I personally see myself as a 7.5 and I may be wrong, but it can't hurt that I'm confident in my appearance, right??

 

The only interest to me that doesn't count is if I don't KNOW that there's interest. If a guy lets me know he's interested, I'll give him a chance!

[edgygirl]

I will never be able to get the perspective of someone who never got too much attention, as I did all of my life (except for 3 years when I was chubby. Yeah no matter how pretty you become invisible when you gain weight). But being hit and asked out by so many men doesn't make one's love life easier or more pleasant as you seem to think. You still have all the relationship issues that everyone else does. It's still hard to find someone who is truly worth it and you match with. And being hit by hundreds of people doesn't make one happy either. It's only important in your 20s when everyone is insecure and wants to feel like they are worth something. I use to love the attention in my 20a and now I couldn't care less. My only concern is that someone is attracted enough to me but is interested in all other aspects or me. The attention that comes from being hot doesn't excite me. I am looking for real love and I don't think people fall in love with looks. The ones who do, I'm not interested in anyway.

[NoClue2]

I will never be able to get the perspective of someone who never got too much attention, as I did all of my life (except for 3 years when I was chubby. Yeah no matter how pretty you become invisible when you gain weight). But being hit and asked out by so many men doesn't make one's love life easier or more pleasant as you seem to think. You still have all the relationship issues that everyone else does. It's still hard to find someone who is truly worth it and you match with. And being hit by hundreds of people doesn't make one happy either. It's only important in your 20s when everyone is insecure and wants to feel like they are worth something. I use to love the attention in my 20a and now I couldn't care less. My only concern is that someone is attracted enough to me but is interested in all other aspects or me. The attention that comes from being hot doesn't excite me. I am looking for real love and I don't think people fall in love with looks. The ones who do, I'm not interested in anyway.

 

totally agree edgygirl. attention means nothing at the end of the day. just because you're considered "hot" or "pretty" doesn't make things easier. you have alot of male attention, sure, doesn't mean every man is at your doorstep wanting to marry you and treat you like a princess. i used to date guys in my "league" and i stopped doing that after my last relationship thinking i would get treated better. no, i still get treated like **** by men much less attractive then me. i realized it's something i'm projecting, probably the value i put on looks and what they should mean in a relationship. just because you're pretty and have alot of male attention, doesn't mean you get the pickings. there has to be so much more then that to actually build something. looks mean NOTHING, so does being pretty, so does attention. i would rather no male attention and someone who actually wants me for me and i'm attracted to, then having all this attention that leads to nothing.