One Year Later...my story, and where I am now...

[Gulf-Delta]

WARNING: MEGA LONG POST AHEAD

 

So it's approaching one year since my engagement fell apart. My objective with this post is to explain where I've been, and hopefully to help people who may be lost in their own journeys, or feel hopeless, or don't know what their futures will bring. I guess mostly for people who are in fresh breakups, who may feel totally lost, or need someone to relate to. Maybe it'll bring hope to people out there. I'll give an outline of the past year, what I felt, and how I feel now. If you don't wanna read this whole saga, or know all of it, just skip down to the line of plus signs (+++++++++++).

 

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So, in late 2009, I met this amazing girl. I had gotten into a few "Relationships" with girls who were just not right for me. And I made a promise to myself that I would wait for the right girl, before I got into another relationship. And that's when I met her. We started getting really close in October 2009, I guess. Fast friends, and it was only a matter of time until we became the best of friends. In December, I admitted I liked her as more than a friend...and she blew me off. She had things in her personal life that maybe she felt wouldn't permit a relationship right now. Three days later, she admitted she like me too, and we became a couple on Dec. 11, 2009. We fell in love instantly. Neither one of us had ever felt this way before. Things moved very fast, she moved in within a day or two.

 

She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, inside and out. She was smart, funny, and stunning...just everything I ever wanted, and she felt the same about me. I lost my virginity to her, and even still, there's no other person I would've wanted to share that with. In March 2010, I proposed under this oak tree where we started hanging out for the first time. It just felt right. I've always been the type of guy who is very secure in what he feels. I can decipher my own feelings very well, and I knew it was soon, but right. She accepted, and we were happy. We got our own apartment. She worked, I went to school. It was like a dream. After our lease expired, we moved back home with my family. We never had a single fight. We were a perfect couple.

 

In November 2011, things started getting a little strained. Money issues started coming up. She started reuniting with her sister, and her circle of old friends. And I was really happy for her. She was shy, and somewhat introverted, so I was glad to see her making new friends and meeting new people. But she started to change. The next three months, things got more and more strained. But were still fixable, at least to me. She didn't come home on New Year's, and I guess that's where things started falling apart.

 

She spent more and more time with her sister, and new friends, and neglecting me. I was needy, yes, but rightfully so. She was never home. She never talked to me anymore. She just became distant. By January 30, I was tired of fighting about it, and I asked her if we were broken up. And she said "I guess so". It's still one of the most painful memories of my whole life. The year that followed...

 

-------

 

From February to April 2012, things were really weird. We still shared a bed. She still lived with me because she had nowhere else to go. I can't really explain it, but it was like...there were parts of us that still wanted to stay together, but couldn't. I was firm in what I needed from her, and she knew she couldn't give it...but we still loved each other. IDK, it's hard to explain. She (reluctantly) gave the ring back around Valentine's Day, and admitted she had feelings for someone else.

 

April 2012, I moved her stuff out of my house and to her grandmother's house. I packed up all of the memories, photos, the ring, the cards she made, everything, and put it in a box in my closet, where it still sits today, unopened. When I met her that day, we both cried. This was the real breakup. This was the final goodbye, so to speak. The first breakup was just us slowly letting go...it was as if someone was dying, and you spent their last moments with you. We knew it was over, we knew it was terminal, so we spent as much time as we could together. In April, that ended. I asked if she still loved me. She said "She didn't know". We both cried our eyes out. She begged me to never forget her. And when I told her I needed time to myself, she begged "Don't be gone forever, okay?". She told me she wanted me in her future. But the timing was not right. Every question I had about her feelings toward me, and the future, were met with "I don't know"s. I kissed her for the last time, and drove away.

 

I could NOT keep NC. I sent letters. Stupid, wimpy texts trying to be friends. It wasn't an everyday thing, but it did happen.

 

May 2012. In one of my weaker moments, I asked her out to dinner, as friends. She told me she was dating someone new, blah, blah. And I exploded. I sent her a long, long text about all of this ****...I can't even remember what I said. I got online that night, and sent her an email explaining how hurt I was. Just paragraphs, of me trying to make her remember why we were perfect for each other. Trying to make her see what she used to see. I asked her why she lied and led me on for so long. How she could just change who she was so fast, and fall for someone else. How she could just leave me behind like I never mattered. To my HUGE surprise I actually got a response, which was weird because she did not face confrontation or conflict at all. She usually just ran from it...her response was:

 

I never once lied about the way I was feeling or what I believed at the time, and never will. I will always stay true to myself, and I am still the same person. I am just in a different stage of life right now. I would love to stay your friend, but you need to understand I am busy with my new job, school, etc. Just because I don't talk with you much doesn't mean I am ignoring you or pushing you away. I am dating someone new. That doesn't mean I've replaced you. It's something new, entirely different from us. I do know the real you, and you me. This means I think you should understand what is going on. Hope you are doing well, and that you start feeling better about all this soon!

 

To which I responded with more accusations, pleas, and questions...that never got a response. To this day, that message still puzzles me. It answered so much, yet answered nothing at the same time. But that was is. NC time.

 

June 2012, it came up that there was some unsettled financial stuff between her and I. I had to call her to make sure she got the bill paid, because my name was on it. This was drawn out for a month.

 

July 4, 2012, she came over to my place so I could give her a few loose end things she left behind, and so she could give me some cash she owed me. I had never felt so much tension in all my life. It was happy tension, but also bad tension. The good meaning, it's like when you're talking to a crush. The bad like when you get in a bad fight with someone, and are trying to bury the hatchet, but the wrong they committed is still in your mind. I had seen that she had scratched my name off of something I painted our names on. We caught up a little bit, hugged, and she left. I haven't seen her since.

 

July- September 2012, was total silence. Nothing from her. And I didn't contact her either.

 

Late September, she texted me asking how I was. She had just come back from visiting family, who were asking about me. Her family loved me to death, and her mother once told me, when I asked to marry her daughter, "We'd be honored to have you as part of our family". We talked and caught up. She told me she was really into music I had been making recently (she follows me on Youtube). But eventually, the conversation fizzled, and I didn't hear from her for a couple weeks.

 

October, she texts me again telling me about a record sale in town. I kind of blew up at her. Saying I can't be her friend when she feels like it. I'd be willing to work on a friendship, but she has to work on it as much as I would/ She can't just go in and out of my life at her convenience. I also told her I'm sure her new boyfriend would appreciate it, to which she said "He knows and is okay with it" (I call bull****). Anyway, we hangup, and that's it. I find out the same day that her sister is in the hospital, and that probably why she called me. I apologized for being such an aggressive *****.

 

Throughout October, we started talking again. She would text me, I would text her. It was really nice, actually. Until, for some reason, she started ignoring me...again. 3 days after my birthday, she texted me saying "happy late birthday" and all that crap. Forgiving her, again, I decided to invite her to a halloween get-together with some mutual friends...who she had also abandoned after the breakup. She had the NERVE to ask if she could bring her boyfriend. I simply said no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

 

I don't hear any word from her until December 5. She sends me a text...I look at it, and the message is "Thank You" with an attachment. I open the attachment to find a picture of the note I wrote to her the night I moved her stuff. It basically said everything I wanted her to know, why I loved her, basically. And I lost my ****. I didn't respond, because I didn't know what to say. I wanted ask "Why are you sending this?". Just so many questions and things I felt at once, I knew I just couldn't deal. So I broke down, and I drove...somewhere. I had no idea where. It was a blur. I ended up in the neighborhood where her and I grew up, only a few houses apart from each other, yet we never met. And I wnet to a nearby church and prayed. I cried and I prayed. I just let everything out....I just, talked to God, I guess, for about an hour. And then I drove home.

 

++++++++++++++

 

Since that night, I have not heard from her. No Merry Christmas, no happy new year's, nothing. I didn't tell her "happy birthday" when it came. So, as of today, it's been 1 month, 11 days of NC.

 

So where am I now? Well, from January to July 2012, I was in hell, really. I cried myself to sleep almost nightly. I gave myself stomach pains worrying about her. In july, after I saw her for the last time, I felt better. Not healed, just...better. And that's how I've felt since then. I suppose I've just hit a plateau. I'm okay, but I still miss her.

 

I look at other women. Tried dating, and am open to seeing other women. I'm still not ready to fall in love again. Even still, I miss my ex so much. And if I really think about it, I guess I'm still in love with her. Yes, she has hurt me. Probably more than I will ever feel for many years. But...there's just something about her. In the two years we were together, we really brought the walls down. We really exposed our deep, deep inner things to each other. Insecurities, and all that. That's what she meant by "I do know the real you, and you me.". I know how she thinks, and I know she really did love me, and she really did believe we were fated for each other.

 

And i suppose, deep down, at some point, she will come back. And by that point, I may be over her totally. Or not. It could be next month, it could be next year, could be next decade. But I just have this really strong feeling that at some point, she'll be pushed back into my life somehow. I might be crazy or delusional...but I just have this feeling about it all. My mother feels it too. She said she went very much through a similar experience at my ex's age... except when she came back, my father didn't want her

 

As for me, the breakup has triggered one of the most prolific phases of my life. I'm a musician and all of this has fueled my music like nothing before. I've written so many songs about it. My whole next album is about her, and us. All my feelings I couldn't say. And when she hears it...I don't know how she'll feel. But it isn't for her, really. There are some songs I want her to hear. So she knows how I feel and felt. But overall, it's for me, and hopefully for people like us here. Because the album ends with an optimistic song/message, and I hope my music will act as something people can relate through if they're going through the same thing.

 

Anyway, I hope this shows people, the ones with fresh wounds, that things do get better. And even if they don't, your head will clear up, at least, lol. And I suppose it was my own journal too.

 

Anyway, any comments or questions or whatever is welcome, and appreciated.

 

Good luck to everybody.

[MyAngel]

Wow what a story. I can't believe she would string you along with all those breadcrumbs. I'm starting to see what everyone means when they say breadcrumbs.

 

Anyway, sounds like you got lots of great material for your new album

[hudson701]

Wow...I remember reading your posts in July when I was going through absolute hell with my ex finishing me. We've recently split again and it's unbearable a second time over. I wish I never let her re-enter my life so easily at the end of summer after 8 weeks NC, lesson learnt. She had a case of GIGs, told me to move on which I attempted to but she came back at the wrong time; I was already moving city in September. We attempted long distance contact these past few months, I was well up for moving back and making it work but she was having none of it so she cut contact with me completely on December 15th.

Brutal, cold no contact- it's like a switch went in her head. I don't know how she could just drop me like that, it's like I never mattered. It's been horrible and im going through hell again right now- crying myself to sleep, using antidepressants etc.

 

Your posts were comforting during those summer months and its nice to read your story up to this point.

[Gulf-Delta]

Wow what a story. I can't believe she would string you along with all those breadcrumbs. I'm starting to see what everyone means when they say breadcrumbs.

 

Anyway, sounds like you got lots of great material for your new album

 

Yeah...the thing is, it's hard to explain, but I know the "breadcrumbs" weren't malicious. In fact, I don't think they ever are. While most see them as trying to keep the dumpee on a chain or as a backup, I see them more as confusion. The dumper obviously still cares. And they aren't usually evil, either. So I see it as a manifestation of confusion about feelings.

 

And yes, plenty of material

[Gulf-Delta]

Wow...I remember reading your posts in July when I was going through absolute hell with my ex finishing me. We've recently split again and it's unbearable a second time over. I wish I never let her re-enter my life so easily at the end of summer after 8 weeks NC, lesson learnt. She had a case of GIGs, told me to move on which I attempted to but she came back at the wrong time; I was already moving city in September. We attempted long distance contact these past few months, I was well up for moving back and making it work but she was having none of it so she cut contact with me completely on December 15th.

Brutal, cold no contact- it's like a switch went in her head. I don't know how she could just drop me like that, it's like I never mattered. It's been horrible and im going through hell again right now- crying myself to sleep, using antidepressants etc.

 

Your posts were comforting during those summer months and its nice to read your story up to this point.

 

Man, that really sucks. Sorry to hear that.

 

Glad my story helps ya feel a little better. I don't come here for advice, because it never helps. Unless it's something I wanna hear. So I feel it's better to try to help out others if I can.

[Tmo2]

Nice conclusion to your story! :::

As for me, the breakup has triggered one of the most prolific phases of my life.

 

This is what its all about, finding yourself in all of this turmoil is so sweet! I hope you never forget this and continue forward when the going gets though

[Gulf-Delta]

Nice conclusion to your story! :::

 

This is what its all about, finding yourself in all of this turmoil is so sweet! I hope you never forget this and continue forward when the going gets though

 

True...while this has triggered something in me to fuel new music and ideas...I still wish I had her back.

 

She was my muse before. One of the best songs I've ever written was called "She Loves" and it was an instrumental piece inspired by her. To this day, I still get chills from listening to it.

 

My music since then has taken a different direction. Darker. More painful. And that kind of sucks.

 

I've always written stuff about her..I just wish it was in a positive light, instead of songs about how angry I am and how much I long for her.

 

I don't know, it's expanded my horizons. But I'd trade those new horizons and ideas to have her back..

[heartshapedrocks]

Thanks for sharing your story.

It really helped me tonight.

[Gulf-Delta]

Thanks for sharing your story.

It really helped me tonight.

 

Well thanks.

 

I was kind of worried about posting, because my story is kinda depressing, and filled with silly, misguided hope on my part.

 

But I guess if it helps people, then I'm happy.

[heartshapedrocks]

Well thanks.

 

I was kind of worried about posting, because my story is kinda depressing, and filled with silly, misguided hope on my part.

 

But I guess if it helps people, then I'm happy.

 

yeah I guess I really identified when you talked about the dumper's confusion of feelings.

Your story/journal has many parallels with mine.

I am not a musician but do use many creative outlets in drawing & photography to let out my frustrations.

We each have our journeys....today was a hard day for she texted me about a financial arrangement that was set up ahead a time. No reason for her to state the obvious ya know? It messes with my head when that happens. I hate that. It is depressing though I will move past it.

so thanks it did help to know others have had the similiar thoughs & feelings.

Edited January 17, 2013 by heartshapedrocks

[big bear]

Hats Off Brother..

 

I wish you luck and take inspiration from you..

[WordvAction]

Thank you for sharing your story. I don't know if this will make you feel better, but I was in a situation where I felt I was completely in love with the girl (walls down and everything). When she told me she was with someone else, I went through a miserable stage and kept having a feeling that she was still going to play a large role in my life. Long story story short, I ended up going a full year NC, not responding to anything she sent me, have now fully moved on and am dating someone else, and in my case lucked out shes no longer a part of my life as she went off the deep end, althhough I am grateful for the learning experience. Keep up the great outlook and keep enjoying life

[Gulf-Delta]

Thank you for sharing your story. I don't know if this will make you feel better, but I was in a situation where I felt I was completely in love with the girl (walls down and everything). When she told me she was with someone else, I went through a miserable stage and kept having a feeling that she was still going to play a large role in my life. Long story story short, I ended up going a full year NC, not responding to anything she sent me, have now fully moved on and am dating someone else, and in my case lucked out shes no longer a part of my life as she went off the deep end, althhough I am grateful for the learning experience. Keep up the great outlook and keep enjoying life

 

Good for you! That's great.

 

I on the other hand don't know many women, and the ones I do, are all in relationships already.

 

I don't know man, I can't really see myself ever being that in love again. The relationship was like a one in a million set of circumstances. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice, you know?

[WordvAction]

"I don't know man, I can't really see myself ever being that in love again. The relationship was like a one in a million set of circumstances. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice, you know?"

 

I actually said the same thing for a while. Take a step back and look how far you've come so far. Most people have devastating events like this and break down; you took it as a positive and used it to embrace your music career. I'm not a betting person, but down the road I'd be willing to bet that this was an important turning point in your life for the better. All the best and keep on keeping on

[hinatticus]

Hey gulf. Not sure if you remember me, but I think I chimed in on a few of your threads. Anyway, glad you're still keepin on. I know how hard it is. I'm still trekking down my long road.

 

On a side note, what kind of music do you make. I'd be really interested in hearing some of your stuff.

[Panda87]

Hi Gulf, i know that you may not seek for any advice. But i will like to share some as i think my story is almost the same like yours minus the engagement and i am on the girl perspective

 

So just a semi-long summary of my story, me and my ex broke up for almost 1 year now. I was with him for almost 2 years, at first everything was going strong(him meet my fam, me meet his fam, talk abt married, etc) but things started to go down hill with alot of issues that supposed can be fixed. Anyway i was in LDR with him. But the love was strong, but it slowly faded bec of the fight, argument, etc... But i know deep down, i still love him and he does. None of our side really ended it, we just move on. As for me it was very fast, i met someone new when things started to fell apart. I was happy again, in love again. We are in LC, but i dont really think of him that much anymore. Most of the times, ignoring him. But he always there, sometimes i get irritated but i felt safe and happy too. I guess you can called it selfish part of me, so while i was in honeymoon stage with the new person i really dont care abt him anymore. Bec all i can think is the bad memories with him. But i never hate him. Now i breakup with the new person aft 8 months, and he still always in my life. He still fighting for us, when i always told him to move on. He said he did dated some girls, but always comparing to me. couldnt find someone that he comfortable with as i am. Now Though i still care abt him, im not sure my feeling for him anymore. Not sure whether i can love him again. But i dont want to lose him totally, again another selfish part of me.

 

So my conclusion, as long as you always in her life, you will never fully move on. Its your decision to stay or leave. Dont hang on it, i remember you were saying she told u to not disappear on her life, could possibly meet in the future. at that point of time, she still care abt u. So she gives you false hope. If you really love her, stop contact from her. Dont let her know u will always be there for her, u always love her. No, u need to show her that u really move on though u may not. In my persoective, i still not sure abt my feeling to my ex bec i still think he still the same... As much as i care abt him, i still in doubt abt my love bec he still the same ( the old him, when things fell apart). But i always know and feel safe bec i know he always there for me, this is why you cant do this to her anymore. Stop contact doesnt mean ignoring her, it shows to her that you have your own life. And i can assure you, she will miss you alot. And start to think that she is really losing you for real, as what i feel right now. Stop contact with her, you alr do what your best to show her you still care and love her. Let her realize and do what she need to do later. For now, just enjoy your life and meet new people. Ignore those breadcrumbs, it means nothing (really!). It will means something, if she reach you by meeting you (go to ur plc) and just talk to you, but remember dont talk abt the relationship with her. Its a turn off, just talk normal as friend, and show her the new you. Improve yourself, be confident and show her how happy you are. In my eyes, if my ex looks good and his personality change for the better. Because he knows everything abt me, we share alot of things that i nvr share with someone else. Im pretty sure, she will come back to you soon or later. Meantime, dont cling into it and just move on...

 

Sorry for the long explanation, if she is for you and you are for her. No matter what happens in her/ your life. Someday, you guys will meet again and find those chemistry again and be love again. This time, you both has change in mature way... Good luck!

[Gulf-Delta]

"I don't know man, I can't really see myself ever being that in love again. The relationship was like a one in a million set of circumstances. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice, you know?"

 

I actually said the same thing for a while. Take a step back and look how far you've come so far. Most people have devastating events like this and break down; you took it as a positive and used it to embrace your music career. I'm not a betting person, but down the road I'd be willing to bet that this was an important turning point in your life for the better. All the best and keep on keeping on

 

Oh no, you seem to be mistake. I'm still incredibly hurt. I still get anxiety attacks about her. I still get sad when I see or hear things that we shared.

 

I'm nowhere near "okay". I just went from "completely shattered" to "****ed up"

[Gulf-Delta]

Hi Gulf, i know that you may not seek for any advice. But i will like to share some as i think my story is almost the same like yours minus the engagement and i am on the girl perspective

 

So just a semi-long summary of my story, me and my ex broke up for almost 1 year now. I was with him for almost 2 years, at first everything was going strong(him meet my fam, me meet his fam, talk abt married, etc) but things started to go down hill with alot of issues that supposed can be fixed. Anyway i was in LDR with him. But the love was strong, but it slowly faded bec of the fight, argument, etc... But i know deep down, i still love him and he does. None of our side really ended it, we just move on. As for me it was very fast, i met someone new when things started to fell apart. I was happy again, in love again. We are in LC, but i dont really think of him that much anymore. Most of the times, ignoring him. But he always there, sometimes i get irritated but i felt safe and happy too. I guess you can called it selfish part of me, so while i was in honeymoon stage with the new person i really dont care abt him anymore. Bec all i can think is the bad memories with him. But i never hate him. Now i breakup with the new person aft 8 months, and he still always in my life. He still fighting for us, when i always told him to move on. He said he did dated some girls, but always comparing to me. couldnt find someone that he comfortable with as i am. Now Though i still care abt him, im not sure my feeling for him anymore. Not sure whether i can love him again. But i dont want to lose him totally, again another selfish part of me.

 

So my conclusion, as long as you always in her life, you will never fully move on. Its your decision to stay or leave. Dont hang on it, i remember you were saying she told u to not disappear on her life, could possibly meet in the future. at that point of time, she still care abt u. So she gives you false hope. If you really love her, stop contact from her. Dont let her know u will always be there for her, u always love her. No, u need to show her that u really move on though u may not. In my persoective, i still not sure abt my feeling to my ex bec i still think he still the same... As much as i care abt him, i still in doubt abt my love bec he still the same ( the old him, when things fell apart). But i always know and feel safe bec i know he always there for me, this is why you cant do this to her anymore. Stop contact doesnt mean ignoring her, it shows to her that you have your own life. And i can assure you, she will miss you alot. And start to think that she is really losing you for real, as what i feel right now. Stop contact with her, you alr do what your best to show her you still care and love her. Let her realize and do what she need to do later. For now, just enjoy your life and meet new people. Ignore those breadcrumbs, it means nothing (really!). It will means something, if she reach you by meeting you (go to ur plc) and just talk to you, but remember dont talk abt the relationship with her. Its a turn off, just talk normal as friend, and show her the new you. Improve yourself, be confident and show her how happy you are. In my eyes, if my ex looks good and his personality change for the better. Because he knows everything abt me, we share alot of things that i nvr share with someone else. Im pretty sure, she will come back to you soon or later. Meantime, dont cling into it and just move on...

 

Sorry for the long explanation, if she is for you and you are for her. No matter what happens in her/ your life. Someday, you guys will meet again and find those chemistry again and be love again. This time, you both has change in mature way... Good luck!

 

Oh yeah, I know. I love her still, and I do want her back. But I'm so angry and disappointed in her and her actions. And that's why I leave her alone. I haven't contacted her in 6 months. Every time we speak, it's her contacting me.

 

Thing is as mad as I am...I would forgive her...if she just asked. But her callousness, and coldness keeps me from forgiving her. All I ever wanted in this breakup was respect, and to be treated like what we had at least mattered to her. Sometimes relationships don't work out. I get that, and it's not the breakup I'm mad about. It's the total disrespect, and pretending we never happened, that really makes me upset.

 

Anyway, just like clockwork, she's drifted back in my life again. Her W2 from her old job came in the mail today (she was living here when she worked there)...now I have to mail them to her. Thanks, Universe. You never cease to disappoint :/

[Panda87]

Oh yeah, I know. I love her still, and I do want her back. But I'm so angry and disappointed in her and her actions. And that's why I leave her alone. I haven't contacted her in 6 months. Every time we speak, it's her contacting me.

 

Thing is as mad as I am...I would forgive her...if she just asked. But her callousness, and coldness keeps me from forgiving her. All I ever wanted in this breakup was respect, and to be treated like what we had at least mattered to her. Sometimes relationships don't work out. I get that, and it's not the breakup I'm mad about. It's the total disrespect, and pretending we never happened, that really makes me upset.

 

Anyway, just like clockwork, she's drifted back in my life again. Her W2 from her old job came in the mail today (she was living here when she worked there)...now I have to mail them to her. Thanks, Universe. You never cease to disappoint :/

 

Well, she is with someone else now. Though you always be part of her life, but things change. What happened to you and her, she will always remember it but it doesnt matter for her now. because she has her new life now, that she might think much better than before. sorry to say this, but its the truth. But dont worry, its a circle cycle. sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down. Just got to live your life well My recent ex also did the same thing to me, act like nothing happen. Being happy again with someone else, worst i got to see her every single day hahaha

[Gulf-Delta]

Well, she is with someone else now. Though you always be part of her life, but things change. What happened to you and her, she will always remember it but it doesnt matter for her now. because she has her new life now, that she might think much better than before. sorry to say this, but its the truth. But dont worry, its a circle cycle. sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down. Just got to live your life well My recent ex also did the same thing to me, act like nothing happen. Being happy again with someone else, worst i got to see her every single day hahaha

 

I know. And like I said, I don't mind the breakup. It happens, and I've come to terms with that.

 

The thing I have the hardest time with, is pretending I don't exist. Going back and pretending we didn't make all these plans and promises with each other. We planned on having kids and everything. And what infuriates me, is that, when she left, I never got any reason or explanation about what I did wrong, or why she didn't want to be with me anymore. I mean, after everything we'd been through, couldn't she just treat me like a human, and TALK to me?

 

After everything I did for her, she couldn't even take some time to explain what went wrong? Instead she treats me like we never even met.

 

We lived together for two years. And that's the treatment I get. Especially after she promised that we would remain in each other's lives, and that she would always be grateful and remember me.

 

And the thing is, I'm really forgiving. If she called me up today, and tried to say sorry, everything will be fine. But she doesn't. She goes on pretending like I didn't hold her when she cried about her appearance (in the beginning, she had self-esteem problems). She pretends I wasn't there at the hospital when her sister was having problems with her pregnancy, and when her nephew was born. She acts like I didn't travel thousands of miles with her, to visit her family. She acts like she never looked me in the eyes, and said she couldn't wait to have my kids, and actually NAMED our future kids.

 

There's so much history there...I don't understand how someone can just pretend stuff like that never happened. How can you go through such huge things with someone, and then just delete them from you life forever.

[cavalier99]

DUDE. Be grateful she deleted you out of her life. This makes it easier to move on. Stop any contact and don't respond to her or you can go on forever like this. The time for asking these question is long gone. I did everything for my ex for 8 years. Went to hospital with her helped her thru everything you name it...we went thru it together.

 

But guess what...I'm grateful it happened but ...IT IS OVER. Im about 4 months NC and feeling ok. You can too if you stop these thought and stay NC.

[TheAlien]

Hello. I was a silent reader, not even registered, on this forum for some time now, but now I had to sign up to say thank you for sharing your story.

I have quite a simliar one, only we weren't together so long, only short, and I am a girl.

But the rest is very simliar. The same "breadcrumps" thing and all, and I agree, it's not evil, it is confusion.

I also see him coming back one day. And I also thought about how I might not want him then anymore. I am also an artist (Illustration) and it really fueled my work aswell.

Not sure what my point is, I guess I just wnat to say thank you for letting me know I am not alone.

 

xcuse my english, non native.

[redleader]

It sounds like you need a relationship sabbatical.

 

By that I mean really take some time for yourself for a while. Don't date anyone and let that stress ride out in other ways. Work on business, learn a new skill, just enrich your own life with something you can be proud of. This is a great distraction if anything else, and by the time you are done ruminating about this relationship you will have a finished goal looking back at you.

 

Stop texting her, don't email her, don't call her. Every time you allow you both to reopen the same wound it will never heal, or become an ugly scar in your mind if anything else. Keeping a constant hope she will be back might hurt you worse later. She might be back, but you know you cannot count on that.

 

Im having anxiety issues as well with a woman (though not directly caused by her), Im finding the best medicine is space to rebuild your walls and gather strength to stomp out the worry of uncertainty and heartbreak, and move past the point when you know you will be fine and things will move on as she fades from memory in favor of new experiences.

 

But you can't move on unless you let yourself. What is done is done, nothing you do now will change it. Be grateful you had something with someone that for a time was awesome. People simply change over time and often outgrow each other, and is natural. Most relationships go sour because of that. The choices are acceptance, or crippling denial.

 

As much as it feels like the end of the world, tomorrow you will still be breathing.