First break up... need guidance with opening up

[argbargbarg]

Hello. I'm currently a senior in high school, I've had my girl best friend since basically sophomore year. I've had feelings for her for over a year now, and only had the confidence to make a move recently. I swallowed my nerves, overcame the "friend zone", as it is so called, and we slowly started dating like a month ago. It was a major accomplishment for me, because I had overcame my nerves and had finally done something I had wanted to do for a long time. It was seriously a milestone for me. She broke up with me a couple of days ago, because... well, I'm not too sure. She wasn't too clear. She said she wasn't feeling it and that she was really busy or something similar to that. She said I did nothing wrong and was "basically perfect" and did everything right in the relationship. Then she proceeded to break up with me.

 

I'm obviously really confused and heartbroken. I know I'm young and this is my first real relationship so I don't really know what I'm doing. I obviously want her back, as this is the only real girl I've like throughout high school. (and please... don't be mean and condescending and say I'm an overreacting teenager and high school relationships are dumb. Because, even if they are, this is what I'm feeling now right now and I have to deal with it so don't be condescending and mean.) I guess why I'm so emotionally unstable is the lack of closure I have, as well as the fact that I have trouble opening up to people. I don't really know.

 

Which brings me to my next point. I'm a pretty "popular", well liked kid, but I have very few close friends. And my family doesn't really understand me truly, even though they have been attempting to be really supportive. I have a major block against opening up to people, really. I have trouble being vulnerable I guess I'm not really too sure. It's obviously bad to bottle all of my emotions in, so how do I open up to people and talk about my break up? I like can't bring myself to do it I don't know why or how.

 

Other questions on my mind are if it's stupid to want her back. I think she may have just overreacted and this may just be a passing phase. I really don't know anything. Is is stupid and clingy to try to win her back? When should I do that? Also, how much time apart until we can start being friends again? I haven't talked with her since. But mainly just about opening up to others thing.

 

I'd really appreciate any help or advice you have for me, and I truly am thankful if you take the time to respond. I mean it, thank you for reading and helping me out at this vulnerable time, I really truly appreciate it.

Edited January 16, 2013 by argbargbarg

[LduKaZ]

Hello. I'm currently a senior in high school, I've had my girl best friend since basically sophomore year. I've had feelings for her for over a year now, and only had the confidence to make a move recently. I swallowed my nerves, overcame the "friend zone", as it is so called, and we slowly started dating like a month ago. It was a major accomplishment for me, because I had overcame my nerves and had finally done something I had wanted to do for a long time. It was seriously a milestone for me. She broke up with me a couple of days ago, because... well, I'm not too sure. She wasn't too clear. She said she wasn't feeling it and that she was really busy or something similar to that. She said I did nothing wrong and was "basically perfect" and did everything right in the relationship. Then she proceeded to break up with me.

 

I'm gonna talk to you like a man, because that's what you are bro. She just doesn't like you or likes someone else more, plain and straight. She might realize she made a mistake later on (I'm talking months, maybe even years).. This is what happened to me in high school too, my first girlfriend ever broke my heart just like that. Let her go, don't feed her young girl ego. High school is the best time ever, so many girls and options!! Don't get yourself caught with one that doesn't want you.

 

I'm obviously really confused and heartbroken. I know I'm young and this is my first real relationship so I don't really know what I'm doing. I obviously want her back, as this is the only real girl I've like throughout high school. (and please... don't be mean and condescending and say I'm an overreacting teenager and high school relationships are dumb. Because, even if they are, this is what I'm feeling now right now and I have to deal with it so don't be condescending and mean.) I guess why I'm so emotionally unstable is the lack of closure I have, as well as the fact that I have trouble opening up to people. I don't really know.

 

She is the only girl you've liked, because she has been the closest to you. If she has been your best friend for so long is normal. Just try hanging out with other girls, explore your options. If you're a popular kid you probably popular among the pretty girls too... Even if it's not for romantic reasons, just hanging out with the females will keep you busy enough not to think about the one who broke up with you.

 

Which brings me to my next point. I'm a pretty "popular", well liked kid, but I have very few close friends. And my family doesn't really understand me truly, even though they have been attempting to be really supportive. I have a major block against opening up to people, really. I have trouble being vulnerable I guess I'm not really too sure. It's obviously bad to bottle all of my emotions in, so how do I open up to people and talk about my break up? I like can't bring myself to do it I don't know why or how.

 

That's what this forum is for man, sometimes it's way better to open up to people you don't see and don't know. Most of the times we just don't want the people we know to see our emotions because they may think we are weak or different.. It's normal, and you can take it one step at a time. Coming here is a great start!

 

Other questions on my mind are if it's stupid to want her back. I think she may have just overreacted and this may just be a passing phase. I really don't know anything. Is is stupid and clingy to try to win her back? When should I do that? Also, how much time apart until we can start being friends again? I haven't talked with her since. But mainly just about opening up to others thing.

 

It is a passing phase, I can even sign you a paper for it dude. It's not stupid and clingy to try to win her back, it's actually pretty brave and romantic in my opinion. Sadly girls are weird bugs. If she doesn't like you, she just doesn't like you. There is no gesture or poem that can change her mind. The only thing that can make her want to come back is being yourself, and being happy without her. Start working on this, and by the time you accomplish this you won't even want her back. I promise.

 

Remember my first girl I told you about? She came back about 6 months after and said she realized that she did like me, and that I was the best guy, etc. So I gave her a chance and took her again, but this time I broke up with her because I realized I didn't like HER anymore. Life is not always happy, being hurt is a big part of it, but you just gotta learn to hang on during the rough times, keep on keeping on! Better times always come!