Life is not getting any better... Mourning more than one.

January 16, 2013

I feel so alone and empty. I guess during the 4 years I was with him I relied heavily on him. Everytime I was hurt,excited,happy,sad or angry he was there to listen. in the process I lost a lot of close friends. There is still always my best friend. Well I thought. When we were young we were inseperable. But now she has a bf. it's all she talks about and spends all her time with him mostly. I feel disappointed. I thiught we would be able to cry And eat ice cream from a bucket together. But no. Instead The first week he dumped me i went with her to the shops and she Was buying gifts for his family. Got me so upset cause i wanted to have that. I'm already suffering so much from him. I miss him. I wish he would change his mind and call. I wish everything would go back to normal.

I loved him so much and put all my effort into that relationship. I'm so angry he gave up. I'm hurt as ever he never gave us a proper chance. I'm annoyed he let his needs come before ours. I want to just contact him and cry from pain so badly. I know our chances of gettin back diminishes with time and it freaks me out so much. I want to be numb and no longer feel anything. I want my tears to dry up. I want him to feel my pain. My world seems to be upside down without him. He was my rock. Kept me strong when I was weak

January 16, 2013

Boy... you gave up a lot of yourself to him....

And that's absolutely fatal.

Opening up to the extent that you depend on them for such things, weakens you and makes you extremely vulnerable.

Are you in counselling?

I think you need to speak to someone professional about how you should deal with this loss, and how best to regain your control and independence....

January 16, 2013

Boy... you gave up a lot of yourself to him....
And that's absolutely fatal.

Opening up to the extent that you depend on them for such things, weakens you and makes you extremely vulnerable.

Are you in counselling?
I think you need to speak to someone professional about how you should deal with this loss, and how best to regain your control and independence....

Yeah I'm looking into that. I never realized until he was gone how much I've given. if I could go back I wouldn't do that. Save myself the pain.

January 16, 2013

Give your self time to grieve. Your story is really similar to mine. I had 5 year relationship until 21th December when she left me saying she doesn't feel the same anymore. And it hurt's deeply. I gave her everything no questions asked, and she took it for granted. She doesn't want me back and she moved on while am still living in the past. I love her more then anything in my life and its over now. Am staying strong and moving on with my life.Time will heal your every wound, it maybe a slow process, but slow and steady wins the race

January 16, 2013

Give your self time to grieve. Your story is really similar to mine. I had 5 year relationship until 21th December when she left me saying she doesn't feel the same anymore. And it hurt's deeply. I gave her everything no questions asked, and she took it for granted. She doesn't want me back and she moved on while am still living in the past. I love her more then anything in my life and its over now. Am staying strong and moving on with my life.Time will heal your every wound, it maybe a slow process, but slow and steady wins the race

Thanks I know there is a lot of hurt and wounded people on here that can relate. It makes me feel a lot better knowing I'm not alone. I'm afraid they have already out beaten us and won the race... They've moved on with their life while we're still mourning our loss.

Honestly I could never do this to anyone. Regardless if I lost feelings for them. I have a heart. And I feel for people. I could never leave them drowning in the deep end while I swim to safety. I don't understand how people can be so heartless. And coming from someone who told me I was his everything. And loved me so much. how do you just turn your back on someone like this.

January 16, 2013

I feel your pain. All I can say is stay strong, and keep the NC.

You are so much more worth than that, and you WILL find someone who appreciates you. Day by day, things will get better. Little by little.

Talk to us if you need strength. I might not be able to eat ice cream with you, but I sure have felt what you are going through, and I can promise you, you will be happy again! Just hang on.

January 16, 2013

Could it be that I'm an only child. Ever since I was young my parents have always worked. I was put at different houses until I was able to stay home alone. They worked till late at midnight and I was always home alone. We don't really have family here since we moved and I've always get attached to people I get close to. It's hard to get close but when I do an they leave its really painful. When my cousin came over to study I became close to her. Wen she left I felt alone. It's like I have seperation anxiety. I can't explain the loss of my ex. It's like I lost my best friend, brother and boyfriend all in one. I never did the family time or vacations or anything. And I was able to do that all with the ex bf. we built out future plans around each other.

January 16, 2013

Lost of love is one of the hardest things in life. You feel like a big part of you died and its never going to be the same again. Losing some1 is never easy. And what ldukaz said, if you need to talk with some1 we are here supporting you!!

January 16, 2013

I'm sorry you are also hurting.

Something that I learned that's really been helping me is this: pick something you REALLY like to savor and enjoy.

For ME, its a cup of Earl Grey Tea. With just enough sugar to kill any bitterness, and a half lemon wedge to accentuate the bergamot flavor.

They told me that whenever I feel myself sliding downward more than just a little sadness, go make myself a cup of earl grey tea....and be SURE to sip it and savor it...notice how the citrus perfectly compliments the tea, etc.

In other words, you use something you are passionate about (for me, the balancing of flavors and such) to counter-act the negative feelings you have to keep them in check.

Plus, there is something REALLY soothing about Earl Gray for some reason.

So, that's one of the "coping mechanisms" that they suggested that I have been using. Of course, this means I've been drinking like 10 cups of earl gray per day, but hey..it's working.

If you want to go this route, I'm using light agave syrup instead of sugar...less glycemic index. Also, I have found the Twinnings brand to be my favorite...has been for years.

January 16, 2013

Could it be that I'm an only child. Ever since I was young my parents have always worked. I was put at different houses until I was able to stay home alone. They worked till late at midnight and I was always home alone. We don't really have family here since we moved and I've always get attached to people I get close to. It's hard to get close but when I do an they leave its really painful. When my cousin came over to study I became close to her. Wen she left I felt alone. It's like I have seperation anxiety. I can't explain the loss of my ex. It's like I lost my best friend, brother and boyfriend all in one. I never did the family time or vacations or anything. And I was able to do that all with the ex bf. we built out future plans around each other.

Well he's a ****in moron for leaving someone like you. Damn, I've been looking for someone like you for over a decade now!!

May I ask why he broke up with you? or how it happened?

January 16, 2013

I also find it hard to open up as I am afraid of getting hurt. I talked to my ex about my fears and although I was scared, I opene up and gave my heart. Look what happened. Makes you think why bother at all.

January 16, 2013

Well he's a ****in moron for leaving someone like you. Damn, I've been looking for someone like you for over a decade now!!

May I ask why he broke up with you? or how it happened?

We were long distance for about 3 years, it was hard but we made it through. His always had problems with his family... ever since his dad died his mums never cared for the children she just went around finding guys. Their quite crazy.

He comes down and visits, it was hard to get my parents to let him stay at our house but i finally did it. He came down one time to run away from stress and decided to stay. He was going no where to study or even work. I kept trying to motivate him to find a job while his not studying. The beginning he was but then it seemed like he gave up. My parents never made him pay for anything, no food, no rent, all his belongings they paid for including his phone. He got money from the government and i told him to save all of that for when he needs it like study.

He was down here for about 6months. His mum then randomly came in contact with him again and asked him to go up there to help her move stuff to her new boyfriends place. I didnt want him to go, i just had a feeling that he wasnt going to come back... We had a few bad fights over it, one time i slapped him. I felt really bad about it trust me. Finally i had to let him go, i couldnt stop him. We booked a return flight. I kept asking him if his going to come back no matter what cause i knew his mum would ask him to stay and give her money to pay for the house like she has always done. he told me because he loves me he will come back no matter what. I still remember him waving bye to me at the airport. During that week he would call me really late at night and insecure me would ask im if his okay and still coming back. He always told me yes.

Up to the very last hour he told me he was coming back. He was suppose to board the plane at 5 so he was to leave the house at 3 in the morning. I got a call at 1 am and i asked him are you okay? and i started to panic and said "no... please no dont tell me please" and he replied "yes , its what you think"... im not ever going back there". i begged and pleaded and asked why. and he just told me that i caused a scar in him.. i slapped him and he didnt think i ever would. He also says he feels comfortable here, his friends are there. and his family is being nice to him again. i didnt know how to tell my dad not to go pick him up so i handed the phone to him. He told me dad he wasnt coming back and to tell me to transfer the money over. I will never forget that night. i was torn to pieces.

I couldnt sleep or eat at all, cried all day and my mum even cried with me. She begged me to get better. A week later i cracked and called him. He seemed sincere cause he knew i was having a heart attack to hear him. i asked if he was going to come back and he told me he was unsure. he still loved me but what i did was too far. Talked to him for a couple of days. then he got angry one day because he was tired and i wanted to talk to him. he was busy catching up with people. and he would get annoyed and tell me to just send his money its the least i could do, After all i've done to him. He said i pressured him.

i stopped annoying him from then, two weeks later i was feeling stronger and more anger so i asked my friend to ask for his address to send his stuff over. He texted his address and he asked if i wanted to talk. i told him no i need to move on with my life etc.... because i was angry... he told me jsut as friends. and i insisted no. i told him to send my stuff back because if he can erase me from his memory than i can as well. He told me he hasnt and his cherishing those memories not wasting them. then he thought i was provoking him.. after that i got angry and spammed him with texts. i was so hurt how heartless he could be.

Two weeks after that his friend called at midnight. i didnt know his number so i picked up... he just basically told me something about his brothers being nice to him and stuff. random backgorund and told me that he needs the money to buy tools for his apprenceship. i told him i couldnt talk about him. He said its that bad huh? and i just repeated that i couldnt talk. So he wished me all the best and dont do anything stupid.

and that was friday, and now im a MESS!

A year ago when he was overwhelmed by everything he broke it off with me. i knew he was going through a hard time.. i bought a ticket for a day and went up there to him. i risked everything to go up there. it was fine.

He was expected to help around the house and sometimes i can understand my dad is demanding.

January 16, 2013

I also find it hard to open up as I am afraid of getting hurt. I talked to my ex about my fears and although I was scared, I opene up and gave my heart. Look what happened. Makes you think why bother at all.

Oh yeah, I know this feeling VERY well.

It makes me REALLY skittish because I know how bad this hurts me, and how it takes me SO long to recover.

January 16, 2013

I'm sorry you are also hurting.

Something that I learned that's really been helping me is this: pick something you REALLY like to savor and enjoy.

For ME, its a cup of Earl Grey Tea. With just enough sugar to kill any bitterness, and a half lemon wedge to accentuate the bergamot flavor.

They told me that whenever I feel myself sliding downward more than just a little sadness, go make myself a cup of earl grey tea....and be SURE to sip it and savor it...notice how the citrus perfectly compliments the tea, etc.

In other words, you use something you are passionate about (for me, the balancing of flavors and such) to counter-act the negative feelings you have to keep them in check.

Plus, there is something REALLY soothing about Earl Gray for some reason.

So, that's one of the "coping mechanisms" that they suggested that I have been using. Of course, this means I've been drinking like 10 cups of earl gray per day, but hey..it's working.

If you want to go this route, I'm using light agave syrup instead of sugar...less glycemic index. Also, I have found the Twinnings brand to be my favorite...has been for years.

haha thankyou for the advice =] really appreciated! it sucks how tea has so much memories! i drank tea with him every single day, he would ask me every morning and night "tea"? but i guess ill have to turn it into my thing instead of our thing. too bad i love sugar in my tea =( 3 teaspoons! im going to be so fat after this haha

January 16, 2013

Don't look at it from a negative perspective. Love is beautiful, and you should love and be loved, and one day you will again. And next time you will love more deeply and honestly then ever before. Every time you get your heart broken, it heals and grows bigger and stronger then ever before

January 16, 2013

I also find it hard to open up as I am afraid of getting hurt. I talked to my ex about my fears and although I was scared, I opene up and gave my heart. Look what happened. Makes you think why bother at all.

Same here! i was quite a closed person! I was always hesistant of having a boyfriend because they wont last. i was caustious at first then i dont know what happened... it just all went in without my noticing. he was always the one that was scared i would leave.

i never talk to anyone about personal stuff but with him i felt safe. wrong move.

sometimes we let our guard down without noticing. thats when we are most vulnerable

January 16, 2013

haha thankyou for the advice =] really appreciated! it sucks how tea has so much memories! i drank tea with him every single day, he would ask me every morning and night "tea"? but i guess ill have to turn it into my thing instead of our thing. too bad i love sugar in my tea =( 3 teaspoons! im going to be so fat after this haha

Yeah, I'm not British or anything, but I consider myself to be a "cultured Cajun" lol.

My ex fiance and I would OFTEN drink tea together at her house (soon to be OUR house) while cuddling on the sofa infront of a nice low fire in the fireplace.

We would just sit there and kind of hold each other. She would want me to lean against the arm rest and stretch my legs out, then she would lay between my legs and rest her head on my chest...and we would just stay like that...sipping our tea...and I would just...HOLD her.

GOD that felt SO good to hold that woman like that. SO sweet...SO romantic. Her smell was intoxicating to me.

I miss her SOO much.

Oh well...time for another cup....

January 16, 2013

Yeah, I'm not British or anything, but I consider myself to be a "cultured Cajun" lol.

My ex fiance and I would OFTEN drink tea together at her house (soon to be OUR house) while cuddling on the sofa infront of a nice low fire in the fireplace.

We would just sit there and kind of hold each other. She would want me to lean against the arm rest and stretch my legs out, then she would lay between my legs and rest her head on my chest...and we would just stay like that...sipping our tea...and I would just...HOLD her.

GOD that felt SO good to hold that woman like that. SO sweet...SO romantic. Her smell was intoxicating to me.

I miss her SOO much.

Oh well...time for another cup....

Haha me too. im going to go make some tea. at the very least its something warm to hold onto. everything feels so cold now!

Im trying to pretend everything is okay for my mum. I remember her crying her eyes out with me and i cant take that. But sometimes i cant keep it in so i stay in my room. Makes me seem really lazy but i watch tv shows and come on here to keep me sane.

January 16, 2013

Yeah, I'm not British or anything, but I consider myself to be a "cultured Cajun" lol.

My ex fiance and I would OFTEN drink tea together at her house (soon to be OUR house) while cuddling on the sofa infront of a nice low fire in the fireplace.

We would just sit there and kind of hold each other. She would want me to lean against the arm rest and stretch my legs out, then she would lay between my legs and rest her head on my chest...and we would just stay like that...sipping our tea...and I would just...HOLD her.

GOD that felt SO good to hold that woman like that. SO sweet...SO romantic. Her smell was intoxicating to me.

I miss her SOO much.

Oh well...time for another cup....

Dude c'mon, Youll have a lot more moments like that (with some1 even more special). She's just one more wrong turn you made. So now you have to go back and navigate in other direction

January 16, 2013

Haha me too. im going to go make some tea. at the very least its something warm to hold onto. everything feels so cold now!

Im trying to pretend everything is okay for my mum. I remember her crying her eyes out with me and i cant take that. But sometimes i cant keep it in so i stay in my room. Makes me seem really lazy but i watch tv shows and come on here to keep me sane.

That;s what I've been doing. Since this happened, I know i've watched well over 150 movies.

January 16, 2013

Dude c'mon, Youll have a lot more moments like that (with some1 even more special). She's just one more wrong turn you made. So now you have to go back and navigate in other direction

I hope so...I REALLY do.

Its the best feeling in the world.

January 16, 2013

Thanks guys i really appreciate you guys supporting and talking to me. it really does help and makes me feel better! <3 ahh i love you guys =]

People in real life just tell me "Get over it, your the one making yourself this way, its all in your head" " he doesn't care for you anymore so just stop thinking about it". i dont know why they think that tough love helps.

if i could just get over it you dont think i would??? why would someone want to be in constant pain?

i know there is better guys who is willing to give me his all but right now i feel like im staring into a empty forest.

January 16, 2013

Well its may seem bad atm, but you have your whole life ahead of you. If you look closely enough you'll find out that the forest has a life of its own. Am probably mingling there my self

January 16, 2013

Well its may seem bad atm, but you have your whole life ahead of you. If you look closely enough you'll find out that the forest has a life of its own. Am probably mingling there my self

Haha I would be too cautious now. Forest is unpredictable. Being burnt once is enough for me! In time I guess we will all move onto someone else. But there is never warranty on relationships, I could have a fairytale wedding but te next day the guy takes off. I'm going to need a lot of therapy to fix this one lol

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Life is not getting any better... Mourning more than one.

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