cottom Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Well its her final exam on friday, after a month breaking up i started NC last saturday, i want to text her friday morning to say good luck...good idea?? background info: we were a perfect couple for 2 years, september she went uni and she had these exams coming up, we went on a break a month ago so she could revise, i missed her like crazy but she started liking another boy in her course and friend group that she lives next door to. They hooked up a few times and she couldnt choose between me or him. Shes convinced herself that we had a horrible relationship for 2 years to try help her get over me and her friends hate me but share the same friend group...she said 4 days ago she didnt know what she wants still and it wouldnt be fair for us to reunite, but then 3 days ago she hooked up with this kid on her birthday night out. Its exactly one month ago today that we were holding each other in bed and she told me she loved me so much, that was the last time i saw her. Shall i text her? or would she appreciate a message now saying "1 month ago today we was holding each other as we slept saying how in love we were :/" something like that
LostOne1 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 say nothing man.. I know it's hard but say nothing at all.. silence is all you need.
jlindemann Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Don't text her. You are doing it because you want a response from her and see the exam as an excuse to try and initiate contact. If you aren't prepared to start at day 1 all over again...let it go.
Author cottom Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 But she will forget about me, and listen to her friends who say to let me go and get with this new boy becase he is their friend and they hate me cause im an outsider i dont want her to forget about me
geegirl Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Nope. You're trying to make her relive those moments hoping she will get emotional/nostalgic. She's not in the same emotional bubble as you are in. And women don't find this behavior in men as attractive. Three days ago she hooked up with some other guy? You know better than to keep begging for attention.
geegirl Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 But she will forget about me, and listen to her friends who say to let me go and get with this new boy becase he is their friend and they hate me cause im an outsider i dont want her to forget about me Stop. If you mean anything to her, you will be memorable. If you are forgettable, then you have your answer. Don't keep trying to remind her of your existence and if you have to remind someone, isn't that telling you something? If she wants you, her friends, her parents, won't stop her from wanting you.
jlindemann Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 But she will forget about me, and listen to her friends who say to let me go and get with this new boy becase he is their friend and they hate me cause im an outsider i dont want her to forget about me I know it's not what you want to her, but if she forgets about you, then you know where you stand. It sucks. I know. You can't keep reminding her that you're there in case she ever wants to come back to you. You also owe it to yourself to find someone who wont walk all over you.
Author cottom Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 I wont text her then, but she means so much to me, i looked at her fb and she still has all our pictures up there and she has edited her other pics captions lately so she has had a chance to remove them but never did. I feel she would remember me but she constantly has other boys texting her taking her mind off me and her exams also, she has been killing herself really for a month now revising for these exams, wheen shes doing heavy revsion we would talk and shed be really snappy but when she werent revsing we would talk how we used to when we were together, like she was sending me pics of her in her bday dress
CreepShow Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Bah this is bologna, text her if you want. You better just be sure you know what your doing and if you REALLY want her back. It sounds to me like she is trying to be nice to you and fact is she is still hooking up with someone else not you, BUT what no one is saying here is that dude is only a REBOUND. Sometimes rebounds stick, but usually DONT. IF you really want this chick and youre not just lonely than txt her its worth a shot. If she shuts you down eventually you'll get sick of it and you'll get over her that way. NC is just the fastest way to get over someone, DEF not the best way to get someone back. Thats real hard and therers a real fine line you gotta walk, and then even if you do get her back theres no guarantees that it will ever work a 2nd time.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I would probably not do that. It's risky. It would probably cause a bit of a step back for you. And hurt if she doesn't reply. If she does things will be going in your head
GingerVixen Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Well , I always found the NC rule ridiculous. Life is such a wonderful gift that has been given to us all, with all its complexities and joys, we have so many opportunities to change our destiny with a mere small gesture so why stick to stupid rules created my people who would never get rid of their own pride? If you feel the irresistible urge to contact her, do it. But there are some points you should know. 1. Please don't send that message "we were holding hands 1 month ago blah blah". Too clingy and too desperate. Don't mention ANYTHING related to "you wanting her back". Be brief , polite and formal. Just say "just wanted to say good luck in your exams. have a nice week". THAT'S ALL. By doing this, you're already giving her the opportunity to reinitiate a conversation with you again. I mean, if she REALLY wants to talk to you again, she'll grab this opportunity and talk to you again. If she doesn't, she'll ignore you, but when she thinks of you some years later she'll see you as the mature one who sent her best wishes, and she was the moody one who didnt say a word. 2. When you send the message, DONT SEND ANYTHING LATER. Let her think over it. If she ignores you for good , don't send any message ever again Or if you do, just send her a message again only SEVERAL MONTHS later. You must have self respect. And why bother texting someone who's ignoring you anyway? 3. If she re-contacts you, don't show her you're celebrating and opening champagne bottles in joy. Be casual. Begin everything as if you were meeting her for the 1st time, ask her how she is doing, if there are any news, anything. If she keeps on talking to you, ask her out for drinks or a cup of coffee after the 3rd time you guys talked. Then you can mention your desire to win her back if she shows you to be open during that meeting.
cavalier99 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Well , I always found the NC rule ridiculous. Life is such a wonderful gift that has been given to us all, with all its complexities and joys, we have so many opportunities to change our destiny with a mere small gesture so why stick to stupid rules created my people who would never get rid of their own pride? If you feel the irresistible urge to contact her, do it. But there are some points you should know. 1. Please don't send that message "we were holding hands 1 month ago blah blah". Too clingy and too desperate. Don't mention ANYTHING related to "you wanting her back". Be brief , polite and formal. Just say "just wanted to say good luck in your exams. have a nice week". THAT'S ALL. By doing this, you're already giving her the opportunity to reinitiate a conversation with you again. I mean, if she REALLY wants to talk to you again, she'll grab this opportunity and talk to you again. If she doesn't, she'll ignore you, but when she thinks of you some years later she'll see you as the mature one who sent her best wishes, and she was the moody one who didnt say a word. 2. When you send the message, DONT SEND ANYTHING LATER. Let her think over it. If she ignores you for good , don't send any message ever again Or if you do, just send her a message again only SEVERAL MONTHS later. You must have self respect. And why bother texting someone who's ignoring you anyway? 3. If she re-contacts you, don't show her you're celebrating and opening champagne bottles in joy. Be casual. Begin everything as if you were meeting her for the 1st time, ask her how she is doing, if there are any news, anything. If she keeps on talking to you, ask her out for drinks or a cup of coffee after the 3rd time you guys talked. Then you can mention your desire to win her back if she shows you to be open during that meeting. I just hit the dislike button. This poor kid needs NC. He is obviously hurting and needs to stop any communication and stop looking at her face book or he will take forever to recover. He isn't getting this girl back and needs to move on NOT string himself along endlessly with unrealistic hope so he can eventually meet someone else. 1
GingerVixen Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I just hit the dislike button. This poor kid needs NC. He is obviously hurting and needs to stop any communication and stop looking at her face book or he will take forever to recover. He isn't getting this girl back and needs to move on NOT string himself along endlessly with unrealistic hope so he can eventually meet someone else. I agree with you, I've screwed myself many times for re-contacting people who would hurt us but sometimes the urge is uncontrollable. We only live once, so if he feels a terrible urge to do it, do it, but he should do it only if he's really ready to deal with the consequences.
cavalier99 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 (edited) I agree with you, I've screwed myself many times for re-contacting people who would hurt us but sometimes the urge is uncontrollable. We only live once, so if he feels a terrible urge to do it, do it, but he should do it only if he's really ready to deal with the consequences. Yeah sometimes however we really need to fight those urges to get over the addiction of contacting them. If he can overcome the crazy urges to contact he can regain some peace and serenity and start to heal. Otherwise hell always be looking at his phone wondering what to text what is she thinking etcetera and it is obvious it is over. Edited January 18, 2013 by cavalier99 2
ScienceGal Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Don't allow yourself to be kicked while you're down. She is "hooking up" with someone else. You don't need to be involved in that mess. You love her, I get it. But, she has zero capacity to love you right now. ZERO. You're opening yourself up to be strung along, not to mention the emotional hit you will take. You think you're bad off now? It will only get worse. Maintain NC. Good luck. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 Well , I always found the NC rule ridiculous. Life is such a wonderful gift that has been given to us all, with all its complexities and joys, we have so many opportunities to change our destiny with a mere small gesture so why stick to stupid rules created my people who would never get rid of their own pride? If you feel the irresistible urge to contact her, do it. But there are some points you should know. 1. Please don't send that message "we were holding hands 1 month ago blah blah". Too clingy and too desperate. Don't mention ANYTHING related to "you wanting her back". Be brief , polite and formal. Just say "just wanted to say good luck in your exams. have a nice week". THAT'S ALL. By doing this, you're already giving her the opportunity to reinitiate a conversation with you again. I mean, if she REALLY wants to talk to you again, she'll grab this opportunity and talk to you again. If she doesn't, she'll ignore you, but when she thinks of you some years later she'll see you as the mature one who sent her best wishes, and she was the moody one who didnt say a word. 2. When you send the message, DONT SEND ANYTHING LATER. Let her think over it. If she ignores you for good , don't send any message ever again Or if you do, just send her a message again only SEVERAL MONTHS later. You must have self respect. And why bother texting someone who's ignoring you anyway? 3. If she re-contacts you, don't show her you're celebrating and opening champagne bottles in joy. Be casual. Begin everything as if you were meeting her for the 1st time, ask her how she is doing, if there are any news, anything. If she keeps on talking to you, ask her out for drinks or a cup of coffee after the 3rd time you guys talked. Then you can mention your desire to win her back if she shows you to be open during that meeting. This is just bad, bad advice. Not only is NC useful for getting over someone, it's also useful in preventing yourself from contacting your ex in a fragile emotional state and making the situation worse. There's virtually nothing one can say right after a break that is the magic fix-all pill -- you can only hurt yourself. So yeah, your advice suggesting contact is just bad. This guy is in no state to put his best foot forward -- like you said, the "we were holding hands 1 month ago blah blah" would be a tragically awful play by him. If that's what's going through his head, there is no way that any contact from him isn't going to look clingy, needy, desperate or pathetic to her. He needs NC badly just to get his head right. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I agree with you, I've screwed myself many times for re-contacting people who would hurt us but sometimes the urge is uncontrollable. We only live once, so if he feels a terrible urge to do it, do it, but he should do it only if he's really ready to deal with the consequences. Part of being a human is having the logical capability and the self-control to repress destructive urges. I mean, when I was a kid sitting in the backseat of my parents' car. I'd have urges to open the door while my parents were driving down the highway, but I never did. Why? Because I knew something bad would happen. Basically, you are advising the OP to say "f--k it" and fling that door wide open because he has an urge. Boo.
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