Smoothchik Posted August 22, 2004 Posted August 22, 2004 So here is the deal - I am a 26 yr old woman, college graduate, and newly created stay-at-home girlfriend. In the past year, I have moved from my childhood home, given up my job and moved out onto the road with my boyfriend, who's job requires that we constantly travel. We travel with a crew of about 12 other men, and only of them one - my boyfriend's boss - has a wife who constantly travels with him as well. She is my only other real female companion- otherwise I am usually in the company of LOTS of men! ...I enjoy spending time with her, but she is older, is married with children as well, and more of a home-body than me.... Problem is, well, I am having problems adjusting to this new lifestyle. I went from being a very active professional modern dancer and dance teacher, to a lifestyle where i am having problems finding value in what I do. Boredom is a very real presence in my daily life now. I do the housechores, like cooking and laundry and the like, but these take up very little time when my boyfriend works 12 hour days. I have also begun to work out again every day at the gym, which has helped, but I still find myself very lonely with lots of time on my hands. I used to be an extremely social person, and now it is not uncommon for my boyfriend to be the only person I really talk to all day. I also feel like i have lost my sense of purpose. I feel like my value as a partner in the relationship is not equal - like i do not contribute as much as he does. My boyfriend argues that what I do - taking care of him and all of the household operations, is very important and is more than equal. Even though I understand, I get frustrated when he comes home to talk about his day, and all I did was work out, do the laundry, cook, and mabey sight-see for a bit. I know it is hurting my self-esteem - I need to feel valuable, and right now I dont. The lonliness thing is bothering me too. Because we move every couple of weeks, I have not yet found a way for me to make friends with whom I can go out with on my own. This leaves the bulk of the burden of socializing with me to my boyfriend. I love him dearly, but I know this is not fair to him or to me. No one person can meet all your social needs, and it frustrates me to be in this situation. I feel myself being very clingy with him because I just want someone to talk to. I want to encourage him to go out with his friends more, but it is hard because right now, that means I just have to sit at home alone again, like I do all day. I have so much alone-free-time, I have no idea what to do with it all. I want to go out with "the girls," but I have no girls to go out with!!! So I guess I am looking for advice, ideas, words of encouragement. How can I find a way to get my sense of self back? Like I told my boyfriend, I want to be a partner, not an attatchment!!! I just would really like a way to find some people to socialize and hang out with, other than my boyfriend! Anything would be great at this point!.....[color=black][/color]
moimeme Posted August 22, 2004 Posted August 22, 2004 Well here's a bit of a crazy thought: since you're already a dancer, learning new dances shouldn't be hard for you. There are lots of sorts of dances that people take up for hobbies. I'm a ballroom dancer, but of course there's Scottish Country, English Country, Contra, International Folk, Square, Salsa - etc. Dancers, I've found, are a friendly lot. You can go anyplace, find a dance, and usually join in and have a great time. So you might want to consider learning one of these sorts of dances. I'm sure most types have videos you can learn from and I know most cities that have ballroom have workshops and one-time lessons for different sorts of dances so I imagine other types do the same. You probably know that you don't need a partner for any of the ballroom-type dances like swing or West Coast or Lindy or any of the other offshoots- you just turn up and dance. Same goes for the country-style dances. You could turn up at an English Country, Contra, or International Folk dance with zero knowledge and be welcomed anyway. They aren't as hard to learn and haven't as many set steps as some of the other sorts. The advantage to the ballroom-type dances is there's more likely to be places that are active most nights of the week, where the country dances tend to be once-a-week type things. Either way, I think you'd find yourself having a blast if you danced your way around the country!
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