NoClue2 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Hi all, So I've posted on here about my 3yr relationship which ended this December and I've posted about my rebound which I met about an hour after me and my 3yr relationship broke up (not like me). I moved on from the rebound after I, admittedley, acted like a crazy person with him. However, after we did have sex (was on about the 3rd date) he was still an ass and waited 3 days to contact me after, and then, when I agreed to go over to his house, he ignored me. I told him off and that was the end of that. We haven't talked since (2 weeks ago). So... onto my actual problem now. Around the same time me and rebound got together I started talking to a guy who I'd known in highschool (around 8yrs - I'm 23 now). We were good friends in highschool and all while we've been talking he told me he had a crush on me and that he wished he would have said something in highschool. Friends (MY friends - not his) that I still have from highschool have confirmed this was the case all those years ago. So I ended up going out with him the other night, seeing a bunch of my old highschool friends, and me and him hit it off great. We did M (ya, sorry, whatever!), and we end up sleeping in the same bed (swore we weren't gonna do anything) but ended up having sex. I didn't think anything of it because we were good friends in HS and we've known eachother for yrs, we were both on something that makes you want to have sex, he was a total gentleman about it, and it was honestly incredible sex. Probably the best I've ever had (I've had sex on M before and this was honestly just amazing sex, no questions, regardless of what we were on). He messaged me the day I left his house saying that I should have stayed and we talked a little bit the day after that. I asked him if he wanted to see a movie or something during the week and he said yes but that he had a crazy busy week ahead. I told him not worry about it and that we could do something on the weekend if he wanted. This was the last time we talked and this was 3 days ago. After our last convo I thought, "oh, great, he's actually gonna be a good guy about this!!" So I hadn't heard from him in a couple days and I thought, "oh, maybe I'll just msg him and see where his head is at. Maybe he's a little nervous to seem too eager since we had sex and he's liked me all these years." So I send him a very casual text asking about how his week's been, and nothing! He hasn't said a word to me and it's been all day and night. Not one word. He went from messaging me everyday, instantly replying, to absolutely nothing now. Not even a response. What the ****???!!! I don't care how "busy" your week is, you can respond and say something! It takes 2 seconds! I didn't act crazy with him, I didn't put any pressure on him to take this to some new level after sex, I didn't talk about my ex AT ALL or treat him as if he were my bf, we both agreed the sex was amazing (we had sex for 3hrs!!), and we both definitely agreed we wanted to continue doing it!! So why would he be ignoring me all of a sudden?? He even msgd me right after I left his house! So why would he be ignoring me after a few days?? Any men (or women) out there have an opinion on this?? I cannot believe that this is twice in a row now a guy is gonna treat me like this after we have sex, especially someone that was a good friend to me.
HitMeNow Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 It's 1 of 2 things. 1. He legitimately has not seen your text. 10%. Im which case he ll apologize. 2. He is playing games. 90% In both cases just let him be. If he wants you (believe me he will), he ll let you know. Also from what you say, you had a connection on m, which is pretty hard to forget, so I'm pretty sure he's not just gonna disappear. So what's the rush?
Author NoClue2 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Thanks for the response, HitMeNow. Ok, so let me ask you, why would he go from straight-shooter, upfront, to playing games with me?? He's just not the type. He was really upfront with his feelings when we were talking before which made me feel comfortable having sex with him. I felt like we've been friends for so long and he's so upfront that he'd be the last person to do something like this. Ya, surprise! You seem to be pretty sure he'll be back, can I ask why? It just makes no sense to ignore me like this, escpecially after a good night. It's a blow to my ego and it's a dick-move.
HitMeNow Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 (edited) Why? Why? Let me tell you. This guy has had a crush on you and after 8 years his dreams came true. He probably can still not believe what just happened. And now he is taken aback... afraid, that you're just gonna see him for who he is and you'll put his heart in a melting pot, burn it and then hammer it down into a million pieces. Believe me behind the masculine confidence, always lies a tender heart . Men are males, but they're humans first. Yes it's a blow to your ego but it's a raise to his. Unfortunately that's how things work in social situations. You just have to be the bigger man and look past that and not worry too much about details. He will be back, because: 1. Most humans don't like leaving social things halfway. 2. He had a crush on you. 3. You had sex on m. (if he does something better this week, then I wanna take whatever he'll be taking and do whatever he's doing.) Remember that whatever he's doing (raising his ego, ignoring you), is very subconscious (like a defense mechanism) and not on purpose. Damn Im so good at giving advice to other people. Too bad Im ****ed in my own situations . Cheers, EDIT: You seem pretty open minded. Please look at my thread on early stages of dating texting and give me a female opinion. Edited January 16, 2013 by HitMeNow
JDP25 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I would slow down the poor guy needs some space. Guys don't like as much as guys sounding desperate to girls. It goes both ways. If you are mentioning to him just about the sex and not what you like about him. He is going to play you and use you for sex only. I don't know if you just want sex or an actual relationship. If you just begging for sex out of him that is going to boost his ego too high. You will just become his go to girl for a good night and not go any where else.
Author NoClue2 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 JDP25, I gave him lots of space. I waited 3 days to say something to him and my text wasn't clingy and didnt include any mention of sex at all. And that's actually bull**** because he was constantly texting me before that, so why all of a sudden would he need "space" after we had sex and he's liked me for 8yrs?? And incase you didn't read, we've been friends for 8yrs!! I've also never had to "beg" for sex in my life and I certainly wouldn't be starting with him. We came to a mutual understanding that night that we both wanted sex, and yes, it felt great, but we also have a deeper connection on a friendship level so he knows that's not all I'm looking for but him ignoring me today is making me suspect that's what he was after. Like maybe reread my post, or actually read it this time! Thx.
HitMeNow Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Please NoClue updates us in a few days when he answers !
AMusing Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Having a crush for a very long time can lead to putting the crush on a pedestal; that is, giving her qualities she may not really have, but you fantasize about her having. Nobody can live up to a fantasy, so when reality and fantasy collide there will inevitably be a period of adjustment. On top of that, there can be self doubt ("Can I really live up to this dream girl?") which he'll also need to deal with. This guy has had eight years to build you up in his mind. He knew you as a friend, but never as more; all those gaps in his knowledge about you have probably been filled with fantasies. Sex on M is surreal, fantastic (in both senses of the word), and probably didn't serve to make you more "real," more "tangible" in his mind. So right now we's trying to sort through his fantasies about you as a crush, the realities of you as a friend, the intensity of you in his bed the other night, and the potential of you as something more in his life. Can you blame the poor guy for being freaked out and confused? Give him time and space to process those feelings. 1
Kylar Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 What is M referring too? Molly? Mescaline? I'm only 24 I shouldn't be this far out of the slang. Anyway give him space for a bit, you probably did move a bit too soon, but whatever it could still work out long term. He is going to want to call you, and will.
JDP25 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 JDP25, I gave him lots of space. I waited 3 days to say something to him and my text wasn't clingy and didnt include any mention of sex at all. And that's actually bull**** because he was constantly texting me before that, so why all of a sudden would he need "space" after we had sex and he's liked me for 8yrs?? And incase you didn't read, we've been friends for 8yrs!! I've also never had to "beg" for sex in my life and I certainly wouldn't be starting with him. We came to a mutual understanding that night that we both wanted sex, and yes, it felt great, but we also have a deeper connection on a friendship level so he knows that's not all I'm looking for but him ignoring me today is making me suspect that's what he was after. Like maybe reread my post, or actually read it this time! Thx. Look great story with all the detail but I am giving you the guy aspect. I have known girls that are considered my sisters in a sense of speaking not actual related. Me being a guy that has known a girl in the friend zone for sometime and all. If I build a fantasy to have sex with her. Sex would just be it for the relationship wouldn't move any where but friends with benefits in this case. I met a girl in GA when I was 22 and she was 26 we had sex as friends and after a while it didn't go anywhere but friends. I got pissed because I didn't want to be friends but she insisted that we did to prevent ruining the friendship or end up breaking each other hearts and never talking again. You have think also being friends for so long plays a conflict either risk loosing the friendship for a relationship. Make the relationship work and be happy. Break each others hearts and loose it all. Its a loose, loose, win, win situation. 50/50 chance in a gamble. Give him room to think three days is not enough. Go out your young have some fun at club dancing with the girls and wait. Let him know your not waiting on him that you have a life that will get him to come back. In other case he is probably doing the push and pull on you making interest in you at one moment and then pull away in a second notice to get you all confused, not knowing if wants you or not. Play the same game with him see if he comes running. Don't be played.
Author NoClue2 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 alright, well thanks guys. makes me feel a bit better about the situation. i'm not gonna hound him and i'm gonna give him his space (hate that effin word lol). i needed a man's perspective because none of my girlfriends can wrap their heads around it, especially the ones from highschool. everybody thinks he's a good guy, this is totally out of character for him, and he hasn't said anything bad about me to any of his friends (one of my best friend's brothers is really good friends with his friends so she asked him). my mom agrees that maybe he built up some fantasy of me and that kinda shattered after we slept together. but the polite thing to do would be to give me some sort of explanation rather then just ignore me. i'm alot different then i was in highschool and he hasn't seen me in a few yrs. i'm alot more confident and alot more comfortable with sex. maybe he expected me to just be the same old virginal girl from way back when. just surprising he would text me right after i left and now absolutely no contact. i've only got one guys perspective in real life on it and he says that he probably got what he wanted and doesn't care now (this guy is a total ass tho). it makes me feel better to hear these perspectives.
clia Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I think you should just step back and slow down. You got out of a 3 year relationship a month ago and have already had sex with and gotten crazy about two guys? That seems nuts to me. You don't have to have a guy to be happy. To answer your question...he's ignoring you because he isn't that into you. The "why" doesn't matter. Guys who are interested stay in touch, respond to texts, and ask to see you.
Author NoClue2 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 oh, thanx clia. i actually don't feel the need to supress my sexuality and don't care to have you judge me for it because there is supposed to be a certain period of time in which you're supposed to greive the end of a long-term relationship or wait to sleep with someone afterwards. i personally enjoy sex and i enjoy having someone around me to have sex with. i didn't go "crazy", and if you're saying that i'm crazy for having sex with 2 guys in a month after ending my relationship, it's because i have options. when i walk away, or they do, there is usually always someone right there behind them waiting. i definitely don't need a man, i have a great circle of friends, and active social life. but, like i said, i enjoy sex. and with these 2 guys, i was led to believe that they were good guys with genuine feelings for me. i'm not going crazy, just looking for advice. and thanks for your response but as you can tell from alot of the threads on this board (including HitMeNow's about early texting when it comes to dating), alot of guys are clueless when it comes to texting women, even after sex. and yes, you probably are right, but me and him have history which is why i came asking for advice. so instead of you slut-shaming me for having different views on sex then you do, just stick to what i asked! thanks. and i do appreciate your last sentence. and yes you're probably right. just doesn't make sense to me but it doesn't matter. just pls don't be judgemental about sex. we're not in the 1950's anymore.
CptSaveAho Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I didn't read past you hooked up with an old guy after 1 night of seeing him again and you are rebounding like a champ Its called a one night stand.... might come out to 2 night stand... If your friend is smart, he would push you away and not deal with your mess until you cleaned it up 3 year relationship and you are over it in a month... GTFO here...
Author NoClue2 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 maybe not. but the relationship was really toxic so once i was out of it i felt really free. like i don't think about my ex and i don't miss him but i know i still have baggage. it was a really bad relationship.
Aedra Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 It's never easy dealing with a breakup. =( I know you're on the defensive here and afraid of people judging your sexuality, that's never easy to deal with as a girl. Regardless if you enjoy having sex, you have admitted you moved on too fast. That's the issue. Sleeping with a guy 1 hour after breaking up from a 3 year relationship is far too fast by anybody's standards and only making things complicated. It makes it look like you didn't think too much of your relationship, whether its true or not and society perceives women who are too willing to sleep around as "easy" and not good relationship material which may color what your guy friend thinks of you. Not trying to judge you, its just how society is unfortunately. I think you should slow down and not expect this guy to text you exactly when you want to. I do not think he's that interested in you because if he was he'd be putting in way more effort to keep in contact you. Don't force something to happen. You're still raw from your breakup and that's normal, spend time with your friends and don't put any expectations on any guys right now, you have to heal from your break up first.
Author NoClue2 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 thanks Aedra. just to clarify tho lol it wasn't 1 hour after we broke up. i basically just met him an hr after me and my ex broke up (i actually met him briefly a month before that through friends but we actually talked the night me and my ex broke up). i waited like a week to sleep with him (not much better, i know). and you're very right. any guy that actually cared would be texting or at least replying lol it's harsh lesson to learn but i'm done putting myself out there, for now. i'm not ready. not yet.
clia Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 oh, thanx clia. i actually don't feel the need to supress my sexuality and don't care to have you judge me for it because there is supposed to be a certain period of time in which you're supposed to greive the end of a long-term relationship or wait to sleep with someone afterwards. i personally enjoy sex and i enjoy having someone around me to have sex with. i didn't go "crazy", and if you're saying that i'm crazy for having sex with 2 guys in a month after ending my relationship, it's because i have options. when i walk away, or they do, there is usually always someone right there behind them waiting. i definitely don't need a man, i have a great circle of friends, and active social life. but, like i said, i enjoy sex. and with these 2 guys, i was led to believe that they were good guys with genuine feelings for me. i'm not going crazy, just looking for advice. and thanks for your response but as you can tell from alot of the threads on this board (including HitMeNow's about early texting when it comes to dating), alot of guys are clueless when it comes to texting women, even after sex. and yes, you probably are right, but me and him have history which is why i came asking for advice. so instead of you slut-shaming me for having different views on sex then you do, just stick to what i asked! thanks. and i do appreciate your last sentence. and yes you're probably right. just doesn't make sense to me but it doesn't matter. just pls don't be judgemental about sex. we're not in the 1950's anymore. Um...it's not about the sex. It's about taking the time to recover after a 3 year relationship. You aren't just out there having sex for fun. You are developing feelings for these guys and getting emotionally attached to them. You yourself said you got crazy with the first guy. You say you don't need a man? Your actions speak otherwise. Seriously, take some time on your own to recover from your relationship.
JDP25 Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 You do remind me of this one girl I was for a few months. You two are almost so alike. Going from one relationship to another just because sex was great or you pick up feelings. You sound the same as her being up on the guy. Trying to get contact with him. See what is he doing. Just being all up in there. Take everyone else advice and take a break from your emotions. Be single have fun and be happy. If sex is what you like find yourself a friend with benefits that knows how to control the situation, if you begin to develop feelings. Sorry it sounds harsh, but you have to give yourself sometime to reflect and chill.
suladas Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 It's just another version of E, more pure I think.
HitMeNow Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 M = Molly So the guy didn't text you yet? I was gonna put all my marbles that he would.
Author NoClue2 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 ya, he did text me later on in the week. think he was looking for me to ask him to do something which i didn't do. me and my gfs were looking to party saturday so i called him later in the night. told me to come over but i didn't. haven't spoken since but i really don't care anymore. i think my emotions were just a little intense because it was good sex and we were on m but now that it's faded i couldn't care less if i ever talk to him again. funny how that works lol
Emilia Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I think you need a little time away from guys. Just a handful of months or so. You probably do come across too intense, it would put you on a more equal footing if you were calmer.
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