eidhan Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So I was in love with this girl for 5 years. We had two breakups in between over unnecessary things. The first breakup was over an year ago which was fixed by her dad. Then after maybe 6 months, our engagement was fixed and we had a fight just before fixing thre marriage dates over some silly thing( I was to be blamed this time), but post this she went into a shell, where she wdnt talk to me at all. our parents held secret meetings and tried hard to patch us up. Well, we patched up finally after 4 to 5 months, where she took the initiative( I had actually pleaded a lot, called her and all those sad romantic stuff). Well we got engaged, and our marriage was just a week away when unfortunately her father expired. It was really sad. However her relatives decided to go ahead with the marriage. Today I checked her mail to find some doc i had sent her some time back and what i found out was a romantic thread between she and her friend. Miss you, love you kind of stuff. Mail was dated after our engagement. I confronted her with it. She accepted her mistake and told me that she had flirted for 3 months and she is reasoning that it was because I dint find time for her and that guy listen to her. Now what do I do, considering her dad had done everything for our marriage and has left this world. I really hate her for what she has done and i guess this would linger in my mind. What do i do? regards, eidhan
LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Flirting is not cheating bro. Everybody flirts... Put it this way, I like to fish. Sometimes when I get a good catch I decide to keep the fish instead of releasing it back on the water. But keeping a fish doesnt mean that I am not a fisherman anymore!! Sometimes I like to carry my pole around, start my boat. Not to fish, but just to remind my catch and myself that I can!! If I lose my ability to fish, then my partner will lose heinterest in me!! Do you get what Im trying to say?
Chi townD Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Call off the wedding. Stop the engagement. You shouldn't get married out of a sense of obligation to anyone. It should be because you two are 100% committed to each other. And if she's having an Emotional Affair (EA) right before your marriage, that tells me that she isn't 100% committed. 6
geegirl Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 You shouldn't go through with it because you feel obligated nor should you go through with it seeing that your relationship doesn't have enough of a foundation to set the tone for "ever after". She is stepping outside of your realtionship to seek emotional comfort. It's cheating. If everytime she deems you haven't paid her enough attention, it is not right to seek it from other men. And if you didn't catch her, how long would this have gone on and to what extent? 2
Author eidhan Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Do people do stuff just for the fun of it. She said she hadnt done anything wrong. But I feel like i dun trust her anymore. I asked her about this guy before telling that i saw the mails and she said he is 'just' a frend and she hasn't talked much. The mails seems so romantic. I have'nt had anything like that from her in a long time. I just dun know what to do. I dun understand her.
denxnis Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I see two options. (1) Get married and have her cheat on you in the future. (2) Break things off, deal with the pain, move on. Without a solid foundation your wedding will not last long - I am sorry but it is the truth my friend. Additionally she has broken your trust which will destroy your relationship slowly. Feel free to IM me if you need anything, I know someone that has gone through a similar situation. 2
FailedFirstLove Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 don't go through with it. It's going to end up in divorce when she cheats on you. I don't think people go around flirting when their commited. that's just verbally cheating. if you really love and commit to someone you wouldn't even find a need to flirt. you need to solve it out with her first and wait it out to see. It's sad he has to do that. 1
Author eidhan Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Thanks for all the replies friends. She has been messaging me from morning. Now she messaged that she is sorry for what she did for two months and that she feels pity on herself. I do love her, and i know that i havent been giving her enuf time because of all my work schedule but i do call her whenever i get time. We are at different places. We are getting married this coming sunday. At one point I made up my mind to sacrifice my life and maybe give her a chance. But now its all getting difficult. Should i talk to my parents about this and seek their opinion. I dont want to feed them with this story though. They would be devastated.
RespectfullyAlone Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Yes talk to your parents. They would be even more devastated to find out you hadn't, had gotten married anyway, and then she left or cheated on. Since you've already mentioned them playing a part in your relationship, I wonder why you haven't told them already. Tell them.
oracle Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Sounds like you have had a lot of outside intervention to keep you guys together. That in and of itself alone would be reason to walk away. Listen, it won't get better. It will be go in cycles, but it will pretty much repeat what you see now.. with instances of the peaks and valleys getting higher and lower. Bite the bullet now.. instead of dealing with it 15yrs later like I am. 1
WordvAction Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I'm really sorry to say this, but it sounds as if there are red flags coming from this relationship. Seek some sort of counseling for you and her or this will probably end badly.
aed Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Thanks for all the replies friends. She has been messaging me from morning. Now she messaged that she is sorry for what she did for two months and that she feels pity on herself. I do love her, and i know that i havent been giving her enuf time because of all my work schedule but i do call her whenever i get time. We are at different places. We are getting married this coming sunday. At one point I made up my mind to sacrifice my life and maybe give her a chance. But now its all getting difficult. Should i talk to my parents about this and seek their opinion. I dont want to feed them with this story though. They would be devastated. I don't understand the phrases of this: "and that she feels pity on herself" I read it like: She feels sorry for her self? You cant know for sure if she didnt cheated on you. (just read the infidelity boards here. Al cheaters minimize their actions till to point, you have prove of). She wrote to an guy ('friend') "I miss you and I love you"!? When you two where engaged! That is not just flirting in my book! Also love doesn't go away in just 3 months. It takes allot more time, in my experience. And she was 'flirting' for 3 months. Also she is blaiming you for her actions! "she is reasoning that it was because I dint find time for her and that guy listen to her". Then she feels pity on her self. In you post I cant even find any remorse from her side! Dont you think she knows who she will look to the outside world, when you expose why you two didn't got married? You are the one that is marrying her. Not her parents, not your parents, You! This is not a great start for a couple that is soon going to be newly weds.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Thanks for all the replies friends. She has been messaging me from morning. Now she messaged that she is sorry for what she did for two months and that she feels pity on herself. I do love her, and i know that i havent been giving her enuf time because of all my work schedule but i do call her whenever i get time. We are at different places. We are getting married this coming sunday. At one point I made up my mind to sacrifice my life and maybe give her a chance. But now its all getting difficult. Should i talk to my parents about this and seek their opinion. I dont want to feed them with this story though. They would be devastated. Yes talk to your parents. Get their advice. They would have your best interest at heart. I dot think any parents would be willinging to let their son get hurt. I wish you all the best and hope you find the right path.
aed Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I don't know about objective advise from parents in situations like this. Most parents want their childeren to be with someone, and hope it will work out. They can minimize the hole thing.
aed Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 I am a little curious about how this story ended?
TaraMaiden Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 You wanna lay bets she's 'Mrs.eidhan'....?
Samilia Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 You wanna lay bets she's 'Mrs.eidhan'....? mmh.. I'll bet she... is.
TaraMaiden Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Aaaaw. You no fun. I could do with the money......
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