Paxetlux Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 It's wonderful to know i'm not alone. I may have had my still-beating heart ripped from the fleshy caverns of my chest and impaled on the spiked and serrated horns of a devil-whore, but.. I am not alone. That's certainly a comforting feeling when you feel like the world has ended. But.. what now? i am still left with a lot of questions, like how someone who claimed to "love me" could be hopping into a relationship after a week after breaking up with me, and seeing me 9 days ago. I don't hate her, in fact, I may have said nasty things.. but at the end, I still see the scared, innocent little confused girl inside her, and although she has hurt me so bad, and i'll never forget it, I still just want her to be happy with or without me, I guess that's love. I'm back in college, I'm having a tough time, spacing out during lectures thinking about the passionate love we use to make, and now.. this other person is soiling that. But then at times, I can easily say "eh **** that bitch" I will say, looking at pictures of them together and comparing myself to him, I do feel better. haha.. not to sound shallow.. but it helps. 1: because I think it forces you to realize it's all real (even though I still dont understand how someone who "loves you" could do that. 2: Well, **** him, i'm better. But.. I feel like she moved on without care even though she expressed she did and "didnt know what to do".. but I feel like my world has stood still. I see couples, and i'm bitter and depressed., but sometimes I can smile with that bittersweet notion, that hey.. i no longer have any obligations or emotional responsibility. I'm very awkward now though, I feel very distant even sitting next to pretty girls in class. I don't know what to say or how to even act anymore... and it's like, she did, so easily? Ah..
TaraMaiden Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Ah... the good old "Closure" post again. 'Closure is like vomit. It comes from within, but you need to get it out of your system.' You need to read the No Contact Updated guide in my signature/link. It's developing into quite a thread.... You may find much of what you need there. Actually, you WILL find, ALL you need, there.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 It really hurts! Like crazy to see the one you love walk away so easily without warning. If it helps your not alone. And it's probably not the worst case out there either. There are other couples out there who lose each other through death. And seeing how unfair life is when both of them were dedicated to One another. Our partner didnt even want to be with us when they have all the chance to.
TaraMaiden Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Actually, I believe that this kind of split can cause worse grief than death, because the partner hasn't died, is still fully live and kicking, and living their life in a way they've chosen.... 1
Author Paxetlux Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 There is a lot more mental trauma associated with losing a partner to death, that's for sure. there is a lot of vindication when you get up finally, and dust yourself off and realize you are better off and begin to become motivated about the future again. As for people who have their "love" stolen, literally by an uncontrollable circumstance, without ever being able to say goodbye.. that's something I can't bare to imagine. 2
MyAngel Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I quite enjoyed your writing style Pax. I am sorry that this has happened to you but I have no magical answers. I too am left wondering why someone that supposedly never wanted to be without me has walked away. It's something we will never have the answers to and you have to be satisfied with never knowing. You will go through many emotions here and the anger you feel is a good sign, be angry when you feel you can - I find it's more effective for me to be angry than depressed. And one glorious day we will feel nothing at all towards them. Looking forward to that.
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