Still be friends and hope for something or just cut her off completely?

[blur2007]

I have been hanging out with this girl I know that lives down the street from me. We have became good friends and I think she is really great. She's pretty, unique, and has a sense of humor. It's been about a year since I have known her now and we hang out a lot. At first she admitted that she liked me and I liked her. We kissed and would hold hands and stuff. But then she just didn't want to do that and asked her why. She never really gave me a full explanation and just said she just wanted to be friends. It hurt me but I just had to accept it. Like a nice guy and fool I am, I pretended like it was nothing and stayed friends hoping she would change her mind. There would be times I would just be pissed because she only wanted to see me when it was convenient for her and I would ignore for days and sometimes even a week or two. But we would still somehow end up hanging out. But one day we were watching a movie and she got close to me. She then made a move and it all ended with me giving her oral sex. We didn't mention it for some time until I finally did and she just said she was just in the moment and it didn't mean anything. I am just confused at this point. Things go back to how they were before and it happens again a few more times. But these times she tells me every time and asks me "were just friends right?" Me like the idiot says yeah that's fine and give her oral whenever we are hanging out and she feels in the mood. I was ok with it but now it's starting to hurt me knowing I am being used. It hurts me because I feel so lonely at times and I try to go out and date other women but it just never works out in my favor. I mean she is a cool friend but idk if I can keep this up. Deep down I really want something more with her but I can even bring it up at all because she immediately shoots me down. It's hard to ignore her because when I am bored and have no one else to talk or see she is there since she lives down the street. Idk what to do at this point. Should I just stay friends and continue to be used and hope she would actually want me or do I take my pride and dignity back and cut her off completely? I just hate being lonely and I guess I am a fool for anyone that gives me the least attention.

[WordvAction]

Lay it on the line. If she rejects, Cut Off, you know deep down it's the right thing to do.

[RichieBoy]

Feel for you man, i'm in the same position with a flat mate, waiting till september/october this year to lay it on the line since we'll be in separate accommodation then so its not awkward for her, problem is its grinding my gears already so going to be a real hard year for me. Personally its down to clingyness really (i.e. always trying to wallk her to the train station even when she declines it says something about herself you already know about and she knows it), too much attention to her and its going to eventually turn sour methinks so try to find some type of distraction with engaging in anything not linked to her really, have found in the past it has taken my mind off the issue in my situation.

[imtooconfused]

blur2007... The one thing I know about "friendzone" is that no matter what you do, say, how you act, she will NEVER change to wanting you more than "just friends." Women can be pretty heartless about that. I have enough experience with that to know. So you have to make the decision on whether you get enough out of just the friendship part of your relationship to make it worth the time you spend with her.

 

Personally, I tend to get stuck on a woman, even someone who is just a friend, to where I cannot move on to other options. Therefore, for myself, I have to break it off. But you could be able to handle that better.

[aliceb1987]

You sound like a male version of me! it's so easy to cling onto someone in the hope that things will change...i have done this so many times too,because after all nothing is worse than being lonely!

But i have finally realised it is never a good idea and only causes more loneliness AND a broken heart in the long run.Sometimes when you are really into someone,even friends seems better than nothing,but it will never work if you truly care about that person and they don't feel the same about you.She obviously wants a 'friends with benefits' situation and you obviously don't.If she had true feelings for you and wanted to be in a relationship with you,she would have been ages ago.Tell her you can't do it anymore and need space,then cut all contact completely until you don't have feelings for her anymore then maybe in time you can be friends.

[blur2007]

Thanks for the replies and advice guys. I haven't told her anything yet but I am somewhat trying to distance myself and keep myself busy. I do have more important things going in right now like school so it's not bothering me as much but If things remain the same and she asks me for a "favor" again, I am going to tell her I can't. It is starting to become awkward for me and I can't keep it up anymore just as friends. In the meantime hopefully I will meet a nice girl that will not make herself confused and know what she wants. And I bet once that will happen, then she would want to have something more with me, but it will be too late -___-

[blur2007]

It does suck Alice

[imtooconfused]

In the meantime hopefully I will meet a nice girl that will not make herself confused and know what she wants. And I bet once that will happen, then she would want to have something more with me, but it will be too late -___-

 

Don't start a new relationship to spite the last partner. That never works out well. Only begin a new relationship if the new one is good for you. It may be hard to understand, but you are better off being single than to be in either the bad last relationship or a bad new relationship.

[soccerrprp]

This sounds SOOOO familiar! LOL

 

I just ended a "relationship" with a woman that was hot, sexy, pretty, intelligent and yet wasn't my ex! LOL!

 

I know that I need to sever it completely with my ex, but I can't and frankly, am not ready to. There's something about her (ex) that I need and there's something that she needs from me. I'm taking a break from dating, but I am in serious need of therapy keeping my ex around. I think that I'm addicted to the chaos that my ex brings...it's strange, but my ex is the only consistent thing in my life right now as far as relationships go....go figure.

 

But, to be serious and realistic... are you sure you're being used? It sounds like you're getting something out of this too. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A REAL RELATIONSHIP AND READY, CUT IT WITH HER. If not, and you're still hoping, then be prepared for a stormy, roller-coaster of a ride of emotions.

 

I suspect I'm not the best person for advice...good luck!

 

Bewitched (and strangely loving it!) guy signing off...

[blur2007]

Soccerprp, I have been through that too with my last ex and then I finally cut all ties with her and I have been pretty happy since. But what sucks is when I start to like and have feelings for someone and they are not reciprocated, it makes me think of my ex and maybe even miss her a little. It's such a confusing and mixed feeling of emotions. I don't want to miss my ex but I only do because she has been the only one that actually cared about me and enjoyed being with me, yet she left me when I needed her the most. And when I get into a situation like the one I am in now with this current female "friend", I feel used because when they need me I am there. And when I feel so low and need someone to talk to and to tell how I feel deeply, I don't have anyone. Sure I have my friends and family but it does get lonely and I start to isolate people and just want to do everything on my own. *sigh* I know this is all temporary but I hope I can happy being single like I was before.