crude Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Would it be considered taking charge if the man plans to go to an expensive restaurant she'd love to go to and tells her to pay for both? If a woman balks at going to a chain restaurant and demands a fancy one, and of course insists that the guy pays, it's almost as if she's the one in control, and he's a puppet.
Imported Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Yeah, like some women have some wierd hang up about chain restaurants..."What if I ask her to CHilis and she thinks that's a stupid idea, I just love their bloomin onion!" LOL I always try out the mom/pop places. I like meeting the owners, they always try hard and I appreciate them and try to keep them in business. Chillis and places like that are for when you're all comfortable together. First dates, should be a special place and even though I don't actually research them that hard, it is not difficult to pick one. Even if the place is not that great, I am kinda a spin doctor and I know what kinda spin I want to put on it. I won't complain, if she does I will spin her till she has a positive attitude and enjoys herself even if the place is less than stellar.
KathyM Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Okay, I was just wondering....because recently, I think a woman had taken a PRO-active interest in me lately. We met at a pool party during the summer and we went out one time after that....but we kind of lost touch due to sceduling issues. There was a B-day party coming up for a friend and I called her up to see if she'd like to come. We met at a b-day party gathering at a restaurant among friends...we spent the evening seated next to each other, and we had talked throughout much of the evening. She's definitely engaging, and almost as funny as I am (don't meet many women that I find comical and cute) There's some major flirting going on, and we leave together and I thought she'd might like to join me in a stroll downtown.....we come across a favorite place of her's to eat and she said, "OH, let's go here, I love this place...I'll buy you a drink!" I was thinking, holy crap! She must be into me! She really didn't show THAT much interest as compared to before, but this time it was more intense. So we talk for a while even more, and the chemistry is building up. I walk her to her car and we make plans for the following weekend. Apparently, there had been some event on that specific weekend of an interest she enjoys already...and she asked if I'd like to go...so I agreed, and she said she'd take care of it. (yeah, she's taking the reins, lol) Initially, I thought her taking charge was her showing her true interest in me, and not being wishy washy herself, which can be a turn off even for a man. So I figured I'd better come up with something for a "post time" thing after that event, like finding out the bars or cafe's in the area so we can hang afterwards. I was just wondering, because I was surprised she was taking the reings initially with me. I mean, holy crap, a woman buying ME a drink!! That's really nice, IRC. I hope it goes well for you. It's kind of hard to plan what to do after an event if you don't know what the event actually is. The answer of what to do afterwards would depend on what the main event is, but it would be a good idea to have in mind some possible things to suggest when the main event is done. Have in mind possible places to go around there and suggest something after the main event is over.
SJC2008 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 This is an intersting topic and another "balance" issue IMO in that it seems to always be on the man. I have no problem planning dates, comming up with things to do at all! But after a handfull of dates why can't the woman suggetst something to do? They say never ASK a woman what she want's to do and I can understand this early on, especially for a first date. But let's say things are further along and we want to go out and I can't come up with anything or am indifferent as to what I want to do that day and ask her what she wants to do. So I'm not a "leader" now? Why can't she say "lets go and do xyz".
EasyHeart Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think one reason behind passivity in men is their fear of being "wrong." What if she doesn't like his suggestions? She might reject him. They confuse the rejection of venue with the rejection of him as a human being.With some women it can be exhausting because you literally have to have 7 or 8 plans every date until you find one she likes. It turns out she know exactly what she wants to do and the man's job is to guess correctly, rather than her just volunteer "I want to go to . . . ." I have zero patience with that kind of woman nowadays. 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I don't know what kind of women some of you are meeting. When I would go out on a date, it was along the lines of: "Where do you wanna go?" "I dunno where do you wanna go?" "I dunno...eat someplace?" "Sure...where?" "I dunno...what do you like?" Just like you'd make plans with a friend or something. Sometimes I feel like I grew up in an alternate universe or something when I read some of the stories on here. 2
todreaminblue Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 (edited) I was talking to a friend of mine, and I mentioned how I have a date coming up...and thought it was cool. He gives me tips on how I should make note of the places to eat in the area, do a little research and decide on a couple of places to eat as oppose to not knowing what to do at the time of the date....or not having a "plan of action" if you will. Actually, make some effort to get to know the restaurants in the area, be familiar with what they serve there and so on. Apparently, this friend of mine said he had a friend that had a woman that simply lost interest in dating him because he just didn't have any plan on what to do on their dates or outings. He was a great guy to her, decent in all other aspect, she even specified this, but she basically dumped him because of this very reason....and she wound up marrying some other guy who actually did have a plan of action on their outings. Kind of sad, but just was wondering if this is the reality of the situation? Ladies would you dump a guy, even though you had fun together, thought he was a decent guy, but if he simply never had any idea of what to do when going out, would this be a turn off to the point that would cause you to call it off? i have dated guys who have let me do all the planning and to tell the truth some of the best dates i have had have been mystery dates.... its a matter of i dont know where i am taking you I just want to be with you tonight on one of those dates, it ended up a stop at a shop some cheese and crackers,a bottle of wine and the ocean with plastic cups ... .i wouldnt enjoy the wine i dont drink anymore but i know that its not where a guy takes me but how much he wants to spend time with me that counts i am not impressed by restaurants or status ,i am impressed with guys who think outside of the box,guys who say i have no clue what to do with you, and if they take me to the water , its a fail safe, most guys i have dated already know already the water to me is a favorite spot.....going out to dinner is nice....but where i am comes second place to who i am with i find it hard to believe a woman who was looking at a potential husband would dump him because he didnt get the place right.....he had a lucky break on that woman denying him future dates in my opinion, i think there might have been something else behind her logic...all guys should know the woman enough when dating her to know a fail safe spot she loves and what she does or doesnt drink how she has her coffee and little quirks about her...it isnt about the place when you date its about who you are dating and getting to know them ...deb Edited January 16, 2013 by todreaminblue
kaylan Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 OP, in your friends case, the girl just wasnt into him. If a chick really likes a dude, she wont look for reasons to dislike him. If a chick really likes a dude, she will have a great time just talking, while drinking coffee and wandering aimlessly through the park or downtown. She wont have a problem with winging it either. At least thats my experience. Girls who have been really into me arent all worried about things being so planned out. Hell, girls I click with the most tend to want things to be low key and spontaneous.
SJC2008 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 OP, in your friends case, the girl just wasnt into him. If a chick really likes a dude, she wont look for reasons to dislike him. If a chick really likes a dude, she will have a great time just talking, while drinking coffee and wandering aimlessly through the park or downtown. She wont have a problem with winging it either. At least thats my experience. Girls who have been really into me arent all worried about things being so planned out. Hell, girls I click with the most tend to want things to be low key and spontaneous. Great point Kaylan I feel the same way. TBS I do "take the lead" for the first few dates and if they want to come up with something else they can suggest it as long they don't try to change EVERYTHING like the last girl I posted about. My whole point as said before is BALANCE! Come up with an idea. I'm a go with the flow guy and sometimes I really don't care what I do so If I say "what do you want to do" it shouldn't mean I'm not a leader or can't take charge. It means I'm not a mind reader and you're a grown woman and should be able to give input to what you'd like to do.
charlietheginger Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Sounds great in reality untill..... The guy puts effort into reservations Buying tickets and getting all excited for The date only to hear no response and Then hear the next day oh i lost my Phone, my kid was sick, have to work Late. Then the guy says to himself you know What ill just decide on the date that night. Women i met wanted to see the abe linchon Movie saturday night we spoke for 2 hours and said Sunday Night 8pm we would get together. She asked me to check movie times. I saw it was at 9pm went ahead purchased tickets online called her At 3pm the next day then again at 6pm. Never heard back. Text me the next day her phone died. I just said i understand No further text no further calling on my part. Then she texted daily. I was very short. I bumped into her and She acted all upset. Opened my wallet showed her the Movie ticket printout. She says omg i didnt know u bought Tickets oh please forgive me blah blah. I just said you Could have sent a text or a call . I dont deal with inconsiderate People. Shame to we talked every night for a week prob A hour or two a night. She seemed o.k . But lifes to Short to deal with peoples bull****. Ill wait till i find A nice women or ill just be alone does not bother me Ether way. This is why some men dont put alot of effort into plans The more you plan the more you get let down.
FitChick Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 This isn't rocket science. If a man asks a woman out for dinner, he should ask, "What type of food do you like/dislike?" Then come up with at least two choices and let her decide. Win-win. To play it safe, I often have a restaurant in mind just in case he draws a blank. At least I know I will enjoy the food. 1
SJC2008 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 This isn't rocket science. If a man asks a woman out for dinner, he should ask, "What type of food do you like/dislike?" Then come up with at least two choices and let her decide. Win-win. To play it safe, I often have a restaurant in mind just in case he draws a blank. At least I know I will enjoy the food. What about offering a slavo of options and letting her pick is taking charge? Nothing IMO and it comes accross as too eager to please. Taking charge is having a plan but leaving it open to suggestions by her (dating isn't a dictatorship): "There's a nice restaurant in x part of town and they serve xyz, if that's somehting you think you'd enjoy lets go check it out". The "if it's something you think you'd enjoy" should make her feel included and if she doesn't like the place for whatever reason she should speak up and come up with a suggeston of her own. Teamwork like Ross said:)
charlietheginger Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Why not just meet the women be honest " its just a meal pick a place we can chat Ill act like i give a **** get a kiss go home do It over again a few more dates untill i jab my Cock between your legs"
Els Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Sure, it's always a good idea to at least have a few ideas of where to go or what to do. But don't you think you're being a tad overdramatic? 'Cost him a future wife'? Not only is there a HUGE timespan between the first few dates and marriage in which so many other things could lead to them breaking things off, but if she dumped him for that she obviously wasn't terribly interested in him to begin with. So no, it didn't cost him a 'future wife', it just cost him one dating partner. Which isn't really a terrible loss.
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I am a very independent woman. Good job, financially independent, bought my own place, do my own little repairs at home, call the electrician and the plumber and whoever needs to do work at my place and negotiate with him. I am totally emancipated and tough as nails. I take charge. But in a relationship with a man I want to be able to bring out my feminine side and I can't do that if he is a total wuss and refuses to stick his neck out. I don't want to take charge once again in a relationship because in that case it only causes me extra energy but does not bring any. In a relationship I want to be able to lean back from time to time and not do all the work. And for the record this is a reciprocal exercise for me. But especially in the beginning I like to see that I am dating a man with a plan. And it does not have to be spectacular but it gives a good feeling when a guy has figured out what he wants to do on a particular day or evening. On top of it a lot of the guys who don't have a plan are the first ones to criticise or boycot the plans you make yourself. I think they are most of the time passive-aggressive and you don't want to be in a relationship with such a guy.
phineas Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I pick a place somewhere in the middle of where we live for drinks on a first date/meet. I don't pussy-foot around or ask them what they think of said place. A drink is a drink. 9/10 I don't even see them again & if the venue was the problem I don't want to see them again because I take them to places I like. Anything that involves purchasing of tickets ahead of time doesn't happen until we are actually in a relationship. And if they pull the "friends first, or I don't want a relationship right now, or can't we just hang out as friends & get to know each other" stuff, they get called up that day or the day before & told where i'm going & given the offer to come along. Because if you actually make plans ahead of time for some women they think you are desperate but if you wait last minute they think they are not that important to you & want to be important to you so they drop everything to see you. In that case, I lead, they follow.
grkBoy Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I agree with having solid plans. In many ways, picking out interesting spots and showing her things will only impress her. Let's face it, the guy who takes her to some interesting tapas restaurant or independent theater will wow a girl more than the "no plan" guy who ends up taking her to Chili's or some sports bar. 4
KathyM Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I agree with having solid plans. In many ways, picking out interesting spots and showing her things will only impress her. Let's face it, the guy who takes her to some interesting tapas restaurant or independent theater will wow a girl more than the "no plan" guy who ends up taking her to Chili's or some sports bar. Exactly. Women do want a guy to put some effort into their dating/relationship, and to be someone who is fun, interesting, and enjoyable to be with. A guy who knows how to romance a woman. If you've ever seen that commercial where the woman is sitting at a restaurant with her boyfriend and breaks up with him because he's boring, because he never wants to do anything interesting, and so he decides to change his style to include some more interesting venues/activities, there is a lot of truth to that. Women like a man who is creative, interesting, who likes to do fun and interesting things, and makes an effort in their relationship. Those are the guys who really sweep a woman off her feet and impress her. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I like how all the women on here are saying yes, absolutely, a guy who does this is awesome... Then come the naysayer dudes about why they just don't WANT to, or shouldn't HAVE to. LOL Seriously guys how hard is it to plan out a fun evening for a girl you're into? I've seen guys go to much greater lengths to plan where they'll watch Super Bowl, and with who. When a man is really into something he leaves nothing to chance.
Author irc333 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 I like how all the women on here are saying yes, absolutely, a guy who does this is awesome... Then come the naysayer dudes about why they just don't WANT to, or shouldn't HAVE to. LOL Seriously guys how hard is it to plan out a fun evening for a girl you're into? I've seen guys go to much greater lengths to plan where they'll watch Super Bowl, and with who. When a man is really into something he leaves nothing to chance. Right, but then there's the whole, "Putting a woman on a pedestal" situation, too. They figure if they put them on a pedestal in attempts to woo her, it's not manly. lose/lose situation lol
Drseussgrrl Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Treating her nice and knowing how to date in a thoughtful way is not putting her on a pedestal. It's gentlemanly. And sexy. And SO head and shoulders over the dude who's like, "Uh, I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?" I'll tell you EXACTLY who I'd say yes to given the choice of the two. As would most women.
AlexDP Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 It's because, deep down, women are hardcore sexists the likes of which even the most intensely chauvinistic man couldn't come close to. That is so true 1
FitChick Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I like how all the women on here are saying yes, absolutely, a guy who does this is awesome... Then come the naysayer dudes about why they just don't WANT to, or shouldn't HAVE to. LOL Seriously guys how hard is it to plan out a fun evening for a girl you're into? These guys don't seem to realize that planning a fun date means they get to have fun, too. Obviously, these are guys who don't like having fun and are so boring you are better off avoiding them. 2
Drseussgrrl Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 These guys don't seem to realize that planning a fun date means they get to have fun, too. Obviously, these are guys who don't like having fun and are so boring you are better off avoiding them. Ha. True. Guess they have more fun at home by themselves playing Call of Duty. And dirtying up tube socks.
Imported Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Right, but then there's the whole, "Putting a woman on a pedestal" situation, too. They figure if they put them on a pedestal in attempts to woo her, it's not manly. lose/lose situation lol If I see a girl I like shiver, I turn up the heat without asking or I give her my jacket if that's the only way to make it warmer for her. If she tries to get the waiters attention and they ignore her, I get up and grab them and drag them back to her. If I get anything for her, I will give it to her in a presentable manner. Opening doors, seating her, keeping the rain off her is just common behavior for me. And so on. I will absolutely go out of my way for a girl I like. I almost always have my efforts returned to me ten fold. I guess I put women on pedestals and by pedestal I mean my cock. I think you're just worried because you don't want to go first....that is unmanly. 5
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