Author LduKaZ Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Despite how cruel and immature she was, despite her coming to my house and asking me for a second chance and then admit it was all a lie, despite all that.. I still wasnt mad at her. I just wanted to say goodbye like a gentleman, and yes, perhaps give us a closure. I asked her how she was, how she was feeling. I said a few silly things and made her laugh. She thought I was going to be mad, yell at her, snap, or beg... who knows?. But not tonight, I just didnt feel like that would help either of us. We talked about our jobs, and she asked me about my life and I told her I keep busy. I told her I want her to be happy, and if this are the decisions she is making I hope she finds what she is looking for. Ive chosen to be happy with, or without her, because thats how I feel tonight. And she was pretty much speechless. Finally I told her I didnt want to lose her, and she said she cares so much about me and didnt want to lose me forever either. So I told her we'll keep in touch... Something tells me this isnt the last time Ill hear from her. Will I answer next time? Probably not, Im not going to be her friend. She needs a lot of time to heal and mature. But who knows, maybe months or years from now our paths can cross. And I want us both to remember it as a wonderful experience, and not a dramatic soap opera finale.
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Finally I told her I didnt want to lose her, and she said she cares so much about me and didnt want to lose me forever either. So I told her we'll keep in touch... Something tells me this isnt the last time Ill hear from her. Will I answer next time? Probably not, Im not going to be her friend. She needs a lot of time to heal and mature. But who knows, maybe months or years from now our paths can cross. And I want us both to remember it as a wonderful experience, and not a dramatic soap opera finale. Why tell her something like this?? Why say something if you have absolutely no intention of following through? I'm sorry Luka, that's just senseless and mean. What was your point? What was your motive? I don't get it. Help me out here......
Author LduKaZ Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Why tell her something like this?? Why say something if you have absolutely no intention of following through? I'm sorry Luka, that's just senseless and mean. What was your point? What was your motive? I don't get it. Help me out here...... I said it because that's how I feel. I really do care about her, and if she really needs me someday, I know she'll come find me and I could never close my door on her face. Maybe we are not meant to be for each other, but that doesn't mean I have to hate her.. I really do want to see her happy, because her confusion and tears hurt me more than her own rejection. And despite what some of you might believe, I do think she's honest when she says she really cares about me. All she needs to know, is that I care enough to be the bigger person about this.. She needs to mature herself, and heal, and I am not gonna be another rock in her past. Now, will I reply to her breadcrumbs ever again? Probably not. I'm not gonna pretend we're friends and hang out and talk on the phone. I'm going to move on, probably do my best to keep the NC. But like I said, if she really really needs me, she knows I'll always be listening at least.
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Yeah. This is like amputating a foot. A toe at a time. What you should have said was, Oh forget it. It's done now. And it doesn't matter how much folks try to tell you black is black,you'll always see it your shade anyway. Good luck. We await the "She's playing games with my mind" thread pretty soon, anyway.
Author LduKaZ Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 lol Thanks, but there won't be one, so don't worry, Why is it so hard to believe? I mean, isn't there a tiny possibility that she's telling the truth, and that I am willing to believe her, and move on, without hurting her? I mean, she sure did hurt me, twice. But I kinda feel sorry for her, she honestly seems like she's in a lot more pain and confusion than I am. Do you think is sooo wrong, that I wanted to end things in good terms? For once in my life just to see how it feels like?
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 No. But she's now going to use you as her back up option, her soft place to fall. You've left yourself wide open to be used in that way, and she will. Ok, which is my ?
AlexDP Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Yeah. This is like amputating a foot. A toe at a time. What you should have said was, Oh forget it. It's done now. And it doesn't matter how much folks try to tell you black is black,you'll always see it your shade anyway. Good luck. We await the "She's playing games with my mind" thread pretty soon, anyway. She IS playing games with his mind though. This woman sounds like sheer evil.
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I wouldn't say 'sheer evil'.... but she sounds immature and inconsiderate. It's all about how she's feeling... and she says nice things to placate him and make him feel good, but it's all self-serving. Yup - she'll be back.....
AlexDP Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I wouldn't say 'sheer evil'.... but she sounds immature and inconsiderate. It's all about how she's feeling... and she says nice things to placate him and make him feel good, but it's all self-serving. Yup - she'll be back..... No. At one point it stops being immature and it becomes evil. There is no excuse for her behavior. It is downright malicious. As for him, she'll probably have to beat him senseless another couple of times.
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 So, Luka.... see.... I'm not the only 'nay-sayer'......
Author LduKaZ Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 (edited) I know you're not, and I know what it seems like to most of you. And yes, I do believe it sounded like pure evil, and what she did on the weekend night was cold and borderline cruel. But I know she doesn't do it to hurt me, she's just really messed up inside.. She was still crying when we talked on the phone. It sounds to me like she's crying herself to bed every night and it makes me really sad not being able to help her. But she knows she can't come to me next time she's drunk, I will not let that happen ever again... Besides, she will not see my pain. I will not give her the pleasure of begging, or even being mad at her. I'm better than whatever she wanted to accomplish. I am done with her, emotionally at least. I don't want her back, and yes I love her, but she had her second chance and she only proved to me how immature she is and why I don't want to be with her. I just want her to grow up and be happy. Maybe some day in the future if I see she's grown up, we can give it another shot. I made that clear to her on the phone. She knows I am an amazing person, and I can replace her in a heartbeat. But for now I feel like I can move on. I'm gonna go on a couple dates this weekend, it should be fun. Edited January 30, 2013 by LduKaZ
Chi townD Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I said it because that's how I feel. I really do care about her, and if she really needs me someday, I know she'll come find me and I could never close my door on her face. Maybe we are not meant to be for each other, but that doesn't mean I have to hate her.. I really do want to see her happy, because her confusion and tears hurt me more than her own rejection. And despite what some of you might believe, I do think she's honest when she says she really cares about me. All she needs to know, is that I care enough to be the bigger person about this.. She needs to mature herself, and heal, and I am not gonna be another rock in her past. Now, will I reply to her breadcrumbs ever again? Probably not. I'm not gonna pretend we're friends and hang out and talk on the phone. I'm going to move on, probably do my best to keep the NC. But like I said, if she really really needs me, she knows I'll always be listening at least. Who ever said that you have to hate her? You said something about forgiveness. And you CAN forgive her as a person, but as a girlfriend, she crossed a line. I'll say it again. NC is not a punishment for our Ex's. NC is a tool to help us heal and move on. And you CAN strike up a friendship with her only IF you are completely over any romantic feelings for her. When you think of her all you feel is indifference. Look, you were out having a good time and dancing with pretty girls and ONE text from her that you responded to had you acting nuts for a couple of days. So, I hope you're getting an idea why NC is important for our healing process. Look, no one is trying to bash on you. To be honest, you aren't the first person to ever break NC and you won't be the last. Chaulk it up as lessons learned.
Stoic44 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Sorry to hear it. She's got a screw loose. Enjoy the dates!
Author LduKaZ Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Who ever said that you have to hate her? You said something about forgiveness. And you CAN forgive her as a person, but as a girlfriend, she crossed a line. I'll say it again. NC is not a punishment for our Ex's. NC is a tool to help us heal and move on. And you CAN strike up a friendship with her only IF you are completely over any romantic feelings for her. When you think of her all you feel is indifference. Look, you were out having a good time and dancing with pretty girls and ONE text from her that you responded to had you acting nuts for a couple of days. So, I hope you're getting an idea why NC is important for our healing process. Look, no one is trying to bash on you. To be honest, you aren't the first person to ever break NC and you won't be the last. Chaulk it up as lessons learned. I don't think I went nuts over a text. I replied asking her not to ever send me another text like that unless she is serious about getting back together. I thought that would scare her off and she'd stop. But then she showed up at my doorstep crying.. How can I blame this on myself? I just can't. I feel like I did the right thing, despite of how it turned out. It helped me realize the person she really is right now. If anything it made me see why I don't want to be with her. I'll admit that things have been a little easier over this break up because she doesn't have a facebook account, we don't have any mutual close friends, we don't frequent the same places. So the only way I have of knowing about her is if she contacts me directly. Either way I'm not trying to strike a friendship here. I will probably go NC, until I feel like I've truly healed, maybe till I find a new girl. But I didn't want to close all doors. Like the song says, I don't want her to be "just somebody that I used to know". I've been there, and it sucks. Sometimes I feel like it sucks more than a BU itself.
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