Stoic44 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 You wake up every day hoping they will wake up and be struck with some kind of epiphany... To recap, my ex ticked off all my boxes--physical, intellectual, conversational. We spurred each other on.... Given our backgrounds, which were synergistic, we could have worked on projects together. We could move from discussing philosophy to composing music to gazing into each other's eyes and kissing for hours. She complimented me in ways I could tell were deficiencies in the ex. She said I was like a light in her life. And now she's back with him, as he is the "love of her life," she says--but for some moments, she looked like she was going to be mine. This is with a 20-year-history of dating. I have dates lined up next week. Women I met online. I've picked the ones whose faces appear kind, as I have been hit with a cruelty I didn't deserve. I am in search of a healer. So you trudge on, into the wilderness, searching, hoping that somewhere lightning will strike, and maybe she'll appear again one day.
na49 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I'd like to know this as well. My ex was also my first love. but I don't see myself being able to love someone else like I loved her. I don't know if someone can love me like I thought she loved me. Our families loved each other, I loved her family, and now she's gone. She's picked him over me and will never regret her choice. bleh I wanna cry now.
Author Stoic44 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 You can get over first loves. I have. This one came along in the middle of my life's journey. 1
na49 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 How? I can't see myself loving someone and having someone love me like she did... I don't want someone else. I want her. 1
Author Stoic44 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 When you have to believe what you can't see far into the future, it's called faith.
jlindemann Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Giving advice on your own thread I think it's nice, and also something you should consider yourself.
Author Stoic44 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Giving advice and taking it are two different skill sets 1
MyAngel Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I also feel that my ex was the one and only. Crazy hey. Not sure at all how to stop thinking you've lost the love of your life. Except that if they really were the love of your life, they wouldn't have left.
Minka333 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I got over it when i realized that i considered all of my ex-bf's the one. It became a pattern. It kinda blurred out that special notion. It was more about how i viewed things. Anybody can be the one as long as you allow it.
ScienceGal Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 The One is only The One if they look at you and see the same. Anything less is a mirage. 4
Pinky777 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I believe you can have more than one "One". Someone who's perfect for you when you're 20 years old can be so wrong for you ten years down the road. Sometimes people grow together and change with each other, sometimes they grow apart. You can absolutely get over first loves, in fact it's extremely rare when a couple falls in love and just stays together forever. My first love ended up being the man I married 12 years after we first got together, and he was my absolute everything for 15 years. We had a "Ross and Rachel" story, breaking up, dating other people, but always getting back together. No one the world ever compared to him and vice versa. We didn't always have the best relationship at times, we fought a lot but at the end of the day we loved each other. I never in a million years anticipated our divorce, even when our marriage was in trouble and we stopped trying to make it work. The marriage ended when he cheated on me and moved in with his pregnant GF. After that i texpected I'd be alone for a long time. Six months later I begrugingly agreed to be set up with a family friend on a blind date. Wasn't expecting anything from it but this guy turned out to be one of the most amazing men I've ever met. Our first conversation lasted 3 hours on the phone, and by the end of our first date, I felt like I met the man I want to marry.We fell fast for each other and dated for about 7 months, most of which were wonderful. In the end we wanted different things in the R it didn't work out but I can't shake the feeling like he was the true love of my life and I'm never going to find anyone I feel the same way about. It's this breakup that brought me here, not my divorce. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and want him back, even though I know it wouldn't work if we did. It's so wierd that a year ago I didn't know he existed and wouldn't have thought I could meet someone so wonderful after my divorce, but he proved me wrong. You can and you will meet someone else if you're open to it and it can be even better than this one. You guys especially with your first relationships this is all you know. It's always devastating when it ends, believe me, but you need to test the waters when you're ready and experience different people and figure out what you want and what you don't want. Of course as strongly as my feelings were, he wasn't the One because he doesn't feel the same way as me. I know there's someone out there that does that will blow this guy out of the water. 1
stevie_23 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I felt my first ex was the only chance I had at real love and happiness. After she broke up with me (was a lesbian relationship), I felt like I was resigned to being alone forever. This was back in 2001. Then 3 months later I met my current partner online (also a lesbian relationship), just as friends…and then I realised I was developing feelings. Later I also realised my feelings for my first love were fondness, affection and deep love, but I had never been IN love with her. My current partner and I have been together for 11.5 years. And then, almost 2 years ago I met my first boyfriend online…and those feelings were there all over again. Very powerful. My first romantic and intimate and deeply in love feelings for a man. And now he’s broken my heart. It is very hard. I feel I’ve had 2 first loves, and yet the love in the “middle” is the one that has endured.
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