irc333 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I was talking to a friend of mine, and I mentioned how I have a date coming up...and thought it was cool. He gives me tips on how I should make note of the places to eat in the area, do a little research and decide on a couple of places to eat as oppose to not knowing what to do at the time of the date....or not having a "plan of action" if you will. Actually, make some effort to get to know the restaurants in the area, be familiar with what they serve there and so on. Apparently, this friend of mine said he had a friend that had a woman that simply lost interest in dating him because he just didn't have any plan on what to do on their dates or outings. He was a great guy to her, decent in all other aspect, she even specified this, but she basically dumped him because of this very reason....and she wound up marrying some other guy who actually did have a plan of action on their outings. Kind of sad, but just was wondering if this is the reality of the situation? Ladies would you dump a guy, even though you had fun together, thought he was a decent guy, but if he simply never had any idea of what to do when going out, would this be a turn off to the point that would cause you to call it off?
Andy_K Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Funnily enough, this is one of the basic things that comes up in the 'Double Your Dating' eBook. Always have an idea (or ideas) for a date, even if you let her have the final say. It's good advice. 2
Author irc333 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Funnily enough, this is one of the basic things that comes up in the 'Double Your Dating' eBook. Always have an idea (or ideas) for a date, even if you let her have the final say. It's good advice. Yeah, I think some guys try to "wing it" on the night of the date, he goes there, picks her up, and doesn't have the slightest idea what to do or where to go ...soemtiems to the point of letting her make suggestions of certain restaurants and the like.
SensitiveTJ Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I don't think it's sad at all. I agree with the woman. Men are, or should be, the problem-solvers, fixers, the "initiators of action." To be so unfocused and lackadaisical as the man in the OP suggests laziness and other un-masculine traits.
Balzac Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think it's about social etiquette. The date is your invite, you're the host, it's logical that you set the event agenda. Often it's imperative to have made a dinner reservation weeks in advance. Purchasing tickets in advance or you're into after market pricing. Many reasons to justify getting plans into place. It's called leadership. That being said~ often a woman will reciprocate as dating continues, she'll invite you and handle planning. 2
Author irc333 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 I don't think it's sad at all. I agree with the woman. Men are, or should be, the problem-solvers, fixers, the "initiators of action." To be so unfocused and lackadaisical as the man in the OP suggests laziness and other un-masculine traits. Well, I'm trying to figure out how is it so hard to come up with a time and place to eat. I don't even have a problem with such a simple plan, apparently some guys do?
SensitiveTJ Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Well, I'm trying to figure out how is it so hard to come up with a time and place to eat. I don't even have a problem with such a simple plan, apparently some guys do? Some do, but they shouldn't be surprised by a lack of success in the dating world.
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I don't even have a problem with such a simple plan, apparently some guys do? I don't think it's the planning that's the issue, It's the inability to take the lead that causes women to become disinterested. Women want to date CEO's and Presidents, nobody wants to date the cashier at McDonald's taking orders (literally), It's simply not attractive. He sets the tone day 1 "I'm not going to wear the pants in the relationship, I'm a follower, I'll be your little puppy dog" (at least how she sees it), and women don't date/marry/F the brains out of little puppy dogs.
KathyM Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Planning something for the date, rather than just winging it, shows that you consider the time with her to be important, you like to do enjoyable things rather than just sit around or hang out, you aren't cheap and expecting dates to never cost anything, you'll put some effort into the relationship, etc. Do put some effort into the planning and try to make it creative to set yourself apart from the rest. 5
Author irc333 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Planning something for the date, rather than just winging it, shows that you consider the time with her to be important, you like to do enjoyable things rather than just sit around or hang out, you aren't cheap and expecting dates to never cost anything, you'll put some effort into the relationship, etc. Do put some effort into the planning and try to make it creative to set yourself apart from the rest. Okay, I was just wondering....because recently, I think a woman had taken a PRO-active interest in me lately. We met at a pool party during the summer and we went out one time after that....but we kind of lost touch due to sceduling issues. There was a B-day party coming up for a friend and I called her up to see if she'd like to come. We met at a b-day party gathering at a restaurant among friends...we spent the evening seated next to each other, and we had talked throughout much of the evening. She's definitely engaging, and almost as funny as I am (don't meet many women that I find comical and cute) There's some major flirting going on, and we leave together and I thought she'd might like to join me in a stroll downtown.....we come across a favorite place of her's to eat and she said, "OH, let's go here, I love this place...I'll buy you a drink!" I was thinking, holy crap! She must be into me! She really didn't show THAT much interest as compared to before, but this time it was more intense. So we talk for a while even more, and the chemistry is building up. I walk her to her car and we make plans for the following weekend. Apparently, there had been some event on that specific weekend of an interest she enjoys already...and she asked if I'd like to go...so I agreed, and she said she'd take care of it. (yeah, she's taking the reins, lol) Initially, I thought her taking charge was her showing her true interest in me, and not being wishy washy herself, which can be a turn off even for a man. So I figured I'd better come up with something for a "post time" thing after that event, like finding out the bars or cafe's in the area so we can hang afterwards. I was just wondering, because I was surprised she was taking the reings initially with me. I mean, holy crap, a woman buying ME a drink!! 1
crude Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think a man has to be careful that this doesn't lead to the dynamic of the man having to do and pay for everything in the relationship or she'll dump him. Is the woman such a marital bargain if she expects him to do everything because he's a man?
Emilia Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Apparently, this friend of mine said he had a friend that had a woman that simply lost interest in dating him because he just didn't have any plan on what to do on their dates or outings. He was a great guy to her, decent in all other aspect, she even specified this, but she basically dumped him because of this very reason....and she wound up marrying some other guy who actually did have a plan of action on their outings. I'm guessing the guy was very passive and that was the main issue. People who are interested in leaving the house and doing something usually have ideas for what to do with the person they are dating. They don't just shrug their shoulders and want to watch the telly. I'm guessing this dude turned out to be a dud when it came to doing SOMETHING.
CptSaveAho Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 wife isnt the end goal... it's a bonus sounds like he wasn't ready... he didnt lose anything 1
Balzac Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I mentioned reciprocity. I think it's necessary for women to offer and it depends on the man if he chooses to accept her financial outlay. Dinner can be awkward for me to let her pickup the tab actually. Her buying tickets~I'm good w that and it's then on me to pay for the rest.
Later82012 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Is he telling people that him not taking charge cost him a future wife? It could be that he didn't value her enough to take charge most probably.
FitChick Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think one reason behind passivity in men is their fear of being "wrong." What if she doesn't like his suggestions? She might reject him. They confuse the rejection of venue with the rejection of him as a human being.
Author irc333 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 I think one reason behind passivity in men is their fear of being "wrong." What if she doesn't like his suggestions? She might reject him. They confuse the rejection of venue with the rejection of him as a human being. Yeah, like some women have some wierd hang up about chain restaurants..."What if I ask her to CHilis and she thinks that's a stupid idea, I just love their bloomin onion!" LOL
Drseussgrrl Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Yeah, like some women have some wierd hang up about chain restaurants..."What if I ask her to CHilis and she thinks that's a stupid idea, I just love their bloomin onion!" LOL Weird hang-up? Chain restaurants blow. It's a good idea to get a feel for what she likes. Or ask her what her favorites are and investigate a bit. Suggest a date and time. I love it when a guy asks me out for a specific date. "Hey I thought we could check out this art exhibit then grab a bite at XYZ. You free Saturday around 8?" HOT HOT HOT. Shows that he knows how to take control of a situation. 1
xxoo Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Yeah, like some women have some wierd hang up about chain restaurants..."What if I ask her to CHilis and she thinks that's a stupid idea, I just love their bloomin onion!" LOL How would you respond if she said, "I really don't like chain restaurants"? An interaction, and exchange of ideas, will involve each sometimes saying, "I don't like that". Don't let that stop you from making suggestions! And after a few times out, you can playfully push for a hot date at Chilis, since you love the friend onion so much.
jcrew11 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think the woman was "bored" and got sick of the "boredom." Guys have to put on the dancing monkey routine to keep a woman interested. Woman want every man to be a cassonova and spend hours thinking about ways to impress her.
Bristolius Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think the woman was "bored" and got sick of the "boredom." Guys have to put on the dancing monkey routine to keep a woman interested. Woman want every man to be a cassonova and spend hours thinking about ways to impress her. Those dancing-monkey-Casanova types get all the women. 1
Ross MwcFan Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 This topic makes women sound incredibly lazy. Here's an idea, why doesn't the man and the woman plan something together? 2
xxoo Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think the woman was "bored" and got sick of the "boredom." Guys have to put on the dancing monkey routine to keep a woman interested. Woman want every man to be a cassonova and spend hours thinking about ways to impress her. Maybe he was boring. Is it surprising that women want a man who she finds interesting?
xxoo Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 This topic makes women sound incredibly lazy. Here's an idea, why doesn't the man and the woman plan something together? That's good. But a man planning a date can be exciting to a woman, the same way that a woman wearing a nice outfit can be exciting to a man. It can turn us on. You plan the date, we'll wear the lingerie, and everyone is happy 1
Imported Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 He was a great guy to her, decent in all other aspect, she even specified this, but she basically dumped him because of this very reason....and she wound up marrying some other guy who actually did have a plan of action on their outings. I think your friend lied to the friend that told you the story if the friend that told you the story wasn't lying as well. The friend of your friend might have thought that was the reason the girl lost interest, but it was probably because he had a small dick. Really, how hard is it to plan out a good date? They probably have apps for it. All I do is Yelp the area I am taking her and pick a place that has good reviews, then google map it to see what it looks like and thats about it. I am taking her to an Italian place, I will have a peppered steak, rare with veggies. If she ask what I think she should get, I will suggest spaghetti bolognese and smile while telling her that I think it would look sexy when she ate it. I'd order a pitcher of red sangria with citrus and a plate of lime wedges, because you cannot drink sangria and not have fun. The citrus and lime is just my preference. I don't understand the problem.
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