luk909 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Last yr in 2012, my fiance broke up with me at the end of april but we started to see eachother again in the beginning of June to get back into eachothers lives. During this time I foundout that she was engaged to her ex, when I found out I questioned her and she told me that she was breaking it off because she was still in love with me. Well, after that we officially got back together in july (I found out in June about her ex). Everything was going great, she would call me before she went into work and when she got out. We saw eachother regularly and had a great time getting back on track. Well thanks to FB in saw some distrubing posts, what is it you say, well I found out she actually went throught with the wedding and got married in Aug. I flipped out thinking WTF. So, I called her asking her about what happened and if this was true, well it was...... She was crying telling me that she went through with it because she didnt know how to get out of it, but she was getting a divorce now. So after a long talk of a few hours I forgave her and wanted this relationship to work. We were intamite and things started to get better, everything was going back on track until an argument in November. She became distant and I got the cold shoulder again, we would make plans and she would give me excuses of why she couldnt make it when that day came up. She then told me she wanted space and that I was hounding her. I simply replyed by saying "I havent seen you in awhile and we both make plans to meet up but when the day comes you bail". Well this went on for weeks. She gave me excuses about how she was stressed from work, family, and personal live, she told me she wishes we were spending more time with eachother and that we had our own place. In Dec her dad got remarried and that brought in more stress on her and I started getting excuses of how confused she is about everything and wanted more space. I told her if shes confused about "us" then we should just move on, but she didnt want that. She wanted to be with me. This went on for a few more weeks till jan of this yr. We made plans to meet and had a great lunch, we also made plans for the weekend. When the weekend came up plans changed and I got excuses of why she couldnt make it. Fri she texted me telling me she missed me, I replied with "I miss you too", she asks me "are you sure" i replied with a "yes". Well I tell her goodnite and dont hear from her until I texted her Sat at 5pm and told her "I think I want this to be over" she repied with "really" and I told her yes. She got upset and frustrated that she didnt want it to be over. Well Sunday came and I asked her for the truth, she replied with "just leave me alone". Even with all the b.s. that Ive been through I still love her and want her. So why am I beating myself up? Now I feel regret for what I said, maybe I shouldve been more patient. She called me telling me that shes positive on getting the divorce even though nothing has been filed and that she confused about everything and that she needs time for herself, to focus on herself and do what she wants. That shes not 100% if she wants this. and that she wants a fresh start. I put up with lie after lie and still, i want to be with her, but now I blame myself. I think about all the good times and that we had almost everything in common.
Author luk909 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Oh yeah our relationship prior to all this mess was that we hung out all the time, we loved eachothers company. We've traveled, cooked, talked for hrs. We were inseprable, our relationship felt natural with no awkward moments. The reason she broke up with me in the first place was because she was affraid that I would leave her, but then I got excuse from, whats my credit was, to being held down, to partying.
LostSoulTrain Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I went through something similar. It is last thing you want to hear but you need to let it go for your own health. This girl has no intention of leaving her marriage and is using you. If she wanted to end it with other guy she would do it long time ago. If what you say is true she had many opportunities to do it. Her being angry because you want to end it is selfish. Trust me, she knows she is not giving you what you need. You say that you told her that you want it over. That is how I felt some time ago. If she is similar to my ex she will come after you and eventually add more and more elements of real relationship just to keep you in affair. But she wont leave him. Like you I also used to accept all excuses even those for which I knew they are lies. And I did not end it until one day something cracked in me. I dont think you are there yet but you are going in that direction. Best thing for you would be to move on and find someone who will keep you as priority instead of making you a backup option. If you still want her tell her that you do not want to be in contact with her until she finishes things with this other guy. After that just ignore all her attempts to communicate unless she comes and says she left him. Chances that she will actually do it are slim but after some time you will feel much better. Trust me on that.
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