crashvector Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Repost of another reply I made just in case someone would be interested in learning from my experiences. Perhaps, if this can help even just one other person, then my trip away will feel more "worth it" somehow. I just feel terrible that so many people here are hurting (and ALL of you have my sympathy I assure you), and I wish there was something I could do to make ALL of it go away. anyhow, here is something that was suggested to me during my stay that really seems to be working for me... Pick something you REALLY like to savor and enjoy. For ME, its a cup of Earl Grey Tea. I absolutely LOVE earl gray tea, and have always really enjoyed it with just enough sugar to kill any bitterness, and a half lemon wedge to accentuate the bergamot flavor. It is something I indulge in every so often, and would go through periods of drinking tons of it then a little while where I kinda "forgot" about it. Anyhow, I've always really liked it since my first cup after hearing Picard say "Tea. Earl Gray. Hot" and decided to try it. The counselor told me that whenever I feel myself sliding downward more than just a little sadness, go make myself a cup of earl grey tea....and be SURE to sip it and savor it...notice how the citrus perfectly compliments the tea, how warm it feels going down, how soothing it makes me feel. And yes, citrus smells have been proven to improve your mood, so that helps, too. In other words, you use something you are passionate about that makes you feel good to counter-act the negative feelings you have to keep them in check. The idea is that you EVENTUALLY start to associate thoughts about this other person with GOOD things instead of pain. Takes a LOT of time, but in the meantime, focusing on something you like distracts you from how sad you are, and allows you more time to cope. Plus, there is something REALLY soothing about Earl Gray for some reason. So, that's one of the "coping mechanisms" that they suggested that I have been using. Of course, this means I've been drinking like 10 cups of earl gray per day, but hey..it's working for me so far, and I'm remembering something that I've always enjoyed since my teens. She and I used to sit and watch TV and drink a cup of hot tea together....and guess what? That memory isn't absolutely crushing me or making me cry me like it normally would, so there's at least SOMETHING to this. If you want to go this route, I'm using light agave syrup instead of sugar...less glycemic index. Also, I have found the Twinnings brand to be my favorite, as it has been for years. At one time, I had no less than 12 or 13 different brands and flavors of Earl Gray in my cupboard, including Teavanna, and all kinds of different variations (Lavender earl gray, Rose earn gray, etc) and have always found the "traditional" kind from Twinnings to be THE best. Try it. It took a couple of days for me to realize that it was helping, even if just a LITTLE bit, but it IS helping. And right now, even a TINY bit of relief is more than I had before.
Paxetlux Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I've been doing this with jack daniels, hahah.
MyAngel Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Hmmm I have heard similar I think. When do you drink the tea, is it when you are feeling particularly down? I feel down most of the day but there are moments when I feel worse. Do you find yourself thinking of your ex pretty much ALL the time? Like she is always there in your brain even when you are doing other things?
Author crashvector Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Hmmm I have heard similar I think. When do you drink the tea, is it when you are feeling particularly down? I feel down most of the day but there are moments when I feel worse. Do you find yourself thinking of your ex pretty much ALL the time? Like she is always there in your brain even when you are doing other things? Yes. Literally EVERY moment she is in my head. I drink it when I start to feel myself slide down even more. So, when I start to feel myself starting to feel even worse, THAT is when I will make myself a cup. I always feel extremely sad right now...so I only use it during the "worse" moments, as I was instructed to do.
MyAngel Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I think about my ex all the time too. I read some people say they think about them for example 6 times a day and honestly I wouldn't even bother counting as I am always thinking of her. Always. But you know what, it was the same when we were together. She would always be on my mind. It's a habit that's formed over a long period of time and I need to replace the thoughts of her with something else but I just don't know what that is yet. Maybe I will eat more chocolate hehe. 1
Author crashvector Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 I think about my ex all the time too. I read some people say they think about them for example 6 times a day and honestly I wouldn't even bother counting as I am always thinking of her. Always. But you know what, it was the same when we were together. She would always be on my mind. It's a habit that's formed over a long period of time and I need to replace the thoughts of her with something else but I just don't know what that is yet. Maybe I will eat more chocolate hehe. Yeah, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I thought about her all the time when we were together because it made me feel GOOD whenever I thought about her. NOW, those very same memories are hurting me SO much. I think the idea of this suggestion is to teach yourself and to learn how to EVENTUALLY be able to take those memories that hurt you and make them into memories that at the very least don't hurt anymore. I know it will take a LONG time, but like i said, a tiny bit of relief is better than none right now, considering how bad I am hurting.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Yeah, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I thought about her all the time when we were together because it made me feel GOOD whenever I thought about her. NOW, those very same memories are hurting me SO much. I think the idea of this suggestion is to teach yourself and to learn how to EVENTUALLY be able to take those memories that hurt you and make them into memories that at the very least don't hurt anymore. I know it will take a LONG time, but like i said, a tiny bit of relief is better than none right now, considering how bad I am hurting. Thank god im not alone!!!!! i cannot get him out of my head!!!! not even for a second!!! Even while watching movie or tv. his in my head! its frustrating! If there was any moment i wouldnt think about him i would almost feel guilty... like i love him so much how can i even miss a split second! i swear i thought i was going insane. my friends sure think that. 1
Author crashvector Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Thank god im not alone!!!!! i cannot get him out of my head!!!! not even for a second!!! Even while watching movie or tv. his in my head! its frustrating! If there was any moment i wouldnt think about him i would almost feel guilty... like i love him so much how can i even miss a split second! i swear i thought i was going insane. my friends sure think that. No, you are most definitely not alone.
cavalier99 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I don't think any one thing helps. Hell I've read endless lists of recommendations. End of the day it all boils down to Time and NC, and doing some of those things with a good attitude that you will recover. 1
Amelie1980 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Nothing works for me. I have days of feeling sad, days of feeling calm and days like today which are the worst: anxiety days. My bf was kind enough to tell me that had I not done this or that we May still be together. So now I am going to be haunted for the rest of my life by those 2 most terrible words: what if........
cavalier99 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Nothing works for me. I have days of feeling sad, days of feeling calm and days like today which are the worst: anxiety days. My bf was kind enough to tell me that had I not done this or that we May still be together. So now I am going to be haunted for the rest of my life by those 2 most terrible words: what if........ And you believe him? No what ifs! Only "it is".
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 amelie - me too. he pretty much said everything was perfect and he'd never met anyone like me, but he'd waited 18 months in a relationship where he didn't want sex (long story, we had it a lot at one point, then broke up, been lingering ever since!) because I am not athletic or thin enough. I am constantly thinking "if I'd just lost weight" - which is ridiculous as I am a bit chunkier than I'd like but hardly fat! (ESP since he ended it - have lost 8lbs in just over a week). anyway when I kill myself over not doing it sooner, I think, f.uck you - you love someone for who they are. if you want to change them, the problem is you, not them. guys like that will always move the goalposts. if I'd dieted myself anorexic and you'd done whatever he said, it WOULD have been something else. there's always something else.
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 people like that, not guys like that!
Amelie1980 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Own Worst....his problem not yours. In my case it was my fault....I lost my temper with him for cancelling a date after id had a long day at work. I'm sorry, I'm human. he'd laid into me on the phone before but I forgave him. think it shocked him.....
Author crashvector Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 So go get some tea, and try it. Its working very well for me...today at least....and if I can get ONE day without tears, I will consider it a HUGE success.
Amelie1980 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 So go get some tea, and try it. Its working very well for me...today at least....and if I can get ONE day without tears, I will consider it a HUGE success. I'm British....I've been drinking Twinings Earl Grey since I was 4. I'm not crying much now, haven't done much of that. I wish I could. I vary from depression or.worst the anxiety. I have chewed my bottom lip up badly, picked all the skin off from around my finger nails and pulled lots of my hair out. The anxiety days are the worst.
Author crashvector Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 I'm British....I've been drinking Twinings Earl Grey since I was 4. I'm not crying much now, haven't done much of that. I wish I could. I vary from depression or.worst the anxiety. I have chewed my bottom lip up badly, picked all the skin off from around my finger nails and pulled lots of my hair out. The anxiety days are the worst. That's what Xanax is for...and exactly why I have a prescription for it. Twinnings is the BOMB
Leegh Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I enjoyed your post, but if you drink a lot of tea, possibly the caffeine will start to cause you additional stress, worry, etc. about your ex. I'll try what you suggest, but I think also cutting down on caffeine can help when trying to get over someone. In addition, with time I think memories fade. Sometimes when I read about celebrities who recently split, and then just a couple of months later, they are in a new relationship, it is mind-boggling. The only thing I can think of is that they were emotionally out of their prior relationship before it ended. It has taken me up to three years to get over some past boyfriends. Thanks again for the tip, I'll try it!
MyAngel Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Nothing works for me. I have days of feeling sad, days of feeling calm and days like today which are the worst: anxiety days. My bf was kind enough to tell me that had I not done this or that we May still be together. So now I am going to be haunted for the rest of my life by those 2 most terrible words: what if........ The what ifs suck. I know that if I behaved more relaxed and not so serious, she would still be with me. But you know what I think, maybe she would be but for how long? If they leave you because of WHO you are now, they will have never stayed in the first place. There's nothing that would have made them stay.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I think i have anxiety and people around me tell me that. I went to two doctors before and they just told me to stop stressing and do something else. when I stress about something I walk back and forth. Constantly pacing. My heart beats so fast and I feel like in going to just faint. I don't want people to come hug me or anything during that time. I just want space cause its just so hot. Oh and they just suggest stress vitamin. Blackmores executive B1. I don't know if it does anything. It's not strong or anything. They refuse to prescribe me anything that messes with my brain.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I enjoyed your post, but if you drink a lot of tea, possibly the caffeine will start to cause you additional stress, worry, etc. about your ex. I'll try what you suggest, but I think also cutting down on caffeine can help when trying to get over someone. In addition, with time I think memories fade. Sometimes when I read about celebrities who recently split, and then just a couple of months later, they are in a new relationship, it is mind-boggling. The only thing I can think of is that they were emotionally out of their prior relationship before it ended. It has taken me up to three years to get over some past boyfriends. Thanks again for the tip, I'll try it! I agree with memory fades but the celebrity example. Thir so busy with their lives. They see each other on special occasions. Most spent 3 months apart and 1 week together. The bond that you form from being with each other everyday is much more tight. which is probably why celebrities don't last. When. You hve so much time a part and constantly meeting new people like celebs do its probably much easier to let go and move on. Not to forget they have the money to distract themselves and do whatever they want to forget. Sel the one house full of memories. And buy a new one. I can't do that lol
Amelie1980 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 That's what Xanax is for...and exactly why I have a prescription for it. Twinnings is the BOMB What's xanax? I was given diazepam...can't take it as it made me too spaced out.
Author crashvector Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 What's xanax? I was given diazepam...can't take it as it made me too spaced out. Xanax is alprazolam. Diazepam is Valium. Generally speaking, you would have fewer side effects from Xanax.
Amelie1980 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Xanax is alprazolam. Diazepam is Valium. Generally speaking, you would have fewer side effects from Xanax. I may ask for xanax. I'm having to go to work on half a tablet as I can't function. The stress is killing me. I was awake nearly every hour this morning with a knot in my tummy and shaky hands.
Author crashvector Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 I may ask for xanax. I'm having to go to work on half a tablet as I can't function. The stress is killing me. I was awake nearly every hour this morning with a knot in my tummy and shaky hands. What I generally do is ask for the 0.5mg tablets and I break them in half. If I'm having a rough day, I take half of one tablet, sit down and have a cup of tea....then if I still feel overly-anxious a couple of hours later, I take the other half, which is enough to make me sleepy and relaxed. 0.25mg of Xanax isn't enough to get you addicted (unless you over-use it), nor is it enough to make you loopy...it is just barely enough to take the edge off most of the time...however, like I said, sometimes I need the other half. More days are going by lately where I can make it on just a half a tablet for the whole day. 1
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