Jump to content

Anybody Else Feel Like They Didn't Say Everything They Needed To?

Stoic44

By Stoic44
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Stoic44 Established Member

Stoic44

Posted
Posted

You think it's all out, but you pore over and analyze it and stew on it for weeks ...and there are things you wanted to say...

MyAngel Established Member

MyAngel

Posted
Posted

Yep. Dumped out of the blue via email. She said dont contact her. So I never got to say anything.

 

Oh well.

Missing Him Established Member

Missing Him

Posted
Posted

I always feel like there are new things that I want to say, but then I imagine myself saying them and I imagine his response to them (knowing that it will not be a 'satisfactory' response), and then I kind of just let it go.

stevie_23 Established Member

stevie_23

Posted
Posted

Yes, I didn’t get to say anything either. Well…technically I DID say it all, but I don’t think he read any of it.

 

As I had no warning he was leaving me, and our last proper contact was an argument during an online chat, there were obviously a lot of unresolved things.

 

I DID write to him and I THINK he read at least some of what I had to say (which was a hell of a lot. I know I bombarded him with information, thoughts and feelings), but…there’s still always more to say…and this is the problem. I find myself talking to him in my head, even murmuring softly to myself when I’m alone as if I’m talking to him, the things I want to tell him and that I want answers to (which I know I’ll never get) keep swirling around in my head over and over, and although I have expressed them on this forum, I’ve expressed them to a few online friends (can’t tell any real life friends. Not safe in view of the affair situation), it’s not enough. It isn’t getting it all OUT because it’s not directly to HIM.

 

But I really find that time combined with my new anti-depressants are making the thoughts SO much easier. I still have them but nowhere near as often and when I find myself even beginning to dwell on things, I say SHH! And then I move on to thinking about something totally unrelated.

boblet Established Member

boblet

Posted
Posted

Yep there's things that still bother me about the BU etc. and I too have debated whether or not I should say something, because sometimes these things don't overwhelm me but they seem not to go away, because of not directly saying them to him as you said. That's why I wonder if it really is necessary to maintain full NC, sometimes it feels like more of a repression and I don't know if that goes away. I know if I tell him, I'd probably get ignored or have my feelings more hurt, like I did before NC. I also find that once you start, it's difficult to get yourself to stop going on about what you think and feel, and quite frankly, they don't care most of the time. So that's probably why everyone preaches NC. I wish I knew too if these thoughts go away though.

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

Posted
Posted

Nope, I knew it was over, and I didn't want to tell him anything more than what I did. I am content with what I said. I still feel hurt by what he said, though. But if I could have a second go at the break-up conversation, I wouldn't have responded differently to what he said.

boblet Established Member

boblet

Posted
Posted

Oh and I do that too. Talking to him in my head, getting things out that I need to say. Sometimes I even laugh about the times we had until I realize he isn't there anymore. It really is like grieving a death.

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

Posted
Posted

I should add: At some point I felt angry and felt like I should've told him off for the way he had treated me, etc., but now that I think about it, nope -- it would've made me feel like crap for months if I had done that... I didn't want to say something I would regret later on and I definitely would've regretted being mean to him, even if he was mean to me.

  • Like 3
  • Author
Stoic44 Established Member

Stoic44

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Right, mine came out of left-field. She went back together with an ex. What to say? I ended up saying it was a mistake because reunions with exes rarely work, and the chances are very low when one of the parties has formed an emotional and physical connection to someone else in the interim; that she was tossing away a lot of potential for something that previously failed; that I was sad she could just do a switch like this so suddenly; that she would miss me; and that we couldn't be friends, but I wished her good luck.

 

Guess I would have also said this wasn't the "love of her life" as she described him. He wouldn't have dumped her if he loved her in the first place. The guy that loved her was me.

MyAngel Established Member

MyAngel

Posted
Posted

Yep totally agree no more jerks. I believe I took the high road by not responding and I would not have wanted to say anything angry either. So by saying nothing like I was instructed to, I haven't said anything I could regret. I don't have any regrets because it was HER choice to dump someone that adored and loved everything about her. I did all I could while we were together.

  • Like 1
ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted

One time I felt as though I didn't say everything. But, never again.

 

With someone you shared genuine love with, lay your cards out. Be honest and upfront, right away. Don't wait weeks or months. If your ex asks you for space, make your final statement, but don't be a beggar. Know what you want and let them know, then walk away. If it's been a while and you miss them but things were left unclear, tell them!

 

On the other side of the coin, no one needs to be "told off". If they're a lousy individual, give them the silence they deserve. There is nothing to be gained by arguing post break up. Unless you want a headache, lost sleep, and more arguing. Yeah, you're hurt. But not as hurt as you'll be if you keep them in your life. Move on.

 

I suppose the real solution is to deal with problems before the breakup, that way the communication is there. Of course major betrayals happen, such as lying and cheating, but a lot of posts on here are not about that. Lots of shoulda coulda woulda. Be present, be in the moment as much as you can.

  • Like 2
MyAngel Established Member

MyAngel

Posted
Posted

Science girl, hmm yes I agree and I did have genuine honest love with this person and I DO want her to know how I feel, but what would you suggest in my circumstance? It's already been 6 weeks. She dumped me via email (nice email btw and explained her feelings) but in that email it said please don't contact me. That means not to reply. She knows I loved her, she said in the email "all you ever did was love me".

ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted
Science girl, hmm yes I agree and I did have genuine honest love with this person and I DO want her to know how I feel, but what would you suggest in my circumstance? It's already been 6 weeks. She dumped me via email (nice email btw and explained her feelings) but in that email it said please don't contact me. That means not to reply. She knows I loved her, she said in the email "all you ever did was love me".

 

Honestly, she asked you not to contact her, so you shouldn't contact her. And she confirmed that she knows how you feel (all you ever did was love her). For whatever reason, she isn't going to be there for you anymore, she isn't going to be what you want and deserve.

 

I am so sorry, but it doesn't seem there isn't anything else you can do here but move on.

  • Like 1
thembones Established Member

thembones

Posted
Posted

Yeah, sure. So many things I want to know. Baically the truth that isn't filled with bull****. That's life though.

MyAngel Established Member

MyAngel

Posted
Posted
Honestly, she asked you not to contact her, so you shouldn't contact her. And she confirmed that she knows how you feel (all you ever did was love her). For whatever reason, she isn't going to be there for you anymore, she isn't going to be what you want and deserve.

 

I am so sorry, but it doesn't seem there isn't anything else you can do here but move on.

 

Thank you for your reply. It's good to know I'm doing the right thing by not replying to the email, even though it hurts a lot.

  • Like 1
Navajo46 Established Member

Navajo46

Posted
Posted

That's exactly where I am at right now. It's been about 7 weeks from 6 year relationship and I was angry and told her that we couldn't be friends which is what she asked for (wanting to relieve her guilt I'm sure). She was never good with communicating and all I got was like 2 sentences that her and her boss had something that we don't have... I was in pure shock for a couple of weeks and now my emotions are catching up with me. She emailed me a week later for my b-day and that was the only contact that we have had.

 

I must say that I am finding myself missing the friendship immensely right now and fighting the impulses to contact her. I know myself and know that I will NEVER contact her again though and give her the satisfaction. Sucks and hurts really bad.

ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted
Thank you for your reply. It's good to know I'm doing the right thing by not replying to the email, even though it hurts a lot.

 

You're doing the right thing. Stay strong.

  • Like 1
cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

Posted
Posted (edited)

Nope. Cant think of anything else that I wanted to say. It was all said ad nauseam by the time she left.

Edited by cavalier99
  • Author
Stoic44 Established Member

Stoic44

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
One time I felt as though I didn't say everything. But, never again.

 

With someone you shared genuine love with, lay your cards out. Be honest and upfront, right away. Don't wait weeks or months. If your ex asks you for space, make your final statement, but don't be a beggar. Know what you want and let them know, then walk away. If it's been a while and you miss them but things were left unclear, tell them!

 

On the other side of the coin, no one needs to be "told off". If they're a lousy individual, give them the silence they deserve. There is nothing to be gained by arguing post break up. Unless you want a headache, lost sleep, and more arguing. Yeah, you're hurt. But not as hurt as you'll be if you keep them in your life. Move on.

 

I suppose the real solution is to deal with problems before the breakup, that way the communication is there. Of course major betrayals happen, such as lying and cheating, but a lot of posts on here are not about that. Lots of shoulda coulda woulda. Be present, be in the moment as much as you can.

 

ScienceGal--you've got a cool head so what do you make of this situation: Dating a girl for three weeks, but it was kind of intense: Talking for hours a day, sex (on BC); spent Christmas together. Lots of emotional intimacy too. Two weeks in she says she doesn't want commitment bc of her job and taking care of her sick mom. Explains her sister died last year. I tell her I won't pressure her schedule and we agree to keep seeing each other. Texts me "love you" on NYE and that she misses me; two days later she returns to her ex who "showed up on her doorstep" (prob. a lie--they had been in communication while we were going out, most likely) and is the "love of her life" and that she wanted to be honest with me (well, maybe now--if she's even telling the truth--the ex hasn't even appeared on her FB yet).

 

She wanted to be friends, but I declined. Told her she was making a mistake tossing away all our potential for something that previously failed and if she goes, she has zero chance of returning as I make no compromises on trust. Wished her luck.

 

If we had been going out for a long time, I would view it as a gross betrayal; but there was no express commitment between us so I am not sure what to think. I move between being pissed off at being deceived and feeling sorry for her--as reunions with exes rarely work and her home life sounds miserable--all the way to taking a step back from all of it and just realizing the timing was off and she probably needs to close that door with her ex before it opens again.

Edited by Stoic44
areejjaved Member

areejjaved

Posted
Posted

Yep.. I said few of my words and next thing i know was he wasnt replying me.. Igonring my calls and he even blocked me on fb.. We had our breakup few days ago but he kept texting me everyday but now nothing.. He's silent.. And i've got more to say but it doesnt matter anymore....

Amelie1980 Established Member

Amelie1980

Posted
Posted

Mine tore me apart and said the most horrible things.

 

I decided to take the high ground & not rise to it.

areejjaved Member

areejjaved

Posted
Posted

Yep.. I said few of my words and next thing i know was he wasnt replying me.. Igonring my calls and he even blocked me on fb.. We had our breakup few days ago but he kept texting me everyday but now nothing.. He's silent.. And i've got more to say but it doesnt matter anymore....

Toddbt12y1 Established Member

Toddbt12y1

Posted
Posted

We often replay events over and over in our head. We lose out rose-glasses. Upon this realization, we realize more could be brought up.

 

 

But alas, it isn't worth it.

  • Like 2
brokengirl3 Established Member

brokengirl3

Posted
Posted

i want to ask WHY !!!!!!!!!! WHY he f*ked it? why he doesnt keep his promise to never leave me and never hurt me :( i have so much pain inside!

Allumere Established Member

Allumere

Posted
Posted

I have one-sided conversations in my car. Seriously. And I am sure folks sitting next to me at traffic lights are amused and frightened. I cry, I yell at him, I ask all my questions...I just get it out. I was fortunate enough to get some idea of his issues and concerns, and we were in LC for awhile which allowed for some follow-up. Unfortunately, bottom line is he is gone and it just hurts so I am not so sure knowing anything is helpful.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...