shoesies05 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) Me and my father once were like two peas in a pod. Then I became a teenager and was rebelious and that pod broke open and we fell apart... and now I am a 25 year old adult and feel that I am pretty reasonable and want to be close or at least normal again! I love my father so much and it honestly hurts to not talk to him over the phone and I feel bad that I probably have hurt him with this as well. But I do feel that I have made the right decision. My father very rfrequently communicates improperly with me. I am frequently having my words twisted into something much worse than what I said and then it is held against me, I get gulilt-trips from him about me 'having to go all the time' when we talk on the phone because I can't talk for hours on end, and he straight up belittles me and my values. I know my father loves me but he can be so unreasonable and all of my siblings agree... so recently when I called him to get some information while I was at walgreens picking up a prescription and went on vacation and didnt have my prescription card. He got upset that I rushed him to give me the information and was like: "I'm such an idiot that I can't find the card" insinuating that's what I was saying and acting like! Thing is- I waited 5 minutes while he looked for the card and I didn't push him to hurry up or anything! My dad just gets side-tracked frequently during conversations and goes off on long rants- so then when he found something helpful and then he started a rant talking about how much he hates insurance companies (something I've heard hundreds if not thousands of times) and I was like "Dad, the pharmacist is waiting and we don't have time to talk about that; may I just have the phone number" and I probably sounded a bit irritated. Anyways- he got really upset with me and abruptly got off the phone and later sent me texts about how I always treat him like **** and all this and that and I told him that I wanted to go back to e-mail only communication unless its urgent or an emergency because I couldn't take the way he treats me sometimes. I have done this before because I don't want to just let me dad think that he can treat me the way he does and then me not do anything about it. Thus- why I want too communicate via email. I figure that way we can both take our time and think about what we write before we write it and also can have space to think about our actions (myself included-because I know I CAN treat him better). Also- I figure that if he see's that when he talks to me certain ways that I respond by not talking to him I am hoping that he will stop talking to me that way.... but I of course don't do it enough or every time so maybe it won't work-idk... I have so much resentment for my father. I hate the way he has made my heart and head so confused by treating me so often like a princess and then other times acting like I am one of the ****tiest people he knows calling me names and degrading me. I also resent him for how he was abusive to my older brother when i was a child (although I don't remember it- but my sister talks about it and I believe her and my brother and mom). My dad denies that he was ever abusive to my brother... but I know my dad's rage and I've seen how he has bullied me and shoved me once in the past when I was trying to get out of the room I was in when he was just standing there yelling at me while he was in the doorway. To be honest he shoved me with his belly because I tried to move past him forcefully- so I was the wrong one in the first place. But he honestly scared me... I want to let go of this resentment and just be able to stand being around my dad for more than a day or two. This resentment has seeped into every aspect of our relationship and I have a hard time just listening to his stories and not being irritated by him- even when he's done nothing wrong. This is another reason why I am not talking to him directly over the phone because I am also trying to let this resentment go. But it's like every time he treats me bad all of the progress I made just fades into oblivion. Also- I'm so unhappy that I am the only one standing up to my dad in any way that I think will help. All my siblings do is get mad at him and then they all argue with him and nothing ever gets resolved. I don't want to just perpetuate the arguing- I want to better our communication and relationship! I am not asking for your approval of what I am doing- because I don't need it. But, do you have any alternative ideas to what I am doing that maybe my siblings would join in on? I don't want to just have us all stop talking to him because he is disabled and I don't want him to feel alone and get sick and become depressed... I really don't want to hurt him but I want to be able to have a better relationship with him without having to be verabally abused so much. BTW-when he does things that hurt me I do tell him and he doesn't care that it hurts me because it's "the truth" as he puts it... even if it's him saying that I'm a chicken****- or that I don't think of anyone but myself. alright- well, now I am all upset. :'( Edited January 15, 2013 by shoesies05
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