Terrible thing happened to me last week. Just recovering.... Feedback appreciated!

[Talie]

Hello everyone,

 

I just need to get this thing off my chest as I am still recovering from the shock of it all...

 

Okay last June I met this guy at a Jewish singles club I go to often on Friday nights. We went out on a date, had a nice time then went back to his place where he showed me house. He wanted to do things that night, but I gently told him I don't sleep with guys on the first date and that I should go home.

 

This guy is 52, I'm 32 and he's been divorced for four years with two daughters 21 and 17. One thing I noticed on the first date was that he constantly talked about money and how much he had: Five discount store, three appartment buildings here on the West Coast and several more on the East Coast. He told me things that made him look like a great guy like, "Oh I gave my ex the house and we're still good friends, if I couldn't be the best husband I told myself I'd be the best ex-husband...All of the stuff will go to my kids anyhow...it's only money, blah blah blah..."

 

He really sounded like a decent guy who liked to work alot. Apparently his ex left him because he worked too much. Well, on the second date we ended up having sex which I now realize was a mistake on my part for being too "easy" but I still thought there was potential for something to come out of this as he seemed to like me alot.

I went away to Europe for a month and a half to travel and before I left he told me we'd be seeing alot of each other when I got back as he really like me.

 

When I got back I called him and he told me how it was crazy with his stores that he was working non-stop, but that we'd get together in a few days which we did. I went to his place at night and thought I would spend the night, but it was only for a few hours for sex, then he said he had to get back to work to do "payroll". I told him I didn't enjoy this and didnt' think he was ready for a relationship because he was too busy all the time. He protested and told me he wante a relationship with me, but right now things were just hectic and we'd go out for a normal dinner and spend other time together other than just sex.

Anyhow, I left him alone for a few days (didn't want to make him think I was chasing him) and went to the Friday night dinner thing the same week thinking he would be too busy to come, but low and behold he came there. The whole evening he was flirting with me and caressing me, holdig my hands ect. that I thought I'd definately go back to his place afterwards, but apparently he coudn't because his daughter was staying there that night (he has this rule that if his children are over he doesn't have women or girlfriends spend the night which I thought was very "respectable")

 

Anyhow, he promised to call me the next day to make plans to get together and I told him he didnt' have to promise me anything, but he still insisted on using the words,"I promise."

It turned out he didn't exactly keep his promise, but still called me five days later. I didn't call him on it because I didn't want him to think I was needy or desperate even though I admit to myself I was a bit of that....

 

So he calls me last Thursday night to ask me what I'm doing Friday night. I said,"Nothing special, probably going to the dinner if nothing else comes up."

He then told me we'd do something and that if I didn't see him at the dinner to call him on his cell and we'd get together afterwards.

 

So I went to the dinner, didn't see him, so I did what he told me to do: Call on his cell, but the cell was turned off and I had to leave a message. I tried to call several times and he didn't pick up the cell. For some reason I was really feeling pissed off and then I suddenly remembered that there was another dinner going on at the Lubavich rabbi's house, so I drove over there. There were tons of people there outside in the garden and all over the house. I know the rabbi and his wife so I am always welcome there. Sure enough he was there!!

 

I go up to him and he says," Hi ***** what are you doing here?" - "Looking for you" I reply. We went out onto the street and he seemed agitated and I tried to hug him and he was really stiff. He told me his daughter was spending the night and that he had to make deliveries to his stores, that I could come over on Sunday. I tried to hug him again and he was still stiff, so I said, "You're cold as wood. What's wrong?"

 

He nervously told me he was going to go inside for dessert than leave. "No you're not!" then he told me not to make him mad and not to be a pain in the ass. I left, then noticed this older woman come up to him, put her arms around him and say, "Oh David..." She had obviously been watching us. She later came over to me and introduced herself and I noticed she looked very upset, so we went out for a walk around the block and talked.

 

It turned out that he had been seeing her the WHOLE time he had started with me. She had just broken it off with him the day before because she didn't trust him...Actually she had driven by his house a few days earlier and seen ANOTHER woman come out of his house hugging and kissing him and this is why she had decided to break it off amoungst other reasons.

When we went back in the house he saw me and asked if I was okay and I just ignored and started laughing because I was in such SHOCK!! I exchanged phone numbers with the other woman who soon left. The remaining time spent at the house was hell and humiliation for me as David acted as if nothing was wrong and when he went outside to leave I spoke to him again on the street and told him what the other woman had told me.

"Oh she's been chasing me for too years" was his reply as he denied he had been involved with her.

 

The next day I talked for hours with the other woman and we exchanged detailed "notes" and all the details matched. One time when I had been over at his place I had even eaten some soup she had made for him! She had called him back last Friday night to tell him about her meeting with me and he told her that I was crazy and was chasing him. She tried to help him by giving him an opportunity to apologize to her, but he denied that he had done anything wrong.

 

Well, I called him up Sunday to have the last closure with him as I had been crying for two nights with no sleep. He was extremely rude and told me he didn't do anything wrong and that he couldn't give me what I had been looking for (making me out to feel like the desperate one) and I told him I had only expected the minimum respect and treatment- not to stand me up like he did. He then got impatient and told me he didn't think us would work out and that he didn't want me to call anymore.

I said, "Listen to what I have to say at least!" He was very impatient and tried to cut me off but I proceeded to tell him that I knew he had lots of women which I wasn't judging him for, but he should at least be respectful of their feelings and not treat them like prostitutes. He vehemently denied having lots of women - I got even more angry and said:

 

You think that just because you have a big dick you know how to use it! Well let me tell you, you NEVER even gave me an orgasm, you are LOUSY in bed

and you have no idea how to please a woman.

At this point he hung up on me, but I called him back and spoke to his voice mail saying:

 

Nobody hangs up on me!! You think you can impress everyone with your money and millions!! Well my family has MORE money than you and all your stores combined! You have no class, no culture and are EMPTY! EMPTY inside. I don't know what I ever saw in you. And all those women you hurt and screwed around with, just wait and see, one day this will all come crashing down on you! Don't you EVER MESS WITH ME AGAIN!!!"

 

After that call I was sobbing and convulsing, but I felt better. The other woman called me back and said that she had seen David's number on her phone, but she didn't answer. I told her what had just happened and she appplauded my courage to finally tell him off as she had never been able to do before.

 

Later that night I got a message from David saying, " *****, it's David calling, please call me back." The other woman also got a message from him around the same time from him saying, " ****. call me back right away."

 

Both of us ignored his phone calls and we've agreed not to ever speak to him again if we see him at the club which he goes to almost every week. SHe is so incenced that she wants to speak to the rabbi about him and doesn't want to feel that we should feel uncomfortable going to the club because of him.

In fact she suggested finding all the women who he's messed around with and have us all sit at the same table and make him feel unwelcome there, as there are lots of other "victims" there. We feel it is inappropriate for this type of guy to prey on "nice women" from the Jewish community here and that he should pay prostitutes if he wants to do this type of activity, as he leads everyone on making them think he wants a relatioinship when he only wants sex one or two times, then he moves on to the next victim.

 

Sorry for going on and on about this, but I had to get it off my chest and to also warn other women about him.

 

Why do you think he called me back? How should I react the next time I go to the club if I see him?

 

 

Thanks for all the feedback

 

 

Sagwee

 

 

Sag

[seahorse]

He sounds like a real specimen doesn't he.

 

If all of this is as you say, you should tell the rabbi what he is up to, and totally ignore him at any subsequent meetings.

[seahorse]

Sorry, missed the first question you asked. I reckon he called you (and the other woman) back, to try and save at least something from ONE of the relationships he had. He sounds like someone I know. Can't bear to be alone and sexless, so keeps a string of women in tow.

 

 

Stay well away from him if you want to save your sanity.

[Karlise13]

Wow, what an awful experience.

 

You know what, there's some great things about dating and some really HORRIBLE things about dating.

 

ANd if it makes you feel any better, I've dated some of those horrible things.

 

When I was in my late twenties I usually dated guys about 10 years older than me because guys in their twenties just wanted to party and be dogs. I met a guy aged around 38-39 who at first seemed to be a real gentleman. He invited me to his house on our first date and COOKED me dinner. Wow, I was so impressed I ended up in his bed (dummy me)

 

After that, I didn't hear from him for a week. I left a message and then got a brief phone call from him explaining that he was 'busy' and 'tied up with work' but he'd call 'soon to get together'

 

Later, I found out he'd told a bunch of other guys (one of whom frequented the restaurant I worked at and was a friend of mine) about the 'hot piece of waitress ass' he'd nailed and all the explicit things I'd done.

 

GOD

I just about felt like puking.

 

I called him and left an ENRAGED message on his machine, calling him every filthy thing I could think of. I said, "YOu know, I figured a guy YOUR AGE would be an adult. Obviously, you're a bigger dick than most teenagers. You must be incredibly insecure that you need to prove yourself in front of your friends,"

 

The manager of the restaurant I worked at banned him from the restaurant until he formally apologized to me (I had a great manager!)

 

He came grovelling up to me one day and begged forgiveness. That he just wasn't 'right' since his divorce and that he didn't realize I'd get hurt.

 

WHAT A F*****NG dick. I told him to go f himself.

 

He kept trying to apologize to me.

 

Guess what? I bumped into him eight years later! He started apologizing all over again. "I was such a jerk...I really liked you...I don't know what I was thinking...blah blah blah"

 

he said the whole incident really 'haunted' him.

 

GOOD!!!!

 

This guy you speak of will get his comeuppance one day.

[Amberaine]

Wow, You should thank god you found out all of this now and not later down the line.

Really he has respect issues towards women and himself. I think you should look at the bigger picture and see how you can take the time in the future to get to know a person for a longer period of time before getting too intimate with them.

I think he called both of you because he is manipulative and wants to see if he can B.S. one of you back into his good graces. Dont allow yourself to let him have control over your emotions like this he is not worth it and if anything you should feel sorry for him. How can he even face himself?

Its a learning experience, but dont let this make you give up, there are good men out there... hey when hope and faith are gone there is nothing left, right?

[whichwayisup]

He's a real jerk off and that's what he'll be doing alone for now on! DO NOT TALK TO HIM. COMPLETELY ignore him.