suckered Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I am aware that I don't fit the standard definition but I am still concerned. I am able to feel empathy for others but it's very selective. There are few people that I am close to (family and close friends) and I can feel their pain and am protective of them. Even with them, I will often tell small lies that make my life easier. For other people I rarely feel anything. I often find myself using them to fit my agenda with no remorse. I have a chameleon type of personality and can find the best way to relate to anyone. I am well liked and most people find me charming. I have had a friend for years that I disliked but only used her to go out and meet men. I know that she wanted closer friendship and I didn't care. Then I discarded her and never missed her for a second. I know this has hurt her a lot. It gets worse. I wanted a kid so I married a man I didn't love few years back. I knew he loved me and I went through the motions of saying the right things I didn't feel. I cheated on him and felt pretty flat about it. He eventually divorced me. I wasn't upset or sad. It's been 2 years now and I have never missed him. I feel no remorse for any of my actions. There were other men whom I have hurt by using them to fulfil my own needs while telling them what they wanted to hear. I felt no attachment to any of these people. As I said before, there are few people that I am close to and would have hard time hurting and do feel something for. Even with them, I still feel that they care about me more than I care about them. I also feel twinge of empathy for a stranger in a wheelchair for example or sick kids. What's the verdict?
delighted_delilah Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I am no expert, but my suspicion is that if you are concerned that you may be a sociopath, you aren't one. If you feel any empathy for anyone, love for anyone, etc, then nope. 2
carhill Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Did you have a conduct disorder as a child? One example might be purposely inflicting pain on animals. IMO, a professional team of psychiatric clinicians is your best bet for accurate diagnosis. It is possible your symptoms manifest from an organic basis, e.g. hormonal/blood flow/physical malady. A proper diagnosis would include interviews with your parents and siblings and a familial history. The professional advice I received, both in MC and as a caregiver for a psychotic person, was that, if behaviors inhibit the formation and maintenance of healthy interpersonal relationships, then they bear scrutiny. Good luck. 1
Taramere Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 As I said before, there are few people that I am close to and would have hard time hurting and do feel something for. Even with them, I still feel that they care about me more than I care about them. I also feel twinge of empathy for a stranger in a wheelchair for example or sick kids. What's the verdict? We can't diagnose you. Even people here who were qualified to do that wouldn't be able to on the strength of a post or two. My understanding of diagnoses of antisocial behaviour disorders is that they're generally made for the purposes of assisting courts in sentencing matters, rather than being undertaken to tell a non-offending person "you're definitely a psychopathy/sociopath in my professional view". I remember discussing this with a friend who worked as a therapist, in the context of "what would you do if you thought a client of yours was a psychopath. Would you carry on working with them?" She said that she strongly believed a person had an antisocial behaviour disorder like that, she would probably just end the sessions with them as it wouldn't be possible to achieve positive change. The most that would happen, she said, would be that the individual with the antisocial disorder would use counselling sessions to learn to better mimic empathy and learn new manipulation techniques. Also, given that sociopathy and narcissism have a great deal in common, counselling could just be a source of narcissistic supply more than anything else. I wasn't sure what to think of that, but I'm not a psychologist. It seems to me that if you feel twinges of empathy for people, then that wouldn't be consistent with what I understand psychopathy or sociopathy to involve (ie absolutely no empathy and no conscience). Perhaps it's just a case of, on a scale of zero empathy to ridiculously high amounts of empathy you'd be pretty close to zero empathy. But then, so are quite a lot of people. Should they all be pathologised? Cheating is pretty shabby behaviour, but does that mean everybody who has cheated should be pathologised? If so, then that would make a big portion of the populace has an antisocial behaviour disorder...because however much it might get condemned on this board as narcissistic, sociopathic etc the fact is that cheating is unfortunately pretty common place. Perhaps given the sheer number of people out there who cheat on partners, it's more realistic to think in terms of people who don't cheat (when they have the opportunity) being admirable, honourable human beings than it is to pretend that people who cheat are abnormal. I'm not trying to collude with you here but I just don't see much purpose in pathologising you for behaviour that is, as I say, pretty shabby but doesn't fall into the realms of criminality. If behaviour you're habitually involved in causes a lot of problems in your relationships and in day to day living generally, then that's something that you could probably get help with...but I don't think people can counsel extra amounts of empathy into you. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 You sound like an average human being
ScreamingTrees Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 It's not even about feeling, it's about knowing. Knowing right from wrong. You don't have to feel anything to know what you should do if you want to be a good person, and don't want to inflict pain on others that you would not wish inflicted upon yourself.. 1
stevie_23 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 You sound like me. Now, I’m not saying this is a GOOD thing, lol, but I don’t think I’m a sociopath so I highly doubt you are. If you WERE, I doubt you’d care anyway. It’s fairly normal to not feel much for people you don’t know. Sometimes it takes all your energy to feel things for people you DO know and love! Sometimes it can be a bit of a strain, but that’s beside the point. People you don’t know, you don’t understand or relate to, so you have a harder time empathising and caring about them MORE than yourself and your own needs. Or at all. That’s ok I think, and most people feel that to different degrees. With that friend who you “used” to go out and meet men, well, this says that you were willing to spend time with someone you didn’t particularly like in order to do something you wanted. This is true of everyone everyday! Everyone has to spend time with people they don’t like in order to get things done. It’s ok. And so what if that friend wanted a closer friendship? This happens all the time also. Not everyone can satisfy everyone’s needs in every situation, you know? Many times people meet someone they want something from (a closer friendship for instance) and the other person simply doesn’t feel it, so it doesn’t happen. Most people would feel bad, but not everyone, and it’s fine not to in my opinion. Every friendship and relationship satisfies needs in both parties. If their needs match up, then it’s a successful partnership. If not? Well…that’s life. With regard to the man you married, this is sort of…misguided of you and not the best way to go about getting what you wanted (your child), but again, it’s VERY common. If you treated your husband well and the union was amicable most of the time, then this is ok. A lot of people marry partners they don’t love for various reasons. Cheating on him is not so good, but good people cheat as well as “questionable” people. Anyone can cheat. You obviously weren’t happy in this marriage and you wanted to fulfill some sort of happiness-need in yourself, but at the same time not wishing to break up your family unit and stability, so you sought that outside the marriage. Again, very common. If you feel no remorse, well…that’s also not a sign you’re a sociopath. You never loved him so you probably wouldn’t feel much remorse or guilt, you know? You feel your loved ones care more for you than you do for them? Have you ever been hurt badly by someone you were close to? It sounds like you have some walls up in terms of getting 100% close to people. I don’t even feel that twinge of empathy for wheelchair-bound people or sick kids. I really don’t. Of course I’d prefer them NOT to be that way, but I can’t help it, they don’t know me, so what difference does it make?
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 You are not average, IMO. You definitely have some narcissistic traits, but I wouldn't go so far as to say you have NPD (and thus a sociopath), as you're able to feel empathy. However, the way you openly acknowledge using and discarding people who care about you and feeling no remorse or regret for hurting them is pretty troubling. 3
Forever Learning Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 You are not average, IMO. You definitely have some narcissistic traits, but I wouldn't go so far as to say you have NPD (and thus a sociopath), as you're able to feel empathy. However, the way you openly acknowledge using and discarding people who care about you and feeling no remorse or regret for hurting them is pretty troubling. Just wanted to throw in a bit about Narcissists and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (henceforth 'NPD'), and Sociopaths/Psychopaths, all of which fall under Cluster B Personality Disorders as I recall. The way it was explained to me, someone can have NPD and not be a Sociaopath/Psychopath. But, all Psychopaths/Sociopaths are indeed Narcissists. That is a small point, but just wanted to mention it. It's like is a one way street on the way to Psychoville, and NPD is one town away. Some folks get off there, some go all the way to Psychoville before they get off the bus, but their passport was stamped with NPD all the same. That was probably the world's dumbest way to explain that. Sorry. ************* Anyhow OP, there's no telling what you are. There are all varieties, degrees and spectrums of Sociopaths, the boundaries are sort of fuzzy. If you want to improve upon yourself for any reason, you could always try to do some volunteer work for those in need, and see if you thaw somehow in your feelings towards others and grow some compassion. One never knows how life and the choices we make in helping others can sometimes help in our own personal growth. If nothing else, read up on Karma, and see if it doesn't make sense to you. Maybe that will help you in developing yourself further towards being a more positive, thoughtful, considerate, caring and giving person, if you feel there is benefit for you in it, via Karma. All the best to you!
ladyabstrused Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I don't think you're a sociopath by the sounds of it but as said, we can't really diagnose you or say anything for certain. The things you did could just be out of selfishness or something. My ex used to say that I fit the definitions of a sociopath, even got me to look up a website about it and I'm thinking, my goodness, am I one, for real? Sometimes you do wonder about these things.. but I personally think that if your conscience is clear and you are generally or mostly a good person, you're not a sociopath. 1
Failboy Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Similar things might be done by relatively normal people (though still people I wouldn't want to spend time with, but that's not the point) but they would find ways to rationalize their actions, ways to not feel too bad about themselves, make excuses for it and so on. Difference with you is that you look at it plainly with no regrets, which is far from common. The calculating approach is what makes it really cold and what separates the regular douche from the clinical douche, so to speak. It's also known that sociopaths do well with people, much better than genuine people who are actually nice and don't mimic feelings. With that said, I don't believe in clear mental diseases in that kind of way. I just think people are who they are, if they are something that is either really bad for them or for people around them, people love to attest a mental illness but at the of the day that is just their personality most of the time. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I am aware that I don't fit the standard definition but I am still concerned. I am able to feel empathy for others but it's very selective. There are few people that I am close to (family and close friends) and I can feel their pain and am protective of them. Even with them, I will often tell small lies that make my life easier. For other people I rarely feel anything. I often find myself using them to fit my agenda with no remorse. I have a chameleon type of personality and can find the best way to relate to anyone. I am well liked and most people find me charming. I have had a friend for years that I disliked but only used her to go out and meet men. I know that she wanted closer friendship and I didn't care. Then I discarded her and never missed her for a second. I know this has hurt her a lot. It gets worse. I wanted a kid so I married a man I didn't love few years back. I knew he loved me and I went through the motions of saying the right things I didn't feel. I cheated on him and felt pretty flat about it. He eventually divorced me. I wasn't upset or sad. It's been 2 years now and I have never missed him. I feel no remorse for any of my actions. There were other men whom I have hurt by using them to fulfil my own needs while telling them what they wanted to hear. I felt no attachment to any of these people. As I said before, there are few people that I am close to and would have hard time hurting and do feel something for. Even with them, I still feel that they care about me more than I care about them. I also feel twinge of empathy for a stranger in a wheelchair for example or sick kids. What's the verdict?so sociopaths feel nothing no empathy nor remorse for anything including hurting others....sociopaths wouldn't be concerned with the fact they are sociopaths they certainly wouldnt ask....they already know who and what they are....you are in my opinion not a sociopath unless this is a manipulation on your part and you are bored then you just might be....best wishes....deb 1
neveragain34 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I'm thinking Narcisstic Personality Disorder.
dichotomy Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I would not say you are a sociopath - nor would I say you are healthy. The issue with your marriage and men points to something.You might have some form of "Character Disturbance" Overcoming Misconceptions about Character Disturbance | Manipulative-People.com
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