joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Why is that you can agree to something then when time comes you find some excuse? Whats the deal with BS? Its either your interested or not. Its not like its calculus 1
monicaelise Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Actually, it is a lot like calculus and it most definitely is not the binary you think it is. If you're talking about sex, then yeah, it's usually pretty clearly "yeah" or "bluccch". If you're talking about a desire to get involved with you beyond that, it's not interested/not interested. It's "who is this guy?" "what am I getting involved in?" "is this how he always is?" "can I tolerate x, y, z... about him?" "do I even 'like' him?" and on and on. You're failing because you don't realize that women, on the whole, do have on/off switches, but dimmers that slide around with each thing you show us. I may love a man's sense of humour but be totally disgusted by his housekeeping. I might think he rocks in bed, but realize that he's as stupid as a bag of hammers. ...and so forth. My opinion of him, and by extension by interest, ebbs and flows with each new revelation. Stop expecting people to conform to the way you think they should be behaving. It will save you a lot of grief and frustration. 1
NateC Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Actually, it is a lot like calculus and it most definitely is not the binary you think it is. If you're talking about sex, then yeah, it's usually pretty clearly "yeah" or "bluccch". If you're talking about a desire to get involved with you beyond that, it's not interested/not interested. It's "who is this guy?" "what am I getting involved in?" "is this how he always is?" "can I tolerate x, y, z... about him?" "do I even 'like' him?" and on and on. You're failing because you don't realize that women, on the whole, do have on/off switches, but dimmers that slide around with each thing you show us. I may love a man's sense of humour but be totally disgusted by his housekeeping. I might think he rocks in bed, but realize that he's as stupid as a bag of hammers. ...and so forth. My opinion of him, and by extension by interest, ebbs and flows with each new revelation. Stop expecting people to conform to the way you think they should be behaving. It will save you a lot of grief and frustration. Hey, a bag of hammers can be pretty sharp. A bag of rocks on the other hand... 1
Author joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Actually, it is a lot like calculus and it most definitely is not the binary you think it is. If you're talking about sex, then yeah, it's usually pretty clearly "yeah" or "bluccch". If you're talking about a desire to get involved with you beyond that, it's not interested/not interested. It's "who is this guy?" "what am I getting involved in?" "is this how he always is?" "can I tolerate x, y, z... about him?" "do I even 'like' him?" and on and on. You're failing because you don't realize that women, on the whole, do have on/off switches, but dimmers that slide around with each thing you show us. I may love a man's sense of humour but be totally disgusted by his housekeeping. I might think he rocks in bed, but realize that he's as stupid as a bag of hammers. ...and so forth. My opinion of him, and by extension by interest, ebbs and flows with each new revelation. Stop expecting people to conform to the way you think they should be behaving. It will save you a lot of grief and frustration. Even if you knew someone before he stated he was interested. This is the situation im talking about. Im not speaking about just meeting someone. I should have been more clear. Most of my failure were from women that knew me. It wasnt like they were people that had to get to know me. When i got to know them they seemed to be people not into the BS
Author joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 I dont ask for a lot. All you have to do is not to be about the BS. You women act like Im asking for a whole list of requirements. 1
carhill Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 OP, if you could jerk people around with impunity, that's a powerful aphrodisiac. Imagine messing with someone's time, care and emotions without regard to their humanity and without substantive consequences, at all, with the exigent expectation and experience that another body will fill their slot and place and time once they're forgotten. Pretty powerful stuff. It's no wonder some people give in to the dark side. It is what it is. 1
Samilia Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Why is that you can agree to something then when time comes you find some excuse? Whats the deal with BS? Its either your interested or not. Its not like its calculus Im your boat, I just got a "that's a possibility" to asking him out, either it's yes or no..
Author joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Im your boat, I just got a "that's a possibility" to asking him out, either it's yes or no.. I know. I'm not asking anyone to do like me. I just want someone to be real with me. I hate the flirting and going out on a date continue to flirt and all that like you are interested then start the BS like you are not interested. All of the situations with single women I have had this happen other people have even commented that the person was very interested in me. It was either from them being told directly from the person or they witnessed how they interacted with me. Like what happened to me recently was confusing because a mutual friend said she came out of her own mouth and said she was interested and other people saw how she interacted with me and said she was interested. This is the BS I am talking about. I understand when you meet someone and get to know them its not an exact answer but my thing is if you are not sure don't go telling people you are or give out signals that you are. I know with that person now they still every once and a while flirt with me. That is my thing act like you interested when you are not sure. That is like lying to me
monicaelise Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Even if you knew someone before he stated he was interested. This is the situation im talking about. Im not speaking about just meeting someone. I should have been more clear. Most of my failure were from women that knew me. It wasnt like they were people that had to get to know me. When i got to know them they seemed to be people not into the BS I wasn't referring to situations where you just meet someone either. What you're failing to recognize is that knowing someone in one capacity (friend, FWB, acquaintance) doesn't mean you know them in another. Your friends and FWBs know you as those things (those things being just a pal or a lay). When you decide you want to pursue a new dynamic, the woman in question considers the possibility and begins her evaluation. Just because you've decided you're ready to try something new or different, it doesn't mean she is. She may not be opposed to the idea initially but discover as things unfold that you're not her cup of tea in the relationship department. It's got nothing to do with bull****ting you. It's the risk you take when you decide you want to pursue any relationship.
monicaelise Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Also if you're relying on other people to tell you a woman is interested in you, and the woman herself has not directly said as much, there's a good possibility she's not actually interested. Unless you get it from the horse's mouth...
Author joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 I wasn't referring to situations where you just meet someone either. What you're failing to recognize is that knowing someone in one capacity (friend, FWB, acquaintance) doesn't mean you know them in another. Your friends and FWBs know you as those things (those things being just a pal or a lay). When you decide you want to pursue a new dynamic, the woman in question considers the possibility and begins her evaluation. Just because you've decided you're ready to try something new or different, it doesn't mean she is. She may not be opposed to the idea initially but discover as things unfold that you're not her cup of tea in the relationship department. It's got nothing to do with bull****ting you. It's the risk you take when you decide you want to pursue any relationship. If they feel that way then why convey they are really interested in me to the point others notice when the reality is they are unsure. That is my thing. All the flirting to the level where it gets sexual and all of that talking about going on dates and then out of nowhere saying you want friendship or just coming out saying you are seeing someone or any other excuse. That is what frustrates me. If a woman said "Hey I want to get to know you" then thats cool but none of my situations I have experience with single women had that happen.
monicaelise Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 If they feel that way then why convey they are really interested in me to the point others notice when the reality is they are unsure. That is my thing. All the flirting to the level where it gets sexual and all of that talking about going on dates and then out of nowhere saying you want friendship or just coming out saying you are seeing someone or any other excuse. That is what frustrates me. If a woman said "Hey I want to get to know you" then thats cool but none of my situations I have experience with single women had that happen. A woman who is genuinely interested will make it clear to you, directly, herself. You won't need the opinions of "others" when it happens.
Author joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Also if you're relying on other people to tell you a woman is interested in you, and the woman herself has not directly said as much, there's a good possibility she's not actually interested. Unless you get it from the horse's mouth... Even from close friends of theirs they confided in? I have had instances where it has came out of their mouth. My thing is why even do things that convey a level of interest. That is my big thing the inconsistency. I just have a problem with single women I guess. My last experience with a women that wasn't BS was with a woman that was in a LTR. She lived with the boyfriend. She got to know me and it got into heavy flirting real fast and she was congruent with what she said and her actions. That ended when she moved back with her mom about 4 hours away. All my experiences with women that are taken are positive except maybe the first but she had the mindset like the single women I dealt with.
Author joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 I'm much nicer about some of the stuff than I use to be. I know with some of these women with the flirting I would say put up or shut up in a way that was nice but direct.
monicaelise Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Even from close friends of theirs they confided in? I have had instances where it has came out of their mouth. My thing is why even do things that convey a level of interest. That is my big thing the inconsistency. I just have a problem with single women I guess. My last experience with a women that wasn't BS was with a woman that was in a LTR. She lived with the boyfriend. She got to know me and it got into heavy flirting real fast and she was congruent with what she said and her actions. That ended when she moved back with her mom about 4 hours away. All my experiences with women that are taken are positive except maybe the first but she had the mindset like the single women I dealt with. Even from her close friends. Sometimes friends think they're doing you a favour when they do things like this. You don't know if the friends are trying to help her/you or just think it would be nice to see you together. STOP listening to anyone other than the woman herself. You're not getting jerked around, you're intentionally going out of your way to get the answers you want to hear from people who are not in any position to weigh in on things.
Samilia Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 A woman who is genuinely interested will make it clear to you, directly, herself. You won't need the opinions of "others" when it happens. I agree, however it would be nice if the straight forward approach was rewarded with a straight forward answer and none of this "thats a possibility" bs.
monicaelise Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I agree, however it would be nice if the straight forward approach was rewarded with a straight forward answer and none of this "thats a possibility" bs. It's not bs. It's a possibility means it's a possibility, period. It means the woman is open to the idea but not clear about how she feels and needs to see more. What you're asking is unreasonable. If you were considering a major purchase, or a an argument, wouldn't you want to carefully evaluate all angles before you committed to anything? Why is this so hard to understand?
Author joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Even from her close friends. Sometimes friends think they're doing you a favour when they do things like this. You don't know if the friends are trying to help her/you or just think it would be nice to see you together. STOP listening to anyone other than the woman herself. You're not getting jerked around, you're intentionally going out of your way to get the answers you want to hear from people who are not in any position to weigh in on things. I listen to them and even with the person they are interested but still I get BS. Single women are just frustrating creatures.
monicaelise Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I listen to them and even with the person they are interested but still I get BS. Why are you talking to her friends then? If she's told you, directly, that she wants to pursue a relationship with you, what are you doing consulting with her friends? That's a rather odd thing to do.
Author joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 It's not bs. It's a possibility means it's a possibility, period. It means the woman is open to the idea but not clear about how she feels and needs to see more. What you're asking is unreasonable. If you were considering a major purchase, or a an argument, wouldn't you want to carefully evaluate all angles before you committed to anything? Why is this so hard to understand? All I am saying is after a certain point you should know. I mean if you don't then you should reevaluate whether you are asking the right questions or even looking for the right things.
Samilia Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 It's not bs. It's a possibility means it's a possibility, period. It means the woman is open to the idea but not clear about how she feels and needs to see more. What you're asking is unreasonable. If you were considering a major purchase, or a an argument, wouldn't you want to carefully evaluate all angles before you committed to anything? Why is this so hard to understand? He knows me, it's not like we met a week ago. Don't get me wrong, I understand what you're trying to explain, and I find it reasonable, however I still think his reaction is not much of an answer, maybe a polite way to say no. I also feel that to see more, you should start people, it doesn't mean that we should jump in bed or even kiss. But how else are we supposed to get to know someone?
Author joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Why are you talking to her friends then? If she's told you, directly, that she wants to pursue a relationship with you, what are you doing consulting with her friends? That's a rather odd thing to do. I don't consult with them they volunteered the information. I never seek out something like that. Then there is the thing of all the flirting til its sexual. What about that?
monicaelise Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 All I am saying is after a certain point you should know. I mean if you don't then you should reevaluate whether you are asking the right questions or even looking for the right things. And you're the person to decide what that point is? How have you ascertained this? When is it? and why is it at that time?
Samilia Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 you should start dating Apology, I typed faster than my thoughts
monicaelise Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I don't consult with them they volunteered the information. I never seek out something like that. Then there is the thing of all the flirting til its sexual. What about that? Flirting is flirting and sex is sex. None of it means anything, unless you hear otherwise. That's just a fact. Women are no different from men in this regard. For some folks it means something, for lots it just doesn't. If you choose to read more into it then that's on you. I'm having some trouble understanding why a woman's friends would volunteer this sort of information up when the woman herself has not...unless of course the friends in question are doing just exactly what I said above. 1
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