One sided relationship?

[qnapir]

First of all - my English is not very good, so please remember that and hopefully you will be able to understand my sentences even if i will use wrong tenses etc.

 

So, here is some background info. I am a 23y old man who is currently studying and also working. I have a GF which is substantially younger - she is a 17y old student. It has been 1 year since we are together. Our relationship is kind of a LDR (depending on how you would define it), because it takes 1,5 hours to get to her city when i am going to her with my car and approx 3 hours taking the bus.

 

This is my first relationship and i was very happy most of the time, but i cant say that about the last few months . I know it sounds funny, but the problems started with facebook - she wanted to be in a relationship with me there, i was fine with it and even happy to accept it. She also gave me her FB password without asking her for it. In the summer she visited some local foreign language camp and after she came back, she called me about everything and that 2 guys were interested in her, but they were simply "funny loosers" (sorry cant find the right words to describe it ) and she made fun of them. But i noticed an odd thing - i visited her FB page and there was no relationship shown i asked her about this and she told me, that she has no idea what happened and that she havent changed anything. But she told me, that she will investigate it and change it back, she asked me, how to do it, so i told her. That was very suspicious to me, because privacy setting on FB dont just change randomly, or do they? I got the urge to snoop around . So i logged to her Facebook and I found out, that she changed it so, that everyone sees the relationship except the 2 "funny loosers". I also found an older message from her (girl)friend asking, if she is single now, because she cant see the relationship - she answered, that she just hid it.

 

I was confused about this, but i think, that she just wanted to make fun of them on facebook. They knew about our relationship, because our mutual friends told them about it. So i left it so, without investigating it more...

 

I was happy with her the next several months. Then she started to behave strangely for 1-2 weeks. She did not have time for me, not even for a short telephone call and she was always somewhere out without me. This settled somehow and it looked like, that everything is fine now. 1 month after this, she asked me to log into her facebook and send something to her (girl)friend. I did it but i also noticed something strange, there was an user group with my name . I checked it and whoa - she changed the relationship status privacy so, that only i can see it and others dont see it. I also got the urge to snoop around once more in her messages i read messages that were 1 month old, when she was behaving so strangely. She told her (girl)friend in the messages, that she wants to end our relationship and she wants it to do so, that she will behave annoyingly and force me with it to end it. That was very hard for me. I also found her messages with one of the two "funny loosers" and he basically told her, that she is interested in her, but he knows that she is in a relationship and he doesnt want such girls. She told him, that he doesnt know anything and that she is "annoyed" with the relationship... in the next messages she told him, that she is single for weeks, which she wasnt .

 

Maybe it was all part of making fun from him, but i am not sure about it. She deleted him from her facebook, and she told me about him many times, and that he is an idiot and that she doesnt want to hear anything more about him. I could not tell her, that i have seen her messages, that would be bad for me, but i confronted her with the fact, that she hid the relationship, because i have seen the user group with my name when i was sending the message to her friend, for which she asked me. She got sort of angry and told me, that she simply doesnt want it to be displayed there and that i would be mad if i knew about it, so she did it so. But i also told her, that i think, that she changed it in the past (which she did) and that she lied to me about it. She got really mad and started crying, that i dont trust her and that i should go home... we sorted this somehow out, but i asked her once again that day, if she really havent changed it and that she should be honest with me, if she did it - again she began to cry and wanted to leave me. Once again i stopped her and we "sorted" this out. I simply had the evidence to prove her, that she was lying to me, but i couldn't use it, because it was from her FB messages, so i just left it so. She also changed her FB password which i dont have now.

 

For a few weeks everything was OK, but its strange once again. She has very little time for me and i asked her, if she could come over to me - she replied, that she has to learn this weekend. Okay, what about the next? She has to attend her friend 18th birthday party that weekend. But she will come on the 3rd weekend, she promised that. But she asked me, that I should come in the meantime to her. Needles to say, that for her every visit i visit her maybe 10 times, so its very uneven. But she is very young and i dont want her to travel such distances alone and she doesnt have a car yet. So its very one sided. I also spend maybe 5-10 times more money on her than she does on me, but i am working and she isnt (basically i am quite rich here even if i am still a student). I basically bought a car for this relationship, so i could come to her more often.

 

She meets new guys very often (even from the internet), is that normal? She tells me about it, and i act, that i am fine with it, but i dont like it. She goes to dinner with them (just they two) etc. . I also introduced her to my parents, she met them quite a few times. But she wont introduce me to her parents, because she is not ready for this yet (her words).

 

We are both virgins and we havent moved pass kisses which is driving me really crazy. I tried to progress few times, but she stopped me everytime. Neither of us is religious. And as i mentioned it earlier, she visits me very rarely, maybe once in 2-3 months and she wont introduce me to her parents, so we basically have to be always in her city somewhere out and you simply cant even try to do something intimate when there are "hundreds" of people near you. I dont know what to do with this...

 

I really love her, but those things are driving me nuts and i have the feeling, that the relationship is very one sided, which she doesnt think. I feel like i am investing tons of money, time and emotions into it and she doesnt appreciate that.

 

I have received an offer for a friendship with benefits from another girl few days ago and you cant even imagine how large is the urge to take it. She even tried to kiss me, but i refused it. I thought about ending my relationship and going this way, because i am not able to cheat on my gf.

 

Please take into account her age (and yes, the age of consent is 15y here, so no problem with her being under 18).

 

What would you do?

Edited January 16, 2013 by qnapir
typo

[Leigh 87]

your girlfriend is being very mean.

 

In fact, she is being a b*tch.

 

She is not treating you the way you deserve.

 

She will not change, she will never put more effort into the relationship.

 

....She must really like you and is scared of losing you, but that does not mean she wants a propper relationship with you.

A propper relationship between two adults, involves two people who are both equally invested in the relationship.

 

PLEASE leave her!

 

TRUST ME! If a girl really likes you, she will not act that way! She will not hide your relationship status, and she will not say those things to her friends and other guys!

 

She sounds like a stupid, imature b*tch. Sorry, but she is not a very nice person at this stage of her life!

She may act sweet to your face, but she is disrespecting you behind your back, and she only cares about herself.

 

If you stay with her your crazy!

 

 

 

.....Look, I know it will be hard to end it, but it is for the best! You can find a girl who puts the same amount of effort in (as you put into her!).

Just think how good will it feel to have a girl that you love, and who loves you very much back!

 

There are other girls out there that you can grow to love as much or MORE than your current girlfriend.

Do you want a girl who does not care about you as much as you care about her?

Do you want to spend your life with a girl like this? She will leave you eventually anyway.

Or, would you rather end it now, and experience a girl who really is into you, and wants to be with you

[qnapir]

Bitter words but i know that they are true .

 

Should i tell her, that i snooped around and found those messages? Or just end it?

 

There is more to it, for example - i was without her on new years eve, because she ... had to be... with her friends. I felt really low, when everyone asked if i will be bringing my GF to the party and i said that she has her own plans...

[qnapir]

Ok, i just wanted to let you know that..... I ended it. This is the saddest day of my life. I feel terribly . But thats what i had to do.

 

Thanks for your advice Leigh 87.

[NateC]

Ok, i just wanted to let you know that..... I ended it. This is the saddest day of my life. I feel terribly . But thats what i had to do.

 

Thanks for your advice Leigh 87.

 

You're the bigger person by not letting it drag on. Good job to you! It'll be hard, but you did it knowing that you deserve better than someone who deceived you.