stuckinthepast Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I would first like to say I know cheating is not excused under no circumstances and I do feel horrible... When I was younger I had an ex boyfriend...we only dated for roughly three months but we were in love I was 18 he was 17...we had too many problems with trust...I had graduated from high school and he hadn't...I'm extremely possessive and I always doubted whether he was being faithful...and it went downhill...not to mention we worked together and ppl felt because they knew both of us they had a right to express their opinion...it didn't work out...but we were best friends first so it hurt letting that go...ultimately I ended the relationship told him I needed a break...he begged me not to break up with him and stated he didn't like to be alone and did not guarantee he would still be around when I was over my break...still I stuck with my decision our relationship had everybody's input and we had a short temper...but the chemistry/attraction was always there...and we were similar in many ways.... We kept in touch having sex approximately 3 times...but never a couple...he couldn't forgive me for giving up on him...among other things...I told him I loved him but he said he was past me...yet we always run back to each other....even if only for sex...I like to think we have a connection... The thing is...I'm engaged...I live with my fiance...I love him...he is devoted to me...but he has a hard exterior...and our BF/gf was less than perfect...but he got it together...we are happy....but we have patches were we are at the cracking point...he thinks I'm too close to my family and feels second...but my mom and sis are everything to me...my father passed away...and my mom took two roles and never once dated or remarried anyone....so I am really close to them...and we disagree on this...i cheated on him twice when we were dating...with my ex...but like i said our bf/gf relationship was not perfect, he didn't want anything exclusive/serious and he was still talking to other girls...I felt unwanted...depressed, wondering what was wrong with me, and well my ex was there, we had sex two different occasions...he is not a shoulder to cry on because he always reminds me that the situations i put myself in are because of my choices...after those two times We didn't see each other, he would try to talk to me but my fiance got his things together and our relationship was great so i ignored his attempts to reach out Recently things got bad between my fiance and me...his family hasn't really embraced the fact that he can't be the same person to them(like give his mom and brothers money THEY ARE GROWN MEN...21 AND 18 WHO DO NOT WORK, or buy pointless things for them). he was a big party guy and they feel like he has changed...well duh! he matured....Well things got bad bethween his fam not liking me and me not trying anymore to impress them, to him feeling like i do too much for my sis and mom....and i ran to my ex...we had sex...and i haven't stopped thinking about it since...after that my ex and me had no contact...but recently i messaged him on facebook wishing him the best in the new yr...since the last time we had seen each other he had told me he was in love and wanted to start a family with his new gf...but they had issues to fix...but he has gone back to this old ways since it didnt work out with him and his ex...so of course he has asked to see me..and i am pondering going... my question is what is wrong with me?? yes my fiance is not perfect, but he still worships the ground i walk on, he gives me everything...and my ex is still trying to figure himself out and has nothing going himself... he is 21 and still acts like he is 17...so i just don't see why i'm such a horrible person to my fiance...sorry for the long on going thread...for those who read it thanks....
StormySeas Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 What is wrong with you? I have no idea if there are any flaws that equal something "wrong" with you. But your actions are wrong and you are betraying your fiance. It sounds like you're young and don't know what you want. I suggest you tell the truth to your fiance, break up, ignore your ex for awhile (or have no strings attached se# if you want, but NO relationship), and just focus on yourself. The right person will appreciate that you have a close relationship with your family that is healthy. A healthy family relationship means you don't put your Mom/Sis above your partner and you maintain appropriate boundaries. But clearly your fiance does not sound like the right person for you. I hope that the mistakes that you're making are the result of some underlying unhappiness and youth, and not some greater character flaws. I'd suggest that post break-up with your fiance, you spend some time in IC making sure that you understand why you were acting extremely possessive and why you cheated so that going forward, you can be a better partner. It doesn't sound like either of these guys are "right" for you given how you've treated them. Take some time to work on you.
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