He won't give me closure or tell me what he wants instead??

[katlyn]

Background:

Met this guy online right before New Years Eve. We talked practically 24/7 and we had so much in common it was almost too good to be true. After a few days of talking constantly, we had our first date on Saturday (1/5) and it was absolutely perfect. He was so romantic and affectionate and he made me feel like I've never felt in my entire life. He was incredibly chivalrous and romantic and sweet. I couldn't stop smiling and I felt so comfortable around him. On Sunday, we still talked just as often and he said he wanted to see me again. So we hungout again on Monday from about 2pm till 11pm and it was great. We cuddled and kissed and flirted like crazy. He was all over me. When he took me home that night, he said he'd like to hangout again the next day too.

 

The next day, he had some car problems so we didn't get to hangout. We were both disappointed but we kept flirting and we'd say things like "I miss you" and "I can't wait to see you again", etc. He was so sweet and I wasn't mad that he couldn't hangout.

 

Here's where things go bad. **Flashback: On Saturday, our first date, we ran into this girl at a store who used to be a huge fan of his band that he was in years ago. When he first noticed her, he said "aw man she annoys me, I hope she doesn't see me" so I didn't think anything of it, and she did end up saying Hi and asking for a hug. He was just being nice so I didn't suspect anything and I was nice to her even though I didn't know her.**

Tuesday night: he posted a photo on Instagram and I noticed that the girl we ran into at the mall "Liked" it. So I just looked at her profile cause I was curious. I clicked on one of her photos, and I noticed that he Liked one of hers recently. This threw me off cause I thought he said he disliked her. I didn't have any suspicions or anything, but it was just weird.

 

Wednesday morning: I confronted him about noticing that he Liked one of her photos. I didn't indicate that I was suspicious of him, I just basically told him that he doesn't have to hide things from me cause I won't get jealous. I was just trying to reassure him that I am easygoing and that he can be open with me. He basically took everything the wrong way and said that he hates being accused of things and that he hates jealousy. I said that he misunderstood me and that I trusted him. He then said "if you trusted me then we wouldn't be having this conversation". I told him that he took things the wrong way, and I apologized for things coming out wrong. He said okay, and that we were fine.

 

The rest of that day, we hardly talked and it was hard to keep his interest. He didn't say goodnight that night (he always used to before). The next day, we barely talked and I told him that he took things the wrong way and that I didn't want things to be ruined and I promised him that it was just a misunderstanding. He hardly replied. Friday was the same. And Saturday and Sunday. I brought the same subject up everyday because he was hardly talking to me and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't listen to me or believe that I wasn't a jealous freak.

 

He's said a few times since then that we're fine and that he's "not writing me off" but he's also said that the conversation turned him off a little and that he didn't wanna talk about it anymore cause he hates drama. So I said okay, and attempted to try to get things back to normal. He keeps saying that things are fine and that we can move on from it, but he just won't talk to me like we used to. Last week he said that he can't hangout till Monday or Tuesday (today). But yesterday I asked him to hangout, and he said he was busy. Then I asked him "do you wanna meet me somewhere tomorrow" and he didn't reply.

 

Yesterday, I basically tried my hardest to get him to talk to me. I told him that I need to know what's going on cause I'm hurt and that we can move on from the subject, but he just said "ok sorry, I didn't mean to upset you". So I said "ok, it just seems like you're uninterested cause it's hard to keep your attention" and he replied "I guess it's cause we only talk about one thing and I'm tired of talking about it". So I replied "I don't wanna talk about it either, but it's obviously still a problem cause you won't talk to me" and he didn't reply. So I texted him again and said "can you please let me know what's going on" and he ignored me again.

 

I'm so heartbroken and I don't know what to do. I know we only met two weeks ago, but we seriously talked 24/7 and we had soooo much in common, and he would say things like "it's so hard to find that in a girl" "you're so much like me" "I want to be with you" etc. I can't stop crying over him and I can't focus on anything cause I can't stop worrying. It's just so weird that he won't talk to me.

 

I feel like the reason he wont talk to me is cause he thinks that I don't wanna do anything but fight. But things would be perfect if he would just confirm that he's not mad at me. He won't tell me he's uninterested in me, but when I ask him if that's the case, he just says "I'm not writing you off". I don't know what to do. I'm getting so many mixed signals but I can't just let go. We are so similar and I feel so comfortable with him. I can hardly eat or do anything. I'm so sad and confused.

 

I haven't contacted him today, so I'm thinking of giving him a day alone, and then I'll call him tomorrow and ask him if he's interested in fixing things. I know he hates drama, but I'm trying to show him that I wanna move past our issue and try to work on things. I want him to give me a chance so badly. I've never chased after a guy before and I just can't let go cause I have this feeling that he's worth the chase and that we could be perfect together.

 

Please help me with some sort of advice. I'm heartbroken. I've never liked anyone so much in my entire life and I either want him to give me a chance, or to just give me closure by telling me he has no interest. I don't know what to do. :(:(

[skylark100]

Background:

Met this guy online right before New Years Eve. We talked practically 24/7 and we had so much in common it was almost too good to be true. After a few days of talking constantly, we had our first date on Saturday (1/5) and it was absolutely perfect. He was so romantic and affectionate and he made me feel like I've never felt in my entire life. He was incredibly chivalrous and romantic and sweet. I couldn't stop smiling and I felt so comfortable around him. On Sunday, we still talked just as often and he said he wanted to see me again. So we hungout again on Monday from about 2pm till 11pm and it was great. We cuddled and kissed and flirted like crazy. He was all over me. When he took me home that night, he said he'd like to hangout again the next day too.

 

The next day, he had some car problems so we didn't get to hangout. We were both disappointed but we kept flirting and we'd say things like "I miss you" and "I can't wait to see you again", etc. He was so sweet and I wasn't mad that he couldn't hangout.

 

Here's where things go bad. **Flashback: On Saturday, our first date, we ran into this girl at a store who used to be a huge fan of his band that he was in years ago. When he first noticed her, he said "aw man she annoys me, I hope she doesn't see me" so I didn't think anything of it, and she did end up saying Hi and asking for a hug. He was just being nice so I didn't suspect anything and I was nice to her even though I didn't know her.**

Tuesday night: he posted a photo on Instagram and I noticed that the girl we ran into at the mall "Liked" it. So I just looked at her profile cause I was curious. I clicked on one of her photos, and I noticed that he Liked one of hers recently. This threw me off cause I thought he said he disliked her. I didn't have any suspicions or anything, but it was just weird.

 

Wednesday morning: I confronted him about noticing that he Liked one of her photos. I didn't indicate that I was suspicious of him, I just basically told him that he doesn't have to hide things from me cause I won't get jealous. I was just trying to reassure him that I am easygoing and that he can be open with me. He basically took everything the wrong way and said that he hates being accused of things and that he hates jealousy. I said that he misunderstood me and that I trusted him. He then said "if you trusted me then we wouldn't be having this conversation". I told him that he took things the wrong way, and I apologized for things coming out wrong. He said okay, and that we were fine.

 

The rest of that day, we hardly talked and it was hard to keep his interest. He didn't say goodnight that night (he always used to before). The next day, we barely talked and I told him that he took things the wrong way and that I didn't want things to be ruined and I promised him that it was just a misunderstanding. He hardly replied. Friday was the same. And Saturday and Sunday. I brought the same subject up everyday because he was hardly talking to me and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't listen to me or believe that I wasn't a jealous freak.

 

He's said a few times since then that we're fine and that he's "not writing me off" but he's also said that the conversation turned him off a little and that he didn't wanna talk about it anymore cause he hates drama. So I said okay, and attempted to try to get things back to normal. He keeps saying that things are fine and that we can move on from it, but he just won't talk to me like we used to. Last week he said that he can't hangout till Monday or Tuesday (today). But yesterday I asked him to hangout, and he said he was busy. Then I asked him "do you wanna meet me somewhere tomorrow" and he didn't reply.

 

Yesterday, I basically tried my hardest to get him to talk to me. I told him that I need to know what's going on cause I'm hurt and that we can move on from the subject, but he just said "ok sorry, I didn't mean to upset you". So I said "ok, it just seems like you're uninterested cause it's hard to keep your attention" and he replied "I guess it's cause we only talk about one thing and I'm tired of talking about it". So I replied "I don't wanna talk about it either, but it's obviously still a problem cause you won't talk to me" and he didn't reply. So I texted him again and said "can you please let me know what's going on" and he ignored me again.

 

I'm so heartbroken and I don't know what to do. I know we only met two weeks ago, but we seriously talked 24/7 and we had soooo much in common, and he would say things like "it's so hard to find that in a girl" "you're so much like me" "I want to be with you" etc. I can't stop crying over him and I can't focus on anything cause I can't stop worrying. It's just so weird that he won't talk to me.

 

I feel like the reason he wont talk to me is cause he thinks that I don't wanna do anything but fight. But things would be perfect if he would just confirm that he's not mad at me. He won't tell me he's uninterested in me, but when I ask him if that's the case, he just says "I'm not writing you off". I don't know what to do. I'm getting so many mixed signals but I can't just let go. We are so similar and I feel so comfortable with him. I can hardly eat or do anything. I'm so sad and confused.

 

I haven't contacted him today, so I'm thinking of giving him a day alone, and then I'll call him tomorrow and ask him if he's interested in fixing things. I know he hates drama, but I'm trying to show him that I wanna move past our issue and try to work on things. I want him to give me a chance so badly. I've never chased after a guy before and I just can't let go cause I have this feeling that he's worth the chase and that we could be perfect together.

 

Please help me with some sort of advice. I'm heartbroken. I've never liked anyone so much in my entire life and I either want him to give me a chance, or to just give me closure by telling me he has no interest. I don't know what to do. :(:(

 

I hate to say this, but he may never have been THAT interested in you to start. A bit of a player likely. This other girl was an inconvenience on your date because he didn't want to have to explain how he knew her, and their history.

 

Your suspicions merely exacerbated the inevitable conclusion of your relationship. If he is this sensitive about something so innocent, imagine what something really serious would lead to!

 

Constantly badgering him about this conversation, has merely given him an easy excuse to flake on you. Sorry

 

It's only 2 weeks, you were in the honeymoon phase, so as hard as this is, it was never THAT serious of a relationship and you are better off without him.

 

Ask yourself, if this guy was SO wonderful, why is he single?

 

No contact is the way to go. If he comes back, then you have a decision to make.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Oh my poor little sunshine katlyn...

 

Unfortunately for you, this guy is obvious as can be, he might as well be driving around in a big pink bus with a giant dildo hanging out the back, dragging along the street...getting that little chaffed, burnt plastic flatness on the bottom as it whirls around corner after corner tripping pedestrians...especially old ladies...

 

he's the white guy at an all black party...

 

a midget on a professional basketball team...

 

it's just that obvious.

 

Look...I know everything you think you've experienced with this guy is special and unique but I can with complete confidence essentially guarantee he's just a le douchebag, a cheater, and a liar.

 

It's just like all over his face and his behavior, If I could have you enter my mind (in a non-sexual way) I would show this world of "men behind the scenes" and then you'd get this guys game entirely, the whole little fog in your head that leads you to believe this guy is some great, romantic, charming fellow who's sincerely feeling a connection with you...is all wrong.

 

I'm sorry but that's just simply called "game", and yes there are men who know what to do and what to say to women to make them feel like they are the most amazing guy they have ever met...yes, it is scary, after all your feelings are at stake. However you need to squeeze your little hands and eyes close and try real hard to see through the BS before it's too late, because you're already two rungs down the ladder without even knowing it...into the abyss of stupidity and naivety that some women call "love" but is really just an unavailable, hot and cold guy, who's likely got more interest on the next piece of @ss walking down the street that looks like an "upgrade" than spending a "romantic" evening with the likes of you.

 

I'm not going to break it down step by step for you, I couldn't even read your post till the end because there was so many red flags I felt like a redneck with a fly-swatter in a trailer full of sh!!t.

 

I'll make it simple for you...he's talking to this other guy, maybe even sticking his little wee wee inside her, but likely he's pursuing you...just like other women, and telling you each how "special" you are...he probably felt cornered when he saw this other girl in public because he could have been "exposed" but like you she probably just made a few stupid excuses and moved along.

 

Your intuition...as many women have...which is spot on and always knows when something is going wrong, but as per usual being ignored out of the fear of losing le douchebag. Now you've confronted him, and not even because you even gave him a hard time about it but more so because you touched on something he is sensitive about and feels defensive over because he is up to no good, now he's got to make you feel like the bad guy? the bad guy for what though? when men act all defensive about something, like over-the-top for no logical reason, it's because they are hiding something...do you understand this? and a guy isn't going to tell you he is BSing you or planning on stringing you along like 3 other women so you better smack yourself aside the head until you end up just another gullible girl who's going to blame men for everything when it was she who was dumb enough to believe something she clearly already saw through...what do you want to be? a dummy?

 

You're wasting your time...and like the typical girl you may likely need to find out the hard way, but at least now you can remember somebody told you so...HE'S NOT WORTH THE CHASE, HE'S NOT THE PERFECT GUY.

 

But go ahead Snow White, take a bite of that apple...see what happens.

 

Oh and guess what? If you pull away, he'll chase...not because he likes you...but because you're a challenge to regain your interest. But you're on his watch, he's not going to be on yours...unless he has to...but just to reel you back in, that's all.

Edited January 15, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas

[katlyn]

I agree on what you said about the honeymoon phase. But we just had so much in common that I couldn't even imagine. We both hate summer, love relaxing at home instead of going out and partying, we both like the same music, we had very similar backgrounds, we have tons of mutual friends, etc. He told me he's a one-girl kind of guy. And he said that he can't believe how similar we are and how well we get along. He said he's not writing me off but I don't know what that means. I can't handle not having closure. I need to know what he's feeling. Would it be bad to call him tomorrow casually and ask him how he's feeling? I've told him that I'm hurt and he said he's sorry, but he doesn't act on it. He was an incredibly sweet guy and I just don't understand why he'd be so nice to me one day and totally over the moon for me, and then just not even care. How do I ask him if he will give me a chance and start over with me? I cannot let him go. I've never liked someone so much. It's killing me..... I'm a smart girl and I can tell when someone is a player. I don't think that's what he is. I think he's just scared of drama, but I don't know how to convince him that this was just a misunderstanding...

[katlyn]

Oh my poor little sunshine katlyn...

 

Unfortunately for you, this guy is obvious as can be, he might as well be driving around in a big pink bus with a giant dildo hanging out the back, dragging along the street...getting that little chaffed, burnt plastic flatness on the bottom as it whirls around corner after corner tripping pedestrians...especially old ladies...

 

he's the white guy at an all black party...

 

a midget on a professional basketball team...

 

it's just that obvious.

 

Look...I know everything you think you've experienced with this guy is special and unique but I can with complete confidence essentially guarantee he's just a le douchebag, a cheater, and a liar.

 

It's just like all over his face and his behavior, If I could have you enter my mind (in a non-sexual way) I would show this world of "men behind the scenes" and then you'd get this guys game entirely, the whole little fog in your head that leads you to believe this guy is some great, romantic, charming fellow who's sincerely feeling a connection with you...is all wrong.

 

I'm sorry but that's just simply called "game", and yes there are men who know what to do and what to say to women to make them feel like they are the most amazing guy they have ever met...yes, it is scary, after all your feelings are at stake. However you need to squeeze your little hands and eyes close and try real hard to see through the BS before it's too late, because you're already two rungs down the ladder without even knowing it...into the abyss of stupidity and naivety that some women call "love" but is really just an unavailable, hot and cold guy, who's likely got more interest on the next piece of @ss walking down the street that looks like an "upgrade" than spending a "romantic" evening with the likes of you.

 

I'm not going to break it down step by step for you, I couldn't even read your post till the end because there was so many red flags I felt like a redneck with a fly-swatter in a trailer full of sh!!t.

 

I'll make it simple for you...he's talking to this other guy, maybe even sticking his little wee wee inside her, but likely he's pursuing you...just like other women, and telling you each how "special" you are...he probably felt cornered when he saw this other girl in public because he could have been "exposed" but like you she probably just made a few stupid excuses and moved along.

 

Your intuition...as many women have...which is spot on and always knows when something is going wrong, but as per usual being ignored out of the fear of losing le douchebag. Now you've confronted him, and not even because you even gave him a hard time about it but more so because you touched on something he is sensitive about and feels defensive over because he is up to no good, now he's got to make you feel like the bad guy? the bad guy for what though? when men act all defensive about something, like over-the-top for no logical reason, it's because they are hiding something...do you understand this? and a guy isn't going to tell you he is BSing you or planning on stringing you along like 3 other women so you better smack yourself aside the head until you end up just another gullible girl who's going to blame men for everything when it was she who was dumb enough to believe something she clearly already saw through...what do you want to be? a dummy?

 

You're wasting your time...and like the typical girl you may likely need to find out the hard way, but at least now you can remember somebody told you so...HE'S NOT WORTH THE CHASE, HE'S NOT THE PERFECT GUY.

 

But go ahead Snow White, take a bite of that apple...see what happens.

 

Oh and guess what? If you pull away, he'll chase...not because he likes you...but because you're a challenge to regain your interest. But you're on his watch, he's not going to be on yours...unless he has to...but just to reel you back in, that's all.

 

 

I agree on what you said about the honeymoon phase. But we just had so much in common that I couldn't even imagine. We both hate summer, love relaxing at home instead of going out and partying, we both like the same music, we had very similar backgrounds, we have tons of mutual friends, etc. He told me he's a one-girl kind of guy. And he said that he can't believe how similar we are and how well we get along. He said he's not writing me off but I don't know what that means. I can't handle not having closure. I need to know what he's feeling. Would it be bad to call him tomorrow casually and ask him how he's feeling? I've told him that I'm hurt and he said he's sorry, but he doesn't act on it. He was an incredibly sweet guy and I just don't understand why he'd be so nice to me one day and totally over the moon for me, and then just not even care. How do I ask him if he will give me a chance and start over with me? I cannot let him go. I've never liked someone so much. It's killing me..... I'm a smart girl and I can tell when someone is a player. I don't think that's what he is. I think he's just scared of drama, but I don't know how to convince him that this was just a misunderstanding...

[Ninjainpajamas]

I agree on what you said about the honeymoon phase. But we just had so much in common that I couldn't even imagine. We both hate summer, love relaxing at home instead of going out and partying, we both like the same music, we had very similar backgrounds, we have tons of mutual friends, etc. He told me he's a one-girl kind of guy. And he said that he can't believe how similar we are and how well we get along. He said he's not writing me off but I don't know what that means. I can't handle not having closure. I need to know what he's feeling. Would it be bad to call him tomorrow casually and ask him how he's feeling? I've told him that I'm hurt and he said he's sorry, but he doesn't act on it. He was an incredibly sweet guy and I just don't understand why he'd be so nice to me one day and totally over the moon for me, and then just not even care. How do I ask him if he will give me a chance and start over with me? I cannot let him go. I've never liked someone so much. It's killing me..... I'm a smart girl and I can tell when someone is a player. I don't think that's what he is. I think he's just scared of drama, but I don't know how to convince him that this was just a misunderstanding...

 

Look...you need to realize you're justifying this to yourself. Of course you can have a great deal in common with someone, but it doesn't make you their "soulmate" and that's a lesson you're going to have to learn. You sound young, fairly inexperienced and just plain naive...I don't know if you're going to be able to listen to any kind of reason...you could search LoveShack for hours and find women who feel exactly the way you do only to have the typical outcome, overlooking the red flags...but no, of course you think you are "special" right? nobody knows what you both "have together" right?

 

It's easy to feel this way, but you're just not listening, you don't have the experience to realize that this is something that happens when you meet people in your life...it doesn't mean you break loose and give it all for "love"...you're not getting this it's a two-way street, you think you're just supposed to just wrestle down and restrain a man to make him see that you're the one? who are you? a Taylor Swift song?

 

You're acting like a teenager (which wouldn't surprise me) but you can't just start over, every step counts and means something...are you just going to disregard the bad until you can be in denial anymore?

 

You're not a smart girl, not when it comes to relationships...that takes experience, insight and wisdom...take a look at my posts on here, do some searching around LS, then tell me how "smart" you are...I'm sorry but you're making the exact same mistake that women make with guys they really like, it's nothing different.

 

He's not just "scared" and it's a whole "misunderstanding"...nothing even happened to cause this! other than you pushing a button he didn't want you paying any mind to, you basically caught him in a lie but now you're trying to shut your brain off, act like a desperate crazy person because you don't care, you think this is the guy for you...you've already made up your mind to be stupid, so just chase him, you'll be back here in the future though...with more drama and childish games, sorry but you're just a kid that thinks she's in love.

[skylark100]

I agree on what you said about the honeymoon phase. But we just had so much in common that I couldn't even imagine. We both hate summer, love relaxing at home instead of going out and partying, we both like the same music, we had very similar backgrounds, we have tons of mutual friends, etc. He told me he's a one-girl kind of guy. And he said that he can't believe how similar we are and how well we get along. He said he's not writing me off but I don't know what that means. I can't handle not having closure. I need to know what he's feeling. Would it be bad to call him tomorrow casually and ask him how he's feeling? I've told him that I'm hurt and he said he's sorry, but he doesn't act on it. He was an incredibly sweet guy and I just don't understand why he'd be so nice to me one day and totally over the moon for me, and then just not even care. How do I ask him if he will give me a chance and start over with me? I cannot let him go. I've never liked someone so much. It's killing me..... I'm a smart girl and I can tell when someone is a player. I don't think that's what he is. I think he's just scared of drama, but I don't know how to convince him that this was just a misunderstanding...

 

Katlyn,

 

You say he's sorry, but doesn't act on it. Have you ever heard the expression actions speak louder than words? Prime example here. You have to realize his actions should be the governing factor here.

 

You're going to have to handle not having closure, people like this don't give you closure...only people with integrity and class will truly ever really explain what isn't working out.

 

FYI, drama is not asking somebody a reasonable question and getting a blown up reaction. If that's his definition of drama, wait till he really hits adversity, it won't be pretty.

 

I had a girl do pretty much the same with me as this guy to you. I called her out and I was the bad guy....total douche she said. It took me about a week to put it all together, appearances can be deceiving. I was so blinded by her charisma and 'connections' we made that I couldn't believe she was a player...yet she was. I have never spoken to her since. BEST THING I ever did.

 

I agree with ninjainpyjama's posts. You need to lay off this guy totally. If you can't, go to the gym, meet up with friends, do something else besides think of him. That would be a 'smart' thing to do!

 

Trust us, we've been there and the signs are way to obvious.

 

Think about it!

[veggirl]

Back waaaay the eff off.

 

This is probably not salvagable but if it is, you need to leave him alone for a while. Sorry but so far you've come across as jealous, needy, and clingy.

 

You NEVER should have "confronted" him about the Instagram thing. and after you did, why try to back pedal? It was obvious to him that back pedalling on your initial reaction is what you were doing...insisting with words that you are not jealous etc, but showing with your actions that you are! And bringing it up every day was a terrible move and likely the nail in the coffin.

 

Look if you make a minor screw up (like "confronting" someone you barely know over WHAT PHOTOS THEY LIKED ON INSTAGRAM!!) then you apologize ONCE and never ever ever mention it again!

 

And no offense but if you really WERE chill and relaxed and not jealous, you wouldn't have said a word about the Instagram like.

 

Please please please do not call him tomorrow. Please stop with the "lets work it out" s.hit. It is so dramatic. Leave him alone for a WEEK and then you can call and BE CASUAL like "hey stranger, wanna get together on Friday" or whatever.

 

for the love of god do not call him tomorrow. if you want to appear casual and cool you need to quit harassing him.

[katlyn]

Look...you need to realize you're justifying this to yourself. Of course you can have a great deal in common with someone, but it doesn't make you their "soulmate" and that's a lesson you're going to have to learn. You sound young, fairly inexperienced and just plain naive...I don't know if you're going to be able to listen to any kind of reason...you could search LoveShack for hours and find women who feel exactly the way you do only to have the typical outcome, overlooking the red flags...but no, of course you think you are "special" right? nobody knows what you both "have together" right?

 

It's easy to feel this way, but you're just not listening, you don't have the experience to realize that this is something that happens when you meet people in your life...it doesn't mean you break loose and give it all for "love"...you're not getting this it's a two-way street, you think you're just supposed to just wrestle down and restrain a man to make him see that you're the one? who are you? a Taylor Swift song?

 

You're acting like a teenager (which wouldn't surprise me) but you can't just start over, every step counts and means something...are you just going to disregard the bad until you can be in denial anymore?

 

You're not a smart girl, not when it comes to relationships...that takes experience, insight and wisdom...take a look at my posts on here, do some searching around LS, then tell me how "smart" you are...I'm sorry but you're making the exact same mistake that women make with guys they really like, it's nothing different.

 

He's not just "scared" and it's a whole "misunderstanding"...nothing even happened to cause this! other than you pushing a button he didn't want you paying any mind to, you basically caught him in a lie but now you're trying to shut your brain off, act like a desperate crazy person because you don't care, you think this is the guy for you...you've already made up your mind to be stupid, so just chase him, you'll be back here in the future though...with more drama and childish games, sorry but you're just a kid that thinks she's in love.

 

Actually I am 21, not a teenager. And thank you for the reply. I think I'm just going to take your advice. I guess that I just wanted so badly for his approval. He overreacted and he seems like a bit of a drama queen. I am not going to call him tomorrow. I'm just gonna back off. If he doesn't contact me in a week, I'm just gonna forget about it. But for now I am going to move on. He has no idea what he's missing. I pity him for letting something so small get to him even though I repeatedly tried to assure him that it was a misunderstanding. Thank you for the advice.

[katlyn]

Katlyn,

 

You say he's sorry, but doesn't act on it. Have you ever heard the expression actions speak louder than words? Prime example here. You have to realize his actions should be the governing factor here.

 

You're going to have to handle not having closure, people like this don't give you closure...only people with integrity and class will truly ever really explain what isn't working out.

 

FYI, drama is not asking somebody a reasonable question and getting a blown up reaction. If that's his definition of drama, wait till he really hits adversity, it won't be pretty.

 

I had a girl do pretty much the same with me as this guy to you. I called her out and I was the bad guy....total douche she said. It took me about a week to put it all together, appearances can be deceiving. I was so blinded by her charisma and 'connections' we made that I couldn't believe she was a player...yet she was. I have never spoken to her since. BEST THING I ever did.

 

I agree with ninjainpyjama's posts. You need to lay off this guy totally. If you can't, go to the gym, meet up with friends, do something else besides think of him. That would be a 'smart' thing to do!

 

Trust us, we've been there and the signs are way to obvious.

 

Think about it!

 

Thank you for the advice. I agree with you on the part about him not having any integrity. I guess he just has no respect for women. Maybe after I've backed off he will realize what he's missing. Should I contact him casually in a week or should I just pretend he doesn't even exist? If you were in his place, what would make you change your mind after I backed off for a bit?

[katlyn]

Back waaaay the eff off.

 

This is probably not salvagable but if it is, you need to leave him alone for a while. Sorry but so far you've come across as jealous, needy, and clingy.

 

You NEVER should have "confronted" him about the Instagram thing. and after you did, why try to back pedal? It was obvious to him that back pedalling on your initial reaction is what you were doing...insisting with words that you are not jealous etc, but showing with your actions that you are! And bringing it up every day was a terrible move and likely the nail in the coffin.

 

Look if you make a minor screw up (like "confronting" someone you barely know over WHAT PHOTOS THEY LIKED ON INSTAGRAM!!) then you apologize ONCE and never ever ever mention it again!

 

And no offense but if you really WERE chill and relaxed and not jealous, you wouldn't have said a word about the Instagram like.

 

Please please please do not call him tomorrow. Please stop with the "lets work it out" s.hit. It is so dramatic. Leave him alone for a WEEK and then you can call and BE CASUAL like "hey stranger, wanna get together on Friday" or whatever.

 

for the love of god do not call him tomorrow. if you want to appear casual and cool you need to quit harassing him.

 

 

I wasn't upset about WHO he was Liking on Instagram. I was upset that he pretended to hate her soooo much to try to protect me from suspecting anything. I wasn't even suspicious when I noticed the photo. I was just confused why he couldn't be open. I'm a very open, understanding person when it comes to people's mistakes, and I couldn't understand why he couldn't be open with me. I won't call him tomorrow. But do you think I should contact him in a week and pretend nothing ever happened? Or should I just let him come to me if he wants? I'm trying really hard not to be annoying to him. I've never chased a guy this much before. The only reason I brought up the Instagram situation every day is because I couldn't understand why things weren't going back to normal if he really "forgave" me. How can I tell him that I was just confused and didn't mean to keep bringing it up? I'm so embarrassed and I don't know why he won't forgive me

[KraftDinner]

You sound like a psycho. Confronting someone about something so minor right after you met?

 

Wow.

[skylark100]

Thank you for the advice. I agree with you on the part about him not having any integrity. I guess he just has no respect for women. Maybe after I've backed off he will realize what he's missing. Should I contact him casually in a week or should I just pretend he doesn't even exist? If you were in his place, what would make you change your mind after I backed off for a bit?

 

Are you sure you really believe he has no respect? If you do you will leave him alone for a long time.

 

No contact means no contact. A week, a month or a year...time has no bearing. He has to make the next move. He likely won't.

 

If I was in his place I wouldn't have reacted the way he did but that's besides the point. What you have to do is convince yourself that he really doesnt care what you do (he really doesn't). You are unfortunately just another person, nothing more for now.

 

You are going to meet a lot different people in your dating life, each person having their respective differences, and you will learn a lot. This situation you are in now will give you invaluable experience going forward.

 

The right thing to do now is back off completely.

Edited January 16, 2013 by skylark100

[edgygirl]

No way back.

 

All the things you did, one by one, are the perfect recipe of "how to lose a guy" by behaving like a needy psycho.

 

While reading your post, I could preview everything you were about to say after each phrase, and bam... You did all things I thought you would do. All girls in a clingy psycho state act the same, it's amazing!

 

Calling out a guy for liking something on the Internet? No matter what he said before... We all do it even if we dislike someone. The only person wrong here is you, doing it after knowing someone for 2 weeks. And all the things you did after that trying to save what you screwed up, was the clingy girl behavior that guys run away from. Move on, and next time know your place in a new relationship, and have some self respect.

 

Tip: all guys are great in the beginning when they're trying to win you. Don't be the fool who falls for that. Wait to get to know someone through their actions.

[noble]

I wasn't upset about WHO he was Liking on Instagram. I was upset that he pretended to hate her soooo much to try to protect me from suspecting anything. I wasn't even suspicious when I noticed the photo. I was just confused why he couldn't be open. I'm a very open, understanding person when it comes to people's mistakes, and I couldn't understand why he couldn't be open with me. I won't call him tomorrow. But do you think I should contact him in a week and pretend nothing ever happened? Or should I just let him come to me if he wants? I'm trying really hard not to be annoying to him. I've never chased a guy this much before. The only reason I brought up the Instagram situation every day is because I couldn't understand why things weren't going back to normal if he really "forgave" me. How can I tell him that I was just confused and didn't mean to keep bringing it up? I'm so embarrassed and I don't know why he won't forgive me

 

 

Is it possible that he liked the girls photo, because say... maybe he liked the photo? Or is it only because he "secretly" has a crush on her. Is this how instagram works? I thought people could like photos that they like.. but, I dunno.

Furthermore, you were only hanging out with this guy for two weeks. Sounds like it was an intense two weeks, but two weeks none the less. And you're not his girlfriend, and by bringing up that other girls instagram you made yourself appear really needy and jealous, whether you are or not. thats just the impression you gave him.

and he probably thought that if you're starting this sort of drama after two weeks, then you're just going to be a lot of drama all the time. i mean, to me, two weeks is REALLY short. and way too fast to start "confronting" people. also, him liking someone on instagram is nothing something that is worth "confronting" over. like, who cares. not a big deal.

maybe you were trying to show you were cool and laid back, but it came off the other way.

and then by constantly bringing it up and wanting to make sure hes not mad, you're just making it worse. first off, if he's mad, he's allowed to be mad. and if he's mad, it shouldnt affect how you feel about yourself or make you backpedal on something you said. you are not responsible for his feelings, so stop obsessing over what he is thinking. focus on yourself.

have you ever dated a guy who is constantly checking in on your emotions and asking if you're upset? i have, and it's annoying, and a major turn off. it reeks of insecurity, and i think by pushing this issue you're coming off as insecure.

the only way to fix it is just leave him alone. let him come to you if he wants to talk. if not, chalk it up to a bad dating mistake.

[veggirl]

I wasn't upset about WHO he was Liking on Instagram. I was upset that he pretended to hate her soooo much to try to protect me from suspecting anything. I wasn't even suspicious when I noticed the photo. I was just confused why he couldn't be open. I'm a very open, understanding person when it comes to people's mistakes, and I couldn't understand why he couldn't be open with me.

 

Honey he's known you for a few weeks. What is all this open stuff...suspecting stuff...drama-rama!

 

I won't call him tomorrow. But do you think I should contact him in a week and pretend nothing ever happened? Or should I just let him come to me if he wants? I'm trying really hard not to be annoying to him. I've never chased a guy this much before. The only reason I brought up the Instagram situation every day is because I couldn't understand why things weren't going back to normal if he really "forgave" me. How can I tell him that I was just confused and didn't mean to keep bringing it up? I'm so embarrassed and I don't know why he won't forgive me

 

Wait at LEAST a week. Yes it would prob be better if you waited for him to call but honestly I don't know if he will. so you can TRY once more, and then no more!!! And no no no no do not tell him you were "confused and didn't mean to keep bringing it up"...hello, THAT is bringing it up!! You pretend it NEVER happened! Do not ever mention it AGAIN!

 

He isn't forgiving you because you were harassing him and coming off as crazy and jealous and controlling to someone you barely know. He thinks he just saw the "real you". all you can do now is damage control, by leaving him alone and then if you guys do get in touch again, by being chill and relaxed and forgetting that happened.

 

things weren't going back to normal because he saw a side of you he didn't like and he was re-assessing things. He SAID he "forgave" you because he didn't want you to keep apologizing and harping on him for it. that doesn't mean he actually was over it. he just wanted you to stop bringing the situation up.

[Kylar]

Ok I stopped reading when you mentioned you told him that he liked one of her photos. If I had just started talking to/dating a girl and she was 100% online stalking me I'd slam those breaks.

[Drseussgrrl]

Wait - all this over a couple of "likes" on instagram?

 

[Kylar]

Wait - all this over a couple of "likes" on instagram?

 

 

More like over noticing it. I was turned off by a girl once cause she mentioned I became FB friends with a girl I'd said I hated. I did so because my friend was dating the girl and I wanted to play nice. She thought I wanted to bang the girl since id went on one date with her like 2 years before.

 

To me it was creepy she monitored my FB activities so much.

[skylark100]

Tip: all guys are great in the beginning when they're trying to win you. Don't be the fool who falls for that. Wait to get to know someone through their actions.

 

 

I think the same is true of women, if they like the guy they will probably hold back a little back to start, or try to impress.... It's only natural. It's a level playing field to start.

 

As you get deeper into a relationship the more you get to know about a person.