Mantha03 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 My boyfriend and I had met at work, despite my rule to never date at work, I gave him a chance. We hit it off and moved extremely fast into a relationship and living together. After a few months I had noticed he was a really bad alcoholic and was very jealous and insecure. It got so bad that I had to transfer to an area where I worked alone, I had to move out of my apartment to a new one, change my phone number and check in with him when I leave, when I get to my destination, when I left there and when I got back home. He had to know when anyone even family called and what they said. I found myself walking around with my eyes to the ground, avoiding family and friends in fear there would be someone of the opposite sex around and I would be accused. The only time things were okay is when i quit my job, i was home alone all day and no one talked to me. I finally couldn't handle it anymore and I left him and moved back in with my father and I broke up with him. He begged me back and quit drinking but I remained living at my fathers. Things went good for awhile then back to his same old jealousy and he broke up with me. For a week straight every day the same thing, he didn't want to be together. He even went as far as telling me I became disgusting to him, he's no longer attracted sexually or physically, he doesn't care about me anymore and that he had someone else, move on. It crushed me. Then for days I heard nothing. So I decided to get out of the house, I went out with my best friend and had a few too many. I gave someone my number not with the intentions of having or doing anything simply because it made me feel a little better. So we got back together after that happened. Turns out he got drunk and he said those things to get under my skin. I decided not to tell him about me giving my number out being at how jealous he was before and not trusting that I could be honest with him without him accusing me of doing more. So things got considerably better we could even go out and I could talk to guy friends without being accusers weeks later the guy text and he saw. Even though it was when we broke up and nothing more happened he acts as if I cheated on him. He doesn't want sex that much because he thinks I may have slept with him. He is mean all the time and says rude things when I'm trying to be nice. Do I deserve to be punished like this?
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 No. Question? Why are you with this control-scum? He has and is controlling and abusing you. Bullying you with accusation and shame into a life lacking socially. You need to stop being his punching bag victim. He isn't a man, just a controller. Do not empower him. His drinking is no excuse. Probably the only way he can live with himself, how he is. Do not pity him. Go NC and leave him for good. If he keeps up, get an order and a weapon of sorts.... These types never go away quietly. 1
Author Mantha03 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Thank you so much for your honesty. What I really needed was an unbiased opinion. Why am I with him you ask, well to be truthful I have no real good excuses or anything just really fell for who he was when i met him and keep hoping that is gonna come back. Don't really understand why it's so hard for me to walk away from something so unhealthy. He got in my head, that is for certain.
jlindemann Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 It's easy to continue to go back to what you know, because it feels like a routine to you. You're not sure if you can live without him, and you're not sure if you want to change your life. My ex husband was ALWAYS accusing me of cheating. I always felt like I was doing something wrong...and I never was! I had to save receipts when I went to places, as they were my "timestamp" of where I was. I wasn't allowed to go out with friends, and any male that I spoke to, I felt like I needed to hide it, even though there was nothing going on. I never told him when new guys started at my office, because I knew he would think I was banging them. I wasn't! He ALWAYS called me a liar, and my self esteem was shot. He called me a liar so much that I started to believe I was. I constantly thought to myself that I always needed to tell the truth. What the weird thing is...I always did tell the truth. He brainwashed me. I finally decided I was done when he went on our bank account and saw I was at walmart and checked out at 5:22 pm. He said our bank reportes on eastern time, so that meant I was out at 4:22 pm, but didn't get home from work until 5:30. I had the receipt and everything! 5:22!!! But he told me that I was a C U N T, and a wh0re, and that he hoped I burned in hell. I finally realized I had enough abuse from him, and decided to leave him. For good. I've never felt better about myself. Good luck to you. You don't deserve that. 1
Author Mantha03 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 . I finally realized I had enough abuse from him, and decided to leave him. For good. I've never felt better about myself. Good luck to you. You don't deserve that. How did you do it? How did you let go of him. It seems so much harder to let go now than any other relationship. I want out.
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