sharkbite Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I've been giving it serious thought and playing it out in my head. Is it a bad thing to say that I think I'm going to stear clear of relationships indefinitely? I've only had 3 official relationships......2 lasted about 5 months and my 3rd most recent lasted 8 months. She told me she loved me, we always had a blast, always kept her smiling and laughing, going the extra mile for her (techinically 50 miles because she lived about an hr away from me) and I question that if those feelings only lead to an 8 month relationship...........what the f*ck am i doing in them? i hurt so bad when they end, I invest myself in them, the girls always tell me "i know your going to take this really hard but believe me when i say there is nothing wrong with you and your such an amazing guy with so much to offer" I don't put the girls down (because i have 2 sisters and respect for women) I have great communcation skills, I don't cheat, I get jealous but before i act on the jealousy i take a second to play it in my head and ask if I have a legitimate reason to be jealous, sometimes i do and sometimes i don't so I choose my times that I bring anything up, well.......i can't even break a year and all of you on here explain stories involving 3-5 year relationships. I'm too nice for my own good I guess........
TopCat22 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Or maybe you've just chosen the wrong women. Whilst some introspection is a good thing you have to ask yourself if you are just choosing poor quality women. Women who can't commit or are unavailable emotionally. As you've said yourself, even people in 5 year relationships have had the rug pulled out from under them. Maybe take more time to assess what you want in a partner and don't invest so much of yourself until you are sure they are right for you. 1
flitzanu Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 shark, stupid as it sounds, you'll get in a relationship when you find the right one. that's not some generalization, but i've said the same things you have about just avoiding relationships because they are a waste of time. before you know it, when you find someone you like, you'll be in a relationship. 1
Author sharkbite Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 thank you both very much for the input. I do agree in giving them more of a process of almost proving themselves to me, I seem to always be the one trying to live up to other's expectations......time for a role reversal also, its good to hear a reassuring statement like that. I just find it funny how Strong the feelings seem to be and how quickly they left.....apparently. this girl of 8 months lead me to ask the question "so does that mean you want to break up?" and she said "yea and it will probably be the biggest mistake of my life. she tried to text a few times to which i responded polite but simple responses then one day out of the blue I decided to call her, just to checkup and it went nowhere...honestly just a civilized conversation then 5 weeks after BU she decides she is going to come for the second night of a weekend getaway in atlantic city my friends and I took, along with her friend who is who we met thru. Well, long story short alcohol was involved I got mad and told all my friends its completely ridiculous that she's coming and it shows me no respect whatsoever that she didn't try to talk to me about it first. They end up telling her not to come and I text her saying I want a bracelet I gave her back and that she gives me no respect and can't even give me a reason why we are breaking up and while breaking up telling me she loves me and how amazing I am. 2 days later I wrote her an e-mail apologizing and explaining that night happened because I was overwhelmed with emotions and that I want her to keep the bracelet because it came from the heart, she wrote back with about a page but it was very hard to understand anything.........she tells me she'll try and respect my wishes of no contact (meanwhile all i wanted was a civilized talk and an explanation of what her intentions were for joining us that weekend) she said she accepts my apology and hopes that I can accept hers.........I haven't responded to that e-mail which was about a month ago, and we have had no contact since. Including christmas and new years............nothing. So that is love? ...funny story
Author sharkbite Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 sorry I just vented that out......
flitzanu Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 if she has no real reason, it means there's someone else. sorry to say. that's why they stick with "i'm probably going to regret this" crap, is because they are chasing fickle dreams and probably going to realize they should have stayed with you. 2
Amelie1980 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 if she has no real reason, it means there's someone else. sorry to say. that's why they stick with "i'm probably going to regret this" crap, is because they are chasing fickle dreams and probably going to realize they should have stayed with you. Wow. I wonder if mine had some fickle dreams. he pulled that biggest mistake of my life BS.
flitzanu Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Wow. I wonder if mine had some fickle dreams. he pulled that biggest mistake of my life BS. yep, the highest majority of the time, it's always about someone else or someone new. it's sad that people can't just stop chasing new things and be happy. 1
Amelie1980 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 yep, the highest majority of the time, it's always about someone else or someone new. it's sad that people can't just stop chasing new things and be happy. He also said most difficult decision ever made...may well be biggest regret he has looking back from the future. Sick to his stomach that he'll never see me again. Still did it though. The reasons for the BU were nothing other than normal relationship stuff you work out. in fact they were non issues. Before me he'd only been in a relationship for 4 months. my hope is the next time around he realises I wasn't a bad gf all things considered. I hope the next one is horrible. I hope he realises what he's done but it'll be too late.
missmac Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Lol, wow...... I think you might be the male version of me. I got a low "batting average" too, only 3 serious relationships, none of them made it past 10 months... I was single for 5 years before I met my current (possibly soon-to-be ex) boyfriend - and I remember feeling the happiest I ever felt in my life. Obviously being able to focus on yourself, and do whatever you want is a huge plus - but for me, it was also a big plus to know that I wasn't emotionally responsible for someone, and that I wasn't hurting or disappointing anybody. I don't enjoy making other people upset, or fighting - but for some reason I seem to be a little different than most girls. A lot of things don't upset me - which hurts their feelings - and a lot of guys don't seem to understand the importance of giving me alone time - they take it personally, like I am choosing not to hang out with them. The truth is, Im pretty reclusive, and like to go work on my many art related hobbies, or music, or go for walks by myself...... I am not up to anything, I just prefer to have some time to myself without any company. I find that I feel smothered easily, and the more someone makes a big deal out of me wanting my own space - the more I push away. It does not bother me, the idea of being single for the rest of my life. I always seem to do better when I'm on my own - I find that I become too accommodating when in a relationship, which means all the things I love to do get put on the back-burner, and eventually me snapping because I have stopped doing the things that I feel are important to me.
flitzanu Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I always seem to do better when I'm on my own - I find that I become too accommodating when in a relationship, which means all the things I love to do get put on the back-burner, and eventually me snapping because I have stopped doing the things that I feel are important to me. says EVERY GIRL I'VE EVER DATED. everyone needs to maintain their own lives and not stay too consumed with their significant other, or this happens a lot. 1
Allumere Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 if she has no real reason, it means there's someone else. sorry to say. that's why they stick with "i'm probably going to regret this" crap, is because they are chasing fickle dreams and probably going to realize they should have stayed with you. Yep...and in every case after the fact I have been told "no regrets, made the right choice, I now have the perfect girl"
flitzanu Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Yep...and in every case after the fact I have been told "no regrets, made the right choice, I now have the perfect girl" perfect is such a dangerous word. as is "forever".
todreaminblue Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I've been giving it serious thought and playing it out in my head. Is it a bad thing to say that I think I'm going to stear clear of relationships indefinitely? I've only had 3 official relationships......2 lasted about 5 months and my 3rd most recent lasted 8 months. She told me she loved me, we always had a blast, always kept her smiling and laughing, going the extra mile for her (techinically 50 miles because she lived about an hr away from me) and I question that if those feelings only lead to an 8 month relationship...........what the f*ck am i doing in them? i hurt so bad when they end, I invest myself in them, the girls always tell me "i know your going to take this really hard but believe me when i say there is nothing wrong with you and your such an amazing guy with so much to offer" I don't put the girls down (because i have 2 sisters and respect for women) I have great communcation skills, I don't cheat, I get jealous but before i act on the jealousy i take a second to play it in my head and ask if I have a legitimate reason to be jealous, sometimes i do and sometimes i don't so I choose my times that I bring anything up, well.......i can't even break a year and all of you on here explain stories involving 3-5 year relationships. I'm too nice for my own good I guess........ I have only ever been single since my relationship broke up six years ago, I havent been single since my teens and i really needed some time on my own, to get back who i am , that is still a work in progress, long term relationships in my opinion are the most rewarding , but i stayed in a relationship that wasnt so good....never say die mentality of mine....fifteen years to be exact..... I agree with the other posters, if you want a good relationship that will last it might take a little while to find one,you have good values and ideals, and there are many women who will mirror what values you hold, you just haven't met her yet, I am holding off on dating again until i knwo th eperson and some of his values,even though now i am ready to date, i dont want casual and until i am sure that the guy is good for me and me for him i wont date, I guess i can be fooled ,dating has changed abit since my teens, lol, a lot actuallybut I wont be fooled into jumping into sex..... i really hope it doesnt end up that way,if it does, i am becoming a nun or I just might find the right guy for me one day.......anything is possible........deb 1
Allumere Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 perfect is such a dangerous word. as is "forever". LOL...I'd agree but all are happy in LTRs or married. Of course, time will tell 1
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