Dating & Sex in Your Late 20s

[Marek]

How do guys do it? I see it all the time: guys from college hooking up with co-eds and having sex, or having a new date lined up every other week.

 

I haven't had sex in over 3 years. It's not that I'm unwilling to ask women out; it's just that I RARELY get signs of interest/attraction from females. Thus I don't approach since they evidently don't like what they see. Typical scenario: they look at me once briefly and that's it.

 

I'm not hideous. I'm 6'2" and 205 lbs at 18% bodyfat. I have no idea how a lot of guys constantly have girls on their shoulders, laughing and having a great old time. These guys aren't GQ models, either.

 

This involuntary celibacy is starting to get to me a bit. I'm missing out on my prime dating and no-strings-attached sex years. But what can I do? If I'm not getting signs of interest from girls there's no point in even trying to engage them in conversation, as they'll simply dismiss me.

[Balzac]

Have you tried letting the gurls know you have an interest?

 

Are you a career man now? Student?

[Marek]

Have you tried letting the gurls know you have an interest?

 

Are you a career man now? Student?

I work part-time and I'm studying for a post-grad diploma. There are so many good-looking girls on campus but they probably wouldn't give me the time of the day. I assume these girls know I'm interested by the fact that I'm looking at them for a few seconds at a time. I even tried smiling a couple of times but the girls didn't reciprocate.

 

I'm not after a model-looking girl either, just a cute/average girl who's kindhearted. However, they treat me as though I'm invisible. Or they look at me for a fleeting moment with an expressionless look. I don't even remember the last time a cute girl actually smiled at me.

[NateC]

I work part-time and I'm studying for a post-grad diploma. There are so many good-looking girls on campus but they probably wouldn't give me the time of the day. I assume these girls know I'm interested by the fact that I'm looking at them for a few seconds at a time. I even tried smiling a couple of times but the girls didn't reciprocate.

 

I'm not after a model-looking girl either, just a cute/average girl who's kindhearted. However, they treat me as though I'm invisible. Or they look at me for a fleeting moment with an expressionless look. I don't even remember the last time a cute girl actually smiled at me.

 

Do you...actually talk to girls at all? I mean, *at all*? Smiling welcomes conversation, but just shooting a smile at someone doesn't mean anything. You have to actually talk to people!

[Marek]

So you're still in school and you're 6'2 and can't get a girl... hmm

 

Hmmm...... hmmm You're just not trying hard enough.

 

How about this, you go out there and try really hard and come back here and entertain us with detailed play by plays of how you did so. Describe the women, describe how you approached, asked them out, made moves etc.

 

Yeah you have to learn from doing not just asking us. So go out there and do and use entertaining me as your motivation.

I love it how everyone equates that being tall brings the girls. The guys in most couples I see around campus/town ARE NOT over 6'. I have talked to girls in some of my classes. But they usually reply with short sentences in a monotone voice. Here's an example: "So, how did your mid-term paper go, Rachel?" Her: "Yeah, fine." This is basically how all my conversations go. They NEVER reciprocate by asking me questions. So it's not really a conversation, but more so a 1-way dialogue. Therefore, it's easy to tell they do not like me in the slightest. I just feel like an unwanted outcast. Other guys talk to girls in class and the girls seem glad that they are talking to them. But they dislike having anything to do with me.

 

Do you...actually talk to girls at all? I mean, *at all*? Smiling welcomes conversation, but just shooting a smile at someone doesn't mean anything. You have to actually talk to people!

Read my above answer. By the way, if they're not reciprocating with a smile, they don't want anything to do with you. I smile to a few girls each day on campus, and they all just look at me blankly and then ignore me as if I'm invisible. I can't FORCE conversation. If a girl doesn't like me, she'll make it abundantly clear when I interact with her (e.g. short replies to my questions, flat monotone voice, no eye contact). It's incredibly frustrating because I have 3 years of pent-up sexual frustration.

[NateC]

I love it how everyone equates that being tall brings the girls. The guys in most couples I see around campus/town ARE NOT over 6'. I have talked to girls in some of my classes. But they usually reply with short sentences in a monotone voice. Here's an example: "So, how did your mid-term paper go, Rachel?" Her: "Yeah, fine." This is basically how all my conversations go. They NEVER reciprocate by asking me questions. So it's not really a conversation, but more so a 1-way dialogue. Therefore, it's easy to tell they do not like me in the slightest. I just feel like an unwanted outcast. Other guys talk to girls in class and the girls seem glad that they are talking to them. But they dislike having anything to do with me.

 

Read my above answer. By the way, if they're not reciprocating with a smile, they don't want anything to do with you. I smile to a few girls each day on campus, and they all just look at me blankly and then ignore me as if I'm invisible. I can't FORCE conversation. If a girl doesn't like me, she'll make it abundantly clear when I interact with her (e.g. short replies to my questions, flat monotone voice, no eye contact). It's incredibly frustrating because I have 3 years of pent-up sexual frustration.

 

In a school setting the easiest way to get into conversation is your friends circle. Or in classes. Or in obvious public places like the cafe or something. There's tons of opportunity - what you're doing is the cold approach and 99% of the time it doesn't really work.

 

Go to events and enjoy yourself. The moment you stop trying too hard and overthinking what you're going to say or do, the easier it will be.

 

Edit: Your results may vary. I know exactly how you feel because I went through the same thing. Now I'm out of college. Some people have less success than others.

[Marek]

In a school setting the easiest way to get into conversation is your friends circle. Or in classes. Or in obvious public places like the cafe or something. There's tons of opportunity - what you're doing is the cold approach and 99% of the time it doesn't really work.

 

Go to events and enjoy yourself. The moment you stop trying too hard and overthinking what you're going to say or do, the easier it will be.

 

Edit: Your results may vary. I know exactly how you feel because I went through the same thing. Now I'm out of college. Some people have less success than others.

I have a very limited amount of friends at uni. And these guys aren't really the life of the party or that great with girls. So that option is pretty much a no-go. It's just annoying how I'm treated as an untermensch by these girls. Giving someone a smile isn't hard work, yet they refuse to do it. They probably think a smile will make me think that I have a shot at them.

[StanMusial]

It seems like being in your late 20s and still at uni might be awkward. The girls might not relate to you that well. You definitely need to get into a social circle that includes females. You should be in a good spot you just need to get involved with some groups and not go around smiling weirdly at girls like Smiley McSmilerston. Do they have any groups you might be interested in?

[Marek]

I'm tall so I'm speaking from experience. Also of course most of the girls are with shorter guys... most guys are shorter.

 

I'm sorry line "how did your midterm go?" isn't killing it with the ladies but seriously what do you expect. I mean you'd probably get farther asking them was their ass tastes like than this lame sht you enjoy talking.

 

I gave you advice. I told you to be bold and push the boundaries and go out there and do. I filled you with the knowledge and confidence/understanding that being tall is like a golden ticket to vagina yet you refute me "most guys are I see with women are shorter..." Let's put it this way, being tall beats limited success.. mean if the guy is rich and famous that beats tall... but being tall beats your run of the mill successful business men. Believe me I'm telling you this to help. You are your own worst enemy.

 

Don't expect much out of "how'd your exams go" "omg sexy my exams got me so horny!!!" c'mon man. You have to be flirty. You have to make moves. I want you to report back with better stories than having asked a girl how her mid terms were! Also believe in your height. You just have to stand tall next to them.

If they liked me somewhat, wouldn't any question I ask them suffice? I mean if they're attracted to you you can pretty much say the most mundane thing and it'll get her giddy. I'll try and push the boundaries, though. I will talk about things a little more interesting. But, really, the whole "Wow 6'2" is is the ideal male height and every girl loves it" is not quite true. Girls just want a guy who is taller than them. So many 5'5" girls are quite content with a 5'9" guy. In fact, I may be TOO tall for some of these short girls -- it could actually be a turn off if the height difference is too great.

 

It seems like being in your late 20s and still at uni might be awkward. The girls might not relate to you that well. You definitely need to get into a social circle that includes females. You should be in a good spot you just need to get involved with some groups and not go around smiling weirdly at girls like Smiley McSmilerston. Do they have any groups you might be interested in?

There are a few groups, but they don't appeal to me. For me to join them would solely be done to meet females. If I join student groups, I should actually ENJOY the social activity, whatever it may be.

 

For the record, I don't go around campus smiling at every cute girl I see. In fact I seldom smile. If I see a cute girl looking at me I MAY smile. I probably smile at girls no more than two times a day.

[Marek]

Ahh so now you're going from "height isn't a benefit" to "I may be TOO tall for some girls..." You really are your own worst enemy. All this self doubt.

 

You asked a girl how her mid terms were and she answered. Isn't it your job to lead the conversation as a guy. I mean aren't girls generally more timid? Was she supposed to get all excited and bubbly over being asked about midterms and start talking about how much she likes you and wish's you'd ask her out?

Ask some girls out, don't ask them about midterms or what their favorite class is or what ever lame thing comes to your mind. Instead get in touch with that real you, the reason you're talking to them in the first place. (sex, love, romance, fun etc.)

No, I don't expect them to get all excited and bubbly. BUT they could keep the conversation flowing. This girl whom I asked about the mid-term didn't ask me ANY questions. Don't you think if she was somewhat interested she would have actually inquired about my life?

 

About the second bold text: How do I go about this when they are showing me ZERO indicators of interest? They have to be somewhat curious about me to want to talk to me. To date, I haven't found a girl who gives two sh*ts about me. I'm the invisible student on campus.

 

I think attraction works thus: girl shows interest --> guy approaches her --> they engage in conversation --> both like each other --> a date is then established.

[StanMusial]

If they liked me somewhat, wouldn't any question I ask them suffice? I mean if they're attracted to you you can pretty much say the most mundane thing and it'll get her giddy. I'll try and push the boundaries, though. I will talk about things a little more interesting. But, really, the whole "Wow 6'2" is is the ideal male height and every girl loves it" is not quite true. Girls just want a guy who is taller than them. So many 5'5" girls are quite content with a 5'9" guy. In fact, I may be TOO tall for some of these short girls -- it could actually be a turn off if the height difference is too great.

 

There are a few groups, but they don't appeal to me. For me to join them would solely be done to meet females. If I join student groups, I should actually ENJOY the social activity, whatever it may be.

 

For the record, I don't go around campus smiling at every cute girl I see. In fact I seldom smile. If I see a cute girl looking at me I MAY smile. I probably smile at girls no more than two times a day.

 

Ok, if you don't smile that much by nature then it would be even weirder. I'm not trying to break your balls, just trying to help.

 

If you don't like the activities groups you are right not to join. It would just be a pain in the ass. My life was a lot different when I was your age. Being on a college campus is not the worst spot to be in. You're going to have to get involved socially, trying to pick off a girl here and there is difficult unless you are good looking.

[somedude81]

"Wow 6'2" is is the ideal male height and every girl loves it" is not quite true. Girls just want a guy who is taller than them. So many 5'5" girls are quite content with a 5'9" guy. In fact, I may be TOO tall for some of these short girls -- it could actually be a turn off if the height difference is too great.

Would you rather be 6'2, or 5'6?

[Marek]

Would you rather be 6'2, or 5'6?

6'2". 5'6" is too short for guys. However, not once has my height helped me get laid.

[sid3]

6'2". 5'6" is too short for guys. However, not once has my height helped me get laid.

 

It's obvious you have a fear of females.

[somedude81]

6'2". 5'6" is too short for guys. However, not once has my height helped me get laid.

Read what you said again bro, being 6'2 has helped you get girls because it meant that you aren't too short for them.

 

It's better to be too tall than too short.

[cerridwen]

6'2". 5'6" is too short for guys. However, not once has my height helped me get laid.

 

Don't be so sure.

 

Part of my attraction to my current is his height of 6'4.

It may play a bigger part than you realize.

[sweetkiwi]

Funny you say that Night. I always ask guys I am sexually attracted to how tall they are. I am barely 5ft yet I prefer men much taller. One ex was 6ft 4. The last one was 6ft 2.

 

But. I find the best cuddles happen with guys closer to my height. And we can have sex in a glove compartment if need be

[Feelin Frisky]

I recommend continuing education, finding what your bigger life interests are and seeing if there are any associations that have social events. I was in a relationship during my late 20's so I had to return to dating at 31 after we went separate ways. I'm your height (close to an inch taller) and weighed 10lbs more (after reducing from 330 lbs). At 6'3 215 and 31 I went to university at night. Met someone there. Then I went to art school and found lots of things to do at night around my interest which was video and computers. Dress well, act self assured and assert yourself. I got 7 chicks that year. I met women on the subway. If you look good and maybe a little brash and devilish, you'll get cues. I was always going to trade shows too. I went up to some decent-looking chick at one of those company booths who wasn't some bimbo model. And after we chatted about her company's market focus and my interest, I asked where she was from. Boston. (Good, far enough away.) Next was "do you have someone to show you around New York tonight?" "No? Well how 'bout.....?" That worked. You have to be among women to meet them and I prefer the brainier types like those who would attend education or human resources conferences. If they're from out of town some want to rock it while they--the cat or the mouse or w/e--when they're away. I was lonely a lot too. You just gotta keep the engine going and showing up where women can differentiate you. Don't be a slut.

[Scarlett5]

It's all about confidence and self belief! So if there's anything you should be working on, it's those aspects.

 

I agree with you on the height thing marek....I'm personally not usually attracted to tall guys. I'm 5'6 and like them to be just a bit taller than me. But A LOT of women are, everyone has their own tastes. So I'd say your height won't get you any more or less dates.

[somedude81]

Seriously guys?

 

Nobody needs reassurance that women are attracted to tall men

[ascendotum]

No, I don't expect them to get all excited and bubbly. BUT they could keep the conversation flowing. This girl whom I asked about the mid-term didn't ask me ANY questions. Don't you think if she was somewhat interested she would have actually inquired about my life?

 

About the second bold text: How do I go about this when they are showing me ZERO indicators of interest? They have to be somewhat curious about me to want to talk to me. To date, I haven't found a girl who gives two sh*ts about me. I'm the invisible student on campus.

 

I think attraction works thus: girl shows interest --> guy approaches her --> they engage in conversation --> both like each other --> a date is then established.

 

While for instance that example you gave of starting a conversation about 'how did her exams go' is hardly an enthralling or smutty question to get a girl excited it was initiating things, and imo, if I a girl in any way fancied you, it would be good enough to get the ball rolling and you can extend it to more interesting convo. She would be giving you IOIs (like a smile for instance) while talking to you and would engage in the conversation because she would be happy to be getting attention from you. A 'yeah ok' or 'I guess so whatever' type response with no follow up, is a pretty good indicator in my books, that she has no interest in you.

 

A good looking guy can begin a conversation with anything and be well received. The lower down on the totem pole of looks you are the more the need there is to engage in conversation that is not mundane or bland chit chat. Your attraction roadmap, is how it works in a lot of cases more so if you are decent looking (if you are good looking many girls approach first of even), but in a non club/pub/bar setting such as campus where the focus is on study, you ideally need to get their attention by getting involved in conversations with them and hopefully get some IOIs.

[MrCastle]

So when a short guy struggles, women say height doesn't matter. When a tall guy struggles, they come in here and get moist talking about how they prefer taller men. You wonder why guys struggle to take you seriously sometimes.

[PogoStick]

I'm 6'2 and at least reasonably attractive and intelligent. I'm always thankful for those free gifts that I've been given. No girls cannot be too short. I've dated around 5'1 and the average is about 5'3-5'4. My ex-wife is 5'11 and shorter guys just don't have a chance with a girl like her.

 

You've been given a free gift at 6'2. You sound intelligent too. With those bonuses other things must be weighing you down.

 

How's your face? Well not much you can do about that except take care of your skin and get the right hair cut. You can always improve your fashion.

 

The rest is all in your control and equally important as the other qualities: your confidence, personality, demeanor, awkwardness, happiness (rarely smiling means you could be putting up a wall).

 

You need friends and hobbies. No one here can help you until you help yourself.

[MrCastle]

My ex-wife is 5'11 and shorter guys just don't have a chance with a girl like her.

 

Except for me I guess?

[sweetjasmine]

So when a short guy struggles, women say height doesn't matter. When a tall guy struggles, they come in here and get moist talking about how they prefer taller men. You wonder why guys struggle to take you seriously sometimes.

 

It's almost as if...some women think height doesn't matter and some do!