Author joystickd Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 And you're the person to decide what that point is? How have you ascertained this? When is it? and why is it at that time? Usually after a certain point I know. I guess its just frustrating when you are use to having to not put up with all the "evaluation". I guess I will just have to stick with always being the other man.
Author joystickd Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Flirting is flirting and sex is sex. None of it means anything, unless you hear otherwise. That's just a fact. Women are no different from men in this regard. For some folks it means something, for lots it just doesn't. If you choose to read more into it then that's on you. I'm having some trouble understanding why a woman's friends would volunteer this sort of information up when the woman herself has not...unless of course the friends in question are doing just exactly what I said above. That friend was also friends with me so that is why they volunteered the information. She had been wanting to fix me up with someone because she said I needed a good woman and also she had wanted to see that woman be with someone other than the guys she had been with. That was the only time a friend really said it but usually they convey interest but it never translates into more. It's more like a sudden stop. That is the frustration for me. I work in long term care and even the patients I work with want to fix me up. It's not like I'm a bad guy or anything.
Author joystickd Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Flirting is flirting and sex is sex. None of it means anything, unless you hear otherwise. That's just a fact. Women are no different from men in this regard. For some folks it means something, for lots it just doesn't. If you choose to read more into it then that's on you. I'm having some trouble understanding why a woman's friends would volunteer this sort of information up when the woman herself has not...unless of course the friends in question are doing just exactly what I said above. It's either put up or shut up with me. I don't flirt unless there is a purpose. That is no fun for me.
monicaelise Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Usually after a certain point I know. I guess its just frustrating when you are use to having to not put up with all the "evaluation". I guess I will just have to stick with always being the other man. You know when that point is for you. Not her. If you knew that, you wouldn't keep finding yourself angry and frustrated about this same problem over and over. As long as you keep being the "other man", it's highly unlikely you'll be anyone's main man. Women don't take men who sleep around with taken women anymore than men take seriously women who whore around with taken men. I certainly wouldn't waste my time on a man who knowingly slept with women who were in relationships. I might give him a roll in the hay, but I certainly wouldn't dream of taking him seriously.
monicaelise Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 That friend was also friends with me so that is why they volunteered the information. She had been wanting to fix me up with someone because she said I needed a good woman and also she had wanted to see that woman be with someone other than the guys she had been with. That was the only time a friend really said it but usually they convey interest but it never translates into more. It's more like a sudden stop. That is the frustration for me. I work in long term care and even the patients I work with want to fix me up. It's not like I'm a bad guy or anything. Well there you are then. You've just confirmed exactly what I was trying to tell you.
monicaelise Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 It's either put up or shut up with me. I don't flirt unless there is a purpose. That is no fun for me. LOL! I think you've made as much clear. What you're still failing to understand is that this is not your world and not everyone operates the way you do. More importantly, the way you conduct yourself isn't necessarily the right way. Until you get a handle on that, you're just going to continue to experience the same anger and frustration that you have been all along.
Author joystickd Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 You know when that point is for you. Not her. If you knew that, you wouldn't keep finding yourself angry and frustrated about this same problem over and over. As long as you keep being the "other man", it's highly unlikely you'll be anyone's main man. Women don't take men who sleep around with taken women anymore than men take seriously women who whore around with taken men. I certainly wouldn't waste my time on a man who knowingly slept with women who were in relationships. I might give him a roll in the hay, but I certainly wouldn't dream of taking him seriously. That statement doesn't bother me because you don't and it's not like any other single woman is either. I'm mean I'm just taking what I can get for right now. If the situation changed I would never want to mess with taken women. It's just they are the only one that reciprocate my interest. I know what I want but it's like this uphill battle to get it. It bothers me because there are other people that are like "Hey you are such a great guy. Why are you not married?" It's a depressing thing because I know there is someone out there for me, but I'm exhausted from sifting through the BS. It's even crazier because people meet me and assume I'm married and are shocked when I say I'm single.
Author joystickd Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 LOL! I think you've made as much clear. What you're still failing to understand is that this is not your world and not everyone operates the way you do. More importantly, the way you conduct yourself isn't necessarily the right way. Until you get a handle on that, you're just going to continue to experience the same anger and frustration that you have been all along. I've got a handle one it. I just prefer not to deal with that. It's just frustrating when you spend time getting to know someone and they convey they are interested and like you and then the sudden stop. It's like "Hey what's happening". I mean I understand what you are saying but it's like the situations I have been in were ones that I could tell they were into me. I know if you saw it you could say the same thing. The thing is the sudden stop.
StanMusial Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Women tend to be rather flaky these days... it's a struggle but you have to have options lined up.
Author joystickd Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 The funny thing about all these situations is that I believe my contribution to the sudden stop is the fact I wanted to do things the proper way the getting to know each other and dating and waiting for sex. I know for a fact that if I just look for casual sex the outcomes in these situations would have been different and they would have talked about the feelings they had for me. This is the sad part because I don't want to do things that way, but it's like that is the only thing that seems to work for me.
Author joystickd Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 The funny thing about all these situations is that I believe my contribution to the sudden stop is the fact I wanted to do things the proper way the getting to know each other and dating and waiting for sex. I know for a fact that if I just look for casual sex the outcomes in these situations would have been different and they would have talked about the feelings they had for me. This is the sad part because I don't want to do things that way, but it's like that is the only thing that seems to work for me. Oh sh*t! It just hit me why it's happening. When I'm looking for casual sex I'm more cool, calm collected and more into catching what's going on. I really like someone then it's like overthinking and being in sheer terror about being vulnerable. 1
Author joystickd Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 (edited) Oh sh*t! It just hit me why it's happening. When I'm looking for casual sex I'm more cool, calm collected and more into catching what's going on. I really like someone then it's like overthinking and being in sheer terror about being vulnerable. The tough thing for me is to figure out how to be the cool, calm collected guy when I really like someone and not be the overthinking guy in terror. Does anyone have any suggestions? Edited January 17, 2013 by joystickd
monicaelise Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 The tough thing for me is to figure out how to be the cool, calm collected guy when I really like someone and not be the overthinking guy in terror. Well, for starters, you could try keeping in mind some of the things you're seeing/hearing/figuring out on your own here on this forum. Also, remember the woman you're dealing with is not the last woman on Earth and that you might decide you don't want her. When you catch yourself mentally going off, remind yourself that you're both still in the "evaluation" phase and that things can go in any of a variety of different ways. It's all going to come down to consciously talking yourself down when you start to wind yourself up.
Author joystickd Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 (edited) Well, for starters, you could try keeping in mind some of the things you're seeing/hearing/figuring out on your own here on this forum. Also, remember the woman you're dealing with is not the last woman on Earth and that you might decide you don't want her. When you catch yourself mentally going off, remind yourself that you're both still in the "evaluation" phase and that things can go in any of a variety of different ways. It's all going to come down to consciously talking yourself down when you start to wind yourself up. Now that I calm and collected looking back at what just happened with me with that woman I think it was her more than likely her feeling like that I was always around and confident in the fact that I'm there when all else fails. The flirting is still there and can get sexual and a lot of touching on her sometimes. I was at a meeting at work and she made a comment about me during the meeting and some of the coworkers just looked. Even today having a conversation with this woman there were people looking like what's going on with you too. She is one that kind of during interaction is all in the personal space. It's a whole lot different than the interaction she does with other males there. The only other that does it is a woman is in an LTR and she has made it clear to me and another coworker that if she was single that she would date me. I usually would be done with someone that done me like that but me growing up I guess I gave her a second chance. My biggest thing was the failure not to say "Hey the guy I was dating I started seeing him again". I guess that's because I came from situations where being straight forward meant the difference between life and death. Edited January 17, 2013 by joystickd
StanMusial Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Overthinking it. Seems to be the case all over this forum. I wonder how many people on here have some sort of OCD.
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