KraftDinner Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I'm currently in a close-to-year-long relationship with the most amazing, sensitive, loving man I've ever known. I'm so happy. I didn't know it was possible to have someone I love so much take care of my emotional needs so well as I happily do my best to take care of his. My problem is I'm so scared of losing what we have. I think this is because deep down I don't feel like I've ever known any happy long-term couples. I was hoping to hear from some here... How long have you been together? How has your relationship changed over the years? How do you feel after a long time together? Thank you in advance.
Balzac Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 HaHa define LT. Ok I'll bite. 8 years. Recently engaged, it continues to grow in quality.
Author KraftDinner Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 HaHa define LT. Ok I'll bite. 8 years. Recently engaged, it continues to grow in quality. Nice to hear, thanks! LT, I dunno...hmm. Like 4-5 years or longer?
Author KraftDinner Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 HaHa define LT. Ok I'll bite. 8 years. Recently engaged, it continues to grow in quality. Oh, Balzac -- is it possible for you to share how it has grown in quality?
Balzac Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 It has grown in quality by many standards. Better sexual intimacy and experimentation. Educational development and the resulting definition of passion and focus ~ thereby an increase in mutual respect. Deeper conviction as to supporting partner. Much greater concern for partner's happiness and joy. Hmmmm. I'm sure implied is a total commitment to taking this to that next level of commitment. Career focus has replaced educational. Now it's quality of life in the delayed gratification but newly defined. Make sense? 2
Author KraftDinner Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 It has grown in quality by many standards. Better sexual intimacy and experimentation. Educational development and the resulting definition of passion and focus ~ thereby an increase in mutual respect. Deeper conviction as to supporting partner. Much greater concern for partner's happiness and joy. Hmmmm. I'm sure implied is a total commitment to taking this to that next level of commitment. Career focus has replaced educational. Now it's quality of life in the delayed gratification but newly defined. Make sense? Yes! That's great. I'm glad your relationship is so strong. Positivity is so nice to hear on this board.
Balzac Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Thanks! At some moment we all take that leap to embrace risk. I understand your fears. It's likely that your greatest joys will come to you after a risk to go with it. Be ever present of passion and be honest with yourself. I hope that encourages you to share your fears. 3
xxoo Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 20 years together, married, kids I think, with each gradual step, we grew more interdependent, more grateful for each other, and more trusting toward each other. More satisfied, as well. That could have easily gone the other way in the stress of adding the first child, for example. But we weathered those storms well, and came through stronger. Much stronger. 5
JamesM Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 22 years and happily married. Not always so nor do I believe it will always be. However, my commitment to her is strong and hers is to me. Remember...there will be good and bad times. But if the love is strong and this is the one whom you want to go through thickk and thin with, then he is the one for you. Happily ever after is in fairy tales...and not even in all of them. Life has its ups and downs, but commitment is what keeps you together when everyone else wants to tear you apart. Love is not a feeling. It is an action. 2
Woggle Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I have been married for six years and together for seven and it gets better all the time. I had to overcome some serious trust issues after a horrible first marriage and childhood issues but I really am glad that I finally opened up. We are even more in love now than we were back then. 3
frozensprouts Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 been married 15 1/2 years...I won't lie and say everything has always been wonderful, but they are really good right now and we are happy 1
Quiet Storm Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 We've been together 22 years. I met him at 15. We were HS sweethearts. We married young, started our family young. In the beginning, we had financial stress, which was our first "down" time, but we got through it. We became settled in our careers and enjoy family life. We still are flirty and attracted to each other and spend a lot of time together "just us". Our bedroom is a "kid free" zone. We also have crazy days driving kids around to soccer, basketball, etc. Our biggest problem is that my sister has Borderline Personality Disorder (she is very dramatic & vindictive) and he doesn't want the kids around her AT ALL, which causes some problems for my parents & I. He lost both parents over the course of our relationship, so he had to deal with grief and I had to help him through that. He is a great husband and father, I am a very lucky woman. I think the key is to ride out the hard times with the understanding that they are only temporary. Go into it knowing and accepting that there will be ups & downs, ebbs & flows. Try not to allow outside stress to affect your bond. Don't underestimate the importance of regular sex... it's our "glue". 3
Els Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I'll try and help, since this thread doesn't seem to be getting much love, though I certainly haven't been in one as long as the others here have. We've been together for 4.5 years - the hardest part was in Year 2 when distance was really taking its toll on us and we had problems with closing it. We closed the distance at the end of Year 2, and after another tough period with financial issues and adjustment problems due to my move, it's been smooth sailing for the past 2.5 years or so of living together. Right about now, it feels pretty amazing. If you're at the 1-year mark, I think the most challenging part of a relationship is when the honeymoon phase begins to fade and the rose-tinted glasses fall off (usually at 1-2 years). That is an inevitability in most Rs, I think, and many Rs fall apart at that point. When you have seen the man you love in the most unflattering light possible, with all his flaws and imperfections revealed, and still decide that you still love him and want to make this work, and both of you make that decision and put the effort in to move forward, a stronger and deeper relationship will emerge from that. It might not have the roller-coaster intensity of a brand new R, but it will be a different sort of love that is calm, stable, tenacious, and even more intimate. I'm sure there are other bumps in the road in the future - children, etc - but we're fairly young and haven't experienced that yet. I'd hope the principle in dealing with them would be similar. 3
youdunsay Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I need advice too. Somebody quote that 'Couples that play together stay together'. How much do you agree on this and how much of this do you find has led to your successful marriage? If there is no mutual leisure interest to start with, there is no deal to go on further. Agree? 1
Silly_Girl Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I need advice too. Somebody quote that 'Couples that play together stay together'. How much do you agree on this and how much of this do you find has led to your successful marriage? If there is no mutual leisure interest to start with, there is no deal to go on further. Agree? I'd find it really hard to be in a relationship with someone I couldn't enjoy activities with. I love that we have our own things, and we embrace that, but we do so much together, from a workout video, to hiking, to meals out and movies and all sorts in between. 1
Els Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I need advice too. Somebody quote that 'Couples that play together stay together'. How much do you agree on this and how much of this do you find has led to your successful marriage? If there is no mutual leisure interest to start with, there is no deal to go on further. Agree? Our initial meeting and attraction was based on similar interests, and it has certainly helped. Some other couples do just fine without it, though. Probably differs for everyone.
xxoo Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I need advice too. Somebody quote that 'Couples that play together stay together'. How much do you agree on this and how much of this do you find has led to your successful marriage? If there is no mutual leisure interest to start with, there is no deal to go on further. Agree? IMO, you need enough common interests, but a ton of common interests aren't necessary better. Extra common interests won't make up for a deficit in some other part of the relationship. And those common interests don't need to be your core interests, either.
BetheButterfly Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 I need advice too. Somebody quote that 'Couples that play together stay together'. How much do you agree on this and how much of this do you find has led to your successful marriage? I agree with this! My husband's and my marriage is not very long... in Feb. we will have known each other for 2 years, but we have only been married for little over a year. Playing together has helped make our marriage strong though, and we plan on always playing!!! 1
Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 My husband and I have been together for 6 1/2 years, married for 2 1/2. Everything isn't perfect all the time, we have our moments where one (or more) of us is being a pain in the butt. But we apologize and are happy again and make it work. So, I feel like that is the key to a happy relationship/marriage. You have to know that your not always going to act perfect and that your partner is going to piss you off. But at the end of the day you love each other on move on. 5
youdunsay Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 If you have no initial interest on a guy, and because the guy helped you to do some stuff (say you bought something overseas and he helped you deliver) and you know he's interested in you/ he just want a gf now, will you attempt to date that guy out of...goodwill?
BetheButterfly Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 If you have no initial interest on a guy, and because the guy helped you to do some stuff (say you bought something overseas and he helped you deliver) and you know he's interested in you/ he just want a gf now, will you attempt to date that guy out of...goodwill? NOPE. I don't allow a guy to help me though if I think he wants something more from me.That's not what real help is. Real generosity gives without asking for anything back.
standtall Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Married 17 yrs and together for 23. Many ups and downs, but we have stayed away from the 4 horsemen.. criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. We also were married before God, and we both made 2 promises that day..one to each other, and one to God that we would stay married and make it work. So far so good. 1
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