Am I right to feel disrespected? Snooping on Fb while my relatives health in jeopardy

[Flgirl44]

So In the past I have posted here about a 5 year relationship that ended badly. I took some time off and dated casually, eventually dating one of my close friends of 3 years. We have now been dating around 6 months.

 

Backstory:

During the transition (read: 1st month of our relationship) from friends to a relationship with my current SO I was talking to my ex, C, of a few relationships ago and didn't really taper off of the inappropriate conversations as I should have. It should be noted that not all of our conversations were sexual in nature and I did my best when this came to light, to make my current SO feel comfortable about the situation. Deleted him off my phone, facebook, and sent him a message saying our conversations were not fair to my current SO and let my current SO verify that this had been sent etc... Regardless this caused some issues in the first month of my relationship with my current bf and he already had insecurity issues to begin with.

 

Current Situation:

Fast forward to now 6 months later, and I get a message from my ex, C, on facebook. We talk and catch up. He is doing well for himself and I am happy for him. This was the nature of the conversation. I was honest with my current SO about this conversation having taken place because I knew it would be a sore spot for him due to the incident in the first month of our relationship.

 

He's not happy about it, so to soothe his mind I offer to let him read the messages exchanged when he gets home from work. I said that I would be okay with him reading my messages with me present because that way we were together and anything could be brought up immediately vs. stewing over it.

 

So he gets home and we do the whole "how was your day" talk and then my phone lights up.... I go read and it's from my dad saying my grandma is in the hospital and a text under it saying im going in for a pacemaker tomorrow. My stomach sinks and my heart feels like it is in physical pain. All of these thoughts flash through my head of my dad not being able to play with my future children or that he's not okay. That my only remaining healthy grandparent is not okay. I start pacing and crying trying to figure out what to do, I don't want to call home crying and make it worse. I am 3,000 miles away from my family and feel so helpless.

 

I get it together to call my parents and see what the deal was. Apparently it was a typo, auto-correct issue and it was just my grandmother that was in the hospital and the pacemaker was for her. I was informed it was a pretty routine surgery they do and it was being performed by a very skilled surgeon. I felt better for the time being. I went to bed and woke up still feeling kinda crappy from the high emotion of it all and still worried about my grandmother.

 

I open the laptop that my bf was using downstairs while I was on the phone upstairs with my parents the night before. It was que'ed up to my facebook messages with my best friend. So he was checking my facebook messages from C but also my closest friends, and who knows who else, behind my back, while I am upstairs figuring out the health of two people I hold very close to my heart.

 

Am I wrong to feel betrayed by that? It feels like I can't look at him or respect him after him having done that. It's like he took my most vulnerable moment as an opportunity to snoop on me when I offered to go through the messages to begin with. He took something instead of respecting what was given. Of course he wasn't upset with what he read/saw because I was being honest to begin with about the nature of the conversation.

 

I feel violated. It makes me sick to think im upstairs mourning the health of my relatives while he's downstairs on the computer invading my privacy. It's not like we hadn't talked about it either, it had just been discussed hours earlier and it was completely disregarded to soothe his insecurities.

 

Is this as messed up as I feel it is, or an overreaction? It's a week later and still feeling awful about it.

[FitChick]

He was bored waiting for you to get off the phone and you had told him he could read your Facebook messages so he did. He didn't know what sort of private conversation you were having with your relatives. You are overreacting.

[Flgirl44]

Thanks for your response. Thought I should clear things up, we discussed it was okay to read my messages between C and I, not those messages between my friends and family. Also he was next to me when I recieved the messages thus was fully aware of the nature of the conversation I was having with my parents upstairs.

 

I guess I put myself in the reverse. If he were calling to find out about his loved ones, snooping on him at that time would not be one of my priorities.