JulietteB Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Hello everyone! My husband and I have been married for a little bit over a year now and other than working whole day from Monday to Friday, we've spent most of the time together. We've never taken a long vacation separately except for the time we were not yet married when he went to another country for 2 weeks since he had the opportunity to go (half the expense for the ticket). I had no problems with that since I trust him and I wanted him to enjoy and take a break from working so hard. Absence does make the heart grow fonder even though sometimes the absence part makes you feel lonely. We go out from time to time but not a long week vacation. This year, he's planning on going to Japan for 2 weeks since he knows somebody there that can provide him free lodging. I would like go with him because I've been dreaming of going there my whole life but I can't because of my work schedule. As much as I would like to be happy for him and be supportive to take that opportunity, I find it hard because there's that feeling of envy. I want to have memories with him there but seeing him wanting to go even without me made me feel a bit sad and now I'm confused as to what I feel regarding him leaving to another country without me. How should I approach this? Is it wrong of me to feel that way? I wanted to know how other couples would handle this situation and if I should be seeing things in another point of view. Every reply helps! Thank you for your time.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 How should I approach this? By saying, "I hope you enjoy your trip and I will miss you'. And that's it. Do not express what you expressed to us. Is it wrong of me to feel that way? No, but it is wrong to preemptively ruin his trip by telling him how you feel.
CarrieT Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 By saying, "I hope you enjoy your trip and I will miss you'. And that's it. Do not express what you expressed to us. I disagree completely. They are only one year into their marriage; way too early for a spouse to take a two-week vacation apart. If they had been married a decade or two, maybe... OP, when *can* you take some time off and can it be for only one week? Maybe the cost of a single trip to Japan could be redirected towards a smaller, one-week trip for two? 2
BetheButterfly Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I disagree completely. They are only one year into their marriage; way too early for a spouse to take a two-week vacation apart. If they had been married a decade or two, maybe... OP, when *can* you take some time off and can it be for only one week? Maybe the cost of a single trip to Japan could be redirected towards a smaller, one-week trip for two? Agreed. My husband and I have been married for more than a year. Next month will be 2 years of us knowing each other! I can't imagine one of us going on vacation without the other. That wouldn't be vacation. I did go to my parents' house for a week when my Grandpa died and my husband couldn't because of his work, but that was not vacation. That was a time to celebrate my Grandpa's life and mourn as a family for his passing. We miss him. Back to the OP, communication is really important in marriage. It's not good to hide how something makes you feel, though it's important to express what you feel with kindness and not with a negative spirit. For example, you could tell your husband something like this: I want you to have a wonderful time and I'm so glad you get to go. I would love to go with you too! To me, a vacation would not be so wonderful without you. Is there a way to "redirect the cost" to a smaller, one-week trip for two" that would be ok with my work schedule? What's important is to communicate without getting into a negative frame of mind against your husband. Remember, y'all are a team!!!
Lauriebell82 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 (edited) I disagree that length of marriage makes a difference in taking seperate vacations. It's a trust issue. Would you trust your spouse more at 10 years then at 1 year? You trusted him to take a vacation and were happy before you were married, but now that you are married you don't trust him and are not happy for him? My husband and I have been married for over 2 years and we are both taking seperate vacations this year, and one together as a family in July (we have a 9 month old son). In March I am going to Las Vegas to visit my best friend who lives there. I have no desire for my husband to go, nor does he even want to. He plans to go camping for a week with his brother this summer. 2 years ago, when we had been married like 6 months I went to California to visit my best friend, when she lived there before moving to Vegas. So OP, why do you not trust your husband? Do you feel that you have to do everything together? If I were you, I would allow him to go by himself, and plan your own seperate vacation. Then take a vacation together (because that's important as well). Edited January 16, 2013 by Lauriebell82
Quiet Storm Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I've been with my husband 22 years and we've never vacationed separately. The only nights we've spent apart was when I was in the hospital after having a baby, and he was home with our other kids. It's not because we don't trust each other. We just enjoy spending time together and sharing experiences, and haven't considered taking a trip without each other. 1
Turtles Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 It's not a trust issue... it's a matter of resource allocation. I.e. are you going to dedicate 2 weeks (+ cost of the trip) to have fun by yourself or spend time together. I guess it's not that much of an issue if he has unlimited resources and free time. If I took a 2 week trip to Japan I would not be able to take another big vacation that year (both because of cost and vacation days) so I definitely would want my spouse with me (and vice versa if she was the one taking the trip). If I was rich and didn't have to work we could both take vacations all the time so it wouldn't matter. It matters how long they have been married because it would probably be their first or second vacation together as husband and wife. I think it's weird to even want to do that. I wouldn't have wanted to do that to my ex wife even though I hated travelling with her. 2
Lauriebell82 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Geez I feel like the minority here. I will say that Japan is a tad different then Vegas or camping. The money thing I understand. We take cheap vacations because we never have to pay for hotels. I think its more about preference. The OP needs to do what is best for her and her husband.
2sure Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I've always felt separate vacations were perfectly acceptable . I've been divorced 3 times. 3
Lauriebell82 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I've always felt separate vacations were perfectly acceptable . I've been divorced 3 times. So you are implying that taking seperate vacations leads to divorce...
Els Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I don't think there's anything wrong with him taking a vacation without you per se, as long as it does not diminish the chances of both of you getting a vacation together. Such as perhaps if those are the only 2 weeks in the year that his company will allow him continuous leave, so if he doesn't go then he won't be able to go with you later anyway. That would be acceptable. Judging from your post, though, it doesn't sound like that is the case, especially since both of you haven't even had the chance to take any vacations together. You should definitely talk to him about that.
Silly_Girl Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 (edited) I'd be jealous!! But I'd also be pleased for him to have the opportunity and I'd create an opportunity of my own. If that were me I'd maybe book a pony-trekking weekend or something for myself. No, it isn't the same and doesn't match it, but I'd feel better. Would he support you going to Japan if you had the chance and he couldn't make it? Edited January 17, 2013 by Silly_Girl
2sure Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 So you are implying that taking seperate vacations leads to divorce... No, no! I still know many couples who do take separate vacations and there is not a thing wrong with it. I think it's a larger and more important decision if the couple only has time or money for one vacation that year....then it should spend together. If that is not an issue, then why not? You can spend another vacation together...or go on one yourself if you like. But if the trip requires you to sacrifice your savings and time as couple...so one can go...I don't know. You haven't been married long. You should be building history together.
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