Caldespair Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Have few well intentioned buddies who know my situation (getting divorced, been 7 weeks since our fight, and her deciding she was done). I am supposed to go for a couple of nights, golf, party at well know golf area. But I may decline due to my feelin so low. Hate to be out when your not into it. Im in the mode where work, IC, my daughters, handling lawyer crap are about all I can take. I don't like the feeling that I need to be "on" going out with the gang. Being alone seems like what I need now. But torn. This is prob common at this point of divorce. Thanks
trippi1432 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Hi Caldespair - What has been the status of the marriage since your last update several days ago? You mention the daughters, what's going on there?
Yasuandio Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I know that feeling. Turning down invitations has gradually turned me into a recluse over the last four years. Force yourself to go anyway - since you have the opportunity. The more times you back out of oppotunities to go out - the less opportunities will present themselves. I have just met a new girlfriend. She invited me to go meet here at a nearby place for a pedicure last week. When she texted me the address - I felt like decling, since I was already home and not dressed to go out. Well, I forced myself to get ready and go. I had a good time and felt so much better. Just do it. 1
MsOptimist Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Can you maybe do an evening out instead of an entire weekend? That would give you an escape if you're not feeling it. Be honest with your friends too and I'm sure they'd be willing to tailor the evening according to how you're feeling. I know there have been times lately where I've been tempted to turn down social invitations, but I've usually found that the distraction has been nice and I haven't regretted forcing myself to go. Just give yourself an out if you're really having an awful time (drive yourself, and of course don't drink if you're driving), and be honest to your friends that that may happen. But I've always found that my friends made me laugh and smile and give my mind a break from the mental exhaustion of divorce drama. So my suggestion is to at least agree to an evening or a few hours and try it and see how it goes. You might have fun playing some golf and laughing with your friends for a few hours. 3
Woggle Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 You should do it. Going away with the guys to Montreal after my divorce was some of the best fun I ever had in my life. 3
Author Caldespair Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Thanks for the input. Tripp, things going towards Divorce. I tried and still would be open to reconcile however she would need to try to do counseling for me to get back. But I was the dumpee and thats hard. Its funny, with my teenage girls I would always note better to be dumper the dumpee, I guess wife was listening. Ms Optimist your right on. Im driving to pebble beach separately, so i can do as needed depending how I am feeling. These guys went to grammar school with me (im 49 now) so they really know me. The are not like the hi friends my sbxw had (though some are still my buds). Its silly that I am looking forward to a funeral tomorrow of my old pals mother. She was in her 90's and its was not a shock. I will be seeing sooo many people that I have not seen in years. My pal had 10 siblings (irish catholic) and there will be good times catching up. Still reaction of couple and people who knew us are flabbergasted on the fact we are breaking up. I still kinda of am. Per phone records (i have more free time now) i noted she has had GIANT communication with a newer cell number. It first call was september and now its 600 mins a month. more then double my sbxws conversation with our college daughter. This has thrown me for a loop as I was feeling slightly better. Now, I know it is pointless, but this cell phone number has DEFINITELY had some impact on her decision to end our 20 plus year marriage. I know the scanderouls address and cell number. It appears hes a bit younger (30's) and he just got married in october 2012. My f,,n curiosity wants to find out who this f wad is. My thinking is someday I can tell the kids when older what led mom to her decision. But this cell phone record discovery has hot me hard. thanks gang
Mystery2Me Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Hi Caldespair, I would say that your feelings are normal, and I am sorrry you are having to deal with being a bit non-social. Great advice and suggestions for you to consider. I too find myself wanting to hide and a exhausted due to handling day-to-day demands and legal aspects of divorce. But like others have shared I always feel better having getting out with friends. Like, Ms. O suggested these are your friends, so let them know that you may not be up to an entire weekend but can join them for a bit. Friday I am meeting with my lawyer about the divorce, and afterwards have purposefully made plans for dinner with friends. Overall divorce is a rough thief robbing us of enery and self-esteem, and that's is precisely why we need our friends. Enjoy yourself and we can't wait to read all about the great time you had.
trippi1432 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Thanks for the input. Tripp, things going towards Divorce. I tried and still would be open to reconcile however she would need to try to do counseling for me to get back. But I was the dumpee and thats hard. Its funny, with my teenage girls I would always note better to be dumper the dumpee, I guess wife was listening Neither is easy..you'll find that out as you live your life. Have a good time and take a different car so you control how much you can take. I had a very social life before my latest break up....you have to ease back into it so you don't feel run over by a train. It will make you feel better.
Author Caldespair Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Mystery I feel you. divorce process sucks. So many issues and I'm nit even at first base. Not to harp on lawyers, but it's a racket. I interviewed 3 and chose one I think is best and was referred to me. But who knows. Say goodbye to 7500 retainer fee. I'd rather have dental drilling without novacaine. How's your divorce going besides lousy?
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