XKatieX Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 My ex stopped contact with me for 3 weeks. Just 2 days ago he contacted me saying his mom was in the hospital for symptoms of a heart attack. He said he really needed to talk to me and that he also wanted to discuss somethings about us. Basically he said he doesn't want to just jump back into it, and to take it slow. He doesn't want to be "together" right now. The problem is, it's really confusing me. I asked him if he still loves me, and he kept avoiding the question. He said he still cares about me, but he would not say that he loved me. We were engaged and together for 6 years, how do you go from being engaged to pretending like you weren't with that person or they are just a friend now? It got us into a fight, and basically we are at a point where we don't know what to do. I want to be together and just work through our problems, but he doesn't want that right now. What to do?
Chi townD Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 My ex stopped contact with me for 3 weeks. Just 2 days ago he contacted me saying his mom was in the hospital for symptoms of a heart attack. He said he really needed to talk to me and that he also wanted to discuss somethings about us. Basically he said he doesn't want to just jump back into it, and to take it slow. He doesn't want to be "together" right now. The problem is, it's really confusing me. I asked him if he still loves me, and he kept avoiding the question. He said he still cares about me, but he would not say that he loved me. We were engaged and together for 6 years, how do you go from being engaged to pretending like you weren't with that person or they are just a friend now? It got us into a fight, and basically we are at a point where we don't know what to do. I want to be together and just work through our problems, but he doesn't want that right now. What to do? Well, he turned to you for a simpathic ear and a person to lean on while his mother is going through a trying stage in her life. If a person can't even tell you that he loves you should speak volumes to you. He told you that he doesn't want to get back together, but rather take it slow? If this is the case, he wants to use you as an emotional tampon. For situations just like the one that's happening right now. And maybe an occasional roll in the hay. But, as soon as he finds someone new, you're yesterdays news. I think that you deserve better than that. If this guy can't make up his mind, then BYE!! Tell him to stay way from you and learn to grow up! 1
Mcnulty Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Sounds like he's reaching out for a friend at a difficult time. Can you be there to support him at this time, without the relationship part? If so, be there for him, if not, then you have to walk away for your own good I guess.
puzzled1 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 That must be really hard for him... He only wants you to be a friend and then by the time all this is over, I doubt his feelings will change to be in a relationship with you again. If you are strong enough to be there for him at this time do it, if your feelings are on a roller coaster, save yourself and tell him that you cannot be there for him.
Author XKatieX Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Well, he turned to you for a simpathic ear and a person to lean on while his mother is going through a trying stage in her life. If a person can't even tell you that he loves you should speak volumes to you. He told you that he doesn't want to get back together, but rather take it slow? If this is the case, he wants to use you as an emotional tampon. For situations just like the one that's happening right now. And maybe an occasional roll in the hay. But, as soon as he finds someone new, you're yesterdays news. I think that you deserve better than that. If this guy can't make up his mind, then BYE!! Tell him to stay way from you and learn to grow up! Yep I told him that. I said you are confusing my mind and my heart, and I don't think you know what you want. And what does he do? He shifts the blame to me and says "Well if you feel that way, I will be cutting off contact permantely." I told him it felt like I was being strung along and he says, "It's only been a day and you feel like you're being strung along, Wow." He just wants to feel like he is not the one to blame. I can't just keep putting my feelings out there and him not do anything in return.
Chi townD Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Yep I told him that. I said you are confusing my mind and my heart, and I don't think you know what you want. And what does he do? He shifts the blame to me and says "Well if you feel that way, I will be cutting off contact permantely." I told him it felt like I was being strung along and he says, "It's only been a day and you feel like you're being strung along, Wow." He just wants to feel like he is not the one to blame. I can't just keep putting my feelings out there and him not do anything in return. I would have been like, "Well, you got to do what you got to do. Since you don't want me anymore, I got to start living my life without you in it." Don't play his games. That's one thing women have over us guys. We suck at playing those games. The fact is, you're not his friend. You didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with him with the end result being that you are nothing more than a friend to him.
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