Sun Devil Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I see that almost all guys who are struggling with women have mentioned that they have social issues. Some of them were even bullied or abused during their childhood. So far, none of the guys have said that they were bad with women just by their looks. This could mean that loks can be easy to improve or that it does not matter as much as some people think. I have seen fat ugly guys with at least decent girls, but hardly the other way around. My observation is that for every handsome guy with an ugly girl, there is a 100 or more ugly guy with a pretty girl. I am starting to believe that social skills are more important for getting girls except for online dating. If my observations are true, then my height should not be a big factor in attracting women if I make up for it in charisma 9
SJC2008 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I see that almost all guys who are struggling with women have mentioned that they have social issues. Some of them were even bullied or abused during their childhood. So far, none of the guys have said that they were bad with women just by their looks. This could mean that loks can be easy to improve or that it does not matter as much as some people think. I have seen fat ugly guys with at least decent girls, but hardly the other way around. My observation is that for every handsome guy with an ugly girl, there is a 100 or more ugly guy with a pretty girl. I am starting to believe that social skills are more important for getting girls except for online dating. If my observations are true, then my height should not be a big factor in attracting women if I make up for it in charisma Social skills are important but I can assure you if a woman is attracted to you and you at least make an effor, she'll have NO problem meeting you half way! If she's NOT attracted to you, forget about it, you're just some socially akward bloke! At 5 feet your height is a factor with all due respect. You need to focus on women your height or shorter OP. Women are security seeking creatures (I stole this term and will be using it a lot!) so it's not a suprise most want a taller man than them, we can't undo biology! Just remember as you work on yourself that there has to be balance. Meaning if you're going to work on being charismatic and become so, don't settle for some plain woman. Get one who deserves a charasmatic man and brings something to the table too!
monicaelise Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I see that almost all guys who are struggling with women have mentioned that they have social issues. Some of them were even bullied or abused during their childhood. So far, none of the guys have said that they were bad with women just by their looks. This could mean that loks can be easy to improve or that it does not matter as much as some people think. I have seen fat ugly guys with at least decent girls, but hardly the other way around. My observation is that for every handsome guy with an ugly girl, there is a 100 or more ugly guy with a pretty girl. I am starting to believe that social skills are more important for getting girls except for online dating. If my observations are true, then my height should not be a big factor in attracting women if I make up for it in charisma Someone please give this man a prize! Yes, you are 100% correct. An awful lot can and will be overlooked if you've got a solid personality. There are a bunch of guys on this board with various physical "issues" that do just fine with the ladies. You've just figured out why. Well done. 2
ScreamingTrees Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I see that almost all guys who are struggling with women have mentioned that they have social issues. Some of them were even bullied or abused during their childhood. So far, none of the guys have said that they were bad with women just by their looks. This could mean that loks can be easy to improve or that it does not matter as much as some people think. I have seen fat ugly guys with at least decent girls, but hardly the other way around. My observation is that for every handsome guy with an ugly girl, there is a 100 or more ugly guy with a pretty girl. I am starting to believe that social skills are more important for getting girls except for online dating. If my observations are true, then my height should not be a big factor in attracting women if I make up for it in charisma Yes, I'd be willing to bet my life on this. For all of the complaining that I may do myself, I don't try at all. That's likely an unattractive thing that can easily be changed. I've always rejected myself before I'd ever given another girl the opportunity to do it. Extreme self-preservation is a pretty lonely road to take.
ScreamingTrees Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I say you perform an experiment. You put your money where your mouth is and be charismatic by being bold. This week hit on a girl really hardcore. Than tell us the details. Good luck old chum. This might go pretty bad, but the key is to not give a ****, not put so much into it mentally, because it's really not a big deal at all. 2
Author Sun Devil Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Last week I talked to 10 girls and got 2 numbers. One has a boyfriend and the other did not respond. This week so far I only talked to 2 girls, but I plan on talking to more. Last semester I only talked to 40 girls and got no dates. This semester, I will be bolder and talk to at least 100 girls. In addition, I plan on using what I have learned from reading "Magic Bullet" and the book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. I also plan on hiring a dating coach who can give me feedback on what I am doing wring. I am thinking about using escorts for experience, but am not sure yet.
chex Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I had issues with gals last year and the year before, mostly because I just didn't have much confidence, and I really was thinking about a relationship to fill the void that's actually filled by a healthy self-love.
ScreamingTrees Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Last week I talked to 10 girls and got 2 numbers. One has a boyfriend and the other did not respond. This week so far I only talked to 2 girls, but I plan on talking to more. Last semester I only talked to 40 girls and got no dates. This semester, I will be bolder and talk to at least 100 girls. In addition, I plan on using what I have learned from reading "Magic Bullet" and the book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. I also plan on hiring a dating coach who can give me feedback on what I am doing wring. I am thinking about using escorts for experience, but am not sure yet. The thing is, eventually you'll be less phazed by girls and what they think, and you'll start to think of it in terms of what you did wrong in your approach or whatever.. Some girls will literally just not be into you, but not everyone is into everyone. Don't be discouraged if you're doing the same things over and over again and not getting anywhere, doing the same **** over and over and expecting differently is the definition of insanity, my friend.. You have to constantly evolve. It'll get easier and you'll feel like you're getting closer with each attempt.. Those sound like good, proactive things to do. Go for it. 2
MrCastle Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I treat it like a sport almost. I feel I'm well rounded enough that I'm gonna be competitive no matter who my opposition is. For example, football is three phases. Offense, defense, and special teams. If you take a team that's an offensive juggernaut, with an average defense and a bad special teams, and put them against a team that has a solid offense, solid defense, and solid special teams, that team is more balanced, and may have what it takes to beat the juggernaut who is top heavy. So I may not be the tallest guy a girl wants, or have model looks, but my mix of charm, humor, passion, smarts, social skills, other intangibles, etc makes me a tough out. Being short is something you have to live with, obviously. So work on developing other areas of your game. Dress better than your opposition, be funnier, be more confident, etc. Possess most of the other qualities women look for and you will be a tough out. You're not competing against George Clooney and Leonardo Dicaprio, you're competing against the woman's immediate social circle. Be better than the men in her social circle. 1
Author Sun Devil Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 I know that some women will not date me due to my height, but unlike the other guys struggling on this forum, I actually am improving myself. I also am doing weight lifting to build muscle and reduce body fat. 1
carhill Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 OP, perhaps it's generationally specific, meaning that each generation has their 'stuff' describing the process. In my generation, it was exceedingly difficult to not develop social skills simply because most of life was 'out there', long before technology created bubbles for us to inhabit alone and socially disconnected. I saw a marked disconnect between general social skills, including with young ladies, and 'dating' skills. IOW, one could still be outgoing, have a lot of friends, participate in social activities and yet have difficulties with one-on-one dating with a young lady. Looking back, I saw a lack of synergy, on my part anyway, where my 'style' of interaction wasn't attractive to the young ladies I would meet. I was too 'old-fashioned' for the 'free love' era we were living at the time. Over time, lack of success became a hinderance all its own, though socially, educationally and in business there were no issues at all and relationships were very satisfying. 'Guys' of your generation may be markedly different as to root cause of 'struggle', IDK, and align better with social issues and bullying/abuse. Most of my generation of men took physical violence for granted and learned to deal with it, and we were socialized into the larger community from infancy. We weren't sheltered/ anti-social by and large. Some of us did exceedingly well with women. Others did not. That's how life works sometimes. 2
grkBoy Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Frankly, I think it's just a big mess now. I saw that article popping up everywhere talking of how hooking up has replaced dating, and yet it's also made things difficult for both sides to find solid mates. You end up with "winners" and "losers" in the male side, where the "winners" are easily hooking up and getting laid while the "losers" are complaining how it's too hard and life is unfair. On the female side, you end up with the women complaining how men won't commit or "there's no good men" because they're only experiencing the "winners" who seemingly are enjoying a life of NSA sex. Easier solution IMHO is for women to not jump into bed so easily, think long-term when going after men, and enforce dating...even if it means the "winners" say "NEXT!" and look for an easy lay. As for the "losers" on the male side, they simply have to work to let go of the past pains and push to find a balance between being an introvert and being sociable. Believe me, I was picked on when I was younger, and it affected me. My only solution was the reclaim my life, live it by my own rules, and be perfectly happy alone if I didn't want to play the dating/love game. 5
El Brujo Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I see that almost all guys who are struggling with women have mentioned that they have social issues. Some of them were even bullied or abused during their childhood. Hell, I continued to be bullied long after I finished school. And yes, my mother abused me because she thought I looked like my father (he was a womanizer and he abandoned me & my mother when I was 5 so he could move on to his next mistress). I had no older brother, no uncle, no grandpa to step in and be a role model... I grew up like the Boy Named Sue. Nowadays, when these overweight mamas with half a dozen kids hit on me, I'm like "oh no, here they come with those messed-up brain cells that only parents can have". I'd like to know how many other men who've had no luck with women grew up without a man in their lives.
Revolver Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Alot of men have poor social skills but as I've said before its disingenuous to tell them that looks don't matter or play a factor. Of course it does. But I've seen that alot on this site "looks don't matter for guys" and that's crap. "Confidence" and "game"can only get every man so far. 1
ThaWholigan Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Alot of men have poor social skills but as I've said before its disingenuous to tell them that looks don't matter or play a factor. Of course it does. But I've seen that alot on this site "looks don't matter for guys" and that's crap. "Confidence" and "game"can only get every man so far. They can improve their looks to an extent. I prefer not to discourage them. 1
Emilia Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 But I've seen that alot on this site "looks don't matter for guys" and that's crap. "Confidence" and "game"can only get every man so far. A guy can have a really good body if he chooses to. Even if his face is not that symmetric, a cut physique will get him far
Revolver Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 They can improve their looks to an extent. I prefer not to discourage them. How can a man improve his looks? If that was the case there would be zero ugly guys on this planet
ThaWholigan Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 How can a man improve his looks? If that was the case there would be zero ugly guys on this planet He can get a healthier, fitter body; dress better; groom better etc...... Sure it will be harder, but moaning about it won't make it any easier. 1
somedude81 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 A guy can have a really good body if he chooses to. Exactly. Just like every woman who is obese, is that way by choice. She just has to work hard...
PJKino Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Looks play a huge part..my good looking friend has it pretty easy ive been at lounges where women literally threw themselves at him and tried to kiss him..charisma enhances attractiveness only if the women is already physically attracted to you..
Necris Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Alot of men have poor social skills but as I've said before its disingenuous to tell them that looks don't matter or play a factor. Of course it does. But I've seen that alot on this site "looks don't matter for guys" and that's crap. "Confidence" and "game"can only get every man so far. I do wonder why people keep believing confidence helps men, in reality confidence has only a very small role, its not going to make some socially inept sloppy looking guy suddenly pull models. The only difference between an unconfident man and a confident man is that the confident man will be more likely to approach more and be less bothered by rejections, which is helpful, but its not going to really change your dating luck. Now alot of charisma can get you places, some men have mastered the art of knowing exactly what to say, when, how, and where and they typically do pretty well with women.
Necris Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Looks play a huge part..my good looking friend has it pretty easy ive been at lounges where women literally threw themselves at him and tried to kiss him..charisma enhances attractiveness only if the women is already physically attracted to you.. I've had friends just like that, they never approach women, women approach them, I could never understand that.
GravityMan Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I see that almost all guys who are struggling with women have mentioned that they have social issues. Some of them were even bullied or abused during their childhood. So far, none of the guys have said that they were bad with women just by their looks. This could mean that loks can be easy to improve or that it does not matter as much as some people think. I have seen fat ugly guys with at least decent girls, but hardly the other way around. My observation is that for every handsome guy with an ugly girl, there is a 100 or more ugly guy with a pretty girl. I am starting to believe that social skills are more important for getting girls except for online dating. If my observations are true, then my height should not be a big factor in attracting women if I make up for it in charisma I think there's a lot of truth in what you say here, in regards to the social issues. And I definitely think that for the majority of men and women with social issues - the cause of those issues is due to their upbringing and environment during childhood. Whether it's a very strict religious environment, or bullying/abuse in grade school or at home, or lack of parental attention and love, or parents overly sheltering their child to the child's detriment (assuming the kid is genetically healthy). I believe that good looks...or "status", the way you dress, your interests, etc...can help you get your foot in the door...i.e. things that may get you initially noticed by someone who's curious. But in order to be a keeper, you have to have decent social skills, a personality that is interesting, and a willingness to do things. That doesn't mean that you have to be charismatic...most people are NOT charismatic. A stumble here; an awkward moment there - that's fine; everyone encounters those. Just get to the point where you can competently and comfortably initiate and carry different types of conversations (interesting, funny, serious, etc.) with women, and be willing to step outside your comfort zone.
Friendless-Virgin Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I do think me not having friends is the reason. Gitls hate loners. If you're not attractive, you become a creep. I have no friends cause of trust issues. I was bullied, badly. I wish I was beaten. But they did worse things. Like taking all my clothes from the locker so I had to run home naked.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 @ Gravity man and the original poster. Good looks =/= social status. Case in point. A good looking big, tall, strong, black buck down home on the plantation in Willacoochie, Georgia, United States of America may have made all the women wet. However a respectable white woman would not take him home for dinner. At the same time a New York City banker with no muscle tone may not make all the women wet. However, he can give a woman social approval and status by association. I have for years been a strong advocate of the idea that social status and networking are the best ways to attract an appropriate mate. That said it's not the same as looks. For a woman to get an idea of where a man really stands with his peers she has to take a long look at the social networks she is in. The hot sexy guy may be good looking, but if he's the town drunkard/village idiot he's going to loose sex appeal really quick. For a woman to get an idea of how hot a guy makes her down below she just needs to feel her own horny or lack of horny. Sadly this is where too many women stop thinking. Not unlike men who will let a hot bod blind them to the horrible person underneath.
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